"Yo, how u want your podcast network fam?"
"Just fuck my shit up"
"Say no more. That'll be $30K, plus tip."

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/494119/hurt-just-fuck-my-personal-and-professional-reputation-up-lakembra/

Backing track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xkfizay7ak

Lyrics:

I cucked myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on my rape, the only thing that's real

Dick's penis tears a hole. The old familiar sting
Try to shill it all away but I disavowed everything

What have I become, my sweetest Dick?
Every subscriber goes away pretty quick.

And you could have my failed podcast empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will sell bad shirts.

Hurt (Just fuck my personal and professional reputation up)

Made for The Dick Show

http://thedickshow.com

THE DICK SHOW

ENIGMA RIDER feat. THE DICK SHOW

A remix in celebration of The Dick Show podcast.

The Dick Show Remixes

You Can Get What You Want

Rayce Bannon Feat. Dick Masterson - Deregulate Dat Ass

The BOOM BAP POW Show Theme

Support a starving autist.  Now subtly accepting donations at www.kendollinhide.com #mymomwarnedmetheresnomoneyinsongsaboutcucksandpenises

Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun
If you hate Dick
Don't walk away run
If you hate bits
Don't walk away run
If you hate tits
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

Listen here buddy, I don't control people
I'm much too busy in the shower pluggin' up my pee hole
#Dicklies he's a meanie and a weasel
All he cares about is entertaining fans that he stole

I want the truth out, yeah that's why I'm doin' this
Dick needs to be punished so that's why I'm suin' his
Friends and co-workers ain't nobody safe
All you dickheads gonna lose your job up in this place

But this can all end, like I told you before
In e-mail 205, paragraph 64
Just thank me for the snacks and oh yeah there's more
I'm gonna need that 50 bucks for the broken door

Don't believe my ex abused me?  Just look and you shall see
She left me with this doosey of a broken door fallacy
As for Sean, he really loves to work for me
I tried to pay him once but he'd rather give his time for free

If you hate goss
Don't walk away run
If you hate Madcucks
Don't walk away run
If you hate Asterios
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

If you hate Peach
Don't walk away run
If you hate Denzel
Don't walk away run
If you hate Sean
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

To all the Dickheads out there, guys I hope you're hearin' this
Career flashed before my eyes, near death experience
I hate monkeys, dogs and fries, yes I'm serious!
But even more I hate Dick's lies, I'M SO DELIRIOUS!

Yeah I'm suin' Madcucks, don't ya know he dresses like a slob
Call me Budget Cuts the way I'm goin' after teachers' jobs
Waitin' for my podcast to end? It won't be fuckin' long
My values are incompatible with Rucka Rucka's songs

Keeping track of all these lies is getting tiring
They're supposed to win you over but I think it's backfiring
I can't just quit, it's too soon to be retiring
I wonder if that telemarketing place is still hiring

Don't Walk Away Run

Support a starving autist.  I'm now milking strangers for cash over at https://www.patreon.com/kendollinhide #dietcokedoesntgrowontrees

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE (x too many)

L.A. broke my dreams but this cuckolds's back
Dickheads making memes but I think they're whack
To all you making money, it's disgusting to see
Your dickels are no good here 'cause my content is free
I bought a new website, it's a terrible style
A melancholy network where you'll never smile
And all I wanna hear is the soundboard ding
My fish eyes, dead and empty 'cause I don't get sleep

Jane Doe, Jane Doe, I'm your man
Let's fuck our lives up, hand in hand
Take Tyrone's load, deep inside
I'll hide in here and cry
My news show's awful but it's free
Let's burn this dumpster, you and me
Jane Doe, Jane Doe's up for grabs
Has everyone been in?

I have a clap track, a clap trap
I fill guests up with fat snacks
Why do ladies all love Dax?
I miss Sean, hope he comes back
Can't believe I'm suin' everybody in here
I think I'm gonna fuck up even harder this year
Watch me as I shoot my foot, hehehehehe
My sub's down, it was a ghost town,
Ran by a clown, it was bound to sink
Should I give up, and calm down,
Yo Heather baby, what do you think?
Don't stop, sue it, sue it
I'll even help you do it
Watch me as I cuck myself, hehehehehe
Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE
Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE
Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE
Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE

"Hello fellow kids!  This news program is brought to you by Tide Pods!  Don't eat them guys."

Jane Doe, Jane Doe, I'm your man
Let's fuck our lives up, hand in hand
Take Tyrone's load, deep inside
I'll hide in here and cry
My news show's awful but it's free
Let's burn this dumpster, you and me
Jane Doe, Jane Doe's, up for grabs
Has everyone been in?

Don't stop, sue it, sue it
Here I'll help you do it
Guys I promise, I'm not Heather hehehehehe
Don't stop, sue it, sue it
Spellcheck? Nah, screw it
Watch me as I cuck myself, hehehehehe

Sue it, sue it, sue it, HEHE (x4)

(parody of Feels Good Inc. by Gorillaz, requested by Sofa Man)

Feels Bad Inc.

Help pay for condoms at patreon.com/kendollinhide
Lyrics: http://txt.do/d7es2

TDS Babes

So, several months ago I tried to buy a shirt
With my honey's credit card while she was gone at work
Something's wrong that shirt it gone
From https://shop.thedickshow.com/

Well I got a little pissed off and made a threatening .gif and see
It became a campaign check my twitter history
#restockmorlocks the hashtag my life's work
Gotta get my hands on that discontinued nice shirt

Bent on revenge "RESTOCK OR BE SORRY, SIR!"
Went insane, became a Shirt Justice Warrior
2 hours go by, Dick won't like my latest tweet?
Fin, FUCK YOU now I want is complimentary

That means for free, Dick I e-mailed my address
With detailed instructions for sending the package
Don't fucking cross me, I have quite the arsenal
Of rhymes about face size - it's business AND personal

Been spending my days in Canada Post's lobby
Pacing and waiting "No mail today, sorry"
Chucks Dick called my bluff, he's just laughing at me prob-ly
Guess he knows his stupid shows my only fuckin' hobby

Thought I'd have to team up with Cameron Clarke
But it turns out Dick is big-handed, thin and smart
'Cause he's restocked Morlocks (for a limited time)
Every Dickhead should own one, I'll tell ya shy

If you buy this shirt, you're gonna get your peen sucked
If you buy this shirt, you'll never ever be cucked
If you buy this shirt, you'll get 72 virgins
So buy this shirt, black, red or blue version

If you buy this shirt, chicks will say "sign my boobs!"
If you buy this shirt, friends won't say "help me move"
If you buy this shirt, Crippled Jesus's mom will wink at you ;)
So buy this shirt and watch your stupid shitty life improve

All these 20-somethin's gonna flock to you like "let's get hammered"
Taking turns, they'll suck you off (even if you don't own a hammer)
Cheaper than the Autoblow 2.0 - just buy one shirt
Or a few, one or two backups wouldn't hurt

Hotties gonna claw at you, bruising you all black & blue
Battle scars from getting pummeled by about a thousand boobs
Bitches with the hottest shoes publicly ask to sleep with you
When you wear a Morlocks shirt, impossible to get #meetoo'd

Kinda like a safety net, trust me you can safely bet
You'll even me able to get ancient puss like Haley's wet
That's right folks, no meat's too dry
So step right up and choose your size!

Nah, Dick don't discriminate, Tanner dude you're fuckin' great
You too can use this shirt to get some hunky penis dates
Top, bottom, left, right, cocks and bums
Best invest in a snorkel, you'll be swimmin' in cum!

Sold out once, so tragic
Second chance, we have it
To buy this piece of clothing that is LITERALLY MAGIC!
Possessed by sexy spirits, it animates see?
Gives a lovely cotton handy with it's 3/4 sleeve

Limited time offer, though shalt not sleep
Holy Moses flash your staff, legs will spread like sea
Any lady that you touch will be in ecstasy
You just grab 'em by the pussy "This is cummin' with me!"

If you buy this shirt, hollow points can't stop you
If you buy this shirt, Chaos Cowboy will unblock you
If you buy this shirt, you can stop paying taxes
So buy this shirt if you enjoy tits and asses

If you buy this shirt, you'll never go to Greenland
If you buy this shirt, Sean will be your best friend
So buy this shirt now and listen up closely
Add a note to seller reminding Dick that he owes me...

*The instrumental is called "Afternoon Soul" by Gramatik and has been used without permission*

If You Buy This Shirt

Calling You A Cuck Is Hard To Do

I'm just a babadook, looking for a co-host
Someone who knows I don't like, to run ads on my website
Gotta be a lady (a real lady) and hold my hand in public (like you mean it!)
Just know if you piss me off, I'll have to run and tell your boss

I'm horny lets do it, right in my bedroom
My nightstand's waiting, put your stuff on it
I'm horny lets do it, right in my bedroom
My Casper is waiting, we should hump on it

Sitting here stalking
Liking all your dumb tweets
Just hoping I'll have a chance
To get in those yoga pants
Can I have the body
From your next abortion? (late term please)
Some think they should go to waste
They're allowed to have bad taste

I have so much cool shit, right in my bedroom
My sharks are hanging, what a great product
I have so much cool shit, right in my bedroom
My fan's oscillating. No, wait. It's broken

Yeah you're gonna be famous Haley (Whoah)
Is our podcast doing well? (Noooooo)
Bitch don't be delusional (Ohhhhh)
But I still wanna hump you baby (Nooooo)
But I taught you podcasting (Sooooo?)
Sex is something I feel I'm owed

E-mailing three thots, my wood's hot like a matchstick
When we meet in person, they see stars - that's a hat trick
The galaxy weighs on my mind, these e-hoes just can't hack it
Tomorrow I'll be solo spread my slime out on this mattress

Morlock pricks see my pics say "This cuck's insane"
Need a slick trick to win chicks? I've just the thing
Twitter bitches love victims, I simply say
"I'm being picked on by Dick, Nick and Justin Whang!"

All you meanies make linguine spew routinely from my pie hole
Still I drive ladies crazy maybe it's cause I'm there idle
Hands be fast as lightening, e-mails, tweets or fingering
This sexy devil's playthings all surprised to learn their King can sing

"I'm the greatest, the greatest man in the world
Come on give this bed a whirl, move in with me be my girl - lalala"
Destination wedding Haley baby, I'm just thinking
Out loud how 'bout Italy on my green screen

Hey Haley, let's do it right in my bedroom
I'm masturbating, since you don't want it
On reddit they're hating, on my cool bedroom
My roommates are mating, guess I'll just watch them...

[Based on the song Pony by Ginuwine]

Follow Fig Bat Digger Nick. He's quite the specimen!
https://twitter.com/ceejaypes
https://www.instagram.com/figbat_diggernick/
https://www.facebook.com/FigbatCJ/

Serious thank you to those suckers still paying me $ for these songs at patreon.com/kendollinhide