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A dose of perspective to help with a case of stuckness: those times in life when you can't seem to get any traction and it seems like the universe isn't listening.  This episode also includes tools to help you direct your energy and focus.

Episode 4: Stuckness

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have in the world.  This episode features a recipe for creating more self-love and confidence so that you can live a happier and more fulfilling life.  There are ten different tools, a few of which are from the "Help Me Be Me" book.  Invest in your relationship with yourself and you will better the lives of everyone you touch. 

Episode 7: Self-Love from Scratch

This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they care about who wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts fast and productively. 
It’s about our emotional baggage – specifically the unmet needs from our childhood, and how those block us from being able to see and receive the love from people in our life currently.  I will focus on how to get out of conflicts and pain and move into happiness and get more of what you want. How to better love others and better encourage love back. 

It’s a set of tools to stay out of blaming and resenting and let go of what you think they should do. So that you can empower yourself to get to more of what you DO want – which is shared affection and happiness. 


Hi friends! I’ve been away for a bit because I got hitched! It was awesome and wonderful. And now I’m back!

I will do the usual 3 parts: The What, The Why, The How – the tools. And to be clear – this is about all relationships that involve conflicts between the needs of others and your own. About relationships that involve needs of others and your own – and when those don’t match up. 

For more check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com
Smile peeps! xo

This one’s for Lara from Spain – thanks for writing me girl! :) 


Episode 53: Love Languages: Overcoming Emotional Baggage So You Can Better Receive and Give Love

For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. 

Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. 

Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. 

When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is laden with fear and the resulting shame is soul-crushing. Like you just woke up inside a nightmare. You have an almost separate self who is doing these things despite you. 

I want you to know there’s a simple reason behind your cycle of behavior that you must CHOOSE to learn. It’s not who you are, it’s a tactic that you learned to cope with unrelated pain and anxiety. There are three parts: the what, the why, the how.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB  Thanks!


Ep 74: Self-Sabotage: Why We Betray Ourselves and Destroy Our Relationships

It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. 

To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful.

This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. 

This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you!

If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks! 


Ep 78: Codependency: I Need to Find Someone Who Will Make Me Whole

This is a power-up episode for anyone facing change that feels too hard or too painful. Take heart and remind yourself that you will do what you need to do when you're ready and in your own time. xo!
Sarah May B.

A Grounding Talk for Confronting What Feels Impossible

Hi peeps! This was going to be a power-up then I started researching and it turned into a full-length episode. So Jessica – this one’s for you. Hope it helps! And anyone who hasn’t heard already, Yay With Me.com is now officially launched. Check it out peeps. Anyhoo, if you are listening to this because you have a rollercoaster dieting style, or you tend to go into an unconscious compulsive state when it comes to food, I think this will be enlightening and helpful in some way. It’s also got some info on the effects of stress and the difference in kinds of stress that’s harmful and not – so hopefully this will be helpful outside of food. As usual there are three parts, the what, why and how – the tools. 


Help Me Be Me

Ep 81: Stress Eating and the Difference Between Good Stress and Bad Stress

This is an episode that I’ve been wanting to write for a while – because it’s something that reminds me of a very confusing and difficult time for me.  When I couldn’t find my voice, or access it. It’s a thing that happens to a lot of people – you can feel the thing you have to say and it’s just stuck inside your body. You can almost hear yourself screaming it, desperately trying to get it out. But your physical body doesn’t move. It’s like witnessing a silent victim trapped behind double mirrors in prison – why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me?

Wherever this is coming from – for you, I think I can help give you a bit of a leg up. Because I know how this feels – it’s traumatizing. The worst. Because it’s like you are doing it to yourself, and you are somehow the cause of your own horror – because of the fact that you can’t even stand up for yourself. It sets up a really heavy, powerful loop that compounds a new truth: I am hopeless. I am a liar. I am invisible. I am a coward. No one can see me suffering. No on can help me, including me. 

Wow – that got kinda dark, huh? Well it’s kinda that feeling – a deep, dark where no light reaches. Let’s get to some proactive information shall we? There are 3 parts, the what why and how – the tools.

Ep 88: What to do when you can’t speak your truth

Let’s say you’re not confident, which leads your to focus on others and accommodate their needs solely. Or you have been tipped off balance because there’s someone in your life that you want so bad and you feel like you can’t keep them so you’re doing whatever you can think of to keep them – but that’s creating a cycle where they pull away more. This is for you. It’s a recommended “core workout” in that it’s for regaining your inner strength. It starts with strengthening that relationship with yourself and a bond with yourself. Another term for it would be self-love. 
Heads up - this is an episode I recorded without a script so if something doesn't make sense, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to answer. 
If you liked this, please leave me a review on iTunes! For more of my work check out HelpMeBeMe.com xo

Ep 92: Confidence in Love - A Core Workout

Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights.  I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. 

When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! 

Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work.

For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out Yaywithme.com (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). 

Book references:
Couples counselor questionnaire:
goo.gl/zWndxG
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
http://amzn.to/2oOqmqP
John Gottman’s most popular book:
http://amzn.to/2o3HxHU
The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. 
gottman.com
A book by the creator of Imago:
http://amzn.to/2onby1d
What to look for in a couples counselor:
http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/whattolookfor.php

Ep 93: Relationship Fight Loops and Distance: Why We Lose Access to Intimacy

A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo

Jung on dream analysis
http://amzn.to/2rOrX3U

Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
http://amzn.to/2s7gwSe

Bodhisattva mind
http://amzn.to/2quH3aQ

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Brain Clutter: Creating Mental and Spiritual Space for Yourself

When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take.

If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com

Ep 98: Resilience for Codependents and Those Experiencing Adult Hardships

A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works!

So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard.  I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that. 

For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com 

To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate

Healing a Possibly Scarring Experience Into a Resilience Booster

This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you. 

Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you’re in now.

When it comes to really dire, hopeless situations – chronic ones, you need dramatic big change. More than a simple tweak. More than a podcast. You need a big leap. You can’t do this all on your own – you need to involve reinforcements. 

Today’s podcast is dedicated to Catherine. Catherine your donation has literally changed my life – I hope I am able to repay you in some small way.

For more of my work or to make a donation, visit YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.

My Life Hurts: When A Problem is Really, Really Bad

In this episode I answer the audience question: Do you any tips on what to do about "social anxiety" around applying for a new job? I get overwhelmed every time I apply, feeling that I’m not enough and that I’ll hate the job when I get it…

For helpful resources around this issue check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qwq73O

And for skills around this issue, check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qs4kdx

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo

Audience Q&A's: How to Deal with Self-Doubt Around Applying for Jobs

This is a combo Q&A episode all about how to deal with the pain and courage needed to deal with a breakup. Four people had questions about leaving a relationship and struggling with that decision. The questions are as follows: 

>> How can especially sensitive people stand by their decision to leave a relationship and resist urges to go back and try harder? 

>> What are some healthy ways to deal with intense nostalgia when it strikes and convinces you that you left a perfect relationship?

>>Despite knowing this person is not right for me, my brain goes into survival mode and has this insane desperation to continue to reach out and repair. Also is hard to see red flags when you’re in it; hindsight is 20/20

>>Is it possible to stop loving someone when you don’t want to love them anymore?
I already consciously decided to leave the relationship I’m currently in but the thought of actually initiating a break up literally sounds like the worst thing ever. 

The book I think will help that I mention during the episode can be found here:
https://amzn.to/2SaZr6f

For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Aud Q&A’s: How to Stick to a Breakup When You Feel Weak and Confused

This is for anyone who get triggered around a family member or other person in their life, but you have decided that you want to continue to be around this person – despite this trigger. So really – these are management tools for tolerating these interactions. This is from a listener who has to endure some triggers around a family member. When this person is there, they feel drained and irritated – so these are some tools for a similar situation. This is a very difficult (and sadly, common) experience – the gist is how to manage the experience of being around a triggering person if you’re still working on your shit in therapy. As with all my episodes – three parts: What, why and how the tools. 

If you’d like to see more of my writing or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 115: How to deal with people who trigger you

On this week’s BJSM podcast, the Journal of Orthopaedic & Sports Physical Therapy (JOSPT) EIC elect Dr Clare Ardern PhD (T: @clare_ardern) joins BJSM EIC Prof Karim Khan to answer the difficult questions about return to play.
Dr Clare Ardern is a physiotherapist and clinical researcher who completed her award-winning PhD on return to play in 2013. Since then, Clare has worked as a clinical researcher at the Aspetar Orthopaedic & Sports Medicine Hospital (Qatar) and Linköping University (Sweden). Clare led the 2016 Consensus statement on return to sport from the First World Congress in Sports Physical Therapy, Bern. She has a particular interest in the psychological aspect of returning to play and how the return to play transition can be improved with specific clinical interventions and superior clinical decision making.
We here at BJSM would like to thank Clare for her tireless work as BJSM Deputy Editor and wish her all the best for her upcoming role as EIC at JOSPT!
In this 30-minute conversation, Clare discusses:
·        Tips for clinicians when approaching RTP with athletes
·        The psychological aspects of RTP and the importance of shared decision making
·        Athletes’ biggest fears when RTP
·        Non-operative management of ACL injuries
·        Paediatric ACL injuries
On Oct 4-5, Clare will be speaking at the The IFSPT Third World Congress of Sports Physical Therapy in Vancouver, Canada. She will be presenting alongside a world-class line up of local and international experts exploring the theme “High performance to clinical practice”. https://www.sportphysio.ca/calendar-of-upcoming-events/spc2019/
 
Mentioned in this episode:
Ardern CL, Ekås G, Grindem H, et al. 2018 International Olympic Committee consensus statement on prevention, diagnosis and management of paediatric anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) injuries. Br J Sports Med 2018;doi:10.1136/bjsports-2018-099060 (article co-published by Knee Surgery Sports Traumatology Arthroscopy, Journal of ISAKOS and Orthopaedic Journal of Sports Medicine).
https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/52/7/422
Ardern CL, Glasgow P, Schneiders A, Witvrouw E, Clarsen B, Cools A, et al. 2016 Consensus statement on return to sport from the First World Congress in Sports Physical Therapy, Bern. Br J Sports Med 2016;50:853-864. https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/50/14/853
Ardern CL, Taylor NF, Feller JA, Webster KE. Fifty-five per cent return to competitive sport following anterior cruciate ligament reconstruction surgery: an updated systematic review and meta-analysis including aspects of physical functioning and contextual factors. Br J Sports Med 2014;48:1543-1552.
Grindem H, Snyder-Mackler L, Moksnes H, et al Simple decision rules can reduce reinjury risk by 84% after ACL reconstruction: the Delaware-Oslo ACL cohort study British Journal of Sports Medicine 2016;50:804-808. https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/50/13/804
Frobell RB, Roos EM, Roos HP, Ranstam J, Lohmander LS. A randomized trial of treatment for acute anterior cruciate ligament tears. New England Journal of Medicine. 2010 Jul 22;363(4):331-42.
Headspace App: https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app

Returning to play in 2019 with Dr Clare Ardern. Episode #383

What is like working at one of the biggest clubs in the world? How do you manage the intense workload of the English premier league? What happens when players retire? In this hard hitting BJSM podcast, we are joined by Dr Andy Massey, physiotherapist and doctor who currently works as head of medical services at Liverpool FC. Topics discussed include:

●	Managing the load of the premier league footballer
●	Looking at the whole squad; substitutes and non-playing members 
●	The £177 million conundrum; the cost of injured players to the league
●	Managing a rectus femoris injury; how to approach it?
●	1%ers- what is their place in football?
●	Transitioning into retirement- do we do enough?
●	Top tips for early career professionals wanting to work in football

Links to some of the papers mentioned:
Bye Bye MRI? https://bit.ly/2KfChKQ
POLICE principle for treating injuries : https://bit.ly/2EHcS9C

More important than life and death? Liverpool FCs Dr Andy Massey’s view of football medicine. Ep#385

In this week’s BJSM podcast, BJSM deputy editor Dr Jane Thornton (T: @JaneSThornton) joins Daniel Friedman (T: @ddfriedman) to discuss physical activity counselling.
Dr Jane Thornton MD PhD is a sports medicine physician and researcher currently based in London, Canada, and is an international advocate for physical activity. She has a wealth of international experience in the field of preventative medicine, with a particular passion for promoting physical activity as both prevention and treatment of chronic disease. Alongside a super impressive medical career, Dr Thornton is also a World Champion and former Olympic rower for Canada.
In Part 1 of this 2-part podcast, Dr Thornton discusses:
·        Why physical activity is the single best thing we can do for our health
·        The evidence for physical activity prescription in primary care
·        The shared decision making of how to prescribe physical activity to patients
·        How to talk about physical activity intensity with patients
 
Mentioned in this podcast:
23 and a half hours YouTube video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo
Make Your Day Harder http://www.makeyourdayharder.com/
PA Prescription Position Statement https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/50/18/1109
Naci et al. How does exercise treatment compare with antihypertensive medications? A network meta-analysis of 391 randomised controlled trials assessing exercise and medication effects on systolic blood pressure. BJSM 2019. https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/53/14/859

Prescribing physical activity with Dr Jane Thornton (Part 1). Episode #388

If you are one of those people who debates things in your mind endlessly, shuts down, isolates – this is for you. This is for you only if you find that this is causing you issues in your communication with others, difficulty in your relationships or perhaps you notice that its affecting your confidence. 
 
This might be especially relevant for anyone out there who is heading back home for the holidays – if you return to your family of origin, all sorts of old drama can come up. You become a very sensitive organ reacting to very old wounds.  

There’s a lot in here about triggering family members and how to negotiate that situation. Shout out to two listeners in particular! Hope this helps! Xox

For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 121: Inner Dialogues: When Others Trigger Us + We Get Stuck in Our Heads

In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools!  How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future!

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon xo!

Audience Q&A’s: Dealing with Rejection

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com