the one who gave up

it's sunday, april 19th and i miss you

Layers upon layers of life experiences some messy some painful some beautiful.

Added some basic vocals hope it works.

Please feel free to let me know what you think.

Layering

there are reasons that i can't stay 
i counted them all myself 
but i will always keep awake 
searching for how it felt 
because all i want is to find myself in anyone 
and i wonder if it'll ever come 
as easy as us giving up 

if this could stop 
i don't think i'd want it to 
i built my life around watching everything you do 
it still feels like you can hear me when i talk to you 
you just don't respond 

and all i want is to find myself in anyone 
and i wonder if you're having fun 
i wonder if you're having fun 

all i want is to find myself in anyone 
and i wonder if you're having fun 
in that empty space where we used to talk

you wanted to look for help, i wanted to sit and wait to be rescued

you're on the phone 
with someone who doesn't know 
about your soul and how it 
can't be held by flesh and bone 
and i guess that's fine 
i would never want you to 
stop your life 
but when i saw you both 
with your shoulders touching 
sitting so close 

i knew i'd hold on to this feeling 
i'd hold on to anything at all 
was it my fault 
because i easily confused you 
for someone who would hold my hand 
when things got hard 
when things got dark 
because oh my god 
when they get dark 
they get so dark 

you were always a shitty friend 
and you would leave when i got sick 
you never called me on my birthday 
i want to call you on your birthday 
so i'll hold on to this feeling 
i'll hold on to this hate 
for as long as i need 
for it to help me

learning to hate you as a self defense mechanism

https://ifidieinmississippi.bandcamp.com/album/sweetheart

the last time i saw you

From the album "town" (DWL020)

deaddrunkwithlove.com/dwl020

kitchen - november prayer

town

kitchen - town

i keep writing songs for people i'll never know

smoked so much till i could feel something
the cold resided i'm erupting
cleared the dew as a drip to the ground 

take my heart and twist my tongue
rip my teeth out one by one 
squeeze my arms so i don't feel so numb

did you know i'm not great at communication, i sit alone but my mind's abrasion wears me down

did you know, i'm too scared if scaring you off so i'll just leave

being dead is still better than being me (demo)

bones (demo)

i record songs and write poems and i really hope you're having a good day.

you wanted to look for help, i wanted to sit and wait to be rescued

flatsound