before in a more optimistic past. when positivity ran amok 

ring ring 
7 days till you shi-ne (die)
yes i am sadako stop breathing
no i'm not a bloody man i'm a cat
*nyan*
get clawed to death
mutilation next
then i eat your liver
but it tastes like shit 
put it in my litter box where it's supposed to be
then wear your finger bones like some cute earrings
peel your skin like a mask 
ed gein Inspired

then i'm feeling wired up
cause I'm fuckin fired up
time to kill some more humans before my time is up
who gon' pick up the phone when it ring rings
i just really wanna come out your LED screen

*random noises*

then i'm feeling wired up
cause i'm fuckin fired up
time to kill some more humans before my time is up
who gon' pick up the phone when it ring rings
i just really wanna come out your LED screen

ring ring (ringu) (prod. 510)  [untitled_-0001]]

"uhm, there's like... ppl gangstalking me and, idk what to do about it. I think im gonna write a post on /x/. Hey /x/ uhm, I see ppl gangstalking me. I see them outside my window, I can hear them banging on my door. They tapped my fucking walls with wires uhm, All the food I eat, all the cameras inside me, all the cameras that are on my- on my computer. They're all staring at me, what I do. I don't wanna kill myself, But I don't have gun, I just want to find a way to turn it off.

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes with no face
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes no face

Verse1:
Late one night
Went on the internet
Down a rabbit hole
Into wonderland
My great awakening
Fuck them pedo libs
They drink adrenochrome 
From abortions
Fuck, I think I know too much
Society a psyop to keep us in a box
I just need to find
Some like-minded lives
To stage a coo against the reptilians
The ones who make billions, 
The CIA and FBI
My own little bubble I finally find
Except they don’t fight
They told me to go digital
And be connected with the spiritual
And to leave behind my fleshy physical
To enter into sysytemspace
To escape this world of pain
But I must spread my message

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes with no face
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8

Verse2:
Stranger
Danger, cut all ties of communication
They spy one me I can feel their wavelengths
They’re inside my head they wanna take it
For mind control but I will rape them
They’re inside my walls
I can hear them crawl and scratch for me
But my energy, and mer-ka-bah repels them, I’m the sun
Nowhere I can run to
Trapped inside my death room
Till my willpower runs sour
They’ll redact me
All I have now is this knife
That I white knuckle with my fists
They are banging on my door and might break it in
I won’t let it happen
Pull the door open
Without hesitation I begin the torture
Stab it endlessly in the fucking chest
Till I realize it was my best friend

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers are dead
5, 6, 7, 8 of my stalkers were friends
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers are dead
5, 6, 7, 8 of my stalkers were my friends

GANGSTALKED (prod. Wendigo) [untitled_0033]]

Found by XEMERZ on a random Russian website, recovered by me. Originally uploaded to John’s SoundCloud for 2 hours on Valentine’s Day in 2019. Cover Art found by Genius.com User: “Malevolent :3”

Lyrics:
I’m sorry for the things I’ve done (done)
That’s apologizing to myself and I don’t feel alright
I feel like before the bloody [?] fuck with valentine
Tomorrow be back to normal, it’s another [?]
Eyes creep to the back of my mind

One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh,

Go, I wanna just float
Float above the clouds in the skys and make it my home
Castle in the sky, float
Fuck a earthly love
I don’t want to feel pitty 
I want to stay with you 

Im sorry, for the things that i have done (done)
(Purple sticker, purp-purple sticker)

Valentine Blues

[FOUND] Johnnascus- Valentine Blues(prod.sleepingforyears)

I Dont Wanna Do This Anymore (prod. LC2K)

I'll make it right

She Smiled & I Fell For A Moment (Slowed)

no comment

download: https://johnnascus.bandcamp.com/album/identity-crisis

What Even Is My True Self

no comment

music video: https://youtu.be/1ivdljUNeFM
download: https://johnnascus.bandcamp.com/album/identity-crisis

Nightmare #1

music video: https://youtu.be/zTiyzpm0TRg
http://www.errquu.org/errquu.org/

Download: https://johnnascus.bandcamp.com/album/errquu

Imma just say what I wanna fucking say
I decide if I live or decay
Universe works in mysterious ways
Not mysterious enough for me to pray
Meyday, Meyday, Meyday, Meyday
I just called chaos and it really wanna just 
RIP It just wanna
TEAR my
SHIT fucking pull
APART my
LIMBS
I don't even know
WhatTHIS
TOLD
SHIT holds
NO hope
*screams*
No! (repeated)

You existentialist
You want to 
Control
Everything but
Some things are out 
Of reach
For your type of being

Chaos philosophy0laa@aa@

Chaos Philosophy

I feel so new
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life I guess enjoy the simple things
Eventually they'll fade away like uhm everything
And everything will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into something
Something into everything
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, circle of life
More like life and death
Same coin different sides
Same coin different sides
Everything will die
Everything will rise
Basic esoteric rhymes
Unless it's all lie
Who knows what is real?
What's my purpose in my life?
Wait sorry, I got in my head again
Let me focus at being in the moment

I feel so nuu
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life I guess enjoy the simple things
Eventually they'll fade away uhm
And nothing will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into nothing
Nothing into nothing
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, circle of death
More like death and death
Same coin same side
Same coin same side
Everything will die
It will become void
Basic nihilistic rhymes
Spiritualism is a lie
Nothing is real

New
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life

Sometimes in this life like everything
And everything will turn nothing into something into everything
Everlasting cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, 
circle of Duality
Yin and Yang
Yin and Yang
Everything will die
Will rise
Basic esoteric rhymes
Unless it's all a lie
Who knows what is real?

I feel so nuu
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please (×4)
Eventually it'll fade away like everything
And everything will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into something
Something into everything
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
Circle of life and death

nNeUwU [untitled_0004]]

[new album when?]]

Verse1:
21st Birthday
Sing it in the worst way
Hikikomori
Mentally 30
My time is fading (yea)
Soul is waning (yea)
Feeling mainy (yea)
Foggy Cranium
My younger self would hate the person that ive become
Losing rhythm, can't find the beat to my own drum
This world ain't for me, or maybe I don't wanna grow up
But what's growing up? Cause I don't wanna have my soul crushed.

Verse2:
I want to live a life outside this system
Travel to a world outside the solar system
& dance to my rhythm

Verse3:
Still fucked up in the head
Try to make folks accept me
Even if they don't care about me
Maybe it's cause I don't care myself
Wanna be ignored to dig deeper in the well
In The Well
IN THE WELL
In the fucking well I just drown myself in despair
Look at the world the it's so far from here
I'm sinking in my own
Can't climb the walls
It is getting darker
There are no walls
See the lights spotters
In my own thoughts
Cannot move, I'm faltered.

Verse4:
21st Birthday
Sing it in the worst way
Hikikomori
Mentally 30
(repeated)

Verse5:
I'm not special
& No one really is
And the glass half empty 
Pessimistic little bitch
Always feel so envy
Towards every human
Don't wanna feel this empty
And prolonged sadness
What's the point of working
If it leads to nothin
What's the point of something
If there's no fulfillment
Why is life important if I didn't choose it
There's no point of living here if you cannot move it
Move the world, change the world
I can do that in this viddy game, save the world
Get the girl
Live a life, of peace & adventuring
Make a mistake, can go back to where it saved me
"Speaking of saving"

Checkpoint:
21 years old. I feel like I've wasted the past 4-5 years of my life & there's always this feeling that everything I have now will soon be gone. I've been making music for the past 5 years, and I still don't know at times if this is what I want to do. I feel like I'll just be forgotten in the next few years. people and friends I have now will soon just forget about me. I feel like I can't even form good connections with people because I'm in my head too much. somedays I just wake up and the day is already over. I feel trapped in life, and don't know what to do. somedays I just want to end it all but tell myself things will get better. I just don't want to live a life of misery. I can't really open up to people about how I honestly feel a lot of the time cause I think I'll just end up being a type of burden to them. so I'm just expressing stuff here. I hope I can find a purpose in life or just something that brings me long term happiness + fulfillment. I don't want to kill myself or live an a autonomous, autopilot, dead life.

Save file:
June 23, 2020
6:36 AM
Bedroom

What Even Is My True Self

JOHNNASCUS