THIS IS THE EXPERIMENT VOL.4

sorry for not uploading </3

i dont see
how i was the fastest seed in the race
cuz now im so slow
and i cant outrun the pain

and all those fucking years
of being told that i was gifted
they've made me so indifferent
to any task that comes near

and i think
that it's probably improbable that in 
any other timeline im not still a dick

all my bad qualities
anxieties, insecurities
culiminate into a really shitty tasting soup

and all those fucking years
that i wasted online
of all the possible universes
i know im living in the worst timeline

and i think
that it's probably improbable that in 
any other timeline im not still a piece of shit


im living in the worst timeline

The Worst Timeline

Watch Me Bleed

still workin on the album

i was feeling so tired
slept through the entire
party, i'm partly awake and asleep
still tasting the vomit
i felt so fucking nauseous
passed out in the toilet
just for a couple seconds

picking up the broken glass
on the kitchen floor
looking at a photograph
of myself that i've never seen before

the door's cracked open 
feel the draft coming in
the wind blows me away
into some place i've never been
but i think it's gonna shut
as im sat here remembering
my hands under the kitchen sink
i feel the blood spilling in

picking up the broken glass
on the kitchen floor
looking at a photograph
of myself that i've never seen before

culling myself into somebody now
and the face on the back 
of my head's turning round
these days are just fading away
and i want them to stay right here

i want them to stay

Kitchen

out for blood (heart attack man cover)

It's all your fault but you blame me
You mention me in therapy
I came up, you got upset
You got mad on the internet

You tell all your friends you hate me
You tell your whole family
I got paid, you went in debt
You complained on the internet

I am not your savior
I don't even like your shirt

Hate me and let it always follow you
Forsake me in everything that you do
Betray me so I can turn my back on you

Hate me, hate me, hate me
Hate me, hate me, hate me

It's all your fault but you blame me
You mention me in therapy
Your therapist thinks you're a bitch
I think you should slit your wrists

I am not your savior
I don't even like your shirt

Hate me and let it always follow you
Forsake me in everything that you do
Betray me so I can turn my back on you
Hate me, hate me, hate me
Hate me, hate me, hate me
Hate me, hate me, hate me
Hate me, hate me, hate me

Hate Me (Original Version)

search
for something to make you whole
but nothing ever will
jump deeper into the hole
find your will

killing me slowly
its taking my body
and slowly but softly
you hug me and watch me
go limp

i'm so sorry
for being nobody to you
if there's god, he must
hate me, i know that its true

a year's gone by, and i'm still the same
my eyes burn red, the light eats away

find
the moment which feels right
make sure you hold on tight
jump deeper into a hole
you cant climb

open
your eyes and ignore the light
radiating in
a body submerged in water
can you swim?

killing me slowly
its taking my body
and slowly but softly
you hug me and watch me
go limp

i'm so sorry
for being nobody to you
if there's god, he must
hate me, i know that its true

don't wanna break the mold
the story's getting old

The Mold

Why’s it always the worst
That think that they’re the best
No one to root for
When everyone’s a mess
It’s hard to see
And easy to forget
There’s no heroes
Or at least there’s none that’s left

It’s all perverse symbology
They think that they know everything
Analogies that nothing bring
They speak in faulty simile

Behind a lot of great men
Are things they left behind
In the shadows
Where many cowards hide
The cowards think
That they’ve been victimized
When really they
Have been the match to light


It’s all perverse symbology
Deluded men think many things
Analogies that nothing bring
Like boys who cry out “wolf” they sing

It’s all perverse symbology
They think that they know everything
Equivocate themselves with things
When they know not of what they speak

Perverse Symbology

crustsox said i sound like lil ugly mane and told me to do a headboard cover but i couldnt make it sound good so i did this

https://soundcloud.com/kaaarma/lil-ugly-mane-styrofoam?si=49e487348da74ddfbeea70ad1bf3521e&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

styrofoam

pictures aren't sure
of that cute smile of yours
i wish you were here
with us ill hold you dear

09082023

ultraviolet ultraviolence, bleeding the full color spectrum
＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

A collaboration between myself and And Cowboys (Canada). This originally started as one song (Kokoro) for a compilation album for Asian Glow's discord server. AC reached out to me after I had stated I was open to collaborating with someone and sent me his music. I was very impressed, and surprised that he was so underappreciated. We made Kokoro together last year, and the first version released on New Year's Day, 2023. The version uploaded then was largely incomplete and I wanted to redo it (you can still listen to it if you look for it), and whilst in the process of doing it I suggested that we just make a whole EP. AC sent me some of his unused project ideas and I built on them and sent them back, and he would build on those. This repeated until we had 4 songs done (both parts of Manta Raves were originally in one song). We had never met in person during all of this, and it was done entirely through Discord communication and Google Drive file sharing.

Ontan was one of my listeners a few years prior and eventually I found their art and followed them off of that. She offered to make me art for any type of musical project I need it for. Apparently, she knew about AC already from a Number Girl fan discord or something, so I thought she would be a great fit for this project. Small world huh?

I am very proud of how it all came together, and I'm forever grateful to AC and Ontan for their patience with me and contributions on this project!!! It feels like we all worked really hard together on a group project in community college and got an A+... 

ENJOY!!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) <3

Manta Raves (一​)

(pronounced like "Achilles", kah-boo-kill-eez)

shooting stars across your arms
trust me with the sacred scars
on your pristine porcelain shell
i promise i won't tell
pretty boy, i melt into you
here we'll howl at the moon
and stay up all night hoping it will howl back too

rest your head upon my clavicle
i'll hold you by my side
at least this still feels magical
at least you're still alive

they've sent you here just to take you away
and enshrine your body into the paint
of a stunning picture with colors you could taste
but worry not, we're getting out of this place

still, if worse, worse, worse comes to worst
worth, worth, worth, know your worth
for you, i'd move the sun and the moon
all the stars and jupiter and mars and neptune!

where? where? where does it hurt?
why!? why!? why were you cursed!?
i wish it were me...
you don't deserve to die so unsightly

you're bleeding, conceding
at least your heart's still beating
slowly for the moment but i'm praying you get better
i hope you never die
i hope you live forever
a newly found beauty
i want to learn how to be holy like you
so show me how you do it
don't leave me alone
please, you have to live through this!
god was on the phone but i think the call dropped
where was he when the magic had to stop?
i don't think i'll go to heaven, i don't treat others well
so just let me take your spot in hell
the scars on your porcelain
the stars on your porcelain
the scars on your porcelain skin
you said that they were opening
you said that they were opening
you said that they were opening again

Kabukilles

oh, father sun, oh, mother moon, the children you have made
have started teaching one another how to lie and cheat and hate
and if they hate enough, they'll take their grudges to the grave
they're learning how to kill each other faster every single day
you'll find them shadowboxing until their hands start to bleed
covet what they can't have and taking as they please
father sun, mother moon, the children have grown older
it's too late now to get the chips off of their shoulders

oh, father sun, oh, mother moon, the children misbehave!
they say it's 'cause you didn't listen when they tried to pray
and though they've grown to spite you,
still they'll sometimes call for thee
"my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?"
a rabbit, a roach, a rat, a rose
bad habits don't tend to go away on their own, i suppose
i try to prove myself to them
i lose, i lose, i lose again
i'm not exactly sure if it's worth it, though

where angel wings are clipped and souls are sold
i want to die here, i don't ever want to grow old
dogs of war don't come back the same
i'm going to die here so i never have to change
they hate people like me back home
i want to die here so i never have to go
i want to stay for eternity
i'm going to die here so i never have to leave

War Devil

i got all dolled up just for this adventure
with wings of wax and war paint across my nose
to look my best when you're taking my picture
i never thought i'd have to stoop so low

i'm gonna bury you under the moon
i know i'm flying too close to the sun
but that's the thing that separates me from you
i do the things that still have to be done

it smells of smoke
it burns! it burns like flame!
it makes me choke
it hurts! it hurts like hell!
the fireworks are lighting up my face
don't tell heaven just how far i fell

i tried and failed to kill my own ego
all i know is that i'll never be a hero
sorry that i hurt everything i touch
i hate that!
i hate that i hate so much
pretty people don't act so violent
pretty, pretty people sit there in silence
i want to be loved like you
should i keep my mouth shut tight too?
what does it take to be respected?
what will it take for me to be accepted?
i'm full of fury and i know it
pretty boys don't feel these emotions

i don't deserve to be seen
i am not a human being
when i rot, i'll rot alone
harmonize with marigolds

would the flowers that i grow
from my flesh and blood and bone
be loved more than i ever will?
or would i be a villain still?
tulips don't cause any harm
and daisies won't leave you with scars
if that's true, i'll die in dirt
and become one with mother earth

orchids, lilies, dahlias, hydrangeas
chrysanthemums, poppies and camellias
sunflowers and lilacs, roses too
all peppered with the morning dew

Kokoro

kanye west cover

Look at ya, look at ya, look at ya, look at ya
Look at ya, look at ya, look at ya, look at ya
Look at ya, look at ya, look at ya, look at ya
Look at ya, look at ya (ladies and gentlemen)
Look at ya, look at ya (ladies, ladies and gentlemen)
And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin' wrong
You been puttin' up wit' my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most
So I think it's time
For us to have a toast
Let's have a toast for the douche bags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
She find pictures in my email
I sent this bitch a picture of my dick
I don't know what it is with females
But I'm not too good at that shit
See, I could have me a good girl
And still be addicted to them hood rats
And I just blame everything on you
At least you know that's what I'm good at
And I always find
Yeah, I always find
Yeah, I always find somethin' wrong
You been puttin' up wit' my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most
So I think it's time (so I think it's time)
For us to have a toast
Let's have a toast for the douche bags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
Run away from me, baby
Run away
Run away from me, baby, ooooohhhhh
When it starts to get crazy
Run away
Babe, I got a plan, run away as fast as you can
Run away from me, baby
Run away
Run away from me, baby
Run away
When it starts to get crazy
Just run away
Baby, I got a plan
Run away as fast as you can

Run right back to me
Baby I got a plan, 
Run away fast as you can

Never was much of a romantic
I could never take the intimacy
And I know it did damage
'Cause the look in your eyes is killin' me
I guess then you at an advantage
'Cause you could blame me for everything
And I don't know how I'ma manage
If one day you just up and leave
And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin' wrong
You been puttin' up wit' my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most
So I think it's time (so I think it's time)
For us to have a toast
Let's have a toast for the douche bags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

Run right back to me
I need you to run right back to me
Run right back to me
I need you to run right back to me
Run right back to me
Run right back to me
Look at ya
look at ya look at ya look at ya look at ya look at ya

Runaway

Bored of Being Sad

🍕🧻🚙

lyrics:

I made a big mistake 
And I forgot to save
And threw it all away, ooh
Its already too late
What causes all your love,
And takes away your pain?
It's no riddle and it's always been a fact 
That every light turned on
Will surely turn to black 

So I'm Renting out an old truck 
Driving till my heads stuck 
Screaming at the top of my lungs;Im a dumb fuck
Dirty and Im moldy
You don't even know me 
All you people wanna do is fuck or control me
You'll be the headlights, I'll be the young deer
Always thinkin' bout suicide if it's not clear 
Maybe it'll stream on twitch,
One less ugly stupid bitch 
Now I'm gonna drive off a cliff into a ditch 
♫
And even god would say 
You're gonna die one day
You better not be late
Oh, he's coming up behind you 
Sitting there beside you 
Telling you its fine cause you'll always be alive dude 
Until your not, and in tears a lot 
For when your fears so cold its not as sensationing 
Stupid and self aware
But don't you be scared 
We'll all see you there

Then we can talk about our jobs 
And complain about the weather 
Smoke a cigarette 
With a diet Dr. pepper 
All I wanna be is the girl you get to be with 
But you work all week and I got weekends
I don't even like you 
I'll end it all to spite you
Next stop is the gun shop, have a light dude?
He camel crushes my American Spirit
I don't wanna hear it if you're not gonna listen to me
Your first love is so sweet 
The rest is sugar free
I tried so hard to be
The girl I was at seventeen 
But oooooooooooaaaaaaoooooaaoooohhhh
I'll miss your eyes, Your ears, and the pimples on your face
I'll miss the lies you told me, the truth hurts anyway
I'll miss my high school and every time I got called gay
I'll miss my part times 
And every awkward phase

Pizza Rolls Royce

for a moment, i'll be an angel
high to low then a bloody faceful
of concrete, gore, and filth and obscenity
while i'm floating i'll become capable
of being golden, gorgeous, graceful
and it's only for the time i'm flying, but finally

i will look so lovely
and then all of you will see
the way i saw myself
in the bathroom mirror
with a face covered in tears
it was half past midnight in hell
you will know my body
every scar that's written on me
all of the thoughts in my mind
you'll think they are so beautiful
and that you could have saved it all
that i was just too pretty to die

i tried to get to heaven
when i was close, i came back down
i would fall like that forever
but i'll have to hit the ground
i'll pierce straight through the planet
and i'll party with the pagans
i'll plummet through all nine circles
and land right next to satan

you'll listen to my songs
that i worked on for so long
at least somebody's hearing them now
you'll read all of my writing
hope that it makes you start crying
take the words right out of your mouth
i will live on in the inking
and the melodies you're singing
in your hearts and minds just as well
you'll think that i was lovely
then all of you will love me
the way only i loved myself

Ika-Ika-Ikarus!

rest in peace lil watermark

The very first thing I said to you was hey 
I get a feeling that just won't go away
My stomach's turning over when I'm thinking about the things you say
The thought of you keeps me occupied all day
Yeah, it's so bad my friends say I'm vacant in my brain
All I wanna do is call you up and make you feel okay

And when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you
Will you think it over?
Yeah when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you

I woke up early this morning in a state of fright
Can't figure out what I said to you last night
Was it just a dream, or did I really try to kiss you twice?
Oh could you promise that you'd tell me if you liked it
'Cause I'd rather end it now than keep putting my heart out on the line
Oh darling, if I don't take your breath away
Can you please stop taking mine?

And when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you
Will you think it over?
Yeah when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you
Will you think it?

The thought of you keeps me occupied all day
The thought of you keeps me occupied all day
The thought of you keeps me occupied all day
The thought of you keeps me occupied all day

And when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you
Will you think it over?
Yeah when you're sober
Will you think it over?
The thing I told you
Will you think it 
Over
Will you think it over
The thing that I told you
Will you think it over
Will you think it over
Will you think it over
Will you think it over
Will you think it over

Think It Over

sinking into my bed
thoughts of a frontal lobe laced with lead
it's felt like hell
and honestly i've haven't been the same since 2012

help me tell myself that im the same
or maybe say that im better off changed
but i feel like im living in a game
forced to play the same way every day

and whenever i look back and try to remember
it all comes down to the year the world was supposed to end, yeah
cause honestly i haven't been the same since that year
i dont even know if this is real and i fear

that we're already dead

feasting on purgatorial breakfast
they all break fast
doomed to an eternal prison
in the form of breathing and living

help me tell myself that im the same
or maybe say that im better off changed
but i feel like im living in chains
a matrix where i lay in dismay 

and whenever i look back and try to remember
it all comes down to the year the world was supposed to end, yeah
and honestly i haven't been the same since that year
i dont even know if this is real and i fear myself

the world ended in 2012

@crustsox cover

i don't know how to sing

THIS IS THE EXPERIMENT VOL.4

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