purity of expression. amazing emotional resonance in the vocal.

Ode 2 Ocd

lyrics:

so this is the first time i dreamt that you raped me
im used to the nightmares i remember them faintly
i couldn’t breathe cause your body was too heavy
i tapped on your shoulder as to ask you to not break me

i woke up in cold sweats the dreamt lasted weeks
standing on the train station holding back tears
dream became reality and reality too real
so i just laid in silence and waited to not feel

and im pretending to be ok when i know that i am not
i am cutting so much lately everything i see is blood
and i am waiting at the bus stop i am sitting on a chair
everything around me is moving and im barely here

i skip school again today like all the other times where i just choose to lay in bed instead of waking up and doing things and trying hard to reach within to find a tiny piece of me that isn’t too sick to live

living is a curse but i’ve committed to the crime
and i am here and i am breathing i am doing my time
i am sick of all the waiting but i fear what will come next
id like to sit in peace and quiet with a clock that never ticks

and i am tired of my brain and  i am tired of myself
i just laid in bed cus everything inside me is a mess
and nothing ever makes me happy except for slitting my own skin
even though i finally know why its the painfullest of sins

and im pretending to be sleeping when i know that i am not
as to rewrite my own dreams so once i’ve hopefully forgot
cus my brain likes to take good things i have and quickly make them rot
so i dont like to close my eyes cause everything i see is mud

i should just give up today like all the other times where i just choose to lay in bed instead of doing stuff and being happy and having hope for something that maybe will come along out my brain like in this song i realise that i am way more sad than i would ever have known had i just stayed in my bed watching stupid shows and pretending even to myself
cause i dont know how i can fix this shit
i dont know why im still like this
depression is a hole 
and no matter what i do i still sink
i still sink

Sinking

lyrics:
stuffs weird right now my brain and i 
are taking a tiny break
how friendships die and how doctors lie
and theres no more art to make

i collect a lot  cus i feel sad a lot
and maybe hoarding is ok
and copings often bad but so is killing yourself
and im surviving so everythings is great

every bag  of trash  every box and stash
makes me overwhelmed and cry
like a rock i found  that makes a special sound
just makes me wanna die now

and i was almost fine but now im not alright
and i dont know what happened there
but summer came around and hit me like a pow
and happy all but dissapeared 

now im me again  just your tired friend
just a blood girl with a frown
i promise im ok and if im not i will be
after all i am your clown

Copings Often Bad

lyrics:
hope is not a plan
its a good creature but it can’t do much
its a loser that is holding on
yet i yearn for finally giving up
faith is evil  and it yanks my chain
puppy crying all in vain 
i am sad i deal with all the same
things that i once did

i want the things i never had
the things that normals take for granted
a brain and body not in war
something to keep living for
i cry forever lay at your feet
wanting caring wanting sleep
but thinking i did worst of all
cannot allow it

so i just slit my inner arms up  pulling all the tissue out
creating rivers from my shoulder to my thumb
and i want to take ll the bad things all the things i thought i didn’t have to deal with
and i want to pull it all out out of me

there are things in here
that I didn’t put there
that were forced in me
and now they’re glued  and please
dont yell dont scream
or i feel unreal
i am scared of you
i am scared of me too

i want the things i never had
the things that normals take for granted
a brain and body not in war
something to keep living for
i cry forever lay at your feet
wanting caring wanting sleep
but thinking i did worst of all
because you told me thats the case
and i want the things im not allowed to touch
a sense of something pure like love
and i need the things you told me i did
but its the grossest sense of sickening
and i shouldve listened to my inner voice
speaking up  but i never spoke up
but thinking i did worst of all
cannot allow it

Worst Of All

lyrics:

i clog the toilet when i flush cus my apartments old and fucked up
i’ve stopped worrying too much yet i still worry quite a lot
i think im lonely but im not im just bored and i should shut up
i think im angry but its stuff like life that makes it hard to live it right

i know im not a monster but i still feel like a failure
theres a ratio thats off of me pretending to be healthier
i know im not the worst but it is not like i am good
i just know i could be better if i tried to be like you

i know i know 
you say that i am great in fact you say it constantly
i feel after years of that it should’ve somewhat hit me
i am better now than ever but i still feel really scared
cus now i have something to lose if im not prepared

and now and now
i burn my tongue on soup and scratch the scab for days on end
i spit blood into the sink and it makes me want to kill myself 
i fuck up my own body to feel good for a sec
and theres if proof of that  if you just look down on my legs

i was smoking outside when my cuts were peaking out my shorts
before i got them covered up a stranger sorta saw
it was a father and his child and he just gave a pity smile
it wasn’t really anything but made me want to cry

relapsing is hard but i haven’t talked about it after all
ive done this shit for so long i just dont think there is more for me
to say about how hard it is to only can relax when i
am digging a boxcutter into the skin on my thigh

and slitting slitting in the skin i always carry round with me
shitty shitty how this is the final skin ill ever see
i feel feel it hen the blood is dripping down my pantyhose
its fitting fitting feels like this is something i deserve and so

the toilet doesn’t flush and i am sitting on the bathroom floor
stopped cutting in the bath cus it just makes me want to do it more
think im tired but im not i just haven’t eaten anything today
and life is tiring as fuck but i am doing it my way

im an addict for the pain  and i lie when i complain
about the scars im covered in  the knife i carry with me everyday
i think my sentence is the pain   and i like to hurt myself
im not unhappy all the time  but i feel like its the only way
to feel like i am in control   to get rid of all the thoughts
thats why i cut or smoke or squeeze the dirt from all my pores
its so much easier to hurt yourself than think of what you’re going thru
so i would rather sit braindead and bleed out every  afternoon

Braindead

Funeral Home by Daniel Johnston (cover by Blood Girl)

lyrics:

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own songs
spending my own days
tired of always doing everything
doing it for everyone 
with nothing to say

i can’t feel things
i’m just tired
i’m lonely and i’m tired
i feel like i am 15 again
with expirary dates on my friendships
sorta just wasting time alone

why is it that just because i am depressed
i have to feel totally disconnected from my friends
being alone is healthy  sometimes
but i isolate myself then i wanna die

why is it that just because i’m empathetic
people feel like they can fucking forget me
i am needy too,  desperate for love
im sensitive and broken and depend on other people a lot

i cant always be strong
i cant always be tough
i've learned that no matter how bad im feeling
its never bad enough

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own voice
following my own pace
tired of always giving second chances
third and fourth chances
to everyone

i’m hurt too
i’m tired
and hurt too and i’m tired
i feel like i’m 11 again   
accepting life means isolation
means you just keep to yourself

why is it that i dont know myself
that used to be the only thing i knew well
being depressed is bad
sometimes
but it also makes me look at all the things i dont do right

like feeling that i’m the one
whos supposed to carry everyone i love
im  a fucking idiot too
i’m not always great
i just want somebody to hold me and tell me i’m ok

i cant always be good
i can’t always hold on
i’ve learned that no matter how shitty someone is they’re never shitty enough

Shitty Enuff

lyrics:

i got a gay little brain and a gay little heart
got a shitty guitar where i play songs  call it art
i am dumb in my brain   i was dropped as a child
not by my parents   but by the gods

i see a girl in the bus wearing dragon ball socks 
and i look like an asshole as i fall in love
maybe 5 minutes pass before its her stop
and she smiles at me before she slowly walks off
self induced heart attack from projecting my shit
onto a stranger who probably thinks
im a weirdo as i sit and stare at her socks
smiling politely  because i look dumb

got a gay need for love  and its gross and amazing
ever since i was a kid i always found it overrated
i hate other people  yet can’t live without em
is that normal? is that a problem?

never understood flirting  never rly got the gist
seeing people putting cherry stems into their mouths and shit
as a kid i never saw someone like me on television
only people who were straight and seemed to really enjoy kissing
i feel alien enough almost alien too much 
and i am shy and reserved and barf from others touch
earth girls are easy   as an alien man said
i just laughed and said: then you haven’t tried to be gay!

its not too easy to be weird and sad
and also a hopeless romantic who hates
things that are romantic and other people yet
nothing will top how much i hate myself
still if ur up for it come take a walk with me
we can go thrifting and eat something  i will be
awkward and shaky ill try not to die
can’t promise anything   hope thats alright

i got a gay little brain and a gay little heart
got a shitty guitar where i play songs  call it art
got a gay little gut that confuses love
with the human needs connection and distraction
but love is just a chemical reaction after all
so fuck these awkward interactions
id rather live in solitude than face the things i probably should

Gay Little Heart

lyrics:
real life is a tiny bug
and it sucks blood from my leg
i let it suck,suck my illness out
cus it all sucks and maybe i should just give in and go to bed
a thousand eyes are staring at me
thru the darkness of my room
all my furbies, stuffed animals
looking at me like a loon
i get defensive,say im normal
but i know that its a lie
when living feels a lot like killing time

therapy is hard,working on myself
so much homework all with smiley faces 
saying: do not kill yourself
i wanna do the things i want i know i am my only problem
but it feels like i am at a loss and i can’t stop it

real life is a sweaty night
where im waking from a scary dream
and my brain is full of looters,stealing things that i may need
staring dead at my computer,never really feeling real
i still pretend that i am ok , still lie to peoples faces 
smiling tryna catch my breath from running all these races
why am i still sad sometimes? after all these years? 
why can’t i just get it right? live a life that i dont fear?

there is coleslaw on my plate
and theres a  coldsore on my face
and theres a monster in the closet
but the closet is too cramped for it
and my skin is full of maggots
so i cover it in batman bandaids
so the pretty girl on the bus
won’t notice my face is full of bugs

real life is a violent force
and it forces me to live it through 
others grow up,learning things learning stuff
i am so far behind at this point i will never keep up
lavalamp in my room ,are you tired of being used?
of others watching you go up and down 
and analysing your every move?
psychiatrist tomorrow to tell me bout my personality disorder
does that mean that i was the problem after all?

therapy is hard,talking bout myself
i am just a patient after all,im just a number well
i think about it often
depending is the problem
hating public hospitals but cannot live without em

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

everybody!

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

Looney Bin

lyrics:
and even if i am depressive can i still live a life?
if a depressive personality is just chronic demise
if im talking to a doctor i always feel like i should lie
if i can’t get well i might as well be the sickest one alive

can i love you even though im clearly mental
even tho you’re probably definitely better off alone 
if you love me can u promise to be patient and to be gentle?
cus the road to being vulnerable is paved with broken bones

my borderline is telling me to freak out
my avoidant tells  me  to avoid the mess
my depression tells me sleep it off till next year
and my ocd repeats it all again again again

i am sick enough for 50 minutes once a week
yet this is the first time i’ve actually liked my shrink
i am sick enough for it to affect everything
how i talk and how i act and how i think

no hands no chance
really was the truth! 
i should’ve known by 17 i would never be like you    cus 
no brain no pain
and i yearn for that for me
a life without thinking without doubting everything
no hands no chance!
and with these tiny stumps  
i’ll play music sing until i have no air in my lungs
no brain no pain
yeah but no brain no songs  
so i’ll just keep on playing keep on singing till im gone

No Hands No Chance

lyrics:

i haven’t done my best but ill do it now
all these years i was too busy fighting for my life
now i feel like i am allowed to sleep
i can crawl into my bed and melt into my sheets
if im too paralysed to get up after all
i will stay in bed and scrapbook not just lie and sulk
i will continue on
i will not hurt myself
i will stay alive i’ll make the very best of it

i know my shrink she says im not nice to myself
but i will try to act as though i am my dearest friend
i will brush my teeth and i will take my meds
i will do all of the things i couldnt do back then
if im too sick to do what i want to do
i will make a list to make sure that im able to
i will forgive myself
for years I’ve spent in bed
and i will stay alive so i can play my songs and sing

i haven’t lost the game  im just not good at it yet
and that is fine when i have all this time to be the best
i will clean my room  and ill do laundry too
i will even take a shower i won’t fucking lose
if everything feels dark i will close my eyes
and i will count the moving lights and all the dancing stars
i will take a breath
i will ground myself
and i will sleep and wake up try again another day
 

why does it seem so abstract to be fine?
at least i am not crying all the time now
stomach please stop bubbling with rocks
churning full of fear and full of knos
but i will prove them wrong, every single dark thought
that doubted me ill prove to them that illness hasn’t won so
i dont think ill ever be like you
 but ill be happy too

I'll Be Happy Too

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 24 year old nonbinary creature that sings about sadness and bettering

Worst Of All

Blood Girl

Recent comments

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

tea. spilled. periodt.

kite

jackal Lantern

Related tracks

Worst Of All

Blood Girl

Recent comments

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tea. spilled. periodt.

kite

jackal Lantern

Related tracks

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧