they tell me find your purpose like it's sittin' on a shelf
meanwhile I'm just tryna tolerate the sound of my own self
and the person in my memories feels like a different guy
and the one I see right now barely looks me in the eye
and i’m homesick for a feelin', a version of my past
but every time I visit, I know that it couldn't last

my shadow's gettin' longer as the daylight startin to fade
convinced myself I built this prison and forgot the only escape
diggin' deep for the person buried underneath all the dust
and every time I find a piece, it crumbles down into rust
keep telling myself to trust, and follow the process
feel like im playing a game and i aint yet to progress
my story feel like a book where the chapters keep on repeatin’
learned the same lesson, same tests, my spirit started retreatin’

the mirror's gettin' foggy, my reflection's startin' to blur
been askin' myself questions that I woulda never preferred
thinkin of my mamas conversations on how i never made it to college
shut it all out, nonsense, stop it peak how i profit
nightmares of when i first got deferred, regretting setting myself up just to fall
lying to myself said that i felt fine stand tall, didnt listen to your chimes
and of when i first hit your line, and you called
said it all on the phone tried to stall but i froze
words went down my spine feeling fine take your time

now i'm countin' ceiling cracks instead of countin' my blessings
and all my old ambitions slowly began to slow and they got me stressin’
and all my friends are buyin' houses while i'm barely buyin' some time
writin' the same sad rhymes, payin' for my crimes, 
just finished doing some more time, in my cell and im cryin’
all cause i couldn't stop lyin’ telling myself i could stop tryin’ 
sorry mama my story coulda been mystifying
now i lie awake at night terrified of how it ended, so unsatisfying
unsatisfying

october freestyle (prod TJ NERO)

footsoreflame

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