Topaxx (PROD.J3ST4R Y2K)

video: https://youtu.be/3kNdFAmxpQw

struggle to maintain the faith
despite this water i bathe
i lost it all in the eighth
when i took it all to the face
so sick of this empty page
stuck in a 6 by 3 cage
it all determines my wage
i must get back to the stage
disarm and disengage
reassess, go forward with change
but that just isn’t the case
blockades i should rearrange
live for your loving embrace
i know the feeling will stay
go to the menu and save
always look back on this day
i’m sick and tired of fake
it changed the game like a plague
the lyric’s getting too vague
cause they’ve got nothing to say
transparent, they’re so opaque
not afraid to display my hate
can’t fight the feeling, i shake
move to my desk to create
i shouldn’t ever take breaks
that was my biggest mistake
no test that i can retake
i take no lesson in vain
there’s nothing left to forsake
i’ll hold it down till it breaks
til the boat sinks in the lake
love you like every day

it’s so hard for me to sketch a refrain
when there’s too much i could say
when every day is anchored in shame
can’t find a way out the maze
but i’m still burying the truth in a phrase
i loop it back it replays
i loop it back it replays
so very deep in my ways

why must i deny confidence, i’m way too lost in the dark
why i must i deny consciousness of getting lost in the art?
external influences threaten to tear it apart
i might not be too inspired but that might change if i start 

i shouldn’t ever take breaks
that was my biggest mistake
no test that i can retake
i take no lesson in vain
i shouldn’t ever take breaks
that was my biggest mistake
no test that i can retake
i take no lesson from pain

struggle to maintain the faith
despite this water i bathe
i lost it all in the eighth
when i took it all to the face
so sick of this empty page
stuck in a 6 by 3 cage
it all determines my wage
and i fucking hate it

it’s so hard for me to sketch a refrain
when there’s too much i could say
when every day is anchored in shame
can’t find a way out the maze
but i’m still burying the truth in a phrase
i loop it back it replays
i loop it back it replays
so very deep in my ways

shame

So many moments have been lost in time cause I was stoned
Ever since that I got sober, feels like I was cloned
A hallow recreation, I can feel it in my bones
Sealed, then lost in transit with my confidence enclosed
Some days I feel so much disservice I should be disowned
I guess I’ve been taking Too many things in my control
Too much of a load, I just wanna break the mold
It’s an endless cycle It's not something I condone
Sometimes it’s when I make a track I feel like I’m the one
Didn’t like the last song that I made, like what could I have done?
Always chasing greatness but it’s always on the run
I only focus on weakness it’s taking out the fun
This is just an exercise for skills I’m tryna hone
I wasted so much time overthinking, I must atone
I don’t expect to make a hit of everything I wrote
Like how Every plant I try to grow just starts to decompose
Honestly it sounds appealing doing what I’m told
I can’t live that way, I cannot be controlled
I could’ve sold myself for an amount I can’t disclose
Actually it was only like 80 thousand what a joke
Within 2 working years I would end up going broke
I guess I’ll just stay broke, not giving up my hope
I am not a product I swear I won’t break the code
I’m perfectly happy Inside the comfort of my home
I picked up the call the second you had phoned
I promise that I’m sticking To the standards I uphold
I can’t play the victim from the trauma that unfolds
It’s so hard keep my head up I still fold
So many moments have been lost in time cause I was stoned
Ever since that I got sober, feels like I was cloned
A hallow recreation, I can feel it in my bones
Sealed, then lost in transit with my confidence enclosed



control

Too many nights of saying fuck it I’ll fix the problem tomorrow
Everyday I gamble my life but there’s no chips I could borrow
The chance to hit keeps me in but I pull the lever with sorrow
could I stop viewing it as battles Huh, I don’t know
I have no choice when I wake up but just to get up and go
no choice but to make a change when I’m Sick of the status quo
I used to live way too reckless, but I let go
Will I find reason to leave the house today, I don’t know
I chose to give my life, To you I bestow
I chose this to be my quest So long ago
I pace around in a circle, In limbo
Will I ever reach the end? I don’t know
Too many thoughts, too many tasks, I overflow
Try not to go over the edge, I tiptoe
But I’m still keeping to myself, I’m lying low
Will I end up going unnoticed, I don’t know
The hands keep on moving around, but time’s feeling slow
It lies inside what I wrote, the highs and lows
the weight that lives upon my shoulders never lightens its hold
struggle to find a new reason why I dig deeper holes
I try to climb my way out but I’m swallowed by the ground
I try to send out a message But it muffles the sound
It all goes out into the void, I just hope that I’m found
Ran out of gas in the lighter, no rescue team is inbound
But I just wanna be honest, I think my time’s overdue
I know The house always wins but it’s hard to accept the truth
the wound cut deep in my skin it doesn’t seem to close
Will I break or just bend? I don’t know

This place gives me a headache
Let’s get out of here, go home
Instead of making headway
I still grapple with unknowns
It shouldn’t bother me
But my ego breaks me down
It shouldn’t bother me
Hope i come back around
It shouldn’t bother me
It’s so hard to find a noun
It shouldn’t bother me
Constantly letting myself down
I don’t need any more
I don’t need any more
I feel so embarrassed picking myself up off the floor
In a dark room on all fours
Trying to settle the score
Underneath my feet the floorboards creak
I’m sorry I woke you up
It shouldn’t bother me
But somehow it cuts deep
In life you can’t repeat
It’s always incomplete
I can’t shake the headache 
Let’s get out of here, go home
The curse of making my own way is fighting the unknowns
It shouldn’t bother me
But my ego breaks me down
It shouldn’t bother me
Hope I come back around
It shouldn’t bother me
It’s so hard to find a noun
It shouldn’t bother me
Constantly letting myself down
I don’t need any more
I don’t need any more
My only hope is that you never walk out of the door
I took everything that held me back and locked it in a drawer
I can’t spend my life looking around for something more
This is my survival tactic I’m not doing it for sport
It would be worse than death if I was always falling short 
All I’m tryna say is that I’m getting bored
Everything’s a copy or a reboot or a port
It’s honestly a shame how Every time they cut it short
It’s honestly a shame how I still drown it in a quart
I always find myself filling the silence up with doubt
The feeling that I’m chasing seems to drift way further out
It shouldn’t burden me
But the weight is all around
I have take some action Instead of pacing about
Fuck everybody that’s hated
You just hate to see me try
Fuck everybody I’m jaded
There’s no tears I’ve left to cry
It shouldn’t bother me
There’s no option to retreat
Not giving up my seat
Just wanna make ends meet
I can’t shake the headache 
Let’s get out of here, go home
Instead of making headway
I still grapple the unknowns
It shouldn’t bother me
But my ego breaks me down
It shouldn’t bother me
Hope come back around
It shouldn’t bother me
It’s so hard to find a noun
It shouldn’t bother me
Constantly letting myself down
I don’t need any more
I don’t need any more
My only hope is that you never walk out of the door

it shouldn't bother me

Falling behind I’m Surrounded by doubt
I was misled but I found a new route
I’ll go hard Until I crash and burn out
I never learn until I’m back in a drought
I know I said I take no breaks but I need a timeout
It’s so hard for me cause i wanna go up right now
You can’t hate me for trying you won’t count me out
I can’t let the feeling slip away
Refuse to lose myself in yesterday
But I still find myself lost in the fray
I still wonder what led me astray
Falling behind I’m Surrounded by doubt
I was misled but I found a new route
I’ll go hard Until I crash and burn out
I never learn until I’m back in a drought
It seems I gotta do way more than pray
It’s so unfortunate I gotta pay
I spent a long time tryna build a case
I thought it was solid but it turned to clay
Truth be told you are a part of me
It gives me life that you’re so proud of me
Truth be told the music can be hard for me
Sometimes Anxiety just keeps it hard to breathe
Falling behind I’m Surrounded by doubt
I was misled but I found a new route
I’ll go hard Until I crash and burn out
I never learn until I’m back in a drought
I can’t let the feeling slip away
Refuse to lose myself in yesterday
But I still find myself lost in the fray
I still wonder what led me astray

astray

Every issue with my confidence is products of fear
I can’t take these things for granted, Everything I hold dear
I’m too impatient to watch my own growth
Every night I question fame like what’s it all gonna take
Imagine conquering the ache inside As I lie awake
The tears are falling like rain
The dream goes down in the drain
I can’t keep chasing my own shadow just to prove my own name
I was selfish to try it on my own
Drop the mirror, it breaks
Some wounds you can’t mend with tape
conditions had me displaced
Collect the fragments in case
Every defeat teaches grace
Memories I can’t erase
I have no choice but to embrace Everything that caused me pain
I try to keep up the pace 
But life just isn’t a race
I still wonder how much time i have to find my own place
So sick of hiding my face
And everything I must chase
I still wonder how much time I have until I’m replaced
I’m too impatient to watch my own growth
But I still try to let it all go
Although I can’t see the end of the road
I know wherever it leads I’ll go
I was selfish to try it on my own
I would’ve curled up and died in the snow
But now I’m learning to lean on what’s close
Through every motion I’ll feel less alone

fragments

Chaser (feat. Xvvr) [@bbuggin]

1Deep//YaMCMCrustyAF [Prod. Un3vn]

××RARE×× SPIFF DA JEDI X LIL GUCCI MIDS - OFFICIAL PROD BY. LELAND LAVINCI

for the one who gave up.

Jestercore / ToonPlugg / Dungeon Synth/ Experimental Hip-hop
- Producer, Composer, Vocalist, Songwriter 
<_______"jestercoresavedmylife"_______>
Playstation 2 - Cartoon Network - Toonami - Wizards 101 - GaiaOnline - Toon Disney - Runescape - Newgrounds.com