Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of annoying companions; Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time vs Clippy, forgotten assistant of Microsoft Office. Enjoy!

garbageGothic as Navi
Commander Jacob as Clippy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Lucy Beatz

-LYRICS-

Navi:
Hey! Wake up! To believe you're better, you must've been asleep forever
It’s funny how this paper clip can’t get his sheet together
Microsoft thought “he’s the best solution for confusion”
Then they moved on to Cortana; Combat THAT Evolution
I mean, which sounds more useful: tips for using a longsword
Or popping up to pester about using the wrong “your?”
You’d think your googly eyes would help you see me sparkling
I’m locking on to this lost kid: Z-list targeting
When it comes to navigators, you’re not topping Navi, honey
Can’t even swing in the same tree as BonziBuddy
Look, listen when I'm dissin', I'll leave The Fucking Clown in heaven
In rap, you have no XP like it's 2007

Clippy:
Clippy’s blicky’s getting clicky when I appear and disrupt her
Seems you need lesson in basic lyrical structure
So stop all the bottled up blabbering when we're battling
Your whole role needed that red squiggle; my bad for Tatl-ing
Run from me like I'm Ganon and see that you're way beyond errant
Clippy Turner gonna wish away this Fairly Odd Parent
Catch me with a hyperlink and you're sent to a rad place
You got a hyper Link? He’s belting at grass blades (HYAAAH!)
Your only purpose was to sit on top the kid’s dome
By the Time you hit the Temple, that and you flew out the window
I mean, he can search the woods, but he don't really got time
But he might find more trees for you to worship and watch die

Navi vs Clippy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Azia as Kirby
MetaMachine as Ditto
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan and Jofinity
Additional writing help by the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

Kirby (0:13):
Strolling by… oh hi! I’m Kirby! I think now it’s about time you know me
Sakurai’s trophy, spitting it cozy, you’re only used as a breeding tool - oh, jeez!
Just goes to show you’re below me - planet destroyer against some pink slime? (What?)
I'll just get a hold of the mic and rock Popstar with slick rhymes! (Oh!)
Masuda made you serve only one purpose, 
Go to the daycare lest you're rendered worthless
Laying some eggs to farm clones as a service
Just for a colour swap ‘mon people worship!
You fully reflect the games that they purchase
Copying plots and designs in each version
Though I’m the one with the power of circus
This Limber joke belongs in there for certain!


Ditto (0:40):
Seems Sakurai always designed you to suck; check Melee, can’t you see that?
Spent decades just hoping for some innovation, no wonder you’re stuck in Dreamland!
Getting milked with your spinoffs, yet they only buy mine
You remind me of Nova, you’re rotting over time
This bubblegum is just troublesome, better double up when you mumble some
While you were off stirring trouble up, I was breeding some with your mother, son!
You’re so babyish with the bars you’ve thrown
You make poyos sound like Pocoyo
Ditto with your games, ‘cause they all look the same
Even Pokemon Snap got more critical acclaim!
You could only square off if you swallowed Steve, your abilities don’t do jack
I’d only wish to transform into you if I want to sleep on your raps
Wanna talk smack ‘bout my design and shape? You’re just a placeholder, that’s that
I actually try to copy, while the most change you have is with your wack hats!


Kirby (1:18): 
You slaved away to a delusional guy then died to the gas that he used in his schemes
Leaving your fans much to be desired, they should check in at the Fountain of Dreams

Ditto (1:25):
Your titles are walks in the Poképark
I’ve seen better ball shapes in a Poké Mart
Unrivalled in drip, just check my IVs
While an IV drip’s what you're gonna need!

Kirby (1:32):
Ripping off’s only what you do, it seems 
Down B for attack, you’re just down for Zs
Clobber you like I did King Dedede
Won't absorb your style, you're sloppy like Gooey
I bring joy to players, amazed by my cuteness
You're just a Mew clone, cause you're both useless 
Why battle me when you're weak against fighting types?
You can't evolve alongside your whole franchise!


Ditto (1:46):
Even with the Rainbow Curse, you couldn't ball like I do 
And rocked so poorly that I lose EXP when I fight you 
I’d diss you more, but this story’s done with readin’
Cut this Cartoon Buffoon off like his fifth season! (Ayy!)

Kirby vs Ditto. SIR Rap Battles Sidequests (ft. Azia & MetaMachine)

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members against well...anything. Today's battle sees esteemed rap battle VA garbageGothic go up against....who cares, just listen to the battle.

CAST:
garbageGothic: Herself
The Battle Pass: Xhack
Written by: JustGamer
Additional help by: MetaMachine
Mixed and Mastered by: Zagranis
Beat arranged by: GlitchDude
Beat produced by: Kustom
Cover Art by: Nooby

LYRICS:
Battle Pass: 
Looks like the season’s restarted, cause I’m seeing bottom tier
This joke is the most attention that you’ve gotten in years
I’m all about hard work, not that that’s something you know
Only opened commissions cause you can’t handle all your roles
It’s clear your range for impressions is starting to run dry
Voicing Toad a lot but you’re not a fun guy
While we’re at it, let me point out another contradiction
How is FRB’s most overused voice actor a woman?!

garbageGothic:
Your lines were emptier than the Free Pass rewards
100 levels of cosmetics is all you build towards  
And as you make the parents’ bank accounts start to get charged
Kids are refunding V-bucks straight into V-cards!
I do more than rap battles, like podcasts and song covers
But Camp Here and There sounds more like the strategy of your players
Well I’m no gamer girl, so maybe I just don’t get it 
Unlike the ones on Twitch that ditched your game for Apex Legends

Battle Pass:
I’ll bring back the drum gun, then you can fire shots that hurt me
Between being green and trashy humor, you’re Oscar the Quirky
Though I’d say garbageGothic is quite a fitting name for you 
Especially since it came from a Homestuck job...ew 
Been a Battle Star from the start and I still remain trendy
But from your start to now, all of your fame came from Eddie
I got all sorts of goodies that are free for collection
But even I can’t top the number of your weekly obsessions 

garbageGothic:
Holy Shit! Is that a fucking Will Wood reference? 
You’re losing as a meme to the shield gaining beverage  
I’d rather listen to Ninja raging than to hear you rap more
Kick you off this track, like your time on the App Store
Tried to gain new life with lore but your game just died faster
You got XP, I got years of experience as a rapper
Only time you’ll pop off is when your players win 
And you can’t even be honest about selling reskins

Battle Pass:
Was that a verse or a shitpost you’ll put on YouTube?
It says a lot how none of the lines are written by you
This isn’t a Royale but I’ll still be getting a Victory 
With that Demon Slayer Abridged, you’ll never take the dub, gG

garbageGothic:
Despite all the properties you have, you can’t seem to own me
I’d feel more intimidated battling in court against Peely 
Always an outdated stolen gimmick that’s a slog to use 
It’s clear I won, no need for a chapter two

garbageGothic vs The Battle Pass. FRB vs. Anything.

JustGamer as Mr. Game & Watch 
Spidey Fam as Henry Stickmin
Written by JustGamer, Sculpture, YLFEthan
Beat by Kustom
Mixed and Mastered by Glitch

Mr. Game & Watch:
Watch me grapple your cheap road gimmick and then have it unraveled
You're not breaking any NewGrounds so take the path less traveled
Constantly getting saved by Ellie and then you go and cause more fuss? 
Prepare yourself for this fire rap track, or you’ll crash and burn like Charles does
You take a half-finished plot and throw other people’s properties in between 
But you can’t see your constant referencing, with your winking at the screen
Then you got blind sided by Among Us distracting all your players
Just think of this as Youtubers reacting to another of your failures

Henry Stickmin:
You know, you and I are not that different, we’re cut from a similar cloth 
But your raps are so boring you must be channeling your Innersloth 
Parachute from my airship before you make like a f-air hit and bomb that 
You'll fall flat, cause I'm used to battling foes that talk in all cap
The legendary thief, Henry Stickmin
Will easily be able to steal the win
Against the scrappy average hack
Laying in the handheld console bargain bin
Even riding solo, this hero remains fearless
While you always remain so low on the tierlists
Nowadays, your fame has faded away
Cause Nintendo gave Wario your whole schtick

Mr. Game & Watch:
Took one look at making something unique before Fleeing the Complex
Your slapstick sense of humor makes it easy to guess what comes next
Been losing traction since you dropped on Steam
Applying “Random equals funny” in every scene  
And it seems that your greed is so extreme
Won't even share the blame for the death of your team!

Henry Stickmin:
You’ll never be bringing the beef, even with your neutral B
Being replaced on modern releases, this novelty can’t topple me
Been in prison before, I know about bars and how to make them 
After this fail, you’ll see trying to battle me is where you were mistaken

Henry Stickmin vs. Mr Game & Watch - Smash Bros vs. Anything

Not sure if this'll get a video (leaning more on the it will but yea). Wanted to redeem my boy Vegeta writing wise.

Shadow Zel as Zuko
Dani Frias as Vegeta

Beat Produced by: 2Deep
Written by: Dani Frias
Additional Writing Help by: MetaMachine
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Flow Test by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: Trakked

Lyrics:

Zuko:
Call up Iroh in this bitch, bouta spill the tea
Don’t think that you just got the pitch, you’re not killing me
They really sent me out here fighting ‘gainst a slave who’s very fragile
Prepare to take this L, dude, you lose in every battle
Guess it’s time I put you down, burn you and then take the crown
Your planet probs a nation my tribe took down
A whole clown, set in stone that you can’t bare lines
Just a side dish, and I ain’t lovin’ that McDonald’s hairline
I’m rockin’ prince titles before you, your situation's clear
Get yourself beat up then you’re comin’ back like "Hello, Vegeta's here"
Be scared when we appear, I don't take foes kindly
You're 5'3, so I'll just stomp on you and win with this timely

Vegeta:
Hey, edgy boy, you should relax, you’re just a Nick show
You’ll probably start dabbing or something, I know how this goes
I've trained for this but you're dancing with Aang and think you're savage
Sit ya ass down, you left your training arc all to a dragon
I spit facts and my show rocks scars better than you
So keep that ponytail, 'cause this side dish is rockin' menus
Bitch, you only got decent in the last season 
Imma just finish you off to spare your sad breathin'

Zuko:
What’s a mere Prince to a Fire Lord, think you're taking down my horde?
My guards will take you on and then go torture you til I am bored
I’d pipe your girl but Yamcha did it for me
I got honor, you're just punching your son 'til he's down and snoring
This vegetable can't cook up nothin', no room for his pick up
But go ahead and keep dragging this til the fish jumps

Vegeta:
I'll destroy your shit with a galick gun, don’t think I’ll let that slip aside 
You built like a Ying and Yang symbol so it’s no wonder you can’t pick a side
Keep mentioning Bulma, I'll show you hell's gates. From there, you're crossing it
All tough from someone who was bowing when caught talking shit
Zuko got no bars in Ba Sing Se
Take the dub to Ozai, in the end, you still bring shame
You're clowned by every team you're in, and gave Iroh some poor housing
How many L's does Zuko got? Over 9000
And now you're bouta take another 'cuz of my company
You lost tryna step up to the Prince. And that's rough, buddy

Happy birthday Meta!!

Zuko vs. Vegeta - #12

Space princesses who rebel against galactic empires aboard iconic spaceships.

BrookeMorganVA as Rosalina
garbageGothic as Princess Leia 
Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Luma
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan 
Additional writing help by the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

This battle is kinda long, so here's the doc for the lyrics: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s-U-ZhmTb9-bu0wAzAt2FZTbvjhwh6XwxmA1dOE-GPU/edit?usp=sharing

Rosalina vs Leia. SIR Rap Battles (ft. BrookeMorganVA and garbageGothic)



King Mewtwo as Postman Pat

RaccoonBroVA As the Unabomber

Beat by: Dansonn

Written by: RNG
Help from: King Mewtwo and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by: Zagranis



Pat: (0:22)
It's not a great day in Greendale with Theodore John Kazynski 
I’m the master of the mail I’ll be delivering disses see?
I got a black and white cat, you're just a black sheep
The UNA-BUM of the Freedom Club can't best me
Your brain got twisted by 3 years of torture
When you got sick as a kid it messed you up even more so
If being sick was the cause of all your bombing murder sprees
What makes you think trying to spit sick won't also bomb verbally?
I run my rounds on this beat it's not my tires that are poppin
Cause on the microphone i'm a Greendale Rocket
With a diss on flow 
there's an L through your door, and this one wont blow 

Ted: (0:55)
Wait, who is this, some british bitch made for kids?
Theres nothing fucking to him how am i supposed to diss
Oh well i guess for killing a beat i'll take another guilty plea
Cause for a postman you have terrible delivery
You embody the thing that I hate the most Pat
Mindless nothing of a children's show Pat
Tech filled entertainment taking meaning from life
With fake “education” slowly melting away minds
Then you were made worse when you became CGI    
I'm not surprised computers took away any of your life
Yet it seems you’re out of date most people leave you forgot
Even I’ve been alive years after your show’s motion stopped

Pat: (1:28)
Ted that wasn't very nice, but I’m not talking about your crimes
When You’ve not had 16 lines but you bombed 16 times
I'm doing my dream job while you just dropped from yours
I provide for my family while you leeched off of yours
I teach kids lessons in being kind and growing up
You teach people horrid lessons by blowing them up
I diss sharp on a track that i run like my van
Movement ended by your brother, should be used to backstabs

Ted: (1:50)
A Clifftons loss usually upsets me but not when
you clowned with Ted like you had to make cash for your execs 
You talk of my family and how "backstabbing brought my end"
But you gave a ginger kid to one of your blonde friends
And you wish to diss my methods of saving humanity 
When you do nothing for the world mindlessly sitting there happily
Watching an episode of yours is an insanity plea
But we’re done here i want back in my cell for some peace



The Unabomber vs Postman Pat - RNG Rap Battle

RNG as Hanzo Shimada
RaccoonBroVA as Claude von Riegan

Malina Rose as Edelgard von Hrsevelg

Beat Produced by: Black Rose
Written by: Dani Frias
Additional Writing Help by: MetaMachine and Legengo
Mixed by: Dani Frias

Lyrics:

Hanzo:
This battle's started, and I'll be the one who's striking
You're first on my list and you won't be the last not to my liking
Going down when I'm rhyming, a school kid will not topple me
Your game won't change when out the equation; simple geometry

Claude:
Woah there, pineapple head. You can't be that rude
When the arms you shoot your arrows with look like a public bathroom
That's crude, with a broken bow, I still draw high
While with your powers, you're still the worst archer since Hawkeye

Hanzo:
What's a dragon to a deer? Let's just make the battle clear
Must be baffling my ears, you are at another tier
You got a whole neckbeard, best know your niche
Killed one guy then went "racism’s no more",
Bitch, you should dip from this midconvo like my name is Ingrid
Chess became a dating sim and now we got this inbred
Instead, I'll just shoot you ‘til your clan dies out
I'm climbing walls, so come take this for an upside down
Confessed your love to your teacher then you walked off
You should make like her and not talk
Put my voice by Jackie Chan, yours is a Twitch streamer
The same one that'd look at my montages for hits cleaner

Claude:
There's a difference between me and you in houses
I'm running one and you're just a poster so Trump bounces, that sounds shit
A street gang can't compare to that blood of royalty
So I'll joyfully kick your ass if you dare try to soil me, yup
You'll need more healing than your brother, if I'll be honest
The one you "killed" then turned into a Best Buy product
And now I got em and you on sight, I'm bouta take some bodies
And having you burn in hell like you're Hanzo….Hasashi, oh
Half your roster's bitches Lorenz simps over
You rock a DPS but that's some BS that you odor
Take this burn and cry about your honor, I'm in my element
And I've seen better aim out of a Minecraft Skeleton

Hanzo:
At least my game rocks anime sword fighters
You needed waifus in order to get yours higher
Eating up this track and the dragons will eat you now
Like ryūu ga waga teki wo kurau

Claude:
Kinda funny that you think that you'd be skewing me
Played by toxic players then you took an arrow to the-

Edelgard:
No, we're not doing that

Claude:
Ugh, alright
Just another thief that I'll banish after a long wait
While getting dropped for Widowmaker, that's what I call fate

Hanzo vs. Claude

Hermann Rorschach - AdamDRB
Alan Turing - Tony Rigatoni

Mixing and Mastering - Glitchdude

Art - Ray

Thumbnail - Fightmarker

Writers:
Ethan
AdamDRB
Davestridsr 
HHH3
Sculpture
Dilly

Additional Help:
JustGamer


Hermann Rorschach Verse 1:
Ich male dir ein bild, to find the most skilled 
Focus, and you’ll notice, that I drop the Net Neutrality 

I don't test intellect, but find what lacks in normality.
And with such a spotty past, it seems you’re a perfect match for me

Humans project feelings onto things they can’t understand 
Like you commit your feelings to a failed affair with another man 

You're who Klex will clean next, like Kleenex, with disdain
I’ve made my mark on the fabric of history, I’ll wipe this stain


Alan Turing Verse 1:
Keep watch on man’s mind, as your name fades from relevance
Art’s an expression, yes, but your face remains expressionless 

You’ll be russian back home again, where your peers see
Not even Swiss Cheese has as many holes as your theory

A pattern forms here, you can't shape up, and it's evident
Your thieved idea? Less psychology, more so morphogenesis

Not convinced by your lies, since you conspire with pseudo-science
So don't test me, after all, yours is rubbish, don't deny this


Hermann Rorschach Verse 2:
I’m not the true faker, here, do you need a reminder?
I work in two majors, while you just get with the minors 

And digging yourself deeper, with a man 20 years under
A scientist should find that age is more than a number

Alan Turing Verse 2:
You can't compare a key job to your little ink blots
Does this bitty shrink snob pass my test? I'd think not

If you wanna keep on bugging me, it's official
Without question, it’s simple: your intelligence is artificial

 
Hermann Rorschach Verse 3:
Let’s talk about your theory, we all have different thinking
But the flaws are clear, see, cause while our minds change,

It's ironic, don't you say, cuz I have an ink-ling 
All thoughts on you were the same, when you came out as gay (ha!)

Your logic is chronic, the value you hold is null and sullied when
This outcast of a coder couldn't even handle the Boolean

It’s black and White, you’re corrupt, died a depressive nuisance 
Funny, it took a bad apple to leave you like code, executed


Alan Turing Verse 3:
Forcing your failure to your own subjects with
Proven delusions, correct, your test is truly “projective”

To think you’ll out-write me in this draw’s just senseless
When your job’s made from being clumsy with paper and pen, left

Defenseless, I meant it, with your inflammation, expected
That the only firewalls you lay down are in your appendix

I'll leave your ciphers cracked, Hermann, and it’s determined
Again, I’ll put war with the Germans to a firm end 

Alan Turing vs Hermann Rorschach - Discord Rap Battles

The authors of unknown and incomprehensible horrors face off in a rap battle.

JustGamer as Junji Ito
Tony Rigatoni as H. P. Lovecraft (video)
RaccoonBroVA as H. P. Lovecraft (audio)
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan. Oofie, MaviKartal2003
Additional writing help by Cri, WDRB and M&Matt 
Research done by MaviKartal2003
Edited by Oofie and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Beatg33kz
Cover art by KCToons

Junji Ito (0:15):
Ito’s flow gets dough you didn't know
So I’ll hit you with unseen horrors
Walk through my rap mountain and be a tourist
You made the mold, now like Amigara, I’mma leave it broken!
Notice, how an inspiration
Like my own set of manga collection
Able to beat your whole sheet of mythical beasts
With classics like Uzamaki and Tomie! 
Yeah sure, later on you had an impact
But from your early life, you were in fact
Never able to sustain yourself
Until you died, dust stayed on your shelves
For Lovecraft’s entire life, he was far too poor and sickly
Many games came from his work, but Howard couldn’t keep his HP

H. P. Lovecraft (0:44):
From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.
The lines recited were hypocrisy when even YOU look up to me!
Horrors were actually scary back when
I was in charge, and not this sick man’s discharge
But now the OG H.P. is back in 
Can’t stand up to me even with legs on fish, sharks!
I crafted a genre, shocked readers for ages
Instilling dismay when they’re flipping the pages
A shame, you lent your work to Kojima’s game
Then it all went to shit and it left fans outrageous 
I summon ocean flow that crashes down harder than Cthulhu
whereas you flopped even harder than the anime horror collection’s debut!
Lovecraft’s the horror god! Show you this roarer’s thoughts
This wit doesn’t miss, forging the motherfuckin’ Necronomicon
Fostering these flocks of hellspawn
The juggernaut of fear, undermine whatever you have drawn
Writing talent that just can’t be likened
Make like your finale and storm out here frightened 
Dental technician but you pack no bite
Ito’s got a kickin’ from this hallow’s fright!

Junji Ito (1:28):
Those fillers in your rap made it drier than City of Pillars
But judging from my manga Shiver, they’ll call me a serial killer
You went from the Nameless City 
To the readers going: “Name less shit, please!”
With those mythos, you couldn’t spit flow
Your films were a shitshow, it shows!
Can’t keep up the pace, of course you’re a race-ist
Who couldn’t give needs to his family for days, and
You only cursed the paper writing on it
While HP still haunts paper across the nation!
That tumour had left you for dead (Ah!)
Gyo is filled up with dread! (Ah!)
The cats have all become my friends (Aw!)
But with your cat’s name: enough said! (Ah...)

H. P. Lovecraft (1:57):
How can your little Inside Story cast a Shadow Over the Titan of Horror? 
When every story in your inventory's simply body gore porn? (Eugh…)
I got pitted against a peculiar lonely fanatic of cats
Who’s eaten from so much of my work: call you Junji Itadakimasu!
A Beast In The Cave and a beast on the beat
Shan’t need The Alchemist to Love-craft your defeat
Junji’s just jealous that he can’t compete
When I’ve got whole subgenres named after me
Seen better Uzumakis from Naruto, so what makes you think you’re superior?
But now I end this rap battle as the Cthulhu to this inferior!

Junji Ito vs H.P. Lovecraft. SIR Rap Battles (ft. JustGamer & RaccoonBroVA)

Spin that back

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.