my playlist

thanks to everyone who's ever been there to support me.

i wouldn't be here without you guys.

this was gonna be for 2k, but fuck it, you guys deserve it.

a letter to my freshman self (prod. purpan)

this is a song i wrote about overcoming my mental illness. while i'm nowhere near the end of the journey that it has been, i have learned a lot along the way and improved myself tremendously in the process. the first half of the song represents my state of mind a year ago and before, and the second represents the loving, open-minded, and even somewhat positive (occasionally) person i've become since.

thank you all.

special thanks to chloe, halli, john, jesse, joey (both of you), my mom, my grandparents, my brothers, the rest of my family, my counselors, and everyone who enjoys my music

lyrics:
i'm gonna kill myself one day, i'm sure
i'll be gone and you'll be there still
i've been standing at the edge for far too long; it's time that i jump
or pull me down 'cause either way i'll be gone
and i'm so sorry for the things that i have said
i know it hurts to have to follow
but i've been standing at the bottom of a bottle
with bones made out of glass since i could walk
and i'm still sorry for what i've done

i'm gonna live to tell the tale, i think
i've stared into the mirror for an hour, i don't hate myself no more
and i am sorry for the words that have offended you
and caused an ounce of terror in your stomach
i swear, i swear i'm always getting better
never worse, if only that were true, if only that were true
i can see it in your eyes, it's like a diamond in disguise
it's like a pilot lost his eyes and now he's truly flying blind

flying blind

@mt-marcy

LYRICS:
i'm sick of trembling in fear at the idea of death
since it's always on my mind i just hide in my bed
"everybody's scared of it" is what my therapist said
but my case seems worse, when i've barely been fed

because the kitchen's too far to desire the steps
it'd take to make it down the stairs and try to find a baguette
or something similar that wouldn't make my stomach upset
it doesn't feel like this is real, yeah, my mind is a mess

the only times it seems clear is when music is played
some relatable creator says i'll soon be okay
or when reading poetry trying to soothe the dismay
and i can lose my insecurities in cute little sayings, like

"why frown when the sun goes down,
if you'll wake in the morning to such nice sounds
when the nighttime creeps, well your eyes might weep
but that's just moonlight tryna find nice people"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, just make it through this"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, you can make it through this"

meurte

such nice sounds (prod. mt. marcy)

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

fog & obscure

download

apathy

for h.h. once more

lyrics:
we all must chip our antlers now and then
life will throw us hate with no defense
but these, my dear
aren't times too tough to fix

so you can keep your chin up if you please
and smile while you frolic in the trees
'cause antlers, antlers, yes my dear
i promise that with time, you too shall see

and even if you fall
just know i've got your back

and even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

so maybe you see spiders now and then
while i see figures float above my bed
see, even those arachnids know
that you're too fucking tough to circumvent

and you know what else has got eight legs?
i said, you know what else has got eight legs?
us in front of mirrors
looking boldly at two kids who never fled

and even if you fall
just know i've got your back

and even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

i said, even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

antlers, too

@imtiffany

go check out the original:
https://soundcloud.com/imtiffany/nothingspecial

art by https://twitter.com/cattactoe

tiffany - nothing special cover

you're probably having the same conversations with your friends 
that i always have with mine 

about how i'm too hung up and how i need to just get over it 
but these kinds of wounds can only heal with time 

so let me know if ever there is anything that i can do 
to help you out or make you feel alright 

'cause i still think about you often, i still wonder how you're doing
i still fear that you'll let this world dim your light 

i'm sorry for it all

sorry

i've never felt less like myself 
than when i'm naked in reflections 
truly wish that i could exit this body 

and it's coming on again 
starting to crush again 
can't wait to fuck up every friendship that i've made 

but i've never felt more like myself 
than when i'm drunk alone 
at 3 a.m. again 

'cause my stupid brain can't help but get attached 
to every person whose attention 
even barely starts to drift a bit my way 

oh, here we go again 
here we go again

here we go again

jeffrey lewis - cult boyfriend cover

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
the fan beside me's humming at a steady a# 
i can just make out the note on my phone screen 

it's 6 am again and i'm still crying over things 
that i've been crying 'bout as long as you've known me 

eternally unhappy 
i'm alone 

severing the cartiledge 
and bone 

i want to be rid of every 
piece of me that's left 

until i float 
i am a ghost 

the world around us spins as we wait for it to end 
hey, guys, do you think that we could do that sooner? 

waking up's a chore, i walk the labrynth on my floor 
and realize that i'm a fucking loser 

eternally unhappy 
i'm alone 

severing the cartiledge 
and bone 

i want to be rid of every 
piece of me that's left 

until i float 
i am a ghost

winter

download <3

fan (ghost)

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
just know i'm sorry for it all 
i know it must be hard to hear 
i'm glad you left before the fall 
'cause i won't make it past this year 

just know i love you like a rose 
would love the thorns upon its stem 
no matter how they might have dug into my skin 
no matter how things might have ended 
i will wish for you each night, i'll wish your touch was mine again

just know i love you like a rose

when it all falls apart like a house made of cards
i will shuffle this deck 'til i fall asleep
gentle touch, brittle bones, when we talk on the phone
i exist for you, you have all of me

i'm a small speck of dust, an inanimite husk
of my former self, they are vanishing
there's a ghost in my room and it wears the perfume
that you used to wear; it's like you're next to me

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

you're a voice in my head, at the foot of my bed
like a poltergeist, drifting hauntingly
and my mind is a void, for the broken, destroyed
little parts of me, an infinity

this ache in my head makes me quake in my bed
i fixate on it, i can't fall asleep
with this whine in my ears when the silence appears
it is deafining, it is everything

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

real enough

WE MF-TALKING MONEY BABY LYRICS BELOW

[bbno$]
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/41X1TR6hrK8Q2ZCpp2EqCz
Apple Music/ iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/bbno%24/id1161580951
Twitter: https://twitter.com/BBNOMULA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbnomula
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bbnomula
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzXHL_IIKNk&feature=youtu.be

[Juelz]
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/04p1jV00pBnrmh2rKl0jnT?si=yb0tgknIQBCTghNu2Y-j6A
Twitter: https://twitter.com/bbjuelz
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/bbjuelz
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbjuelz

[Hook]
talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
on my money talk
top top top top top top top top
bih juzzz gave me top 🙂
talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
on my money talk
top top top top top top top top
bih juzzz gave me top 🙂
[Verse one]
Strap go brap, imma pull up with the cat, rat a tat, frig a tag, im out to frag i need bit i need a tool, i be hot i need pool she a jewel, on my finger, fuck them dingers, quite the clinger, cut the stringer AYYY LOL
what u gotta do u gotta watch your additude
What u wana do u your girl gave me graditude
what you u think i did, i only gave her just the tip
what u say to me i'll put you in the gullitone, bitch!!!
[Verse second]
two thots, drop top, tossing off the crop top, moneytalk, check talk, thottie showing backdrop
play ball, call saul, cashing out on the short stop, quick talk, ring pop she took me to the headshop.
think i gotta flip that, money gotta save that, hit her with the latex yeah
i dont wanna kick back, i aint tryna chase that, tags im trynna pop that yeeuhhh
BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE TALKING MONEY SKRRRRRRRRRRRRR BABY NO CASHOLA

<a href='https://theartistunion.com/tracks/b93359'>Download for free on The Artist Union</a>

Download

moneytalk prod. juelz (MUSIC VIDEO IN DESCRIPTION)

produced by @jhfly
mixed by @halberd-3000

lyrics:

you know it's they/them, as in me and most of mine
some identical identity, i keep 'em close beside
open old wounds just enough to bleed out older lines
'til there's no truths left, and i concede to close my eyes

and even though the sleet and snow are peeking through the blinds
i still meet them on my morning walk, sheepishly surprised
used to think this skittish brain might need to be inside
'til neurosis was a locksmith with a key to where i hide

now i keep ice on me, that shit froze
not like diamonds, though--it's april and we still been gettin' snow
but me and all my friends are 'bouta hit the road
not for tour, tho, i really just enjoyed it when we drove, 'cause

you're way less likely to get stared at
by an old white man in a moving car
and yes, i see that really neat flag on your window
are you quite aware that you guys lost the war?

and, yes, i did use the gender neutral bathroom
what is your concern with what i've got going on?
you can fight me in this walmart if you want to
but when you get your ass beat, don't pull out your AR

yes, my fucking nails are painted! what, you think i didn't know?
yes, i wore a skirt today! what's with all the rigmarole?
yes, i've got some makeup on, and yes, bitch, i look beautiful
so 'fore you ask another question, you can get to getting ghost

flowers ep

they/them (prod. jhfly)

produced by @mt_fujitive

lyrics:

life has got me feeling discombobulated, in place of common phrases
all i say are awkward statements in every conversation
often sitting cautious, pacing, dropping frames in talks with strangers
making observations, in that awful cadence
i've been rather quiet since a sophomore
every time my voice comes out my mouth, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard
saving pieces shattered as my age increases faster
i can make my thesis matter if i learn to fuckin' talk more

but that's just an inkling, small talk is always shrinking
and this ship will always sink until we fill in all the gaps
i've made some dumb decisions and evaded inhibitions
digging graves for my ambitions just to make it on the map
which seems ironic at present, given my title
periodically stepping through this recital
i've practiced a thousand times, messaging with my idols
and definitely sounding like a dumbass when i try tho

i treat a soundcloud page like a diary
and push away all the people who inspire me--sorry
so afraid of the person i should try to be
and it seems, by now, they should kinda be sorry

discombobulated (prod. mt. fujitive)

thanks for 100k on soundcloud <3

thank you to charlie for the fantastic verse 
http://www.soundcloud.com/youngburial 
http://www.twitter.com/youngburial 

and thank you to perry for the wonderful art 
http://www.twitter.com/welcom2helldude 
http://cottoncloudsproductions.tumblr.com

patience is a virtue (feat. fats'e)

constantly reminded of my past self's dumb mistakes
wishing i could go back in time

dreaming on repeat, climbing up the staircase
stepping into open air

nicotine for dinner, you ask if i've lost weight
the truth is that i didn't mean to

panic in the bathroom, 'cause the person in my mirror
is a foggy recollection of me

but i have to be okay
you say there's just too much at stake
and i'd throw it all away
if i said goodbye today

i have to be okay

woah! aye!

mixed by https://www.twitter.com/lilpolearm @polearm
cover art by https://www.twitter.com/drdful

lyrics:
might just have to rip it thru my nose, lickin' on her toes 
pull up at her door with hella different color roses 
said she wanna go, well where you wanna go? 
'cause i'll go anywhere with you i don't care where we goin' 

can't delay it, been the greatest, no discussion 
topped me by the palm trees, i coconutted 
i ain't yo x but i'll still pull up at the function 
think i found the formula for stacking up these hundreds 

might put bands on my hands like a lobster 
in high school, i was getting slammed into lockers 
now i'm cool, posing for the gram, check my posture 
f's on my tests, bitch i feel like mr. crocker, i'm honored 

hit it from the back like a fender bender 
yeah, i hit it then i dip like a chicken tender 
my wrist iced out like a winter blizzard 
life flashing by now, but you don't get the picture 

run it like an athlete, fuckin' in the backseat 
might just turn this uber ride into a fake taxi 
said that gucci drop was hella hard, i had it last week 
wavy like i'm max b, you ain't have to ask me 

diamonds on diamonds, i feel like steve i had to stack em up 
wilin, we wilin, my shawty drippin like an aqueduct 
so boofed that i can't move and i'm sad as fuck 
still hit her with that pool cue, told her rack 'em up 

balling, i'm balling, i'm like mike with the pump fake 
versace up on me, i'm flexed up, screaming fuck snakes 
designer is fine i could put you in it if you want, babe 
giuseppe, she text me, like are you tryna have a lunch date 

please, i spill the tea 
freshest around like i got the febreeze 
head in the ground like an ostrich, you see 
if you talk down, you ain't talking to me 

'cause i been staring at my pc making beats until my eyes are sore 
flexed up, i get more checks than the verizon store 
next up, 'cept i'm up now, and it's time for war 
competition scared 'cause they know this ain't my final form

final form!

an ode to escapism

lyrics:
when the dialogue
makes you think you're gonna die soon
i don't listen for the dial tone
i just lay alone and cry

'cause there are such sad songs on the radio
and all my old friends are laying low
trying not to be the people they're afraid of
don't you know?

and the centerpiece
is a little bit of everything
this cacophony is deafening
but no one else can seem to hear

when there are such sad songs on your stereo
and all your old friends don't care at all
trying not to fall apart
they can't take it anymore

when the morning comes
and everything is still amiss
you turn your tv on
and then regret it while you sit

'cause there are such sad stories on the morning news
and every death toll takes more from you
there's an armed gunman in the store with you
it seems, oh, it seems

so you go back to bed
and pretend it's all a dream
if you convince yourself
it's only numbers on a screen

then all the fucked up things that keep happening
will feel much less real than they have to be
much less real than they
actually are

such sad songs

i'm singing songs you've never heard
about a place you'll never go
i'll wear your fragrance like an accolade
and bleed out in the snow

i've got your fingerprints all over me
imprisoned like a ghost
inside some empty little nobody
who's sobbing on the phone

i wanna know

your favorite color
and the ways you like to sleep
i see your shadow on the window
when the day slips into evening

you're the caffeine and the nicotine
i need to leave my bed
you're the sickness in my head
you're the reason i'm not dead

i wanna know

my playlist

kit !