Track to my father, from the perspective of me and my siblings :/

Why? (prod. Ras-Hop)

Lyrics

Focus on myself and my health
I need no one else to help out
since twelve I've been telling myself
we in different realms between heaven and hell
rebelled threw my dream in a well
it endlessly fell cant tell
if its mental abstinence or so abstract it dispelled

from the lies that my mind
so foolishly tries to disguise
told us we could do anything
but didn't mention the price
and even though I'm fifteen
it feels like I have no more time
only two more years to make it work
better get on the grind

I'm obnoxious and its where it starts
I pick my conscious part by part
I promise ill perfect this art
ill get a goddess lock her heart
before I start to think I've got to focus on mine
show I have a lack of empathy and fate intertwines

cause collage out the question
failed the whole year as a freshmen 
my priorities are inside out
not to mention that I'm stressing
grades and music contravention 
feels like my minds in distension
seems I've found another route
if rapping doesn't get me mentioned

cause after I'm a senior that's when this all drops
cause after I'm a senior's when this fantasy stops
of course I mean if this music thing decides to flop
pull my dream up from the well I don't wanna wake up

until then ill be working on the craft
I'm watching as the hour's pass
blocked and caught up for some hours
throwing out pages of drafts
going nowhere till I crash
inside my head is where I'm trapped
with my content feeling sour
constant fear of being last
do anything to meet contrast
reality's too far detached
inside my head there's no more space
the feeling is getting compact
surroundings I cant interact
dark energy is what I attract
something don't feel right these walls they about to collapse

I be here with my head in the clouds
dark energy surrounds around it almost enshrouds
demons telling me to limit my sound
thoughts telling me I should come down
unlike the walls I don't collapse
my mind shows no bounds

Nothings as it seems (prod. Roachy Beats)

Lyrics

What do I do when you leave me here bleeding
How do I cope when my pasts not receding
How can I start to rebuild up my heart when you said to my face I’m a joke and your leaving

What do I do when you leave me alone
What do I do when you blow up my phone
How i text back when I know all the facts 
And You put up an act cause I know bout the cheating

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Forget the times when you gave me a meaning
Fell for your laugh fuck I fell for your breathing
Then you switched up like leaves in the seasons
Running away and I rot into pieces
Fuck with my mental not feeling enough
Feeling the pain and I’m taking a puff
Playing the victim like what have I done
I see through the lies I see through the bluffs

I’m hating my person
Thinking bout life and I guess I deserved it
Could have been better I was just a burden
Wouldn’t care right now even if the world end
World end 
World end
thinking right now and I’m wishing the world end
And if it did I would save you a spot yeah you hurt me a lot but your my favorite person

You were there for me so why did you lie
I fucking loved you and I felt alive
My only friend and you stuck at my side
But I guess that’s convenient cause you stuck a knife
And I fell for you once nah I fell for you twice
But I fell to the bottom it’s dark there’s no light
And I know I sound petty I don’t wanna die
But just thinking of you I don’t wanna live life

What do I do when you leave me here bleeding
How do I cope when my pasts not receding
How can I start to rebuild up my heart when you said to my face I’m a joke and your leaving

What do I do when you leave me alone
What do I do when you blow up my phone
How i text back when I know all the facts 
And You put up an act cause I know bout the cheating

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Cognitive Distortion (prod. tennis player)

Im Losing It w/Matego (prod. moon)

I actually posted this on tik tok awhile ago but here it is if you haven’t listened yet

Lyrics

Now days a struggle to even wake up
I just wanna lye maybe die on the inside I can’t help being strangled by thoughts
What I do doesn’t matter my hope just gets shattered but when stagger I still pick myself up
And I wish I was cool and wasn’t so lame 
And I wish I could shine even when there’s some rain
And I’m counting my days they all feel like the same
 
going insane And I can’t be myself
Wasting my time and ignoring my health
It’s harder to talk I can barley inhale
I’ve tried everything and I just seem to fail
I’m giving up life and it’s not hard to tell
I wanna be free not and live in a shell 
too tired to try 
I just wanna live life 
but not as me 
as somebody else

i dont wanna be me anymore (Rxseboy open challenge)

Lyrics... 

My fate is sealed I don’t know what to do 
I been contemplating everything while locked in my room
I revolve around hate and I’ve been paying my dues
But I think I’m too late it’ll have me end in a tomb
Anyone can be snake and they never teach
That’s why you never see me trust they all deceased
So I’ve been taking pills I admit defeat
Honestly I’ll take it anything at all if it helps me to sleep

That’s the cards that were dealt 
And I’m sorry but my body I can feel breaking down
My mind ain’t any better I’m deceiving myself
And It’s funny cause the money yeah can’t buy my health
I need help
I need it bad
Mentally and physically I don’t have money to spend
Ain’t that crazy cause Every penny go to family and friends and that’s why I say I’m quitting music I like it but I’ll prolly be dead

I’m fucking tired
I’m so tired
I’m tired and honestly I think my time has expired
I’m fucking tired
I’m so tired 
I’m tired and honestly I think my time has expired

feeling well 
I ain’t been feeling well
And I’m done with trying to talk I only bring people down
Seems I fuck up everything I swear I’m destined to failI
I’m breathing regret every time I fucking inhale

Moving on I can’t
Man I’m trying but my mind is stuck back in the past
I’d be lying if dying didnt seem that bad
I’m writing the facts I’m fucking fighting for this 
I give my life but that shit wouldn’t last

Yeah I’m giving my best but still want me to change
Man I’m trying to change
And I hate when they tell me I’ll see better days
Man that shit never came
Half of the help I’m getting feeling it’s fake

Fake as a bitch
I’ve been pushing but my mind it can’t handle this shit
I’ve been battling depression ever since just a kid
I’m a shell I’ve been broken and I’m sorry I got nun left to give

Honestly, I'm tired (prod. 4lexf)

I’ve known this shit since the start
You’ll always get played if you give your heart
stuck to that logic I’ve buried mine 
Deep in the depths where there’s ash every step all you see is regrets and severed ties
But besides I’ve tried to better mine
I’ve broke all my confidence record time
Ain’t nobody out there that'll cherish life
uh
they’ll throw you away if not something they need
got nothing to give then your out with the trees
It’s fucking comical how everyone leaves
They treat you like dead till you're actually deceased
They give you a bed and then choke you to sleep
Then wake your ass up just to shatter your dreams
It took me 10 years but I finally see 
I’m the only one now that’ll look out for me
I mean after all I can handle it
Always just me by my lonely then
No need for shit you call sentiment
Only loved when others benefit
Problems on me I can settle it
Either that or I settle in sediment 
I swear that Im trying to better me
But your only loved when others benefit

(coughs 3 times on beat somehow)
yeah
Sucking my blood they're some vampires
I'm burning alive in the bonfire
everything they do is for the benefit
im screaming and crying im throwing fists
I grab the knife to cut the tension
im taking it back get it in positon 
don't be surprised by the inquisition 
I prolly should say that im on a mission
im on a mission to break the cycle
of heartbreak pain and going psycho
take her back to the intermission 
I cry cry cry here are you with a smile
I get mad then run ten miles
find my body in three piles
I guess that id do more good if I was in a psych asylum
I live my life never settling
die ten times in the settlement 
they do it all for the benefit
I do it all for my better man
I live my life never settling
die ten times in the settlement 
they do it all for the benefit
I do it all for my better man

Benefit w/Lxst Boy (prod. poppy ozu)

Lyrics

Ever feel sick at night you can’t breathe
Like you ain’t last before the morning
Like when she says it’s over like nothing then expecting me to get sleep
It’s crazy how 2 words stir 2 different feelings inside me
One wishes you luck and the other wonders if you gave a fuck about me

I gotta pave a new path for me 
For one enough looking pitifully down at me
Keeping me grounded nah you keeping the ground to me
claiming I don’t make sense while you changing around money

Fuck I think it’s better to go
Cause You turned into a person that I’m certain that I don’t even know
Won’t lie it’s hurting my soul 
But it’s alright if I die tonight cause im ready to go

even after this I’ll manage to manage
Talking myself into getting reset n up n  distracted  it’s eminent  
If I don’t it’ll end up with action and in the end
Dice roll one of us in a casket with evidence 
Of the other that had control of what did or what didn’t happen just a second cause I couldn’t imagine our end
All of our messages sent
Every second we spent
I’m locking them deep inside but I won’t lie its in hopes I forget
 
Double the dose
Cause you’re trapped inside my mind I don’t know where to go
They say time heals all and I ain’t saying that’s wrong
But I need the peace and quiet cause I’m running real low
on patience to go
that’s the sedatives role
to cure me at least at ease the feelings I hold
But fuck that I ain’t lasting that long 
my breaths going cold 
and my energy’s depleted and gone

Not Going To Lie, You’re Mentally Draining (prod. hans)

Fuck it I don’t wanna think about this anymore
All you care about is money and the wealth thinking bout yourself sleeping on the floor
Cause you got to drunk when you at the club feeling people up dancing like a whore
Not even surprised all the fucking lies that you told me night after night after night I’m done

your insane bitch ass mistake number one
You think I’ll play your game bitch I just won
Your type they just take and they take and you acting so fake I swear I hate the look on your face so much I could throw up

But I guess that’s how it never went
No no no everything’s went different 
Thinking up the best excuses in your head
Messages never sent
Better yet
Never even deleted them
Or when I walked in 
To another dude sleeping in my bed
Yeah Remember that

But I guess not
I guess your memory shredded from how hard you taking back shots
Or maybe all the alcohol mixed with greed that’s in your system
But it’s prolly cause you never gave a shit and don’t wanna listen
Too busy getting dick from a group of six damn you make me sick glad I ended it cause I’m
So done with you

Confused n Conflicted (prod. justdan)

Sorry for the shorter songs lately but I decided to post sumn so here we are, I tried to imitate x on this one so I hope you enjoy
Lyrics...
The warmth of your touch starts to dissipate, seeps in cracks of the floor
I’m feeling the hot and the cold they encounter each other and clash this is war
My chest slowly rises and falls but the breath in my lungs aint enough anymore
I keep hearing a voice in my head I can’t make it out but it sounds like… yours
My body is pulsating it feels like a bricks on my chest
Scared I can’t see and my hands sticky wet
If im dreaming how is it im not awake yet
Lights keep on flashing a pool of my sweat
At least that what I think I just need one more chance
Never believed in your wrath but god if you give me this chance I’ll be sure to repent 
I’ll be sure to repent

7 Minutes (prod. aram)

Lyrics...

This the way back like let’s turn and see
And I realize I ain’t living life I’m underneath 
All my peers I barley go outside I hold my peace
I ain’t tripping yeah I feel alright I’m building me
I’m gambling everything that I turn to a beast
Cause all my time it stays focused on finding words to a beat
Part of my life has been sacrificed on the craft that I speak
I guess I’ll trust in the process like I’m embiid on his way back like

Ima keep moving forward cause I don’t have many options
One of ‘em is a 9 to 5 but me I ain’t really bout it
Cause this shit on my shoulder keeps me in the darkness surrounded 
And when I think that it’s over it comes back stronger, I’ve had it
Iceland or London cause fuck it I need to take a vacation
I’m still debating if I’m loved or I’m hated but regardless 
I wanna be stronger person someone with no replacement 
I know there’s importance in patients but the flame is burning

Jet lag 
I know I’m tired as shit but I’ll find my way back
All them nights that I’ve given I’ll get ‘em right back
And some more with that deal
But that a dream like in ville
Trying not to get overwhelmed with
Jet lag 
I know I’m tired as shit but I’ll find my way back
All them nights that I’ve given I’ll get ‘em right back
And some more with that deal
But that a dream like in ville
Trying not to get overwhelmed with

Everything that I want or that I wanted to be
I overthink everything when I step on a beat just to remember there’s nothing for me I can actually lose 
I’m worried for nothing but y’all feeling something that’s close to redundance to fit in my shoes 
The shit I created you hate it or love it I promise that’s what i see life through huh
All of the struggles and moods
A pen and a pad that had sat in my hand with the blankets that padded the room
Flooring the pedal to move
You’d think that I wanted to die but I kept it inside me to use as a fuel
I made it this far with a goal on my mind so can you tell me how the fuck Ima lose 
The pressure been bubbling too
It feels like the weight on my shoes they increased or the gravity set to times two
Squaring up globes like in 96 when they won 72
I’m back on my bull
To shoot for the moon 
And I guess if I miss
my target then it’s
Snake way n a trip
like goku on his way back like

This the way back like let’s turn and see
And I realize I ain’t living life I’m underneath 
All my peers I barley go outside I hold my peace
I ain’t tripping yeah I feel alright I’m building me
I’m gambling everything that I turn to a beast
Cause all my time it stays focused on finding words to a beat
Part of my life has been sacrificed on the craft that I speak
I guess I’ll trust in the process like I’m embiid on his way back like

The Way Back (prod. falak)

lyrics...

Tired of feeling like shit and i'm tired of getting no rest and
I’m tired of taking no action then feeling massive regret and
I’m tired of living this way living check to check for the rent and
I’m tired of not meeting potential that I see inside of me yet I been struggling 
So I’ve been trying hard to make me into this something 
That’ll break free of these chains so I don’t have to deal with discussion 
Of a replacement I face criticism about it in public
I want to make shit and love it and reciprocate it with others 

I’m feeling free
Floating with the leaves 
They pass me and go with and blow with the breeze
It’s those little things 
That keep my head space from crumbling Into a million piece
In my head deep

I get these bad thoughts that I’m constantly fighting
I'll pick the pen up as a sword and then demolish a writing 
I lose my temper then I’ll blow like a mother fucking titan
I realized no one was saving me and there’s no use in crying
You got to get up
Life can be a bitch
But I’m fucking fed up
I despise every inch 
That I exist 
And I feel it in my chest
I’m hungry for a feeling of being the best
And i'm far

I’m done 
Fuck what you say ima do what I want
No need to front
You’re luck if I haven’t yet cut you off
Fed up
I’m fed up
With feeling so lost 
Fuck what you say ima do what I

Distension (prod. michael harrison)

I swear you’re so perfect but tragic
One look in your eyes I can tell that you’ve had it
You’re trying so hard just to break those bad habits 
Not seeing your worth just the pills that you smashing
Just to take from the pain but the people keep laughing 
They’re digging you deeper to cause a reaction 
you reach out for help but they think it’s attention
But I’ll stick by your side doesn’t matter what happens

Hope your warm when I’m not there
And I hope your brave when you get scared
And I hope your strong when theres despair
So I’ll hold you close till my arms wear
Cause you give me light when I can’t see
You bring me hope that I can’t reach
And you give me faith when I’m empty
You give me the strength when I can’t breathe

when I can’t breathe
think abt the tricks under your sleeve
matter fact life gettin messy
your fault cuz you know I don’t get no sleep
it’s abt what you put in the stare
makin it harder to breath
got me here trippin on air what is it that they don’t see

you’re makin it harder to quit this
look to the heavens have god as my witness
wrong all along on the mission hope I don’t you don’t miss me when I go missin
if I lose my flaws I think you come back
buti think that there would be tention
yea you say I’m wrong but I think I’m right
that’s y u jest sent me a message

look me in my eyes tell me that it’s gon be fine
every night when the light off see ur poltergeist

i know what your saying now
I’ll pick up the phone and I’ll play it loud
I’ll let ‘em all hear what I really found
if you want me dead I’ll leave unannounced

Hope your warm when I’m not there
And I hope your brave when you get scared
And I hope your strong when theres despair
So I’ll hold you close till my arms wear
Cause you give me light when I can’t see
You bring me hope that I can’t reach
And you give me faith when I’m empty
You give me the strength when I can’t breathe

Too Tired To Breathe w/brecken (prod. poppy ozu)

Lyrics…

Shit I’m Still hurt but it’s all right
Fuck I don’t know what to feel like
Anxiety mix with the moonlight
Who am I is 
What I’ve been thinking all the damn time
Low key
Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely 
I been to the bottom but fuck what i thought I only
Care about your mental while sentimental I’m hoping
Your better with no pressure I put on you so  I’m sorry

Sorry cause I know that I wasn’t the best 
I’m sick of this can’t get rid of what I feel in my chest
Doesn’t matter if I’m by myself or I’m talking with friends 
I know I wont get that text or maybe see you again

I know it’s tough and you had to leave
But just thinking about us it gets hard to breathe
So I’m going 30 over when I finally think
it’ll never go back to what it used to be

Hitting turbulence 
Beautiful ignorance
Is what I felt when I thought this was permanent 
Attachments a burden
I can’t find the words for it
Thanks for your time cause I swear that I learned from it
That’s what I think
At the very least
I’ll always be here if I’m someone you need 
I promise

Shit I’m Still hurt but it’s all right
Fuck I don’t know what to feel like
Anxiety mix with the moonlight
Who am I is 
What I’ve been thinking all the damn time
Low key
Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely 
I been to the bottom but fuck what i thought I only
Care about your mental while sentimental I’m hoping
Your better with no pressure I put on you so  I’m sorry

Shit I’m Still hurt but it’s all right
Fuck I don’t know what to feel like
Anxiety mix with the moonlight
Who am I is 
What I’ve been thinking all the damn time
Low key
Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely 
I been to the bottom but fuck what i thought I only
Care about your mental while sentimental I’m hoping
Your better with no pressure I put on you so  I’m sorry

I Don't Want Something Else (prod. autrioly)

Lyrics...
Never thought about it like this you the one to deceive me
But deep inside me I knew that I was hiding a feeling of doubt
I thought it was weird how whenever you leaving 
All pretty it’s crazy you said it was to another friends house
So I sat down for a minute but that was too many seconds that I 
Spent wasted on bitches who like being passed around
You said I was tripping and that I never fucking listen
so I hope when you’re buried they place your face to the ground

You told me everybody was fake 
And everybody just wanted to take a piece of the pie that I gave my life 

But the fact is that you couldn’t take
The thought of being replaced and kicked outta your place you’re one with mice

Honestly this has lifted a weight
Even when dead it’s still weight
And this ain’t easy to make
Fuck never mind

I just never been feeling this great
Just a disgusting mistake 
Ima dig my feelings in a mother fucking grave

Shut the fuck up Manipulative bitch
A body bag for the sick cause I
Can’t believe I thought of a future of us with them kids
And the light I once saw in your eyes is just pathetically dim
In a class of nine you wouldn’t even make top ten 
The futures grim for you
I’d give a limb for you
On Bruno’s shit I’d hop In front a fucking train for you
I tried to change for you
I was in too engaged in you
But it never mattered I guess I was just a game to you
I’m done 
Fuck that
I hope that you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul
I realized you cut me from everyone even people that been there and witnessed my growth 
To get me alone
Then said I was fucked for not wanting to trust you with nearly enough
Maybe your love was the knife that you thrust in my back but  I’m returning that cause you’ll use it again in a month
Did it for what
stupid as fuck
Ive given you everything while I embodied not being enough
You gave me a hand out of the rain then pushed me right back in the mud 
Confidence drained so I turn to 
A drink and an eighth on the couch
While I’m cursing your name to find out a way to escape the look on your face so stay the fuck away

I Was Wrong (prod. falak)

lyrics...

Alright check

What am I to do
I’ll walk the forest pretending 
I never wanted you 
Can’t bring myself to remember 
The fucking thought of you
I know that forgetting’s better 
But I can’t bring myself to do it
I’m foraging letters that I

Strung up with love that then turned into hate huh
The moment your message turned green
My reality turned into grey huh
When I showed my true colors is 
When the blue stayed and the others were drained huh
But I still take away everything I said
And what I should have told you to your face yeah ye-
But I know it’s too late

Things die
But eventually decay
Return their state to the earth
And every memory fades

When everything dies
Thought my feelings the same
“It’ll get better with time”
But this shit won’t go away
I’m fucking done 

Time after time after time after time
I was thinking of you as the one
Night after night I’m awake
Cause this petty ass sun hasn’t shown up in months
My house has been covered in dust
The passing of time
Reminding me of
In seven years I
Will be someone else
Replace every cell
Of someone I was
I can’t forget you
Huh
But I’m too tired to move
Ninety six million a minute I’m scared
Huh
Tell me what I am to do
Every memory that we had shared is invaluable
Now something part of me too
Ninety six million cells taking over
Huh
Part of the person I knew
Every memory that we had shared
Is now something I never had wanted to lose

yeah yeah
yeah yeah
yeah yeah

Never wanted to lose
But I don’t got a choice
Cause I’m stuck moving forward
And even then
If I do happen to see you
It won’t be the same
As the person that borders
My mind and my thoughts
It infects every corner
I sit in my bed
Feel it spread
Like a poison
I hate it so much
Losing rest is annoying 
The chirping is vivid
Don’t sleep till the morning

That's all because of you
I overthink 
Everything 
To the point that I can’t move
Scrolling my feed
Hoping you’d see
That I’m so much more improved
I lie though my teeth
I tear at the seems
A broken façade that’s black and blue
Can’t even take me for a fool
Nah nah

Things die
But eventually decay
Return their state to the earth
And every memory fades

When everything dies
Thought my feelings the same
“It’ll get better with time”
But this shit won’t go away
I’m fucking done

Time after time after time after time
I was thinking of you as the one
Night after night I’m awake
Cause this petty ass sun hasn’t shown up in months
My house has been covered in dust
The passing of time
Reminding me of
In seven years I
Will be someone else
Replace every cell
Of someone I was
I can’t forget you
Huh
But I’m too tired to move
Ninety six million a minute I’m scared
Huh
Tell me what I am to do
Every memory that we had shared is invaluable
Now something part of me too
Ninety six million cells taking over
Huh
Part of the person I knew
Every memory that we had shared
Is now something I never had wanted to lose

Rupture (prod. immortal)

Intro
"𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘥.
𝘏𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘴, 𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.
𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧!
𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘥!
𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?
𝘕𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙!"

lyrics...
Lately I’ve been having trouble waking up
Tryna work on my life man this shit is dangerous 
Gaslighting myself “yeah that’s just life to everyone”
Think I’m getting better maybe not surly can’t say for sure
And ironically I’m fucking tired of it
Patience is my biggest burden I can’t rely on it
This future shit is tough it’s got my weary eyes falling
I need a pick me up I can’t finish a single fucking thing I put my mind to
Right now I don’t even have someone to lie to
egos crumbling not even my façade is prideful
In the morning I can’t help but feel this fucking time loop
Is the work of an invisible being a hateful Kaiju
I need something to blame ill just be mad at the world
Wielding undesirableness undermining my worth
Just to hide from my emotions never learn how to grow
But shit I got all of this time I just turned eighteen years old 

Tryna kick my bad habits 
Cause honestly man I’ve had it
I fucked up trying to fix up my life
Just to cause it more damage
By overworking my practice
And stress induced by my standards
It was my selfish endeavors 
That were just to much to handle 
I’ve learned a lot from the background
The word of mouth when you’re silent
Peaks through the speakers the loudest
And pierces ears oh so violent
Too many things and components
I never understood about people
And by the time that its crucial 
They’re already gone from the moment

I’m always out of time
And it’s always shit I should have said I'd always write
And that’s always the area that I’ll fucking never like
And it’s always working always tryna chase a better life
And it’s always shitty but I promise that we’ll be alright
And if you don’t relate then I hope that you never might
Ever try and continue to live like you might never die
Its always “you wouldn’t understand” well you fucking got me there
But I'm only eighteen right why the fuck would I care

Hateful Kaiju (prod. falak)

Lyrics

(Autrioly)
Tell me
I don't want nothing at all
If I have you I won't
Complain

(Dysphoric)
Yeah~
Lord why am I feeling so lost 
I never pray know it’s too late for me even if I did convert to the cross
But it’s getting so bad in this battle it’s gotten me back to believing a god
Slowly it feels like the enemy’s me and myself I don’t recognize myself at all
Its not even me when I speak in my thoughts

Swore that I’d never become who I am but I’m 
Guessing that's life gotta deal with your hand
And I know that I’m young and I know got plans
Why the fuck does right now feel so close to the end
Man this shit got me thinking like think about chance
Meaningless actions that tangle your thread
No you can’t just sit back it won’t change for the best
Tell me how this shit matter it its all determined 

I don’t wanna talk I won’t answer my phone 
DND on a text
Man I just need a sec
And I’ll figure it out on my own 
I need me some rest
These lyrics instead
They keeping me up till the morn'
I don’t wanna fight
But I’m tired, deprived of my sleep
And I feel in my bones
That I’m lower than lower than lower than low

I don’t wanna talk I won’t answer my phone 
DND on a text
Man I just need a sec
And I’ll figure it out on my own 
I need me some rest
These lyrics instead
They keeping me up till the morn'
I don’t wanna fight
But I’m tired, deprived of my sleep
And I feel in my bones
That I’m lower than lower than lower than low

(Lxst Boy)
(Duh(x19))
(Yeah(x4))
I ain’t feel the same as I used to
Taking up habits never thought I’d do
Now I’m on the run from the old me old me
Enemies used to be homies holy
Pain is the reason I believe in god 
Cause if nobody listening I’d rather die
I don’t think I’ll ever get to tie the knot
I’m not talking nooses (who cares if I’m not)
Take me away in a blaze of glory
I got a new girl but will she stay for the morning
Take me in outside it’s pouring 
Hope it rains that album had tore me
If only they knew what it’s about wow
She was my world till I found out
Behind my back she was a whole other person 
No motivation I finish in verses

(Dysphoric)
I don’t wanna talk I won’t answer my phone 
DND on a text
Man I just need a sec
And I’ll figure it out on my own 
I need me some rest
These lyrics instead
They keeping me up till the morn'
I don’t wanna fight
But I’m tired, deprived of my sleep
And I feel in my bones
That I’m lower than lower than lower than low

Lower Than Low w/Lxst Boy (prod. autrioly)

FUCK TOLFDIR ALL MY HOMIES HATE TOLFDIR

Come at me with swords huh I’ll turn you to a patient
Cast my shit destruction you need restoration
Even Sheogorath leaving stumped with the shit you saying
Talking bout slaying bitch your main school is alteration
Your magica is 50 spells are vacant 
You have robes of poverty I mean goodness gracious 
I mean to step up to me with that, that shit that’s audacious 
Talos grant me status or Sovernguard awaits us

"uh uh" (x50)
"uhmyfaaaay" (x4)

Absent-minded fucker not a thought in your brain
Dragonborn teaching in a college all your wizardry ways
And imma hit you with a potion that gon put you in a haze
And you gon need some restoration after taking Ervine’s place yeah
Yeah Master Wizard of the college
But you didn’t do shit and Arcano should’ve just killed you
Fuck it, I say let the sky dim
You reason that I hate it when I’m playing Skyrim

TOLFDIR DISSTRACK W/SOKU (prod. byscorez)

Lyrics

(Autrioly)
fighting for
there's nothing worth of
fighting for
in me
safely 
I cannot stay
if you aint here

(Dysphoric)
Think that I’m cursed you’re still crossing my mind
It’s been awhile a minute it’s none of my business I know that inside
I still want to talk but I will understand it if not I’m too far out of line
Still don’t know why you keep on haunting my thoughts
some reason I keep holding on
like is it so wrong
to hope it’ll work out this time

I’m sending a text and I hope it returns
You’d think after all of this time I'll have learned
Involvement with you will do nothing but worsen
All of the hurt
On my very person
Wander too close to the flame and get burned
Well none of that matters at all I’ll traverse all over hell
And stay steady searching 
A different version we actually work
wait

(Autrioly)
fighting for
there's nothing worth of
fighting for
in me
safely 
I cannot stay
if you aint here

(Dysphoric)
Nah you were lost to my memories
Now you wanna show your face now that I’m healing from everything
I remember all the times that I was holding you next to me
Then you threw that all away, you even know what you meant to me?

I can’t control my breath man it feels like I’m dying
I need to calm myself and readjust to my climate
Anything that I accuse her of she’ll prolly deny it
But I know I'm something convenient she was passing the time with

I’ve never gotten my closure
And suddenly it was no more
“I need to work on me”
Or was I not the person you hoped for
I held that shit on my shoulder
It’s motivation I’m closer
The person, version I wanna be now you wanna start over

You never wanted me then
And I hate how nice you are because it hurts in the end
Yeah I would have been fine starting, staying as friends 
If you rejected me then I would be better than this damn

Perspective (prod. autrioly)

Saudade w/Soku (prod. autrioly)

Lyrics... 

(Autrioly)
Take my hand and don't lie to me
I've been a fool, I've been a fool to your lies
Take my hand and~

(Dysphoric)
I wanted peace 
You wanted war
I wanted reality 
You wanted more
I don’t rely on a drink 
To do all my thinking
While you sleep on the floor
I never listened 
Guess that’s the case
Now all of your friends
Said just to leave
Told them the negative
From your perspective
That I wouldn’t get it
The thing is that you never told me
Communication 
Is nowhere found
Our relationship 
Let’s burn it down
Cause you brought
To much inside out
We could have talked
But it’s too late now
It’s 2am
And I'm making sounds
Trying anything
Just to drown it out
And cops were called
To the neighbors house 
They’ll never know it
Saved me from myself 

What we had 
Burn it down
Don’t be sad
Burn it down
Future us
Burn it down
Fuck it just
Burn it down
What we had 
Burn it down
Don’t be sad
Burn it down
Future us
Burn it down
Fuck it just
Burn it down

(Autrioly)
Take my hand and don't lie to me (what the fuck)
Ive been a fool, Ive been a fool to your lies
Take my hand and~

(Soku)
I’ve been a fool for the way that you speak
But darling I know you was lying to me
So let’s change the perspective
And change up the mood
And burn what we have
Then we’ll scatter the ashes
Could never imagine
I swear that I hate it
You said, no you blamed it
On your inclination
My time you was wasting
I go and get out
I swear that I’m burning this shit to the ground
Yeah I wanted it all
Yeah but you wanna fall
Out of the depths of your head
You was sinking in
Started a war without giving me reasoning
I don’t know why
I even try
Music and static inside of my mind
I was ecstatic till you told your lies
Feeling, I’m feeling like I wanna die

(Dysphoric)
What we had
Burn it down
Don’t be sad
Burn it down
Future us
Burn it down
Fuck it just
Burn it down
What we had
Burn it down
Don’t be sad
Burn it down
Future us
Burn it down
Fuck it just
Burn it down

Burn It Down w/Soku (prod. autrioly)

Lyrics...
Aye
Say welcome back
I never left I'm just upping my craft
They talking about when, when they talking bout trash, and they talk about me like they fucking with Zack
Talk about gain, bitch I just rap
Not in it for fame, well I wouldn't mind that
Y'all talking bout change and begging for that
Too focused on shit that you know it won't last
Too tired of fucking around
Caring for dirt while I'm buried in mounds
Too versatile to fit in a style
I guess if I don't then I'm chained to the ground, and I'm chained to the ground, and I've been on the fence
Like no more regrets
I'm about to say fuck it and flip when I land
Talk out your neck and I'm severing that
Talk out your neck like again and again and again

Fuck what I said I got no opinions I'll pillage instead
Fuck buying time in a stu' that's pathetic my brain is outdated for wasting my breath
I'm still fucking better than half of these dudes making bread
I don't need no stylus, I don't need no meds
Well maybe I do so just give me sec, Is it music or or not that's just pounding my head, fuck

I'm fucked up sober
Everything white lemme bake no soda
I pay it no mind my funds get older
Shit got it on lock like state done told em'
I get way to bored when I'm inside the house
Even then its like fuck it I'm bored when I'm out, and I'm taking no prisoners hunting em' down, and my heads in the clouds
When I make it I'll leave em' no doubt, hey

Fuck it I'll take on the work though
I don't need no copies should cop me a smirk though
Fuck praying for the beef I need steam to release though
Y'all in a novice lobby I body the smoke wood stove
No more feelings haunt me I'm starting a new flow
Sides burning ain't it funny I'm running to lay low
I lay more fucking lines than a stripper on break hoe

Uh Uh Uh
Yeah I'll be damned when I'm off it
Bitch I be taking my time when I'm late I don't sip I create they say Zack you done lost it
If I eat then my brothers done ate and I'm sharing my plate I ain't greedy I'm cautious
If I don't fuck with you heavy the same then just keep your damn hands out my pockets

Aye
Say welcome back
I never left I'm just upping my craft
They talking about when, when they talking bout trash, and they talk about me like they fucking with Zack
Talk about gain, bitch I just rap
Not in it for fame, well I wouldn't mind that
Y'all talking bout change and begging for that
Too focused on shit that you know it won't last
Too tired of fucking around
Caring for dirt while I'm buried in mounds
Too versatile to fit in a style
I guess if I don't then I'm chained to the ground, and I'm chained to the ground, and I've been on the fence
Like no more regrets
I'm about to say fuck it and flip when I land
Talk out your neck and I'm severing that
Talk out your neck and I'm severing that

TIDESFLOODEDBLACKBEACHES (prod. fred irie)

lyrics
No cowered but I’m not one to fight
But right now I’m pretty pissed so if your caught it’s on sight
you can only get stabbed by the people right at your side 
you encouraged me yourself while handing over the knife

I’m leaving everything in smoke cause I’ve been burning my bridges 
My Feelings dug in a ditch 
I hate your entire existence 
Ill never give a shit
You treated me as a contingent 
Wanting forgiveness get the fuck up out my dms 
You’re meaningless repent
For your sin 

I’m tired of arrogance 
Honestly the way that you think I think your brain needs development 
You was never down for me just a leech that was venomous, any trace of relevance was related benefit it’s embarrassing

To think
That youre acquainted to me 
If you don’t know how to feel
I’m the best that I’ve been
When I sleep I’m at peace 
haven’t dreamt bad in weeks

Keep in mind 
Anytime
I do anything its cause you’re out my life

Reduction (prod. michael harrison)

Lyrics

I hate we ain’t talked in a month
I still have the cold that you gave me I’m slowly decaying don’t wanna give up
I just hope the flowers I’ll make when I turn into mush remind you of us
Cause in the end when you make up my thoughts my world is surrounded by love
Im sorry I keep loving you so
your name is engraved in my soul
Every improvement I make every step that I take it’s about you my dear
It sucks that’s the push that I needed to finally confront all my fears
I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger
I want to be perfectly clear
I’m not going away and I’m staying for you
I’ll be waiting right here
Huh
I just hope you don’t hate me
It’s been harder and harder and harder to not think of you lately
It kills me inside but I know your the one that’s worth all the waiting
It’s only you
It’s only you 
You are my safety 
It’s only you 
It’s only you
I hope you don’t hate me
It’s been harder and harder and harder to not think of you lately
It kills me inside but I know your the one that’s worth all the waiting
It’s only you
It’s only you 
I just hope you don’t hate me

i still have the cold that you gave me (prod. michael harrison)

Just trying to make music I like... from a bedroom

Dysphoric

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