never fertig

abgeufoekt

Observations to muse

A poem inspired by the conflicts I (and I'm sure countless others) sometimes encounter during the creative process. I'd like to believe there is transcendental value to art and self-expression, but sometimes I can't help but feel that cynics and skeptics are right, that this is wishful thinking and that self-expression is simply an organic or social function that we have anthropocentrically attached artificial meaning to in an attempt to define our existence in friendly, comfortable terms.


"Self-expression is a regurgitory tribute to our existential vassalage"

"Stagnant cynic. What's wrong with you? Your muse is a prickly old woman with saggy tattoos."

"Well go on blind abstract, I'm listening. I know your metaphysically meted edicts like to travel in groups of two."

"That's very true. But for effect we will need a better view. Let's climb this tree. I can smell the freshest breeze while you try again to gauge how far your eyes can see."


Swinging nimbly from the first branch, the abstract didn't wait around for me to agree. Almost to the top I nearly slipped, but before losing grip, the abstract grabbed my fingers by their tips and said:

"Soon you will die, while I thrive, and one day, our children will surely meet."

Saggy Tattoos

Song about the ups and downs of real life love.


Lyrics: 
We read all the books 
And we watch all the movies 
We wait for them to show up
A soulmate, a one and only 
And we think that they’ll save us 
And make our lives picture perfect 
Our own happily ever after 
An end to all of the heartache 
But real life is not easy 
You’re not always gonna be happy 
Sometimes you might feel lonely 
And that’s ok,
Cause baby, it’s not, 
A fairytale love ohhhhhh, not a fairytale love 
And there’s no guarantee that we won’t mess it up
Cause it’s not a fairytale love

So why do we over-fantasize?
I should know cause I do it all the time
I daydream about a million different scenarios 
It distracts me from real life, I know 
And these pre-written perfect love stories 
Make me wonder what is wrong with me 
How can I still feel sad and lost 
When I try so hard to be so happy? 
But something that I’ve come to realize mis I don’t want the fairytale love story 
Life’s beautiful because it’s uncertain and so 
I’m so glad, it’s not, 
A fairytale love ohhhhhh, not a fairytale love 
And there’s no guarantee that we won’t mess it up
Cause it’s not a fairytale love

And I know that we’re both stumbling through life together 
No fixed plans, no destiny 
But out of the millions of people that we could have been
I’m so glad we’re you and me 

And as you pointed out, it all depends 
How do you define fairytale? You ask me 
I’ve never been in love before 
I’m learning as I’m moving forward 
In this life we write our own stories

Fairytale Love

Belower Extremities

Pelvic Study

Suspension Voice

A song about lost friendship, but lingering affection.

Lyrics: 
We keep talking in circles, can't find a way out
You're trapped and you don't even know 
Too scared to lose friends, but too proud to make more
You'll go through this life all alone 

And it hurts me, to see you cry on the side by yourself 
and it hurts me you won't let me in though I could help
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh

You're locked in this cage and you've swallowed the key
My hands can't fit inside those bars
I try to release you, but you won't be freed 
You yell at me, scream 'It's too hard!' 

And it hurts me, to see you cry on the side by yourself 
and it hurts me you won't let me in though I could help
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh

As I sit here and write this, I finally see
the truth about being your friend 
I won't try and help you because you won't let me breathe 
Until you're free, this friendship must end. 

And it hurts me, to see you cry on the side by yourself 
and it hurts me you won't let me in though I could help
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh
Though I could help, ohhhh, ohhhh, though I could help, ohhhh, ohhh
Though I could help

Won't Let Me In

English: 
I keep coming back to this
Can’t seem to break away I guess 
It’s just a lesson I still need to learn. 
She’s now so twisted in my mind
That’s what they wanted, watch the fight
Raise up the hero, while the villain falls. 

Can’t take much more, I’m just treading water 
Looking forward to the day I learn to swim
Hope I can do it before these thoughts do me in. 

Send out the boats, I’m drowning 
I’m all alone and I’m afraid of being lonely 
Throw down the rope, I can’t breathe 
Don’t want to think about the fact that you can’t hold me 

I look at me, have I even grown? 
I hope so but deep down, I don’t know 
‘Cause it still hurts to hear what they think of me 
I tell myself I don’t care, but that’s just not true 
I’m terrified to take a step and make another wrong move 
Prove I’m nothing more than my weakest moment 

Can’t take much more, I’m just treading water 
Looking forward to the day I learn to swim
Hope I can do it before these thoughts do me in. 

Send out the boats, I’m drowning 
I’m all alone and I’m afraid of being lonely 
Throw down the rope, I can’t breathe 
Don’t want to think about the fact that you can’t hold me 

I’m almost gone when she opens my eyes
You can breathe I promise don’t listen to lies 
You’re so much stronger than they think you are 
Yeah, life can hurt but it’s beautiful too 
A small smile, a kiss, a sky full of blue 
These things are miracles and they’re all around 

I’m doing fine, yeah, I’m just treading water
I know someday I’ll learn to swim 
Until that day comes these thoughts, they will not win 

Send out the boats, I’m drowning 
I’m all alone and I’m afraid of being lonely 
Throw down the rope, I can’t breathe 
Don’t want to think about the fact that you can’t hold me 



Spanish: 
Sigo volviendo a esto. 
Parece que no lo puedo escapar
Supongo que es una lección que todavía tengo que aprender.
Ahora está tan enredada en mi mente. 
Eso es lo que querían, ver la pelea. 
Levanta al héroe, mientras el villano cae 

No puedo soportar mucho más
Me estoy manteniendo a flote
Ojalá que llegue el día en que aprenda a nadar. 
Espero poder hacerlo antes de que estos pensamientos me acaben.

Envía los botes, me estoy ahogando. 
Estoy sola y tengo miedo de estarlo
Tira la cuerda
No puedo respirar
No quiero pensar en el hecho de que no puedes abrazarme

Me miro, ¿he crecido siquiera?
Eso espero, pero en el fondo no lo sé. 
Porque todavía me duele oír lo que piensan de mí. 
Me digo a mí mismo que no me importa, pero eso no es verdad
Me aterroriza dar un paso y hacer otro movimiento equivocado
Demuestra que no soy nada más que mi momento más débil 

No puedo soportar mucho más
Me estoy manteniendo a flote
Ojalá que llegue el día en que aprenda a nadar. 
Espero poder hacerlo antes de que estos pensamientos me acaben.

Envía los botes, me estoy ahogando. 
Estoy sola y tengo miedo de estarlo
Tira la cuerda
No puedo respirar
No quiero pensar en el hecho de que no puedes abrazarme

Casi me voy cuando ella abre mis ojos.
Puedes respirar, te prometo que no escuches mentiras. 
Eres mucho más fuerte de lo que ellos creen que eres 
Sí, la vida puede doler, pero también es hermosa. 
Una pequeña sonrisa, un beso, un cielo lleno de azul 
Estas cosas son milagros y están por todas partes 

Estoy bien, solo me estoy manteniendo a flote
Sé que algún día aprenderé a nadar 
Hasta que llegue ese día estos pensamientos, no ganarán

Send Out The Boats

I write poetry and music in my free time to make sure both sides of my brain stay active so I don't start thinking in circles.  

I love SoundCloud and am very thankful to be able to rub virtual shoulders with so many incredibly talented people. Collaborations welcome!

Saggy Tattoos

Knot Neck

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Knot Neck

Mark Goodwin has moved to Bandcamp

Mark Goodwin has moved to Bandcamp

thedarkofmaya

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