spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5tAXiV5Ty4zKs0Bjd45qXr?si=075203ff1f204884

p. joshwa (@prodbyjoshwa)
mix n master by me
sc compressor is a pain
my best song, hope you enjoy

///
making up some stupid shit that doesnt matter at all
i fucking hate it here, wish i was never involved
i swear i'll move across the country fucking hate it all
i swear if you were in my shoes you would just take them off
and it's not like i'm trying,
to be what you want
i cannot put up with lying,
or tell me it's my fault
so don't you dare look in my eyes and act like you're so appalled
i get hurt so many times, i guess it's all just my fault

breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,
breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,

don't give a fuck bout what the cost is
i've been feeling nauseous
laying in my bed and you would be the one to start shit
don't know where i fuckin' lost it
"what's with you and being honest?"
yea you told me it'd get better, and you motherfuckin' promised
yea i got this dream
that you were nowhere near me
that you would fucking fear me
look in my eyes so clearly,
fed up with you
yea you watch and reuse
how i fall apart,
and i don't know what to do so,

breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,
breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so

breathe

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4lwq80jSYhe7jYi6SQRGpJ?si=3972c9994a224673

p. zbeatz, b2nny, spoder
mixed by me and b2nny
with @b2nny
happy holidays
note: sorry abt the high end, it will be fixed from now on, listen on like 80% volume 

///
[spoder]
every thought up in my brain
every problem that i had
it all comes right back to you
don't you come here and break my rules love

remember what i said bout winter?
i'll have a couple cold nights but i swear that it'd get better
and i'll run back to you
but you've been falling apart
building back my roof, again

why you acting so tough for no reason?
when you're on the damn floor fucking bleeding
dirt up on your name
i don't want to be so pessimistic
all these people lame
but i really feel like i've been missing

a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh

[b2nny]
don’t know how to contact you
when you way in the back of a filled up room
it’s when you're lost in my mind
caught in my head
i feel the pressure
i'd rather be dead
than be alive at this time feeling nothing at all
i'd rather smash my fucking brain on this whole damn wall
don’t want a second alone
to bathe in my thoughts
thought that i canceled tonight but i guess we can take a walk for a minute
under the flashing street lights
don’t see me winning
this moment never feel right
to me, to you, to any watchers watching
i knew this wasn't the night

[spoder]
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh

human contact w/ b2nny

put all that shit to the side 
it’s only us in the moment 
we argue and fight 
like is it even important 
just stay for the night 
cus i’ll be gone by tomorrow 
it isn’t alright but let’s pretend that it’s fine 

let’s just pretend it’s okay 
cus honestly i'm so tired 
it’s been a hell of a day
these addys still got me wired 
and i can overlook it all but your honesty's required
you can say just what you want but you know you’re in denial 
I haven’t felt this way in 
soooo long 
and I can’t lie to you I’m 
so doneee
you can hide it but the truth always comes out 
so say goodbye cause I'll be gone by sundown

pretend it's fine (prod. joshwa)

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3FeLYX0lYV5CkrFakaqTjj?si=edd3f4d959054cae
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/septembers-burial

produced by ryan (@rywrrd)
 + a little from me

unorthodox and mellow but means a lot, thank you for listening <3
i'll be more consistent next year, i promise 

i know it goes without saying but i hate your guts
spent a couple months, fucked around, came close to giving up
don't show up, right now
i've grown older, i'm not that dumb now
i'll tell you it's fine and i'll leave you to be
you've got no right here to cry and i'm grinding my teeth for you
i've got a lot to say,
but i'd rather not speak 'till you’re up at my grave
the stupid look on my face
you could take it back but i promise the damage won't be replaced
i'll, move far so i don't have a care
that's if i don't die before next year
for the better or the worse,
i flipped my insides out and tried to make it work
won't it be fun when they find out
out through your door and through the gate your quiet speech is like a mouse
tell me, who is laughing now?
there's so much for you to see
i bite down and clench my teeth
there's so much for you to see
i'll be there, give me a week.

september's burial

september's burial (ry)

siemsparkbeat and yeethan

https://open.spotify.com/album/1BjkuSizpVWZuZqNtYcbFM?si=ESs4HlbsSnegOnexXFtAQQ

chronically online b*tch w/cthrurio (ALL PLATS)

lately (prod. pieper)

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/16aPg17al8DKBm8LyMn4eE?si=9f8e74ca0f344527
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/cd-feat-ry-2

guitar by othello
additional production by me and ryan
written and performed by me and ryan
with @rywrrd (show him love please)

i lied i'm sorry next one will be a summer tune <3
thank you for listening always :)

///
a toast,
play your cd
the music brings you peace
alone
so don't mind me
I had a stupid dream again

you thought you had from the start
I don't want have to break your heart
but it broke
and now that cd drowns in static
a sour note
I highly doubt it

your favourite song
your radio I turn it on
we fell in love in your shitty car
with static on your heart
screaming out our favourite part

I made a stupid decision
in my mind, clouded dumb inference
I gave it all that I had
but all I had was indifferent
I'd break my arms off to help you
if it meant that you would listen
I stare and talk to the wall
scratched disc had tarnished the image
I thought I loved you

cd w/ ry

why is it so hard for you to take my word?
just trust me girl its all talk, don’t believe what you heard
i know right now it’s not perfect 
but i don’t deserve this 
don’t listen to your friends they don’t want us to work 
listen to me

i keep getting calls from my exes
let it ring i wont even play the message
cus they know they fucked up how they left it 
and i can tell that you’re the same i’m not making an exception
you know that i meant it 
when i said you won’t get a another chance 
thought you could mess around with me but i had other plans 
i'm getting money now it’s busting out the rubber bands 
do you understand 

that we keep doing the same thing 
always ending up in the same place 
think we need to do something different
stalking my main page 
then you go pretend that you’re innocent 
cant you tell that you’re being ignorant 
i don’t wanna waste time i’d rather keep my peace 
va and we linking up with re6ce 
i wish you could see
all the shit you’re putting on me girl uh

cause you be getting everything you want
but its never enough
i'm tryna tell you its too late
but you don't give a fuck
you're slamming doors and shit
but you wont listen at all
i'm too up cant hear
you know i never gave a fuck at all
shut your mouth don't talk bout me
shut your mouth talking from the backseat
shut your mouth you don't know about
you don't know about..

its cause you drive me crazy 
baby
do this on the daily 
no please don't talk too much
just hear me out for once
no please don't talk too much
i think ur tryna play me
break me
next one erase me
no please don't talk too much
just hear me out for once

listen to me w/ re6ce (prod. jml)

french meadows (cybertrash + tmywtsis)

thank you for listening ilu this will be up on plats in a few days for now hang out here 

i still love you i do
wont you come here to me 
i need you
whats a lie when its true
it hurt so bad to me
i cant breathe 
can somebody show me 
can somebody love me the way that you do 
imma lie, said im sober
theres no way i can feel with you
i wanna feel excited 
i dont wnna die yet
that would be prideless 
and i dont have pride left 
i cant even digest 
i dont like the process
living like i lost it
dont be sad if its over
wont be sad if its over
ill be so sad
dont be so sad
what are you waiting for 
are you waiting for   me
i still love you i do
wont you come here to me 
i need you
whats a lie when its true
it hurt so bad to me
i cant breathe 
can somebody show me 
can somebody love me the way that you do 
darling, darling
i want you to show me
i want you to know me
or love me at all
wont you love me god
all i ask is hold on
imma lie, said im sober
theres no way i can feel with you