R.I.P. Extended

Submission Stream #3

decembr

Casperrr

casperrr

featuring @nothomex

i let that shit get the best of me 
now i be rockin on therapy 
i do this shit all so carefully
the weight on my neck is just killin me 
pour down sleeve 
i can't fucking sleep
watch my eyes close
yeah 
this shit like 3d
i like her nose ring 
lil bitch got tagteam
her love like bad dream
i pour my once all alone now
i whip it like green and i lay out
all of my boys trynna hang out 
but i'm just trying to smoke till i black out

It’s weird when I have future in my head 
Because before 21 I see myself dead 
I can’t see any color , how can I not be mad 
I don’t have an expectation for the start of my life only for the end
I can’t see anything I cannot blend 
In between the society , I’m on a deep end 
Will I be able to stand ? 
Find myself in this shitstorm 
Did they already know my end before I was born

Last summer I was more lost than found 
Was left picking up the pieces scattered on the ground
Couldn’t talk couldn’t sleep 
Couldn’t walk couldn’t eat
Lost some pounds I lost some weight 
Now all pants fall from my waiste 
Scars on my wrist tears on my face 
The deepest wounds are the ones you can’t see
I’m the only one who can feel
All the pain they reveal 
I hope I’ll get better this year 
Sometimes I stand still 
I tried i tried i tried i tried 
i cried i cried I cried i cried
I tried i tried i tried i tried 
i cried i cried I cried i cried

dead b4 21 (ft.not home.) prod.nadiak & marlas dreams

@xona
vocals: xona & casperrr
mixing: xona & casperrr
writting: xona & casperrr

(casperrr)
emptying bottles let them fill my room
maybe i'll be laying on the floor with them soon
baby i'm feeling lost
and baby i'm feeling down
i've been gone i ran away from the crowd
and no1 even tried to phone me 
to check up on me 

(chorus)
why you gotta be like that(5x) (and i don't wanna cry no more , yeah yeah)
why you always leave when i'm sad 
why you always grin when i'm mad
if you don't love me than i don't care

(xona)
ahh~

know why I feel the way I do
you’re talking about me like you want me to lose
don’t lie like you always wanted to

and I listen but it’s nothing to you
spinning circles, falling dead
flowers scattered through my bed
I still wish you for the best
“I don’t know what you want from me”
well cause I know you didn’t care when i was on my knees

I don’t wanna fight
don’t let it end this way
I’ll love you of end of sight
I wanna be the change
I don’t wanna fight
don’t wanna end this way
ahh~ I just wanna say…

(casperrr)
don't wanna speak with you
don't wanna talk to you 
won't tell you about anything that i'm going thru
2 days no sleep am alr used to
lately i've been crying for rain 
to wash away
our memories 

Why it gotta be like that
why do i gotta forget
why can't u regret 
all the bad things that u said 

(chorus)
why you gotta be like that
why you always leave when i'm sad 
why you always grin when i'm mad
if you don't love me than i don't care

why w/xona (used beats)

w/ @sarah-jewell-929930691

lyrics:
the way the time flies
before my eyes
8 hours everynight
i'm not alright
i sit in my room and wish we had a little more time

i wanna hold you, stay here tonight
just cling on me and don't leave my side

the way we brake so easily
but don't you worry cause i'll be here

so please don't run out of hope
cause i'll be here to pull u from the rope

the way the time flies
before my eyes
8 hours everynight
i'm not alright
i sit in my room and wish we had a little more time

i wanna hold you, stay here tonight
just cling on me and don't leave my side

the way we brake so easily
but don't you worry cause i'll be here

so please don't run out of hope
cause i'll be here to pull u from the rope
i'll be here for you to hold

the way the time flies w/sarah jewell (forested)

In My skin (Prod. Vaegud & 5head)

Remission

==== x2

long night, big flask, with the cocaine.
you don't, you just love me for my propane.
you just love all the drugs that i maintain.
tryna be me, but this hoe be in wrong lane.


====

bro hop in the whip caught riding,
cos that bitch she a snitch ima slide in.
said she hate me but she don't know where the line is,
baby ima leave why you acting so excited.

ima take it to the face you know im violent,
ima ghost in the light ultra violet.
i got drugs on my person i ain't lying,
tell me what u need, and i bet you i'll provide it.


====

long night, big flask, with the cocaine.
you don't, you just love me for my propane.
you just love all the drugs that i maintain.
tryna be me, but this hoe be in wrong lane.


====

bro hop in the whip caught riding,
cos that bitch she a snitch ima slide in.
said she hate me but she don't know where the line is,
baby ima leave why you acting so excited.

ima take it to the face you know im violent,
ima ghost in the light ultra violet.
i got drugs on my person i ain't lying,
tell me what u need, and i bet you i'll provide it.


==== x2

long night, big flask, with the cocaine.
you don't, you just love me for my propane.
you just love all the drugs that i maintain.
tryna be me, but this hoe be in wrong lane.

SPOTIFY

propane (prod. cloudpunk)

lyrics:

With time still
Back in thornhill
I feel my eyes dry
With this wind chill
I could not cry
But I quake still
As I become
Her victim in this first kill
Under streetlights
Down in thornhill
This the first and last time life was too real
As I pass time
In my own filth
On my death bed
In this landfill

And she pulls back
On that black hilt
Just sliding out my heart gripping blue steel
When I fight back
I just fall back
To place my hand upon my chest and feel my palm fill
And paint the walls
I thought we were joking till she said she really mean it
Pulling at my skin I felt the tissue lose feeling
She said its not my problem im tryna help u
Ur killing my love I know u know that I knew
 
With time still
Back in thornhill
I feel my eyes dry
With this wind chill
I could not cry
But I quake still
As I become
Her victim in this first kill
Under streetlights
Down in thornhill
This the first and last time life was too real
As I pass time
In my own filth
On my death bed
In this landfill\

THORNHILL (branwen)

suckerpunch p grayskies IG @ HARDLYLUVD

And the worst of it all, I still believe in you
And these nightmares we've kept
In the heat of it all, I made an enemy
Put our demons to rest
So I'll swallow my pride and fall in line
And you can just say that "everything's fine"
But we both know that's not enough (mhm)
So I'll promise you I'll be the best thing for us
Then I'll fight with your friends, and I'll trash your apartment
I'll lie to you screaming, "I'd die for you"
Knowing how hard it'll be to get back where we started
In Paris, you asked me if I was afraid that we'd fall out of love
Would that be okay, Emily?

emily(cover)

prod by mugizora

(casperrr)
i feel like u are hiding it from me
i feel like all the love i thought it was real was just sympathy
and baby i feel betrayed
and i feel like i'm going to break
my heart is going
my heart is going to break
my mind is slowly going insane
and everytime i think about you
i remember the days we had
(i remember the good time)

(casperrr + mugizora)
so don't you forget about me 
so don't forget about what we used to be
so don't dare to walk away
don't u dare to take the blame

(mugizora)
could you keep your promises for once
youve broken everything around you
and i cant stand on my own
knees of glass and a heart wide open
im yours for the taking

(casperrr + mugizora)
so don't you forget about me 
so don't forget about what we used to be
so don't dare to walk away
don't u dare to take the blame

don't u dare w/mugizora

https://twitter.com/decksmusic
https://twitter.com/prodjolst
https://twitter.com/irby314

send it all back
until the river runs dry
patiently and silently
i have to wonder why
i wont take it back
we could sit here all night
i have whats in front of me
thats honestly alright
yeah i focus in and then i focus out
feel the time go foggy always chase it around
no, i wont let you in
i just need my space now
let me fall into the blackness once again

river w/ decks (jolst x irby)

(well, december is really getting colder isn't it?)

ur gonna b the death of me
give me space oh i cant breathe
negative temperature got cold feet
cant get out of my room i think ill freeze

dont wanna go out 
dont wanna see 
all of those ppl 
how they stare at me 
i don't need ur help
i don't need ur simpathy  
how am i alive when life's trying to kill
where's the motivation i'm not feelin it
so many problems shit i think i'll sink
they ask why i hurt myself and if it's cause i like it 
i simply do it so i can feel something
the numbness in my body is takin over
im afraid i'll stay this way as i grow older 
i wish i could start over december is really getting colder

decembr. (ʎpoqou)

i'm so sorry for what i've done
i'm so sorry for my choices
i'm so sorry for my head 
i'm so sorry i chose the end 
it's the voices  
oh they keep on speaking im tired
and i sit in my room in the silence 

what the fuck should i do
when i don't know what to do 
who should i hurt me or u 
how was i such a fool
kept on thinking i was fine 
even tho you made me smile 
there's was something wrong all the time
i don't blame you
so don't blame me either 
i can't love you
but i can't hate you either

love isn't enough (pekarot)

CHORUS:

my eyes roll back
the skies fade to black
nothing stays the same
and i wish it wouldn’t change
the clouds are looking gray
as my colors fade away
and i cant tell what’s real and what is not
anymore
my life’s becoming a chore

VERSE:

(becoming a chore)

b-been wasting my time 
trying to find
happiness in that
that don’t feel right
how might i
survive this tragic life

(how might i survive)

i wake up and complain 
about the day 
before it’s even begun 
am i the only one
that feels this way
i cant look at my own face

BRIDGE:

to bare witness to face the facts that i just go on living the same boring shit… i cant fuckin do this


CHORUS:

my eyes roll back
the skies fade to black
nothing stays the same
and i wish it wouldn’t change
the clouds are looking gray
as my colors fade away
and i cant tell what’s real and what is not
anymore
my life’s becoming a chore

my life's becoming a chore (metlast)

@uvshy is fucking awesome i love him
(casperrr)
they're talking way too much
they didn't like what i've become
they think i don't care at all
they wonder what i did wrong

(shy+ casperrr)
and she asked me why should i believe that
if i know you did nothing wrong
and i told her what if i deceived her
she keeps telling me it's not your fault

and she asked me why should i believe that
if i know you did nothing wrong
and i told her what if i deceived her
she keeps telling me it's not your fault

(shy)
they're talking way too much
they didn't like what i've become
they think i don't care at all
they wonder why i do-

(casperrr)
and she asked me why should i believe that
if i know you did nothing wrong
and i told her what if i deceived her
she keeps telling me it's not your fault

and she asked me why should i believe that
if i know you did nothing wrong
and i told her what if i deceived her
she keeps telling me it's not your fault

deceived pt2 w/ shy (02ashes + reesoo)

@sleepywater is a qt i love him
(sleepwater)
im an insomniac an i dont get no sleep
i wish u would call me back do u find the irony in me?
point ur stubbon finger its a shame that i still linger
a part of u im broken, i think that i might pull the trigger
empty shells im still broken, still searchin for what is woven
in the seams yh im still looking, feel like i was fucking chosen
to die this fucking way, in my grave no i awoken
im seeing stars today, ur the reason i keep going,
its a carnage i'm fucking like that, i would rather die in a car crash
why can't you try or even fight bacck, what we had i think it went bad
ur a tree and im a bee, ur a wolf and im its prey
need u back, just let me c :(
what u do and what u need
i dont think ill ever be
anything u ever need
begging on my fucking knees
ur all i ever need :(

(casperrr)
i just i wish i could be helpful
relieve ur stress when the days are painfull 
im so hollow i feel like a void 
am i getting paranoid?
replace me with any other boy
push me down onto the soil
be careful with the gun u shoot, cause u still get the kick from the recoil
even if you hurt me 
even if you brake me 
i will always be here 
to help you with what you need
so brake brake
brake me 
hate hate
hate me 
can you see the irony 
i want to   leave but im stuck in here
stop dont point ur stubbon finger everything goes wrong in the winter
i dont want to pull the trigger but i know that im a sinner
empty shells i know im broken, all the words that werent spoken
the pain won't fucking leave, i feel like i was fucking chosen

stubborn finger w/sleepwater

watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway
watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway    

(all that u do 4 me, is it pitty or love?
the things you say 2 me, do they come from the heart?
have i been a waste of life right from the start
cause im feeling lost, i needa sit down n talk)

i only have u left i don't know what to do 
don't know how to act, defense or attack
i just can't lose you
don't know what to say are things okay 
are you also confused?~
need something to see, something to touch 
or ill lose myself soon

down a spiral of hate, back to the blades
touching my skin,
im losing my faith, in need of a change 
the bloods runnin thin
nothings feelin great, and when you say 
u love me idk whatchu mean 
ill go back to my room and the drugs i consume
and keep doing my thing 

watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway  
watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway

watch me. (michael harrison)

君の好きな歌を聞いて
一緒に撮った写真を見て
私はつい思っちゃう
君は元気にしているのか？
体はちゃんと大事にしているのか？
夜はまだちゃんと眠れないのか？
それと、一番大事なのは
自分の心を託される人は見つけたのか？
私は-

don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood

won't ever change, i thinks it's genetic
engraved in my brain
used to the problems not used to pain
praying something makes it all go away
all go away
u left me alone dealing with MYself
u said u were gonna watch over my health
taking all the pills lined up on the shelf
like a buncha soldiers killin in stealth

chip me away, slowly
make me do it ur way, like it's holy
take our ring, break it
show me u never cared, bout me

don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood
don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood

don't say u hate me, i know u do (king theta)

at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie 
at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie 


grabbin a drink feeling hopeless again
on my face's fallin tears, bottle gripped in my hand
outside i look fine 
but inside im fighting a war all alone on the losing end 
losing end but i can't see the end
losing all i have, losing my head 
i fight them off but they keep coming back
like cancer cells, avoinding treatment

NUN TO DO BUT GET FADED
NOWADAYS IM WALKIN JADED
NO SOLUTION OCCURS IN MY MIND
TO MY PROBLEMS, ILL JUST DIG UP MY GRAVE THEN 
IM BECOMING WHAT I HATED
NO PROCCEDURES, STILL SEDATED
TAKING EVERYTHING I CAN TO EASE UP THE PAIN
AND I DON'T KNO IF ILL MAKE IT   

NUN TO DO BUT GET FADED
NOWADAYS IM WALKIN JADED
NO SOLUTION OCCURS IN MY MIND
TO MY PROBLEMS, ILL JUST DIG UP MY GRAVE THEN 
IM BECOMING WHAT I HATED
NO PROCCEDURES, STILL SEDATED
TAKING EVERYTHING I CAN TO EASE UP THE PAIN
AND I DON'T KNO IF ILL MAKE IT   

at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie

at least i tried (sorrow bringer)

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

everyday is the same/ but just a little bit different
today i was the guilty one again, cuz i didn't listen
yesterday it was still my fault, but surely 4 anotha reason
i think/ shit never changes, despite us changing the szn
i suddenly went cold, like we're in a blizzard
sick of bastards who fold, n runaway like they lizzards
acting like u r dr connors, imma beat u like peter
ain't no way u betraying me, im sick of being beaten

not my choice to be born
not my decision
if it really was up to me
i'd be in a grave not breathing
all the bones that u broke 
r the reason 
why ur so bad for me 
but keep me from kneeling

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

sm pain in mh (tiedforsilver)

msitreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same 

over you in my head
in my heart u still there
my body's a mess
feel u eating at my flesh 


feeding off of me
ur drinking what i bleed
acting like you love me 
then use me like a leach

how ain't u ashamed of ur-self~
keep on acting like ur the-best
i think u should just let me-rest
stop trynna find where my body-at

deep down, covered in dirt
x marks the spot i got hurt
under a tree, where the sun won't burn
is where i wrote this song

mistreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same (2x)