Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Half ass rap battles

Songs I Listen too

CAST:
Dwight Schrute - Eric The Audible
Jimmy Neutron - @snakebite126
Mixed By: Jacob G.
Prod. by KingEF

LYRICS

Dwight:
This is Dwight Schrute, I’ll interrupt before you’ve done your spittin’
Serving you so good this scuffle will be dun...der mifflin
If you are not satisfied, I’ll continue attacking ya 
With bears, beats, and battle bars to rap at ya

Making it Rainn, that paper ream
Peep it on Peacock, they pay per stream
Your Planet Sheen cemented you as a fad 
A sitting wooden duck who couldn’t spend time with his dad

What an abomination. Your eyes and eyebrow placement
That’s the objective face of god awful animation
I’ve beaten machines, I’ll crush any electronic toy
So follow the procedure and runaway, rocketboy

Jimmy:
You’ve hit a new low - Leaping Leptons!
But like I’m in the warehouse peeping you’ll get caught
Even in your show you’re the butt of every Jim joke
So stroll me through the logic behind battling ‘gainst Jimbo


The win you own is sharing homes with Angela
Were manager, then the script scranton strangled ya
I find it funny you’re the one mocking my rockets
Cause no crash could be more awful than your office when Mike dropped it

So you’re amish but psychotic? At this point no one knows
This suck up turned sociopath to work plots for his show
But you weren’t working alone, that's why I shall propose
Maybe your farming roots put the Mose before hoes

Dwight:
False! But nice try using your five head’s entire mind
My rhyming's styled after Ryan - fire guy
Like Carl with your mom I can sense your thirst
Your third grade crush is bound to leave your bubble burst

Jimmy:
Your decline was worse, try to bare in mind this lesson
Keeping your work can’t stop a hairline recession
And after that show ended you dropped off like half your cast
Left you out to the dogs, so Goddard we gotta blast!

Central Rap Battles: Jimmy Neutron vs. Dwight Schrute

CAST:
Kronk - Seth W.
Norm - Eric The Audible
Doofenshmirtz - Dustin
Yzma - Jacob G.

Written By: Eric The Audible
Mixed By: Jacob G.

Production: Laysi

Lyrics:

Kronk (0:15)
Uhh, Norm? It’s a displeasure for me to meet ya 
Been sent to beat ya on the beat with wicked schemes to appease Yzma 
So when I’m flaming and grilling you all with a chef’s kiss
Just know it’s only because you’re next on her vex list

As a man in love I get that it’s unpredictable, beautifully mystic, but my gods
You’d blush at a fridge in the kitchen and then go up to hit on it like “nice cogs”
Pinnochio knows that you’re not a real boy, man, this battle’s gonna be another one of your foiled plans
Cause Kronk’s got the groove like the flu so poignant, you could confuse it with Kuzco’s Poison


Norm 
I’ll have no choice if a Burton voice decides to war with me 
I’ll be storming your beach and destroying the peace from above with the forces of Norm and D 
That’s my father, the doctor, if you happened to miss the catch 
Though with that rapping I have to ask you why would you even pick this match 

Should I self-deprecate? You have nothing to diss me on 
Because between us I’d be the reason kids still have Disney on
Already proven I can spit in show, Liquid Gold; check my Tin Man flow
I know you like to talk to mammals, look below the table there’s no platypus that can stop how I spin this, yo

But Kronk I get it; you just wished to make this song better
Lucky for us you went and pulled upon my wrong lever
And with my weaponry I suggest you start gunning back
To Yzma to explain just how apt you are at running tracks

Kronk (1:30)
He’s got a point there, what? no he doesn’t
We literally ran track in High School, oh well I guess he does then
But his flattery won’t matter he’s still hated by his creator
Doof produced that self-destruct button, but it’s time that I terminate a

Robotic freak who wants to tussle, well I ain’t scared of ya!
Cause you fail at everything that you try: state-area



Norm:
My calculations state I’m the only emcee in this place
So if you would like to talk that way, please say it straight to my face


(Ad lib some fighting words)

Doof and Yzma:
Norm!  Kronk!

(Ad lib need to leave for whatever reason)

Central Rap Battles: Kronk vs. Norm

----------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS: 
Written By: Eric The Audible, Mason G.
Mixed By: Nathan Provost
Art By: Matthew Thomas
Production By: MTC Beatz

----------------------------------------------------------------
CAST:
Fightmarker - Alex Jones
Eric The Audible - Carl Azuz
Intern - Nathan Provost

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Jones (0:10)
They’re coming after me - the establishment 
So tell me whose this satanist im rap battlin’
CNN? I ain’t afraid of you liars
Cause in this “mostly peaceful” rap all my rhymes will be fire!

Carl Azuz (0:21)
Judging by the awfully biased hatred you spew, 
You're the age of information gone straight down the tube, 
So I get why Google and Twitter would have you removed 
Now I’ll strike you down too, like I’m Carl A-Zeus

Sources say your info’s fictional - we’ll see it again
We keep the news legit - CNN 10/10
And like his legal team, Jones is always on the defense
We’ll clarify for your audience: y’all these shots ain’t pretend

Conning old men about fake “info wars”
But when it comes to conmen you’re the intro course
I’d say keep it calm man, when you misinform
But you get hopping mad over frog intercourse

Alex Jones (0:52)
You deny it’s the deep state who’s feeding ya
But I’ve survived smears from the fake news media
I’m standing right here, collect and kill me with the patriots!
You waste class time, but my freedom? you ain’t taking it

This just in folks, got brand new info
That Carl Hackzus is in the sex-with-pigs cult
He cuts their entrails, (yuck) snips the ends off 
Then goes to a Chinese Palace where him and his friends talk

They take the blood of goblins, mixed with carbonic acid
Sip it with the Clintons and rich people with Iraqi accents
They chat about eradicating the lower classes 
And cash in on aborted fetuses to buy Masonic assets!

(WOOF) On your trail - wolf blood - I’m the alpha male 
Strike with a mic and a rifle, you will not prevail
I’m going viral, want the cure for the best offer go
To infowars.com and order 4 quarts of testosterone 

Like the CDC on this beat, grab your mask please
You couldn’t control me with a million vaccines
If I'm the mad dog you say, I'd rather stay deranged
Than submit to clark kent who's been hit with beta rays

Carl Azuz:
I’d spend our last segment going through that rap wreckage 
But kids can see through your conspiracy: that’s fact - check it 
I’m just a humble journalist, so I should give you props
For being the first English news outlet posted by Russian bots

I mean you’re going viral all right, and your fans stay loyal
You gave them COVID-19 and then your snake oil
But shoutout to Central High School, I’ve been Carl Azuz
This is CNN 10 - sorry for the old news!

Central Rap Battles: Alex Jones vs. Carl Azuz

Welcome back to -Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of ghosts that, according to legend, communicate to the living through paper. Enjoy!

Fightmarker as Charlie
Commander Jacob as Smitty
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Prod. by Allrounda

-LYRICS-

Charlie (0:18)
Yo! If a skeleton thinks he’ll win with spooky scary songs
There must be one thing in your drinking hat; Smitty WerbenJagerbombs
I’ll blare loud, your boneheads should be scared now
They should’ve left you with your hat; rotting in a warehouse
I’ll let the gallows drop and snare ya
Porque eres más débil en esto juego de la lapicera
A crab trashed your graveyard, no way we'll see you Float
You were number one, like the piss I've taken on your tombstone

Smitty (0:40)
Limit your words to what’s on your paper, recite that
Cuz kid, that was disgusting, I just want the mic back
This Doodlebob ouija board couldn't even start to harm me
So if my skeletons attack, Good Luck Charlie Charlie
A Mexican kid with a white-ass name? That’s preposterous 
I won’t stop till your soul’s crossed off the top of my shopping list
I'm like a pencil in your challenge, you can blow me, dick face
Here lies your hopes and dreams of being more than cheap clickbait!

Charlie Charlie vs Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen | Half-Ass Rap Battle

subscribe to dilly ►https://youtube.com/c/DillyChannel    
support dilly on patreon ►
https://www.patreon.com/locorapbattles
music video out now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8KqfAiyBZg

casey william as opila bird
dilly as atari e.t.

written by dilly, casey william, 3ple
additional writing by m!cah
mixed by casey william
beat prod. by casey william
art by 3ple and anangrypenguin
cover art by shimario
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Opila Bird vs. Atari E.T. - Rap Battle! (2023)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of horrible collectathon games; Data Design Interactive’s infamous Ninjabread Man versus Preston’s Hourglass. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Preston Ramirez
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob

Rosenthal as Ninjabread Man
YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@rosenthal5904?si=QJMCXg9nvRyrKt9g
SoundCloud:
https://on.soundcloud.com/cmCkAVLLNpLdHBJK7

-LYRICS-

Preston (0:10)
Ramirez on the mic, you’re unwelcome in my domain
I’ll crush your candy bars cuz I’m fucking insane
Twist you up; pretzel. Disappear; presto
Motion controls? Now your buttons getting pressed, bro

Drown you in a sea of punchlines. I’m a hitter
My money can’t be thicker; hourglass figures
Bash your skull in, you’ll get left with dents
Not a fan? Explain that pressed-in head

Cuz I’m p-r-e-s-t-o-n-exclamation
Call Zool, get your reject remake and remake it
This little cookie is not tough
Ninjabread. Is. Ticking… me off, cunt

DDI’s like CDI. Maime you and your lazy twins
Bring all the shovelware; just more graves to dig
Don’t ask for the dough-jo, You're not worth half a dime
It’s not just Anubis being lost to the sands of time

Ninjabread Man (0:53)
Fuck a swarm of bees, this is some buggy shit
Get the mic outta your hand; human or oven mitt
Indie dissing employees; you be-little
Now catch this candyman crack down Mr. Peanut Brittle

As for your wife, ever wonder why her ass ain’t home?
She’s at my place letting me explore her catacombs
But now I wish I didn’t think to get kinky
Because the both of you look like some sorta wrinkly Twinkies

You’re a product of Baldi and Banban, and Bendy
And Tattletail, Spooky, and Granny, and Slendy
So don't talk remade shit
How do walls only made of gray bricks counter oversaturation?

You look like your hat shoulda been a bedpan
Check the headband. Wu-Tang shit; NinjaRedman
You Crashed more than Bandicoot! It’s not right
Not talking mechanics; tell Dreadful it’s…  stop time

-CREDITS- 

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by 2Deep
Additional instruments by Capsun ProAudio and David Oliver

Feedback by Shimario, bloody_queers, and the spaceship
Shoutout to JustGamer, RNG, ColeTheCole, Nugget, and Walk

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Ninjabread Man vs Preston's Hourglass | Half-Ass Rap Battles

kinger the amazing digital circus vs sarah needlemouse exe rap battle anolog vs anything.

Kinger vs. Needlemouse // Analog vs. Anything.

Cri as Kinger

Hailey as Needlemouse (Sarah)

Cameos by Clarence and Hailey

Written and Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Art by A Trash Artist and EpicMonkey

Graphic Design by JustADude
 
LYRICS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16UQrnK9FOf0a4FMEuSOGaNoLlGwlLoP7al3U2Nt7LQM/edit

(OLD) The Amazing Digital Circus vs. Needlem0use • Analog vs. Anything.

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Friend Inside Me
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

VinnyO as Man in the Suit
https://linktr.ee/yuugenvinny

-LYRICS-
Friend Inside Me (0:19)
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.

Man in the Suit (0:38)
(Inaudible)

-CREDITS-
Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by BAKI
Inspired by Vibing Leaf
Godzilla roar taken from Godzilla (2014)
Shoutout to GamingPlush64, Freshy Kanal, garbageGothic, Atronach’s Aura, Dilly, and Nugget

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Man in the Suit vs Friend Inside Me | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Jonna-Lynn Alonso as Nemona
yukigloom as Goku

Written by SIR Rap Battles & Jofinity
Additional writing help by Shimario
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Diamond Style 
Cover art by LimJJ (Original cover by M!CAH)
Cover art stills by Cole
Special thanks to RaccoonBroVA, Eric the Audible, Ryoma Ishizuka, bblackroses, Satoshi Tajiri & Akira Toriyama

Nemona: (0:24)
All the fans in the region, you hear them cheer for the champ
When your planet’s in need, you disappear in a flash
I’ve got a masterful team prepared to clear any match
While your laughable team just shrieks in fear from attacks 
So - he got adopted by Grandpa Gohan until he got stomped on 
By no one other than the toddler that he taught and fostered
And as a grown-up, his losses don't stop
‘Cause all of the monsters that he was crossing took his comrades and offed them
I'm an Academy Ace! You never got an education
Speeding past your limits, but a driving test is where you're failing?
That's outrageous! You can't stay committed to the sons you're raising 
If you keep forsaking them as prey for the foes that you're facing
I'll be popping off when I land critical strikes
But when this pop is off, it's ‘cause he's ditching his wife
Losing the ones you love? You sure take after your dad, man
A father-son legacy ‘cause this fight’s your last stand!

Goku: (1:05)
Aw, I kinda wished I'd get an actual fight
Should’ve brought your gym leader to rap ‘cause you’re lacking in Ryme
So stack up our might, the gap is too wide if we talk fisticuffs
Couldn't patch that Gastly-looking face with Herba Mystica
So obsessed with spars, you'd wind up who you're speaking to
It seems that you must be illiterate - can't write or read the room
And after catching wind of Turtle School, a good bout’s what I can't ignore
While your school’s out catching turtles like some kind of Capsule Corps!
With what you've promoted, you left your fanbase broken
Those blows you dealt felt Phoned in, it's like your father Rotom
Kamehameha flowing ‘cause you don't seem to notice
This contest is the only time you're good at throwing
People drop you like your frame rate? Sheesh, you’ve had a rough time
You’re the type to bug but your game is more the bug-type 
You like to battle? Well… maybe don’t punch like
you’re still holding back, kid, let’s make this a fun fight!

Nemona (1:45):
You Self-Destruct in fights so much, this lucha’s your last
‘Cause like it's Frieza with your planet, I’mma put ‘ya on blast (Sí!)
This gluttonous dud should swallow this truth up for his next feast:
Regardless of his heart disease, this papá is a deadbeat

Goku (1:55):
Whew, that’s more like it! You’re getting used to spitting some disses
But I bet I can catch on quicker, call that Instant Transmission 
Shouldn't be messing with Universe 7, kid
When half your character designs are more lifeless than your professor is

Nemona (2:06):
If you wanna talk professors, I better mention
Yours developed cybernetic weapons, that left your future threatened
Even in the face of defeat, I'm always beaming up
You only made Raditz face defeat when you're left Beaming up!
And seeing your films’ canon, it’s just gunning to fail
‘Cause they made like a pair of scissors and kept cutting your tales
So like your hijo with a dinosaur, ditch this before it gets worse
We'd probably have to wait another saga for your next verse

Goku (2:26):
Of course this little privileged rich kid has never witnessed the image
of vicious villains killing every single innocent that lives in your village
After what happened to Krillin, 
I was driven to break my limits, you're just tracking down children
Endlessly battling with them, man you're just tactless, a dimwit
And with the draft that you’re pickin’, it’s just a match full of misfits
So maybe next time you go spotting new trainers who wanna be elite
Make like how your family treats you - and leave them be

Goku vs Nemona. SIR Rap Battles (ft. yukigloom & Jonna-Lynn Alonso)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! In this 100 Hour Challenge special, we have exploding video game enemies; Bob-omb from Super Mario Bros vs Creeper from Minecraft. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Bob-omb
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps

Commander Jacob as Creeper
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob

-LYRICS-

Bob-omb (0:09)
Yo. EXPLODING IN! Buddy you crawled on the wrong land
They put me up against a Creeper? Aw man!
Double Dash away before this Bob-omb Blasts
You’ll go from face on a backpack to laid in a body bag
Why attack the player? You’re one in the same
Either of you see a pussy and start running away
And if you wanna act hostile, I hope you can camouflage
Or I’ll splatter you on the trees; make you look like you’re back to moss
You both cause destruction, but lemme tell ya something
Only difference between you and TNT? You’re ugly
No back and forth, I jump straight in as I’m attacking 
I layed out this pig, put him back in the right axis

Creeper (0:40)
BOOM BOOM BOOM- that’ll be you when you provoke me
I’ll chew you up and spit you out like Yoshi
Match my explosions? You’d need at least two
So if you really wanna go, try to re-fuse
I’ll drop a track, I got a real bone to pick today
Bet your reflexes delayed like your Galaxy minigame
Spectate and realize I see green in two different ways
While you’re on the Battlefield, waging wars with a civil race
Walking or Charging, I’mma come for your head
When you’re falling from the sky, it’s the most Sudden of Deaths
(Let’s go) House of Boom? Yeah, your mama was in that
Just stay on the ground; I’m who’s leaving an impact

-CREDITS-

Written by Commander Jacob and TheMonarchy
Beat and additional writing help by swizkii
https://www.youtube.com/@swizkii
Mixed by Light
Additional art by HoodieMasterr
https://www.youtube.com/@hoodiemasterr

Feedback by TheMonarchy, swizkii, HoodieMasterr, and SimplyRazzy
Shout out to Walk and JustGamer

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Creeper vs Bob-omb | Half-Ass Rap Battles

*THIS BATTLE WAS MADE ENTIRELY BY WHITES ONLY IN THE SPAND OF 100 HOURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION*

Danii as Mr. Crocker 
Near as Mrs. Puff

2Hats as SpongeBob 

Written by Teimunity, Danii, and 2Hats
Artwork by Teimunity and TeaworkAJ

Beat by Teimunity
Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Mrs. Puff vs. Mr. Crocker • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have musical entities that cause stress to those who come across them; Mad Piano from Big Boo’s Haunt in Super Mario 64 versus Bop It, 90’s audio toy sensation. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Mad Piano
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheMonarchyVA / https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/olithemonarchy
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/oli-the-monarchy

Eric the Audible as Bop It
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@EricTheAudible
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/erictheaudible
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/central-rap-battles  

-LYRICS-

Mad Piano (0:09)
Yo! Looking for eight coins? There’s one to your left!
But it’s not the only thing I have covered in red
I’ll bop you ‘til you shatter! Make your circuitry bleed sparks
Plus you’ll find the key of my teeth… B#
See this chair? Sit down, take the polite road
Soprano C, you’re gonna scream out on a high note
I'm not settling, I demolish a score
I keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging!
It’s like this Dizaster got me paying homage to Cort
See these coffins falling? Next thing you know, you’re falling in yours
On the topic of court; for being lame, you've stood accused
I'm not judging when these shelves start throwing books at you
Had a little fad and just kept extending that
It's like Simon Said "instead of memory, test their attention span"
Between the cash grabs and narrators so obnoxious
I got a command for you!... stop it.

Bop It (0:54)
Did I rattle your cage, dude? You’re Mad cuz I’m way smooth
Piano should stay tuned! I’m naturally playin’ you!
Wanting red? I’ll leave you spinning. You gotta be kidding
Thinking you’re the grand type... You’re more MIDI
You move so slow, I circle you with no running
If you hear boos around you, It’s not your ghost buddies
Haven’t you realized I’m twisted yet?
Fitnessgram shit; I'll make sure Suicide Drills in your head
You’re the least scary thing in your “sCaRy oLd hOuSe”
Walking wobbly like you hopped off the merry-go-round
Wait, yeah, you belong in that kinda room
There's been a remake and a port: this piano’s on loop (c’mon!)
More per minute, you’re getting b-b-beaten
You couldn’t hit me in Smash R-R-Remix
Save the jumpscare, you won’t pull it with me
After your little lullaby, I’m going to sleep!

-CREDITS-

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by 2Deep
Beat purchased by Fightmarker

Feedback by TheMonarchy, Fightmarker, Syroquise, and the spaceship
Shoutout to RacconBroVA, Dilly, TaigaTonic, Dani, Sculpture_, and the Smash Remix team

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Bop It vs Mad Piano | Rap Battle (HARB)

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2023

LYRICS

Wile E. Coyote:
LISTEN UP-

I don’t have much time before I drop from this height
So I’ll try to make it quick while I’m rocking the mic
Allow me to introduce myself, Wile E. Coyote
Genius at roasting dopes and flowing on dope beats
You should just quit, Komi, why, we don’t even measure
I’m more skilled, more cunning, simply, I’m better
Now I might be the Looney Tune
But you somehow surpass me with all the weirdos in your goofy school
Now if you asked me, I’d take you and the ones being crude and lewd
And strap you to a package that’s made with care, love from ACME
Your show exists for some lonely losers to relate
Komi-San and her fanbase can’t communicate
I gave this slice of life a piece of mine, hope the pain’s received 
Now if you excuse me, I shall now take my leAHHHHHHHHH

Komi:
I-I’m not really that good with rhyming words
But I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t like that verse
Supplies of TNT, but you couldn’t drop bombs though
You’d take second to Agari in a dog show
Maybe quit hunting season and find a day job
‘Cause you get fired worse than a Warner Bros. layoff
A “Super Genius” with your plans never changing
Running into the same wall like it’s your paintings
It’s been 70 years but still the same old act with
Comedy so primitive, no wonder it’s slapstick
Chased a chicken for all that time? Impressive
I don’t even think that Ren’s as obsessive
Chuck dropped ya’, now your toons are in the garbage
I’d say that’s all folks, but this was over ‘fore it started

CREDITS

TheMonarchy as Wile E. Coyote
Fightmarker as Road Runner

Kurobane Azia as Komi

Shadow Zel as Black Noir

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by BMB and 3ple
Cover art by Rabi

Wile E. Coyote vs. Komi Can't Communicate - Rap Battle

Samara:
In seven days your semi fame will get erased
Forever hated, devastated, choking on your petty rage
Against a dated slasher specializing in edgy teens
I’ve seen meaner scream queens squealing on MTV
I’m the first film sensation from Asia to get the west cravin’
You’re the last one people think of when they hear “Wes Craven”
Abandoned by your mother and it drove you to insanity,
So you’ll bite another bullet, guess it runs in the family

Ghostface:
Hello, announcer - can I fight someone new, please?
You must’ve misheard me; I said I like scary movies
You would think by now you’re used to getting played, but
I can help you out if you really wanna hang up
List everyone you ripped off? I'd rather tape my mouth shut
Stringy hair ghost girl couldn't have been more washed up.
Idyllic but then your hopes for a fairytale drowned
So Samara, Samara, can you let your fans down?
They put a cliche mess right on a VHS
Just so your franchise can replay death?
My scream time made your dreams work, 'til I slayed you.
With your screen time, you shouldn't really call yourself a breakthrough

Samara:
I'm trapped in the waters but protected by god
Drop the facade, you’re useless! Even your rules are flawed

Ghostface:
Wrong answer! Your reboot trash is lackluster
You’re barely at the bottom of the bargain bin at Blockbuster

Samara:
So formulaic, you're more suited for Scooby-Doo
Stuck in an endless loop of Sidney eluding you
Coming at me choking on your phoned-in lines? Please,
I’m screwing you over worse than caller ID
Talk about your franchise like you're one to boast
Enough with your sequels; just give up the ghost
We both know exactly what it's like to take a dive
To be blunt, your role couldn't get your ratings high.

Ghostface:
Unstoppable like Jason, you can’t stop the bloodshed
Shoulda known, never assume the killer is dead
Face it, Grudge girl, you will never be my equal
The body count’s capped out, so there’s no need for a sequel!

Garbage Gothic as Samara Morgan

Razzy as Ghostface

Written by: Freshy Kanal, Razzy, Walk & Adroitwhiz

Mixing by: Freshy Kanal

Beat by: Audio Network

Additional Help by: DCARaps, Rabi, Atronachsaura, Brodecai, Diogo, Gengo & ItsJustBrenden

Cover Art by: Adroitwhiz

VIDEO RELEASE: TODAY

Ghostface vs. Samara Morgan - Rap Battle!

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Do I even need to say it?

Beat Production: Call Me G
Thumbnail By: Fightmarker
Written By: Eric The Audible
Voice Work: Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Eric The Audible

LYRICS:
Mitchell:
In the 80s see a man self-made
With a family, proud in the USA
Today, I still show kids how games are played
But I got my two cents and I’m leaving the arcade

Don’t need the stats to see how bad you dropped
How are you gonna get mad over the 16th slot?
As a teen I recorded my first high-score
You’re screaming at teens for attention, like GEORGE

Yeah I took the gaming scene and put a face on it
You took the color green  just put a face on it 
Can’t speedrun this track when I forged your path man
Mitchell will perfect a bitch - like Pacman

Dream:
In this verse, I’ll catch a cease and desist
From a man saving face because he’s an egotist
And if you enjoy watching this dude destroy
His career, leave a like ‘cause it helps my vids

Now you, I’m not exactly the type to gloat
But I could match your fame with a single upload
And if you wonder why you sank and I float
Well just cause you can’t hit me doesn’t mean we’re in the same boat

AYO, looks like your stuck in a manhunt
Every ref should be put into handcuffs
All according to plan but, you got enraged cause
This ain’t a  problem that you can tape up

I’m making content that you could never emulate
You made the scene but I literally changed the game
Statistics twist my dreams to reality
Take out your fistful of quarters, Twin Galaxy

Central Rap Battles: Billy Mitchell vs. Dream

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.