12/26/21

UNTITLED

WAIT ON ME

part 2 to an old favorite :)
produced by @pekarot_161 & @jolst !
hope u enjoy <3

lyrics:
i promise you that i could stay
if you wanted me to

it feels like sunday
when you’d call me up again
we could do whatever
never have to play pretend
because on monday
everybody knows it then
you’re a vacant body
and you act like im nobody again

it feels like
its been years since i had felt so fuckin hopeless
sundays come and go but im no stranger to condolences
blanking out is pretty frequent, i can’t focus
and if things were getting worse then chances are i wouldnt notice it
at least im good now
you never cared, u never would, how?
it seems to me you’re in control of it. 
blanking out is pretty frequent, i can’t focus
if things were getting worse then chances are i wouldnt notice it

oooh im in deep now
i cant see how
i used to live at all, i moved on
to greener pastures 
lungs capsized by laughter
walls with fucked up plaster
baby im the aftermath of something bad
but its that look in your eyes, make my heart melt
and i’ll tell u it all, it is heartfelt
i got nothin to spare leave it all on the table
know when to fold, but i don’t think im able

it feels like
its been years since i had felt so fuckin hopeless
sundays come and go but im no stranger to condolences
blanking out is pretty frequent, i can’t focus
and if things were getting worse then chances are i wouldnt notice it
at least im good now
you never cared, u never would, how?
it seems to me you’re in control of it. 
blanking out is pretty frequent, i can’t focus
if things were getting worse then chances are i wouldnt notice 

i promise you that i could stay
if you wanted me to
if you wanted me to

sunday, pt. 2 [pekarot x jolst]

spotify!

hiraeth. eight months in the making.
featuring: @onlyfriendyeah
produced by: @lindenblossom
cover art by: @ejcarrmusic
i hope you enjoy <3
thank you for everything.

lyrics:
it feels like im missing something
a portrait unfinished
my life has been next to nothing
a chord thats diminished

cuz i’ll wait for change
and better days
just to come home with nothin
or maybe i’ll
just stay the same
cuz im too good at suffering
and i could always
take the blame
for all of my shortcomings 

hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

(onlyfriend)
maybe it's all for nothing
all the choices i make lead me closer to the coffin
no i can't take the weight of the changes
and i don't rly know what i'm doing
just pretend that you can't see me fading
and shy away raising no alarms
like i'm safe from harm
when i'm too far gone
and i can't hear a word from you

hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

(both)
hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

hiraeth (feat. onlyfriend) [linden]

lyrics

if i could i back to the past god forbid
id strangle the fuck out of that little kid
the damage hed cause to all those around him
tho hurting inside all those sins were still his
his temper and cold words could cut like a blade
to ask for forgiveness would not be okay
when he was called out he would promise hed change
but progress was slow, and it still felt the same
a victim complex was inbuilt in his brain
toxic in nature with poisonous veins
mutual destruction was something he craved
enabled by rights that he placed on his faith
but he never listened, he always knew best
and then with a blade he pierced everyones chest
as he lay there bleeding, well u know the rest
something inside him would not let him rest
his body was broken and hollow inside
eased by the substances fueling his mind
and he blamed his father and slights to his kind
and took from his flesh as to punish his pride
but they saw no difference, and thats fair enough
twas just superficial, it wasnt enough
with that reputation words stuck to his name
whispers and lies would become commonplace
when he fell again's when he started to change
said fuck it, im done, ill admit my mistakes
and it may be the cause, but no justification
ill learn how to deal with my pent up frustration
but it seems that my time and my effort was wasted
tears falling down as the train leaves the station
all of these things that u do on a whim
i bet u hate waking up next to him

he, him, and i (pekarot)

new one from the archives with my partner in crime >:D    @mediumarchive
produced by @majinaruu
hope u enjoy <3

lyrics:
(sean)
i don't wanna think about you at all 
every single conversations ends up like a battle 
i don't think I'll ever make some time for us tio chat cuz 
you act like a baby with a binkie a rattle

and i tried 
but it's never enough 
and you lie 
like you do it for fun 
it's alright 
i can still feel your touch 
and it's dry 
like the blood on your tongue

(decks)
and i know you been elsewhere
telling me lies cuz you dont care
leave me alone and go fuck up
someone else’s life

so shut up, shut up
because i know you never wanna
make up, make up
its only really ever gonna
fuck up, fuck up
our perception of us
and the blood’s on your hands 
cuz its never enough for you

and i tried to help it,
but you never would take fall
you’re more than selfish
cuz you never really cared at all

shut up! w/ medium sean [majinaru]

spotify

the distance is killing me
produced by @jolst & @prodmichael
go support those kings
hope u enjoy <3

lyrics:
i can feel it in my core its rotting down to my bones
every time i see u i'm reminded of home

cuz my home is you
the distance is killing me
in this solitude
i’ve never felt less free
cuz i'm shaking, i'm shaking, i'm finally shaking off the shackles
but i'm breaking, i'm breaking down in front of everyone
i can't take it, can't take it here love i feel so alone
i can fake it, i’ll fake it but baby you are my home

in the hoboken streetlights
i think i know what it feels like
longing for a love that you can’t have

but i’m just glad that i’m waking up in the morning
life’s always been frozen i’m just too good at ignoring
i lay for hours just wishing i could see you
i’d drive for eighty minutes if i could baby i need you
time is precious but i’d spend it all to watch us grow older
i don’t doubt it i’ll just wait until my bed isn't colder
something tells me that i'm not doin bad
i just need to hold on for a minute

i can feel it, fe-fe-feel it in my, down to my bones (down to my bones)
every time i see u, see u, -minded of home

cuz my home is you
the distance is killing me
in this solitude
i’ve never felt less free
cuz i'm shaking, i'm shaking, i'm finally shaking off the shackles
(i'm shaking, i'm shaking)
but i'm breaking, i'm breaking down in front of everyone
(i'm breaking, i'm breaking)
i can't take it, can't take it here love i feel so alone
(can't take it, can't take it)
i can fake it, i’ll fake it but baby you are my home
(i'll fake it, i'll fake it)

eightyminutes [jolst x michaelwarren]

spotify!!!


lyrics

I drifted somberely into the trees
disappeared suddenly took all the memories
Doused us in kerosene
I started pulling out my rotted teeth

cope with it, smoke thru it
break my fucking spine, do it
tear up my insides, spewin 
tryna take my time, knew it
nothing but a pawn
killed a night, took his horse
Rode up to the castle and came knocking at his door
welcome to the nightshift 
sleep was never that inviting
all these dogs have took to fighting
why was bloodshed so inviting to u 
blood falls down, drips from my nose
it's a stark contrast, dark red in the snow
hands worn down, right down to bone
u can hear my pain in the things that I damn wrote

decks

so they pulled out their knives and they want me to run
I couldn't live with the web I had spun
danger is my best friend
I wasn't ready for the end

take my life, all the words that I have spoken 
I have sacrificed time for people that are broken
and I no longer want to be here
pressure resulted in fear
and now I sleep and I wake and I fall back down 
how the fuck do I say how I'm feeling now?

so conscious of what I've done 
this life is awful and fades to nothing. 

chess ft. decks (jolst)

spotify+more

Bones & cat soup - NoLight

hey
made this in 3 hours last night
produced by @wisssery & @user-757072975
hope u enjoy <3

lyrics:
far away
and gone again
i ride thru city streets
and sleep
was never an option

so take my soul
return to
days of old
and see whats better

the weather reminds me that i’m better off
driving on highways has taken enough
time is an essence that i can live without
im better now

i move on
yet it sits with me
i live enough
but never peacefully
cuz when i gain one back
its always knocked back down
i see the light sometimes
and catch an L right back around

where the fuck have my friends gone
maybe they moved on
i got me some new ones but
the old never prove wrong
im losing my sanity
in an apartment i don’t own

and my girl, she got some bright brown eyes
and i cant help but notice when she sits beside me
i feel like michael but i’m in disguise
cuz theres no way he’d ever be this happy

so take my soul
return to
days of old
and see whats better

the weather reminds me that i’m better off
taking my life and fucking it up 
tell me about my life u know so well
im better now

better [wisssery x lavendertxwn]

[follow me on spotify]

internalized

produced by @deadyami

lyrics:
amount to nothing amount to nothing
i was too distracted doing shit to make u melt
cry in the back of the whip i need help
reach for my pants and i tug on my belt
i see the fire i think i'm in hell
i was never doing well

i can not trust em all
they wanna see me losing
u prayed on my downfall once i done rubbed all my doubts off
i take out a crossbow got some range
bust through ur skull and i'm popping ur veins
leave that boy tongue tied he's thinking i'm deranged

thinking i'm deranged x4

i'm wasting all my time
on people i don't even like
when did all my nightmares come to life
since when did i need u to kiss me goodnight
that's alright
is it alright if i die?
at least i can say that i tried

u don't ever gotta tell me twice if i fuck it up again i'll cut out both my eyes
and i'll sell em on the internet for a pretty good price
cuz they just sit there and watch it all collapse

i'm wasting all my time
on people i don't even like
when did all my nightmares come to life
since when did i need u to kiss me goodnight
that's alright
is it alright if i die?
at least i can say that i tried

tried (dead yami)

numb4 w skele (splashgvng)

just the beginning...
@jolst // @pekarot_161 // art by @ejcarrmusic

lyrics:

i can tell u wanna hang it up
with the way u never say u love me
and i never even needed ya
maybe it was just the way u bugged me

i’ve been bothered by the time i’ve wasted lately
fallen through, my saving grace
it was the one thing that kept me in place
rather forget than forgive

cuz i’ve been kind
i’ve given patience u dont deserve
i’ve followed trails to the core of this earth
i’m reading books cuz i never fucking learn
you’ve run a fine line too long this time
i gotta move on im sure im right
cuz it was nice with u here
i’ll be fine with u gone
i don’t like all this fear
you should just move along

i can tell u wanna hang it up
with the way u never say u love me
and i never even needed ya
maybe it was just the way u bugged me

time, wasting time 
but you don’t realize 
what you don’t realize 
these are the days of our lives
you got caught up in your lies 
emotions trapped inside your minds 
hidden behind a disguise
now its too late for goodbyes

i can tell u wanna hang it up
with the way u never say u love me
and i never even needed ya
maybe it was just the way u bugged me

i’ve been bothered by the time i’ve wasted lately
fallen through, my saving grace
it was the one thing that kept me in place
rather forget than forgive..

hangitup [jolst x pekarot]

spotify & apple music!

prod. @sorrow_bringer 🖤


~~lyrics~~
fuck where’s the trust
leading lust, between us 
heating up, on the cusp 
self-destruct, blowing up
into dust
i wanna fall
(don't wanna fall)
into my own hellish spiral

fuck, gotta suffocate
just another day where i can’t breathe
out my airways
but, that’s what it takes
drowning in the sound of yourself
tryna climb the stairways

fate isn’t funny i could be dead
blow my brains out my fucking head
was it worth every second bled?
are you happy with yourself again?

co-depend, don’t forget
that i’m fucked up in the head
leavings cuts cause i’m not enough
and you won’t believe a single thing i said

i got too much on my plate
so i just puke it up & regurgitate
i do not fuck with the fate
pushing away the people
that would try to relate

trust my spirit
(where is the trust?!)
do you hear it now?
(i’m not enough)
it hurts falling down
just let me drown

fuck, gotta suffocate
just another day where i can’t breathe
out my airways
but, that’s what it takes
drowning in the sound of yourself
tryna climb the stairways

fate isn’t funny i could be dead
blew my brains out my fucking head
was it worth every second bled?
are you happy with yourself again?

i know what i’m doing, i know what i did
what i would give to go back to a kid
selfishness underneath my skin
to begin again, i would have to end
i’m a letdown, fight it off
hellbound, so fucking lost
count down, until i’m gone
ultimately i’m not what you want

(3x)
not what you want
(yeah…)

hellish spirals [prod. sorrowbringer]

cover of the lo-fi version of a song that’s been on repeat since high school :)
hope y’all enjoy <3

artwork done by @se.b.drawin on instagram
mixed + mastered by @skullkiddxx

lyrics:


I think you'll notice when things become different
The good vibes in our lives won't feel so consistent
And, less becomes more 'cause the weight is too heavy
I swim in the water that's breaking your levee

The way that you left me's all right, it's all right
If I argue the point then we yell and we fight
And I won't be home for the rest of the night
You might hate my words but you know that I'm right
You know that I'm right

This is your life, there's no way to run from it
The doubt in your brain, or the pain in your stomach
I only have the one complaint at the moment just
Don't paint me black when I used to be golden

The way that you left me's all right, it's all right
If I argue the point than we yell and we fight
And I won't be home for the rest of the night
You might hate my words but you know that I'm right
You know that I'm right

“Clairvoyant - Lo-Fi” Cover 🧚🏼‍♀️🥀 (The Story So Far & Mik)

prod wisssery
featuring horosha

lyrics:
another night alone got me feeling so guilty
shouldnt be here right now shouldve killed me
bullet to my head let the led fucking fill me
i dont really know who i am do you feel me x2

on the sidewalk where i lay
fall light as a feather in the winter weather
fall light as a feather
im not okay
tryna get myself together but my hearts in a tether 

horosha:
I can’t feel my hands 
I try my best to explain but the words just won’t come out 

I’m frozen in place.
Like the first frost of winter, anxiety takes it’s hold 

Cuz no one told us how to cope with this 
and every passing year’s got me feeling more selfish 
Cuz I used to dream of leaving the world better than I found it, 
Now I just wanna save myself 

I can’t believe that this is all I could become,
strangled from the lack of love 
I lay here watching the snow come down 
Let it bury me 
I’ll let it bury me 

I can’t believe that this is all I could become,
strangled from the lack of love 
I lay here and watch the snow come down 
I’ll let it bury me till the spring comes

winter weather (feat. horosha) (wisssery)

produced by me

lyrics:
yeah ur listening to me right now but are u really hearing it?
i was speaking to the void and unaware that it got serious
oh i could avoid my problems but then i'm not feeling it
if u can't face it head on ur delirious 

oh i can barely look inside the mirror
fuck the angel that said i was in the clear
recently i'm only used to drowning in my tears
life is only complicated when u overcome ur fears

is it wrong if i say that i hope u die?
haven't rlly despised someone in a while
nobody really being nice so why should i smile?
is it wrong if i admit that i never tried?
i was busy picturing u with another guy
why why
i guess i gave up after all
i was sitting round waiting for a call
u don't understand a thing about me it's alright
i'll be waiting up all night

12/26/21

jaystaraviator