had another dream last night
that i was runnin' away from a monster
and that monster was me
it had my cold dead corpse 
hangin' from its teeth
when finally i met the reaper beggin on my knees

take me away rn!
take me away rn!
i dont even wanna try
to make things alright

cuz i dont really give af about myself
in fact im always wishin that i could just be someone else
think id be better off locked up in a cell
i think id rather that
than being trapped in this hell

they used to tell me its a phase
but i still hate my own face...

take me away rn!
take me away rn!
i dont even wanna try
to make things alright

i dont wanna try
ive never been alright
i dont wanna try
ive never been alright!!!

take me away rn! [+gaxillic]

prod. sorrowbringer
safeatlast > @safeatlast

grace

Stay a while, stay a while
Listen to what I've compiled
Maybe I could make you smile
I could make this worth your while

i been
back on my shit
my futures undecided
i dont wanna own up but my thoughts are drowned by sirens

takin over every damn decsion i confide in
takin over every single home that i reside in

theyre multiplyin 
i dont wanna fight it
division is unnecesary
they say im a flight risk

changin all my habits just in hopes that you will like this 
song that imma make for you but im too indecisive

truthfully
i like what u do 2 me
my life is like a movie scene

i just wanna make it big in the scene
i just wanna make it big and be seen

is that 2 much 2 ask for
i been sober whym i pullin out the flask for
i dont wanna see you can you walk out the back door

bre

im different
"you changed" 
yes, i did
im questioning my
choices
yeah..
my voices
aye
my point is,
everybodys jointless
c'mon, dissapoint us
maybe even rejoin us
the trees look better than they use to
youre shining brighter than i knew you

jointless w/ safeatlast

laid down in Hollywood
puffin on that gas, get fucked up no i really shouldn't
its so hard just to get by, i swear i really could
where cuz at
straight right down the road i swear im swerving, in and out for good

does she mean that?
when she gone late out at night, givin me heart attacks
i swear we moved too fast
but its alright i guess
i dont need to blend in, im my own man

pumpin up my gas again
you really thought i laid here, like all day
all day, ill be working on myself like all day
no breaks, no narcotics in this shit like i been past that
i dont mean pass that

Toronto in the city gotta wait in line, again
wait for phone calls, opportunities to come by, on set
dont you call unless your ready baby, ill hop right in
why you buggin bout some chick i havent seen in months again

laid down in hollywood
puffin on that gas, get fucked up no i really shouldnt
its so hard just to get by, i swear i really could
where cuz at
straight right down the road i swear im swerving, in and out for good

laid down in Hollywood
puffin on that gas, get fucked up no i really shouldn't
its so hard just to get by, i swear i really could
where cuz at
straight right down the road i swear im swerving, in and out for good

ion need trouble
ion need no bass here
why the hell you even bother
when i already ask
do you mean that?
do you mean that
laid down here, hollywood

laid down in hollywood

prod me

lyrics:

i can't say how long i've searched for you
but know that i'm entombed in you again
fresh blood stains cover up my shoes
i'm left without a clue where to begin

tear me down to pieces darling
it's only flesh
i only want the best for us but never can impress
what is it that i am fighting for?
across the shore, i think they want us dead
guess there's no making amends

i'm scared to die
the blade has been pointed
they're aiming to cut off our heads
there will be no rejoicing
not even a noise no
not even a change in the wind
i'm mortified, the mortars cry
i'm deafened by constant barrage
the only survivor
the rage of the fires
that he wished that he had forgot

a change in the wind

prod. irby & jolst

i got fuckin' turned around 
and i had no option but..
to love it,
ｔｏ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｉｔ
i got shot down,
all of my ideas are in the ground now
( take my soul out.. )
we always had eachother,
we were never undercover.

have you ever felt it all at the same time?
well, i did; and i think this will be the last time
you said "i hope we're okay.." 
well, "i hope we are too."
and i never meant all the hurtful shit i did 2 uuu ;(

i think that we should just say "fuck this shit" and run away
( i mean like, )
i mean, what more can we gain from this if we stay the same?
( i dont mean no. . )
i dont mean harm, i just dont know how to spit it out..
and i dont want death, but my mind cant see it-
GOIN' ANY OTHER WAY!!!
( this is destiny )
WAY!!!
IM SORRY!!!

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

i got fuckin' turned around 
and i had no option but..
to love it,
ｔｏ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｉｔ
i got shot down,
all of my ideas are in the ground now..
( take my soul out )
we always had eachother,
we were never under.

oo..~

HAVE YOU EVER FELT IT ALL AT THE SAME TIME?!
WELL, I DID, AND NOW I CANT FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL!
no one else,
no one else,
no one else, no
and i never meant all the hurtful shit i said to uuu.. u-u..

( fuck this shit, and run away )
( i mean like, )
( what more can we gain from this? )
( what more can we gain from this? )
( staaay.. )

i dont mean harm, i just dont know how to spit it out
and i dont want death, but my mind cant see it 
going any other way
・❥・ｗａｙ・❥・

there's nothing more violent than what i felt

prod me :)

lyrics:

i keep a photograph of you in my wallet
just so i can feel that you will always be there
it's gotten heavy, burned a hole in my pocket
but i can't let it go, it doesn't feel fair
and i've been sheltering a burden and feelings of uncertainty
every time i say that i love her it starts hurting me
aching in my chest, must feel guilty from the perjury
but i can't take it back, so i laugh and let it murder me

it's her world, i just live in it
i'm really trying not to give in
don't have the time to decide
should i wait? should i hide?
think i died when she kissed him
it's her song, i'm just singing it
pretty words unreceived and
i think it's meaningless to try
so i tell myself a lie
that it's fine, we're just distant

beneath the surface
i'm slowly turning into
what i said that i would never be
you closed the curtains
i'm left deserted and i'm
broke to know that's how we end our scene

Beneath The Surface

prod. lil divine, no samples <3
@user-642636378
mixed by lil divine, @killbreanna, and @user-642636378

[lil divine:]
stop and just wait for a minute
please listen close cuz i need this
theres blood on my clothes from the leakage
and i dont know who i can trust with the secrets

can you promise me youll keep it
safe from the scouring demons
drain all my blood with the leeches
and leave my body here to drown in the deep end

[halfhearted:]

drown in the deepend 
losing my soul
hate in ur eyes
when you break all my bones
u don’t regret all the lies thag you told
but each time you tell me
we’ll walk down this road again

sick of driving on them potholes
i think i got stockholm
forgot how you would hold me close

so now i’m clinging to a bottle
i bet you hope i rot in peace
so, lay me six feet deep

[lil divine:]

left in the dirt holdin hopes out for somethin
dont take my words and convert them to weapons
wrote you a song out of words that mean nothin
but you wont ever see it on a motherfuckin setlist

so baby tell me do you really wanna go
i cant see you through the 6 feet of snow
left my feelings in a box on the road
need a key to get the lock off my soul

i can feel the weight crushin my bones
bloody teeth embedded in the throne
why tf u keep hittin my phone?

why cant you leave me the fuck alone
when youre here this house dont feel like home
shattered fragments pierce throughout my skull
skull

[halfhearted:]

leave me to drown with the leaches
seeping in lust will i ever defeat this
stole all my love
not enough 
it’s a weakness
i was the one but i told u i’m leaving soon

we keep running round in circles
the bridges yeah we burned those
so i can never hold on hope

and i’ll let you watch me tie my rope
broke down, left my love on the side of the road
hometown, but feel like there’s no where to go
long frown, but i think i’m getting used to the cold

[lil divine:]

stop with the lies
n tell me the truth
when ur body lies
next to mine at noon
is it because u love me
or am i a solution to u
for what somebody else did
stop with the lies
n tell me the truth
when ur body lies
next to mine at noon
is it because u love me
or am i a replacement to u
tell me who did u lose

leeches

leeches w/ halfhearted

prod me :)

lyrics:

well the rain started falling bout an hour ago
i know that clouds are in the sky
but i promise you'll be dry right
here
i swear that every day away lasts a hundred years
but every moment we're together 
seems to buckle under
pressure
and disappear

oooo

and i could tell you it'll be okay
but i would rather u just see for yourself
don't wait any longer
no don't wait for any help
cuz the rain will stop soon
and i'll greet u
with a smile on my face
please don't turn away
please don't turn away

well the rain started falling bout an hour ago
i know that clouds are in the sky
but i promise you'll be dry right
here
i swear that every day away lasts a hundred years
but every moment we're together 
seems to buckle under
pressure
and disappear

fun lil thang i did w @t33thkicker
hope ya enjoy <3

lyrics:
oh i cannot endorse it no, uh
wait three weeks just to hear from ya babe
no i wait, then i force it oh, no
its an uphill battle to see ur face
then i go, how unfortunate
know you think about torching it
1:03 screen glow from ur portrait, oh
i’ll be ok girl, don’t wait up
cuz my heart ain’t porcelain

ask me somethin
i don’t know what
i don’t think u try
it aint half a street
i don’t move ur feet
i can’t tell u why
this half a man
has seen half the shit
that’ll make u cry
i don’t fuck around
cuz the last i did
i got no reply

i don’t need u im past it
3:30 clock im dashin
eyes on the screen
tryna see what im listening to
i forgot where my cash is
i do not know u we tight knit
nobody got me no vice grip
i got way too many vices
despite this im fightin myselfff

in the back of the party i off myself like its ego death
i don’t speak a word i just shut my mouth and i pass that test
is it hard enough to make every sunrise feel like the end
cuz i feel so stiff when i spend those nights on that cardboard bed

so i cannot endorse it no, uh
wait three weeks just to hear from ya babe
no i wait, then i force it oh, no
its an uphill battle to see ur face
then i go, how unfortunate
know you think about torching it
1:03 screen glow from ur portrait, oh
i’ll be ok girl, don’t wait up
cuz my heart ain’t porcelain

porcelain [mags]

why did you do it like that
cause there were so many different ways to go about it
i spent nearly 12 hours laying in my bed
haven't eaten in a day i guess I'm starving
I'm waiting

waiting for that text from you
to come through
i feel used, but its not new to me
the love i have for you's been waiting inside
and now i question why
was everything i lie just to use me

i had hope for you
and i trusted you
waiting on a call
but you're just out having fun

i had hope for you
and i trusted you
I'm in love with you
but you're just out having fun

why does this happen every time
my luck cant ever seem to get right
Halloween
all alone
i thought you were there for me through all of the fun
but no

my first halloween totally alone.. (prod. kire)

There’s a door in your marrow,
shut with a thorn.
A hush in the hollows
where memories are worn.
No blaze, no bell, no warning cry,
just soil beneath a sleepless sigh.

Under the hill, where the brambles hum,
I swallowed my sorrow and struck the drum.
Footsteps echo in ribs and clay,
wounds wear boots and walk all day.
Got ghosts in my gait, moss on my grin,
truth tastes bitter when brewed in the skin.
Every scar’s a story, stitched in rhyme,
a curse in cursive, a loop in time.

I’m not lost, I’m just listening
to the dirt beneath my name.
Where the river’s root is whispering,
grief’s a road without a flame.

Beneath the bark and breathless stone,
my silence weeps in monochrome.
Tattooed truth in the creases deep,
I hold my hurt where the riddles sleep.
Quotes of kin etched in a sigh:
“Don’t bury it, son, just learn to lie.”
But I plant my fear like herbs that sing,
brew it with nettles and the bell of spring.

I’m not cold, I’m just kindled,
made of frost and ember's hymn.
Where my body folds and dwindles,
there’s a light beneath the dim.

Mirror’s edge and a breath held tight,
talked to my pain like it talked back right.
"You ain't broken, just born in hex,"
said the fox with the soul of a paradox text.
Walked through a field where the names don’t stay,
tattooed grief in a slipstream way.
Quote the wind: “You’re what you’ve been,
but what you’ve been ain’t all within.”

Cracks in the mask, runes in the rust,
still draw maps in the marrow and dust.
If love’s a myth, then I pray to the lie,
cause that lie’s the reason I still try.
Under the hill, under my skin,
I carved my loss with an old inked pin.
Not for shame, not for sin,
just for the child who never gave in.

It’s quiet now.
But not gone.
The hill hums slow.
And I hum along.

Under the hill, under the skin

i'm stuck in the past but you don't have to be

@ninenineteencollective

dm or email me for fts, mixes, whatever :)

Email: yokaidreams30@gmail.com

a change in the wind

Yokai Dreams

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