walking up to heaven I can't believe am here

heylog features

produced by xona 

@heylog

-lyrics-
I wanna run but I can’t deny
feelin dread to our trust and I cry
and I would get everything for you
she loves him but I’m just that fool
I wanted us back, you didn’t want that
I’m pleading with this pain I held
and now I fall back
all on my prozac’s
and I just hope that I get your help

and now I’m washed up all alone
the little essence that you left long ago
the flowers wilt down to my floor
push me down like I’m nothing more

and I don’t wish the best for you
you wanted healing but I was see through
you wanted blood, now you got it on view
many voices telling me on what I knew
there’s reflections that portray all of us 
you’re sick of me and the things that I love 
I won’t forget what it meant for us
these 6 letters that stuck like a drug

stab me again i won't feel a thing
hold me down this some sentencing
taking my bliss, more apologies
i don't like this, just don't talk to me
wasting away i'm never calling you back
i'm stuck with memories i won't forget
with all this weight i carry on my back
you did this to me and i will never forgive

you
oh
i hate 
you
with
every little gut in my body

WALKING UP TO HEAVEN I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M HERE
BUT WHY AM I STILL RUNNING FROM THIS NEVER ENDING FEAR
I'M SHIFTING THROUGH LANES WHILE UR STILL STUCK IN 2ND GEAR
SURPRISING EVERYONE LIKE 2 HEADLIGHTS ON A DEER
WASTING AWAY I'M NEVER CALLING YOU BACK
I'M STUCK WITH MEMORIES I WON'T FORGET
(forget)
WITH ALL THIS WEIGHT I CARRY ON MY BACK 
YOU DID THIS TO ME AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT

you
oh
i hate you
with
every little gut in my body

i wont forget

spotify

i won't forget w/ heylog

@heylog
produced by @herskylin

(vil)
i stay in the moment i’m lost in
time fractures and i’m exhausted
serpent biting all on the cartridge
perfecting everything in my way
and it sucks to suck
in your world
i mean nothing to you, you say it sucks to be you
(cut me loose)

cut me loose from the ties i’m
holding on despite the
ruckus you’ve caused
i should abandon you but what would that fix
…nothing at all
this confrontation is just breaking us apart
i cant even find the start
and so i

break down (x4)
can’t find a way, need an escape
i’m left for dead blood spewin out
my pores are closing
i’m decomposing
show me what it’s like to be controlling

(heylog)
my life's so concerning
wait too long i need to hurry
my stomach's churning
decide if i need to worry
what am i here for
what is my goal
oh my god i'm so worn from climbing out this hole
abuse my body oh it's hurting
i'm so lost think that i'm worthless
pretty sure i don't have a purpose
make mistakes constantly learning
what not to do next time
too lazy to reply
but i don't even try
desert phone, it's so dry

(vil)
i’m bleeding out from my wrist
and i’m choked up, let me say my final wish
you act like what we had never existed
so i’m blaming you until death

serpent +heylog (skylin ✧)

'me' produced by heylog

lyrics:
you see
i'm always down
down bad and
turn around
walking backwards
hit the ground
lookin up pushing me down
my biggest enemy
is
me
but how can
this
be
look i
step in a party
wonder why
am i here 
and check the time
check the weather 
and do it twice
then i realize my biggest enemy
is
me
but how can
this
be?

if u know me well enough then u know i got flaws
u gotta get going, when u leave i shut off
argue with me all the time i'm just overthinking
grab the brain and took the mind connecting all the pieces oh
the enemy
here is me
this whole time..
i been
in front of me

can't get me to stop
my shoes giving me blisters
it's difficult to crop u out the picture
but i gotta do it one of these days or later
baby i'm a nuisance
my hearts covered in layers oh
the enemy
here is me
this whole time
i been..
in front of me
look here i go through it
this not a joke i'm so pissed
wake up and mope, slouching
always no hope
(but don't quit)
hate on myself
that's my loss
i don't need help
i'm so done
one two three four
i'm it
but i give up
you win
take me out the frame i don't do this
swear like every single day i'm always losing
can't tear me apart already ruined
but i don't know why u lie what are u doing
already knew it
hating myself twice now i don't even cry no more
underneath my eyes, rapidly bounce back and forth
seeing through your lies
now i don't get phased
but thank god, now i realize
that the enemy is me

produced by heylog

lyrics:
(hair)
i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

hold what i have learned from u and leave everything else behind
wonder if she notices i'm distancing and tryna hide
burning all the passages and that includes both you and i
fighting on this field for u but i think you'd rather me die
face plant
in the soil
the water comes
to a boil
now it's hot
take my shirt off
got 8 bumps
between my torso
old ones keep in touch cause they see that i'm doing something right
think about how far i've come, it honestly got me surprised
u say we're the same but man that hurts cause i am not ur kind
more destruction, come prepared, the blood is real and well defined
missiles coming from the heavens, everybody runs with fear
think i'm deaf from all the bombs, i just hear ringing in my ears
the voices are embedded, i be battling for quite some years
don't know what they say, i just know they like to interfere
PACK MY BAGS OR CONTINUE FREEZING
I HATE MYSELF AND YOU'RE THE REASON
BUT I PROMISE I'M GETTING THERE
LESS HEAD PULLING, LOOSE STRANDS OF HAIR
SHE DETOX WITH A GLASS OF WATER
I MAKE SMART CHOICES, THAT'S WHY I'M WISER
I SMELL THE BOOZE COMING OUT ON YOUR BREATH
I GUESS YOU NEEDED TO TAKE SOMETHING OFF THE EDGE

i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching 
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

don't know why u up
like what do you want
i'm not here to judge
do u feel forced in love
i needed help as my skin tears
i would really like to know why u weren't there
whom i love, i'm in despair
can u hear my voice, are you here

hair

produced by jpjp
vocals + lyrics by heylog & i'm geist

lyrics:
your caught around my throat
i don't think you wanna know what i know
you remember we were close
now i don't call you a bro anymore
watch out i might contain hostility
you say u know but you don't know me
i guess i'm used to it
people that i know always abusing it

i'd kill the old me
a lot has changed so i'd do it in a heart beat
through the veins, through my skin
subtle scarring
what was left in the past
know it hardly
i had a job and i failed to kill the old me
a lot has changed so i'd do it in a heart beat
through the veins, through my skin
subtle scarring
what was left in the past
know it hardly
i had a job and i failed to kill the old me

so long, won’t accept my defeat
i know i’m running out of time
but i can’t even breathe

lost cause, threw me into the sea
it’s not what i wanted to be
they prayed i drowned in the deep

but i’m holding on
there’s so much left inside of my head that i’m fighting for
what went wrong?
cause i seem to have lost myself amongst the dying stars

what went wrong?
cause i seem to have lost myself amongst the dying stars
what went wrong?
i seem to have lost myself amongst the dying stars

i'd kill the old me
a lot has changed so i'd do it in a heart beat
through the veins, through my skin
subtle scarring
what was left in the past
know it hardly
i had a job and i failed to kill the old me
a lot has changed so i'd do it in a heart beat
through the veins, through my skin
subtle scarring
what was left in the past
know it hardly
i had a job and i failed to kill the old me

through my veins, through my skin

SPOTIFY

heylog & i'm geist - through the veins, through my skin (jpjp)

produced by hiraeth and heylog <3

You’ve got nothing to say to me
I’m drowning in the ocean
Always complain to me
I’m dealing with my own shit
Filling my vacancy
(Just breathe)
If I died tomorow I bet nobody’d even notice

harder to breathe
when ur around I’m losing focus
Trying to speak, the words can’t seem to leave my vocal
Getting likes on ig
cause ur half naked in the photos
I’m dying to sleep, if I wake up im meeting god bro

Stay closer to me
I swear that nobody can touch you
if they tried
I’d grit my teeth and fight them all for you
I’m tryna hide, stop tryna reason what I been thru
It’s not my time, I’d kill anyone laying next to you

never should've went for u
and i ain't know your friend exists
if that was the case i would restart and go for her instead
what a shame
u let your life to pieces
who's to blame
(you)
you're the only reason i can't focus
got me losing sleep
and shit oh how i own it
tell that b-
she can drink bleach
you let it out there in the open
u show yourself no respect
and i wonder if u know this

i'm tired of preaching cus babe it really-
babe it hurts from underneath
all the wasted memories
don't go down, get off your knees
it's not the time for any pleasing

bleach ft. heylog

cover of 'wear' by @xona
guitar played/re-recorded by logan

speak lightly
i won't seem
that worried
about u and me
down few
many lose
lives quick
nothing’s new
hiding right behind you
you’ll choose
you’ll choose

from what i wear
to see and stare
i swear i swear
you’ll have my care

how are you here with me
i told you i’m scared of-
graphic and the terror to seize
it’s more than it could seem
it’s more than wear and tear
and i could hardly bear
and i could hardly bear
i  could hardly bear
i could hardly-

from what I wear
to see and stare
i swear i swear
you’ll have my care

wear cover (xona)

follow heylog

@heylog

support heylog - spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/5Jf6pl4SGgueZHZ4pC313c?si=4gRVQC47SBql7WYQ8JUpeA

lyrics - 

give the kinda love that i need right back
kinda on the fence but i'll take my chance
tired of the mistakes making me sad
can't get the thought of you outta my head

where do i go?
who can i trust to leave me alone
put on a show then go home
dying to know
i hate and i loathe
written in stone the words saying
'love you'

i'm missing all the memories
i can feel your soul slowly making less of me
safe to say it hurt to watch you leave
now there's no one left to help me here

you're feeling alone on a friday evening
try to hold on love i'm trying to see you
i know you're hurting, you stumble bleeding
i'll keep you whole
you're scared 
you can hold my hand
we'll walk alone, no light to guide
but i know where your heart is
and i know how you're feeling now

let go don't cry just

you're sick to death of me
you hoped i feel the same but it's
just too much to leave here
i'm dealing with the shame of it
thinking that you loved me
i cry and medicate
it's just too much to intake
i'll try my fucking best i
didn't wanna calm down
i'm tryna come to terms with it
molded my emotion
to feel like you're controlling it
so what's it gonna take right now?
gotta keep my feet on the ground

now that love has washed away
contemplating life and i’m sure you can relate
and i’ve seen better days
recently been bitter what’s the point if i ain’t gonna make it in life
i’m always stuck by your side
and can you do me the same
and stay close to mine

don’t leave now i still haven’t kissed you
when you walk out my house i already miss you
let’s snuggle here in the back of my car
our eyes meet the galaxy, we’re counting the stars
my dad says i need to be home before eleven
but she does not want me leave, “logan stay a second” 
a couple hours isn’t very long to spend that time with you
and i finally got the gut to lean in and kiss you

mistake w/heylog

i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 

w/ @heylog

prod: https://soundcloud.com/eric-godlow
master: https://soundcloud.com/ezraspandora 

looking back baby,
i already was hollow
toss it back 
way too fast 
till i get through the bottle
i don't wanna leave this club
i just wanna drink 
until i throw it all up
(lock me up)
want you to squeeze until i'm leaking out blood
i wanna see just how it feels to go numb
i wanna feel it on the tip of my tongue
let's fuck it up until we're going out bad 
let's break it all apart until there's nothing fucking left
cause i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 
and i want you to tell me i'm a waste of fucking breath
oh i'm terrible 
i'm the reason you're falling 
unbearable 
i'm the bones in your closet
i still just wanna see you get out 
there's nothing left for me to be now

damn it all 
pray for what 
there's nobody there
(i'm too far gone)
tell me why 
i wanted you then 
i want you now

heylog:
i'm chillin at a party, why'd i decide to go out
wish i just stayed home but i been stuck inside my house
i don't even care, i'd much rather be sober
she hung around the bottles and i could tell it broke her
i'm glad i can't relate cause i've never had that problem
you told me i'm rude for that but hey, i'm being honest
i would never lie to you, just want you to stop it
i could up and go, i've got plenty of options
quit talking, ur just holding me back
it's safe to say, tonight ur getting trashed
take a second to breathe, ik ur sad
you don't have to drink it away, could you relax
she phones her girls for a ride at 3am
can't even walk to her room, she needs a hand
throwing up all the time, she's used to it
friday night rolls around and repeat it

tip of my tongue (w/ heylog) (prod. eric godlow)

prod. ocin
guitars: yhello

Come catch a feeling while we’re watching a lightning 
But nothing excites me, baby I try to hide it 
I think about you, let’s make love on the highway 
Can we get inside babe 
You know time won’t stop flying 

You know me I 
Could never stop 
I’ll do it or die 
Can’t lose you and cry 
The pain in our back 
It hurts 
Now we’re laughing it off 
Now we’re laughing it off, oh 
The pain in our back 
It hurts 
Now we’re laughing it off 
We keep laughing it off, ya 

Kill time when we're driving 
It's both of us finding 
A reason to separate 
Your past is behind me 
I don't open up 
Don't wanna be judged 
Don't wanna be looked at 
I blame my gut 

I love you and you know that 
Even if you don't love me back 
I pray at night to hope you're well 
And pray again for my own self 
If I had a wish and that would be to see you laugh 
Cause I guarantee that you'll receive a smile back 
Now we both sitting there just laughing it off 
I want you to know that you were all I got 

You know me I 
Could never stop 
I’ll do it or die 
Can’t lose you and cry 
The pain in our back 
It hurts 
Now we’re laughing it off 
Now we’re laughing it off, oh

laugh it off (ft. heylog)

produced by heylog

lyrics:
no one
no faith
spacing
as i lie awake
when i see you then
i promise i won't leave again
woke up in terror, i'm feeling confused
cover my mouth as i just heard the news
how can it be?
how can it be true?
why god, do you take the things i love most
why's it the people who feel like a home
holding back tears
until i let go
facing
toward green
outside, you're all i see
i miss your praise
no matter what, you'd always stay
with me
i need to ease on the brakes
i feel my heart in my chest
i can't control cause it aches
and no one's feeling their best
and i'm not taking it light
you felt like my only friend
who'd be with me through the night
and be with me till the end
and i have so much to say
but at the same time i don't
all of it hurts in a way
that i can't even control
it comes and goes in a wave
and everytime it's unknown
and none of this is okay
i'd rather break every-
following footprints and trails
sunlight shines right through the trees
see beauty in each detail
please say that you're just hiding
no one
no faith
spacing
as i light awake
when i see u then
i promise i won't leave again
facing
toward green
outside, ur all i see
i miss you a lot
one of a kind
and filled with love

footprints & trails

prod logan

lyrics:
she's comin back to want some more
kick down my roof and breaking doors
push it away with every force
she slip right through causing war

blame it all on me cause in that head ur always right
the only head that's right for me is when ur half below my height
talkin like it's secret when i know you open wide
for anyone that comes your way who only wants a kill in sight

i needed u the most
but you were no where to be found
don't talk
hush
you have no room to be foul
i wanted you here
so don't act like we're okay
cause we're not
you stuffed me in a grave

foul

prod. me (dawsin)
guitars by me (dawsin)
written by me (dawsin)
-
im bored

lyrics :

like im noir
on her knees
on her knees
on her knees

huh
yea
like im noir
ahhh ahh

black and white pages
all on the floor
i hunt my prey from the dark
like im noir
"you have a bad taste"
haha
then why you craving more?
she look at me like
like an omnivore

i can see visions in the light
maybe its just a trick of the eye
yet they haunt me at the dead of night
they want me dead or alive
dead or alive
dead or alive
like dead or alive
dead or alive
dead or alive

i own a thermal scope i bet you dont have one of those
icy when things get hot, i see it when your bones get cold
i can feel the filth, i smell like blood and daffodils
she says i give her the chills
but bae that's a part of the thrill, real
hm
hea- hea-
but bae that's a part of the thri-
hea- hea-

got 10 bounties on my head, head
every one here, want me dead
but bae that's a part of the thrill

huh ya
baby i won't kill
but bae that's a part of the thrill

what
it's not my fault
... 
no..
it is.
i'm the one to blame
it took a lot of blood for you to learn that lesson
just sit there wallowing in ur own guilt (like im noir)

"you have a bad taste", then why you cravin' more?
she look at me like, like an omnivore

i won't forget w/ heylog

xona

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