my playlist

.C .w. M.

-Music-

this is a song i wrote about overcoming my mental illness. while i'm nowhere near the end of the journey that it has been, i have learned a lot along the way and improved myself tremendously in the process. the first half of the song represents my state of mind a year ago and before, and the second represents the loving, open-minded, and even somewhat positive (occasionally) person i've become since.

thank you all.

special thanks to chloe, halli, john, jesse, joey (both of you), my mom, my grandparents, my brothers, the rest of my family, my counselors, and everyone who enjoys my music

lyrics:
i'm gonna kill myself one day, i'm sure
i'll be gone and you'll be there still
i've been standing at the edge for far too long; it's time that i jump
or pull me down 'cause either way i'll be gone
and i'm so sorry for the things that i have said
i know it hurts to have to follow
but i've been standing at the bottom of a bottle
with bones made out of glass since i could walk
and i'm still sorry for what i've done

i'm gonna live to tell the tale, i think
i've stared into the mirror for an hour, i don't hate myself no more
and i am sorry for the words that have offended you
and caused an ounce of terror in your stomach
i swear, i swear i'm always getting better
never worse, if only that were true, if only that were true
i can see it in your eyes, it's like a diamond in disguise
it's like a pilot lost his eyes and now he's truly flying blind

flying blind

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

fog & obscure

download

apathy

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
just know i'm sorry for it all 
i know it must be hard to hear 
i'm glad you left before the fall 
'cause i won't make it past this year 

just know i love you like a rose 
would love the thorns upon its stem 
no matter how they might have dug into my skin 
no matter how things might have ended 
i will wish for you each night, i'll wish your touch was mine again

winter

download <3

just know i love you like a rose

when it all falls apart like a house made of cards
i will shuffle this deck 'til i fall asleep
gentle touch, brittle bones, when we talk on the phone
i exist for you, you have all of me

i'm a small speck of dust, an inanimite husk
of my former self, they are vanishing
there's a ghost in my room and it wears the perfume
that you used to wear; it's like you're next to me

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

you're a voice in my head, at the foot of my bed
like a poltergeist, drifting hauntingly
and my mind is a void, for the broken, destroyed
little parts of me, an infinity

this ache in my head makes me quake in my bed
i fixate on it, i can't fall asleep
with this whine in my ears when the silence appears
it is deafining, it is everything

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

real enough

produced by @mt_fujitive

lyrics:

life has got me feeling discombobulated, in place of common phrases
all i say are awkward statements in every conversation
often sitting cautious, pacing, dropping frames in talks with strangers
making observations, in that awful cadence
i've been rather quiet since a sophomore
every time my voice comes out my mouth, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard
saving pieces shattered as my age increases faster
i can make my thesis matter if i learn to fuckin' talk more

but that's just an inkling, small talk is always shrinking
and this ship will always sink until we fill in all the gaps
i've made some dumb decisions and evaded inhibitions
digging graves for my ambitions just to make it on the map
which seems ironic at present, given my title
periodically stepping through this recital
i've practiced a thousand times, messaging with my idols
and definitely sounding like a dumbass when i try tho

i treat a soundcloud page like a diary
and push away all the people who inspire me--sorry
so afraid of the person i should try to be
and it seems, by now, they should kinda be sorry

flowers ep

discombobulated (prod. mt. fujitive)

The one and only single from Nice Colors, a joint EP by me @atwood, @wzrd-island, and @biskwiq, DROPPING MAY 17TH!!

Produced by @wzrd-island and @biskwiq

Mixed by @biskwiq and @ibr

Cover art by @biskwiq

Nice Colors

Find My Way

Listen on Spotify

Check out @atwood, @wzrd-island, and @biskwiq

All songs produced by @wzrd-island and @biskwiq

All tracks mixed by @biskwiq

Cover art by @biskwiq

Questions

LYRIC VIDEO HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rISjryUzNSY

Check out @atwood, @wzrd-island, and @biskwiq

All songs produced by @wzrd-island and @biskwiq

All tracks mixed by @biskwiq

Cover art by @biskwiq

Nice Colors(LYRIC VIDEO IN DESCRIPTION)

Travels

THANK YOU TO @iamjsan FOR SUPPLYING THE RHODES SAMPLE

Check out @atwood, @wzrd-island, and @biskwiq

All songs produced by @wzrd-island and @biskwiq

All tracks mixed by @biskwiq

Cover art by @biskwiq

All I Need

SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/track/2DZZm1GwYuRegXCGchopVg?si=MP1Ppb_tRmisFU0CH5_-7Q

BANDCAMP: https://collidingwithmars.bandcamp.com/track/apothecary

dedicated to you

produced and composed by colliding with mars 
mixed and mastered by lil polearm 
additional vocal engineering by leorinda 
lyrics by colliding with mars 
artwork by colliding with mars
additional vocals by ocoenia

lyrics:
[Chorus] 
La la la 
Throw me to the wayside 
In the morning there’s a cease fire 
Inertia, can’t fight it 
My own head, and silence 

[Verse 1] 
For the past 3 years 
I’ve been trapped in here 
And there’s angel tears 
Dripping down my windshield 
At my worst 
When you set me free 
You had shown me love 
Apothecary heal me 

And the way she walks around is so cold 
And the way you glow 
Baby girl don’t let me go 
And the way she holds me when it’s over 
Hold your composure 
Baby I won’t let you fold 

[Prechorus] 

OOOOOOOOOOOOH 

[Chorus] 

[Verse 2] 
And I know 
When I see your face 
When I feel your glow 
I will be okay 
But I need you most 
In the seas of night 
When there’s just a ghost 
Laying at my side 
And the way she walks around is so cold 
And the way you glow 
Baby girl don’t let me go 

[Bridge] 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH 

[Chorus]

apothecary

everything is ok 

written & performed by colliding with mars
produced by colliding with mars
mixed and mastered by polearm
additional vocal engineering by leorinda
cover art by colliding with mars


lyrics:

I’m gonna be a pop star 
So I can go make my mother proud of me
She never believed in the music industry
Every time I showed her one of my songs
She never really cared at all

[Chorus]
God damn
Just wanna see you in the crowd sometime
Because you’ve seen me break down one too many times tonight
And I know I haven’t been the greatest son
But I wanna prove that I’m the type
I’ll make it up to you

Quit your crying
Teach your son a lesson, quit your crying
I spent my whole life proving myself
To those who I’d never see again
Guess that’s something I get used to
But I’m moving on
Hindsight 20.20 when there’s something wrong

I just wanna be special to you

[Chorus]

Now when they all see me want a photo
How you even say that you’ve been so cold
I don’t wanna be here wanna go home
I just wanna go home
I don’t make as much as all my friends
When you say that wish that I was dead
I just wanna make my mom proud
But all she cares about is why I’m not the best now

I just wanna be special to you

[Chorus]

I’m gonna be a pop star so I can go make my mother proud

my mom doesn't believe in me

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/album/59CywC3libzFJgQYO33do5?si=Mdfv-LICRJi2IahZ0dof3g

music video: https://youtu.be/vwiZmfvRrXs

produced & composed by colliding with mars
lyrics & cover art by colliding with mars
mixed and mastered by polearm
additional vocal engineering by leorinda

lyrics:
[Verse]
I need you now all the time every time
Got my heart in a ziplock bag with all the notes that I sent you when I was deaf

The world could end but
I wouldn’t move a muscle
I’m at peace
When it’s just you (and you, and me, and you)
I don’t wanna leave your house this time
Parting ways feels like tearing my soul in half
I don’t wanna have to leave this time
But I guess that’s just the pain I entwine

[Pre-Chorus]
It’s so easy with you here
Could suspend all of my fear
Many miles above the earth
I can’t jump without your gaze again

[Chorus]
All I’m wanting is a single thing
I just want you in my arms when I fall asleep
All I’m wanting is a single thing
You could fill in the blanks with your eyes tonight
All I’m wanting is a single thing
I just want you in my arms when I fall asleep
All I’m wanting is a single thing
You could fill in the blanks with your heart tonight

[Verse]
Liplock
Falling way too fast and I can’t stop
Got your enamel pin over my heart
Guiding me as I violently crash through the floor

*kiss*

Liplock
Falling way too fast and I can’t stop
Got your enamel pin over my heart
Guiding me as I violently crash through the floor

[Pre-Chorus]
It’s so easy with you here
Could suspend all of my fear
Many miles above the earth
I can’t jump without your gaze again

[Chorus]
All I’m wanting is a single thing
I just want you in my arms when I fall asleep
All I’m wanting is a single thing
You could fill in the blanks with your eyes tonight
All I’m wanting is a single thing
I just want you in my arms when I fall asleep
All I’m wanting is a single thing
You could fill in the blanks with your heart tonight

LIPLOCK

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/album/59CywC3libzFJgQYO33do5?si=Mdfv-LICRJi2IahZ0dof3g

ALL TRACKS WRITTEN, RECORDED, PRODUCED, COMPOSED, AND PERFORMED BY COLLIDING WITH MARS EXCEPT TRACK 1 PRODUCED BY COLLIDING WITH MARS + OCOENIA AND TRACK 2 WRITTEN AND RECORDED BY COLLIDING WITH MARS, DEMXNTIA AND FATS’E

ORIGINAL ARTWORK BY ADRELIX AND COLLIDING WITH MARS

MIXED AND MASTERED BY POLEARM
ADDITIONAL VOCAL ENGINEERING BY LEORINDA

DEDICATED TO YOU

COLLIDING WITH MARS IS CHRISTIAN JAMES + GOLD

MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN SLOW MOTION

HEIRLOOM (feat. demxntia & fats'e)

VERSION III artist | i’m also DAKOTA DOGMA

JOIN MY DISCORD: discord.gg/TBqT36x

LIPLOCK

Colliding With Mars