a song ab my struggle and journey w/ identity and dysphoria :)

ty to @nclkyr for being on this with me <3

production: soma @prodsoma
mixing & mastering: orchid @0rch_id & me

instagram: instagram.com/avit69
youtube: youtube.com/c/avit69
streaming platforms: fanlink.to/AViT69

[verse]
ripped all my clothes from my closet
couldn’t bear it
tried breaking every mirror in my home
couldn’t do it
never felt quite right in this body of mine
it’s like i’m living a lie and i feel locked inside
been tryna find the answers to this all my life
but still i hide…

[pre-chorus]
i could dress like this
and i could talk like that
but it would never amount
this feeling just won’t quit
no matter what i do
it lingers back to me
can’t run away…

[chorus]
cuz every time i meet my eyes
it doesn’t fit with my mind
what i feel deep inside
i just don’t know who i am
wish i could be just like her
or i could be just like him
idk who i wanna be anymore
x2

[verse: kyra]
im scared to know whats right and wrong 
cuz everything just takes too long 
the way that everyone looks good
and im just stuck here, im thinking 
wish i could do it again and again 
i feel so amazing when im in a dress 
little do they know…
i just dont know who i am anymore

[chorus]
every time i meet my eyes
it doesn’t fit with my mind
what i feel deep inside
i just don’t know who i am
wish i could be just like her
or i could be just like him
idk who i wanna be…

[post-chorus]
i could be just like them
or anything that i want
in between or nothing at all
it doesn’t matter to me
cuz in the end, i may not know
what i really want, idk
but i finally know who i am

[outro] (avit + kyra)
who i am 12x
yeah i finally know who i am…

just like them feat. Kyra (Prod. Soma)

tired of dealing w myself before you *p. sai*

lyrics :

She had everything
You always tryna get up
In my head no wonder why
You fixing all the damage

You wonder why is over
It's hard to control you don't know
Yourself enough to worry about it

When you go
I was staying the same lane
Before tomorrow
Can i leave all the same pain

All i know
She's a devil's daughter
Always come and go
She just don't wanna bother
And i can't be afraid
Tell you that i don't know nothing
It's all in your arm 
And you forget it all

All i know
She's a devil's daughter
Always come and go
She just don't wanna bother
And i can't be afraid
Tell you that i don't know nothing
It's all in your arm
And you forget it all

You must go around
Let's settle down a moment
There so many hours i wasted on
You gon fall for it
Try too hard to get your feelings out
To the rain and it fallin away

When you go
I was staying the same lane
Before tomorrow
Can i leave all the same pain

All i know
She's a devil's daughter
Always come and go
She just don't wanna bother
And i can't be afraid
Tell you that i don't know nothing
It's all in your arm 
And you forget it all

All i know
She's a devil's daughter
Always come and go
She just don't wanna bother
And i can't be afraid
Tell you that i don't know nothing
It's all in your arm
And you forget it all

All i know
She's a devil's daughter
Always come and go
She just don't wanna bother
And i can't be afraid
Tell you that i don't know nothing
It's all in your arm
And you forget it all

devil's daughter

gimme my space w/ corefish

lyrics :

missed call i don't wanna keep talking
wrong way no i should've said something
in my head too much keep callin
and i'll give up everything that you wanted

my life's in your hands getting lost in
follow your leads on the way you taught them
all the money that you wasted
many place seeing similar faces

missed call i don't wanna keep talking
wrong way no i should've said something
in my head too much keep callin
and i'll give up everything that you wanted

you gotta find the way that they can't get us
i worried too much
but i won't stay here for long
clean up that dust so we break that trust
i'll keep it when i'm gone

yeah need it til the dawn
silence my words until you have it all
it's til the end that we fall
so would i made it on time
so far so good in my prime
so we just get out the line
pass off the lights on green lime
oh woah oh

started over again with my time
it's over my prime
they would pry for me til the end

missed call i don't wanna keep talking
wrong way no i should've said something
in my head too much keep callin
and i'll give up everything that you wanted

my life's in your hands getting lost in
follow your leads on the way you taught them
all the money that you wasted
many place seeing similar faces

and we go away
and left you insane any day
oh i don't hesitate
i'm exhausted

missed call i don't wanna keep talking
wrong way no i should've said something
in my head too much keep callin
and i'll give up everything that you wanted

missed call i don't wanna keep talking
wrong way no i should've said something
in my head too much keep callin
and i'll give up everything that you wanted

come back

ambivalent

woahhh its my bday again :D

Song On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Z2M6ZPnDQduOYs70V9kmz?si=2a792f49227d49d4

Tysm @maybejihoon for the cover art<3<3 Follow him:
https://www.instagram.com/maybe_jihoon/

Follow prod: McX plss❤
https://mcxbeatz.com
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Discord Server: discord.gg/sVEY9JZW8t
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www.tiktok.com/@officialmeanty

Lyrics:
I don't really wanna forfeit all my rest
All you gotta do is take the test
(Go ahead and see who you are now)
Pushing me away
Then you're wanting me to stay
Is there ever just a breaking point?
You know I lie that I wanna see you more
You want me gone but then you open up your door
It's all the things you wanna say I can't ignore
Cuz you just make me go and play all

Playing all the things that go inside of my head
I been going through the things you said cuz now that I'm dead
(I been waiting for)
Waiting for your phone calls all the time that I spent
Cuz it's not complicated
I'm just tired of waiting

Why can't you read between the lines
Yeah It's all the things you hide inside
And I just wanna make you mine
But I hate the way you lie
It's the reason why you're holding back

I don't really wanna forfeit all my rest
All you gotta do is take the test
Pushing me away
Then you're wanting me to stay
Is there ever just a breaking point?
You know I lie that I wanna see you more
You want me gone but then you open up your door
It's all the things you wanna say I can't ignore
Cuz you just make me go and play all

Playing all the things that go inside of my head
I been going through the things you said cuz now that I'm dead
(I been waiting for)
Waiting for your phone calls all the time that I spent
Cuz it's not complicated
I'm just tired of waiting

Why can't you read between the lines
Yeah It's all the things you hide inside
And I just wanna make you mine
But I hate the way you lie
It's the reason why you're holding back

In My Head

spotify

In My Head (prod. McX)

produced by me 

my socials:
www.instagram.com/bhertuy
twitter.com/bhertuy

lyrics:
if kissing him goodbye
was ur way to play it safe
then leaving u by five
shouldn’t make u misbehave
he needed u inside
but u didn’t wanna stay
a needle in my eye
will be the reason that

i won’t b the first one
stepping out of here
out of fear
watched them say ur name
it changed the atmosphere
blood was smeared

first five weeks
you’re held wit love
next five years
you’ll hold a grudge

Newport between ur lips
i’ll light it for u
before u ash it out
il take it from u

stream :)

leaving you by five

prod by aftrr

lyrics:

idk what it is but ur different
mysterious, oh ur peaking my interest
maybe u could be just more than a mistress
pillow talking this aint gotta be just business, oh
on my mind aint no other misses
to be mine, got no other wishes
hit my line and i promise ima listen
ur my intuition

u know i got pressure
come thru feel the weather
all space coupe the seats in leather
she know that theres no one better
havent felt the same since last december
i know what it takes tryna give u my effort
in love with the chase ever since i met her
i know i could change, tryna give u my sweater

i been acting funny tryna see the way u move
in love with the money ima spend it on u
talk to no one else, im not tryna be rude
spark it, up too high
hands on ur side
dance with me until its 3 or 4 clock
now we watch time fly
u could stay another night oh
if u dont mind ill put ur lips on mine

whats the word
are u hurt
baby come press the issue
im not sure
for what its worth
but i think that i miss u
whats the word
are u hurt
baby come press the issue
im not sure
for what its worth
but i think-

idk what it is but ur different
mysterious, oh ur peaking my interest
maybe u could be just more than a mistress
pillow talking this aint gotta be just business, oh
on my mind aint no other misses
to be mine, got no other wishes
hit my line and i promise ima listen
ur my intuition

u know i got pressure
come thru feel the weather
all space coupe the seats in leather
she know that theres no one better
havent felt the same since last december
i know what it takes tryna give u my effort
in love with the chase ever since i met her
i know i could change, tryna give u my sweater

SPOTIFY !

intuition

//Lyrics
Im going through hell just to hear you out
I know I could tell how you see me now
I could keep it real while you keep me down
but you still want me around
you're like a shell of your former self, bae
And you wont tell off nobody else, yet
I dont think id ever
make you feel welcome
this just cant happen
but, you keep sticking in my mind
You're like a shell of your former self bae
You just wont tell off nobody else, yet

Well you know too well
that it cant be helped
take, one look at your body and im falling down
through the depths of hell
Where i wont be found
Im a mess and you can tell cus its just part of your spell

Im going through hell just to hear you out
I know I could tell how you see me now
I could keep it real while you keep me down
but you still want me around
Im going through hell just to hear you out
I know I could tell how you see me now
I could keep it real while you keep me down
but you still want me around
you're like a shell of your former self, bae
And you wont tell off nobody else, yet
I dont think id ever
make you feel welcome
this just cant happen
but, you keep sticking in my mind

candlelight [p. sai]

Your Gaze

i love all you guys @ZephyrCove

i like moss, plants belong everywhere

ambivalent

yoku