Luka

originals (2016-2019)

JWTF

empty empty empty speaking loud loud loud

i'll move to france and change my name
if you promise to never call again
this whole problem's eating me up inside like a paper to a flame
i burned so long ago

i think i dreamt of you last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forget her
or the things she said

and i saw her last friday
she looks the same as when i met her
except the dark circles around her eyes

maybe she'll forget me someday
like i want to forget
the pain she gave me
the pain she gave me

i think i dreamt of her last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forgive her for the things she said

sometimes late at night
i think about how we'd hold hands when no one looked
and how i'd walk you to your next class
and how you'd hit me when i talked about myself
or anything else

the beginning of a different end

for nate, about aiden

i'd never met a flower before in the flesh
but i thought that night with my clothes
soaking wet
from the liqour i'd spilled on myself
there was no way i could ever live with myself
and if this was the way it had to go
at least i knew someday you'd see a pink rose
and you'd think to yourself
he's a godamn mess
and i'd think to myself 
i'm a fucking trainwreck
and someday you'll see a picture of me
one of those that you couldn't bear to delete
and just like me you'd think to yourself
i really hope i see that boy in hell

new years eve
and all you wanted me to do was leave
left me with your friends
while i tried to sober up
and you cried when i wasn't looking
new years eve
and all i wanted to do was leave
somewhere with you
to talk about the future
but now everything's fucked
and i feel like a loser

i took the plane on a tuesday morning
i wished for indiana to be a little less boring
than you'd made it out to be
you told me you couldn't wait to see me
and an awkward first hug made me think to myself
this kid's fucking short and he's adorable as hell
and that night as we laid in bed
talking about stupid shit that ran through our heads
i knew for sure that i could do this again
but i knew for sure everything would go wrong again

new years eve
and all you wanted me to do was leave
left me with your friends
while i tried to sober up
and you cried when i wasn't looking
new years eve
and all i wanted to do was leave
somewhere with you
to talk about the future
but now everything's fucked
and i feel like a loser

i haven't been sober in two months
sometimes i think that i'm in love
with anyone else
but i don't think there's been anyone else but you
i never want to see the stars again
i never want to have to be alone again
i don't want to but i have to just leave you alone
and now i'm scared that one day when i call you might
pick up your phone

new years eve
and all i wanted to do was kiss you
and now i'm lying in bed alone wishing
i didn't miss you
maybe someday you'll forget we met
but just know i've only met one flower in the flesh

pink roses

Ｉ　ＤＯＮ＇Ｔ　ＴＨＩＮＫ　Ｉ＇Ｍ　ＲＥＡＬ

//私の軌道の悪魔//

i can't thank you guys enough for the endless amount of love & support you've given me since the start. i never thought in a million years we'd be where we're at right now & it's crazy to me that we still continue to grow. it's always been a release for me to let loose on a track & hear what you guys think of it. it's always been for the people & for myself. i love waking up every morning & reading every single comment, every single message, etc. you guys put the biggest fucking smiles on my face & i hope you all know i'm here for you as much as you're here for me. i've struggled with my anxiety & depression for years & to know a lot of you are going through the same things is somewhat comforting. we're in this together. i couldn't do any of this without you guys. we're gonna strive & do great things, i promise. don't let your demons get the best of you. i hope you enjoy this one. i love you

check out the music video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtv87HVgnpo&t=1s

art by chunniboy
be sure to give him lots of love
goo.gl/asxd7w

music video

demons in my orbit

Ｉ　ＤＯＮ＇Ｔ　ＴＨＩＮＫ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＲＥＡＬＬＹ　ＣＡＲＥ

//いいんだよ//

sample is be kind by alex g

no amount of words could ever express my love for you guys. thank you so fucking much for every single comment, like, conversation, etc. i live for this music & to know i've got that much support behind me is insane. you blow my mind. i love you guys.

ＬＹＲＩＣＳ
https://genius.com/guardin-take-away-the-pain-lyrics

lyrics

take away the pain

im finding closure in nicotine
and im finding it harder to sleep
cause i keep thinking you're next to me
i'm sure i'll be fine eventually

you make me think of being alone
cause all i did was stay home
laying in bed with my phone
hoping you'd answer my sixth call

i would have died just to hear your voice
never heard me over all the noise
swallowed more pills than i could count
you didn't pick up cause you were with him

i'm finding closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are now
cause of what you used to be

so darling tell me was i something to you
cause i know everything that you've been through
i'm not sad i'm just pissed off
i'm not sad i'm just mad that you're not

i would have died just to hear your voice
never heard me over all the noise
swallowed more pills than i could count
you didn't pick up cause you were with him

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are now
cause of what you used to be

i would have died just to hear your voice
spent the year thinking i had a choice
swallowed more pills than i could count
never picked up cause you were with him

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are
cause of what you used to be

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are
cause of what you used to be
cause of what we used to be

mastery of self destructive coping mechanisms

Ｉ＇ＬＬ　ＲＵＮ　ＳＯ　ＦＡＲ　ＦＲＯＭ　
ＴＨＥＳＥ　ＳＨＡＤＯＷＳ

//私の心の断片//

lyrics
-------
i think i'd be better off alone 
without you 
i don't mind when i sleep all alone
without you 

i think i found the antidote
i think i found another road
i think i found some fucking hope
nope
i think i'm tryna find a way
to rid of all these darker days
but my minds trapped inside a maze 

so i'll run so far from these shadows
makeshift but my hearts still fragile
i'd drown but the waters too shallow
my heads still caught in the gallows
your kiss is my remedy
i fall to the ground so desperately
baby i know that you're mad at me
filling all the voids like cavities 

i think i'd be better off alone 
without you 
i don't mind when i sleep all alone
without you 
i think i'd be better off alone 
without you 
i don't mind when i sleep all alone
without you 

i guess this feeling lasts forever
i guess we'll never be together
you're colder than i can remember
but the ice is melting quickly 
i'm still wishing that you'd miss me

but you're gone and i never could replace you
mistraced new face but it ain't you
rebuilding the forts that i made you
no love but my hearts tryna break thru
my chest cause its caving in
i dwell in a cell in a realm of sin
six shots to the face of rum & gin
i'm dead in the head so i guess you win 

i think i'd be better off alone 
without you 
i don't mind when i sleep all alone
without you

solitary

Ｉ　ＤＯＮ＇Ｔ　ＴＨＩＮＫ　Ｉ＇ＬＬ　ＥＶＥＲ
ＧＥＴ　Ａ　ＣＡＬＬ　ＢＡＣＫ

//誰も長く滞在しない//

i keep looking for love in all the wrong places. maybe one day things will be different.

lyrics
--------
and i know that you want me to leave
but it's cool cause we're through and i'm high in the trees
i escape with a vape cause the smoke stains my teeth
yes i know that i probably talk in my sleep
probably talk in my sleep when we kiss i awake
but i'm dreaming again it was all fuckin' fake
and i'm thinkin' too much of the way that you taste
cause the flavor of you isn't one to replace
and i think imma waste

more time scrollin' down my timeline
wish that i could hop up in my whip and go to five guys
somethings gotta give when i'm sky high
i'm not something super in the uber playin' i spy
disappear from everybody for a while
cause the air is getting thick within the radius of miles
suicide is on my mind & i can't bare to even smile
i can only get a taste cause happiness is versatile

and i know that you want me to leave
but it's cool cause we're through and i'm high in the trees
i escape with a vape cause the smoke stains my teeth
yes i know that i probably talk in my sleep
probably talk in my sleep when we kiss i awake
but i'm dreaming again it was all fuckin' fake
and i'm thinkin' too much of the way that you taste
cause the flavor of you isn't one to replace
and i think that i

probably could've tried harder
i tend to fall in love too quick with everybody's daughter
take my heart and they begin to slaughter
i'm a fuckin' wreck and my neck is lookin' like every other
boy that they've been bruisin' for a bit
i've been smooth cruisin' catalytic tendencies are in
love is just a four letter word that don't mean shit
cause i open up a bit too much & they just wanna dip

they just always fall back
i don't think i'll ever get a call back
why the fuck i go through all that
just for what we had to fuckin' fall flat

in my sleep

i need a quiet place to rest my head
but im hiding inside it instead
a bland taste
i can't take
don't wanna look you in the face
don't wanna ruin your day

emotions calcified
fossilized 
into what they were once upon a time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel safe right now

its the kind of monster that eats the oxygen
you don't understand
his heart is gold but in the sense that it is
heavy and cold
please talk to me about all these trivial things
so i'll forget this awful monster in me

all the truths spill out and i
forget what im talking about
not saying words, just thinking out loud

the truths all toxify
they're all lies
im trapped in wasted time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel sane right now

its the kind of monster that eats the oxygen
you don't understand
his heart is gold but in the sense that it is
heavy and cold
please talk to me about all these trivial things
so i'll forget this awful monster in me

emotions calcified
fossilized 
into what they were once upon a time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel safe right now
all the truth spills out and i
forget what im talking about
not saying words, just thinking out loud
the truths all toxify
they're all lies
im trapped in wasted time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel sane right now

u ok?

unaware of the earth because its always just below your feet
you're now ungrateful for simple things like concrete
realities in which the rest of them live in
you're so detached now you can't name more than three friends

tried conversation but you just can't sell a joke
tried self motivation but you just can't keep the hope
that someday you'll understand
how everyone can just be okay

~~

he's like a wall that speaks back in fragments
crumbles and falls and no one really misses him
no one ever comes to build him back up again cause
he's not meant to stand he'll just fall down if given the chance

there's a word to describe it but i just can't find it
on the tip of my tongue there's something like
climbing the tallest tree just to find out
you're afraid of heights

~~

when i was younger i knew just how to tie my shoes
as i got older i started slipping them on, so i wouldn't lose
time in the morning to sleep in cause i'd
stay up all night just wishing i would stop breathing

when i was younger i knew how to ride a bike
that time i fell and went to the hospital
was the last time
it's not as easy as just taking off, isn't that right?
wish i wasn't right

he's like a wall that speaks back in fragments
crumbles and falls and no one really misses him
no one ever comes to build him back up again cause
he's not meant to stand he'll just fall down if given the chance

there's a word to describe it but i just can't find it
on the tip of my tongue there's something like
climbing the tallest tree just to find out
you're afraid of heights


maybe someday it'll come back to me
everything i forgot
just to keep my head above
all this self loathing is getting to me
and it's gonna be 
the only part of me left to see

how to tie your shoes (wikihow)

hot mulligan

Hey
I know I just saw you yesterday, but I wanted to say
That I miss you and I am sorry I always have to go
Every couple weeks or so
And I’m sick of the roads
And the tolls that we both have to pay, 'cause I’m always away

I miss the smell of your skin and your clothes
And I want nothing more than to be back at home again
Staying in, getting takeout, or binge-watching HLN
I haven’t slept well in days
I miss waking up, having coffee and breakfast in bed
Sharing showers, and I quit smoking cigarettes
Until I left for tour, now I’m anxious again
and you’re in bed back home, and I’m a total wreck
I'm still a total wreck

I tried to sit still
Made the call and now I’m talking to a voicemail
Left a message
Pay attention to the detail
Overwrought and overwhelmed
Hear me shaking as I exhale
Quivering and sweating out the chemicals
11 hour acid trip when Scott became a ceiling fan, and I am soap
So here I go, carry on alone
So here I go, carry on alone
I carry on alone

I miss the smell of your skin and your clothes
And I want nothing more than to be back at home again
Staying in, getting takeout, or binge-watching HLN
I haven’t slept well in days
I miss waking up, having coffee and breakfast in bed
Sharing showers, and I quit smoking cigarettes
Until I left for tour, now I’m anxious again
and you’re in bed back home, and I’m a total wreck
I'm still a total wreck

good ol mr rags

not used to being the second option
wish i knew just how to stop this
every song i make is so sad
it almost sounds fake
but this is something not even light escapes

wish you'd ask if i was ok
its alright, it wouldn't change anything
my parents think i wanna run away but oh god
there's nothing more i want than to just

stay home
stay alone
i walk around like i'm so angry but i
just can't feel my bones when they break
when they break
and they break
and they break
and they break

i'm losing all my friends again
it's not fine but i'll pretend
i'll stay put
and they'll wonder if i'll come out for summer
but every breath i take is so hard to catch
or catch a break
this solipsism's got me thinking that i'm fine with sinking
the isolation will slowly kill me
but this empty world could never fill me
a bottomless pit that not even light escapes
so i'll
stay home
stay alone
sleep all day 
they say i'm angsty but i'm watching this world erase me
walk around like i'm so angry
but i'm just waiting for the break

walk around like i'm so angry
but i wanna feel my bones when they break

bones

cavetown

Life's alright in devil town
They're right, no one's gonna catch us now
Dad has bought a new car now
We're fine, no one's gonna catch us now
You said something dumb again
She's mad, at least that's what they say
Mum and daddy aren't in love
That's fine, I'll settle for two birthdays
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
We're all dead in devil town
That's fine, cause nothing's gonna scare us now
We're all in our dressing gowns, mine's white
And stripy yours is green and brown
I forgot my name again
I think that's something worth remembering
Spiders in your favourite shoes
Just leave them be cause they're more scared of you
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too

devil town

i don't wanna be alive anymore
its just there's
too much to be fighting for
i don't want
to go outside anymore
cause it's all
too loud, too bright, too boring

and i don't wanna get in fights anymore
cause they're all
for something i can't care less about
but it still
hurts bad when you call me that
it still
hurts bad when you don't call me back

~~

and you don't wanna talk anymore
and that's cool
cause i still don't know what i'm fighting for
i guess its
the overwhelming fear of being alone
that just so
happens to be all i know

~~

SO TELL ME
IS IT WORTH IT TO YOU
TO MAKE ME
DRIVE A TOTAL OF A THOUSAND MILES
IN A WEEK
JUST TO SEE IF YOU'RE STILL BREATHING
JUST TO SEE IF YOU'RE STILL LEAVING

CAUSE IF ITS
TOO MUCH TO BE FIGHTING FOR
THEN IT'S
NOT WORTH IT TO DENY ANYMORE
I LOVE YOU
YOU LOVE ME
BUT ITS NOT MEANT TO BE
NO ITS NOT MEANT TO BE

DON'T EVER FUCKING LEAVE ME
PLEASE DON'T EVER STOP BREATHING

~~

i don't wanna be alive anymore
its just there's
too much to be fighting for
i don't want
to be alive anymore
i don't want to be in love anymore

i'll call it a draw (for tonight)

always start to feel better
just a little too late to soak it in
this is just the way it always ends

no time to count all of the times
i wish i could change my mind
about changing who i am

sharp pain in my chest
can't tell if its sadness or a heart attack
i'd prefer the second, god i wanna bring myself back

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright, so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy cause they just numb me
or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

don't wanna drag you down with me
cause you're the only thing i see
in my future, whatever that word means

they say van gogh only sold one painting
while his beautiful heart was beating
but i'm a joke so where does that leave me?

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy
cause they just numb me or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

written hundreds of songs
written thousands of words
is this empty life really what i deserve?
stick it all in a bottle and send it out to sea

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
can't afford pills or therapy
cause i just loathe in my own pity
i've dug my grave i've made my bed
so i'll just go sleep in it

i am sleeping on a sinking ship

lyrics
--------
i don't think i've
ever been this fucking stressed in my life
creature part two isn't finished i lied
just to get them off my back though i tried
i can't create when i'm dying inside
moving this weekend i wish i could fly
don't have my car but i still gotta drive
pack up the uhaul and tell my mom bye
hop on i-86 thinkin' bout why

am i like this
i don't like this
all my friends are enemies behind my eyelids
losing sleep i drive all week and raise my mileage
guardin cut his fucking hair now i don't like him
depression take me by 25
fuck going out i'll just stay inside
this isn't you i say to myself every night lately i contemplate suicide
oh but you're famous online so your life must be great they say but that's a fucking lie
crawl into bed around seven a.m. and the headaches come full force i wanna die

hey holywood would your people ever like me?
misunderstood is all i ever might be

i am sleeping on a sinking ship

justwatchthefireworks