prod. @sorrow_bringer 🖤


~~lyrics~~
fuck where’s the trust
leading lust, between us 
heating up, on the cusp 
self-destruct, blowing up
into dust
i wanna fall
(don't wanna fall)
into my own hellish spiral

fuck, gotta suffocate
just another day where i can’t breathe
out my airways
but, that’s what it takes
drowning in the sound of yourself
tryna climb the stairways

fate isn’t funny i could be dead
blow my brains out my fucking head
was it worth every second bled?
are you happy with yourself again?

co-depend, don’t forget
that i’m fucked up in the head
leavings cuts cause i’m not enough
and you won’t believe a single thing i said

i got too much on my plate
so i just puke it up & regurgitate
i do not fuck with the fate
pushing away the people
that would try to relate

trust my spirit
(where is the trust?!)
do you hear it now?
(i’m not enough)
it hurts falling down
just let me drown

fuck, gotta suffocate
just another day where i can’t breathe
out my airways
but, that’s what it takes
drowning in the sound of yourself
tryna climb the stairways

fate isn’t funny i could be dead
blew my brains out my fucking head
was it worth every second bled?
are you happy with yourself again?

i know what i’m doing, i know what i did
what i would give to go back to a kid
selfishness underneath my skin
to begin again, i would have to end
i’m a letdown, fight it off
hellbound, so fucking lost
count down, until i’m gone
ultimately i’m not what you want

(3x)
not what you want
(yeah…)

hellish spirals [prod. sorrowbringer]

chapter i

produced by ztope
completely non profit

lyrics

filtered beams of moonlight 
passing thru the ice above
i cannot bear to take my eyes 
off of my drowning love
why she had to follow me
why she had to jump
shes drowning in this lake
man cold water makes u numb

makes u numb
hit my head on rocks below
blood
blood fills the water oh my god
god cannot save us
oh we're fucked
fucked
sleeping on this bed of rocks
shadows of the trees
they dance on ice thats 3, 4 inches thick
is that lantern light
i ask her body what the fuck she thinks
this our savior 
and i hope he drags us up or else we'll sink
please just save her
i do not care if im on the brink

filtered beams of moonlight 
passing thru the ice above
i cannot bear to take my eyes
off of my drowning love
why she had to follow me
why she had to jump
shes drowning in this lake
man cold water makes u numb

it makes u drown

drowning at the bottom of a frozen lake (ztope)

featuring my dawg @homesick

[@sendflowrs:]
whats on ur mind?
whenever u talk
whenever u talk to me
cant help but lie
ur just a jester
laugh and smile at me
jus while i die
n my brain so fucked up
prozac helps me sleep
but i still cry 
whenever a memory comes to me i weep

i think my time is nigh
just let me out to dry
think ill pour another cup
or maybe roll n jus get high
n i been feelin hella fuzzy
u dont love me
need to lie
n i been screamin till my throat is sore
cant even say goodbye

[@homesick:]
say goodbye, goodbye
send me off n shut the lights off
i can't expect you to live with this
no i won't spell it out for you
it's all wrong
i can't try to replace this
but i can keep my distance
let the memories keep me jaded
take what you want, i'm reapin the product
i'm serving sets of the shit i got wrong
n shit i cant talk, what i never wanted            
back to that spot it's so cold there
im a shadow with a blank stare
old coat with that old tear
i got a new spot with some old fears

[@sendflowrs:]
whats on ur mind?
whenever u talk
whenever u talk to me
cant help but lie
ur just a jester
laugh and smile at me
jus while i die
n my brain so fucked up
prozac helps me sleep
but i still cry 
whenever a memory comes to me i weep

i think my time is nigh
just let me out to dry
think ill pour another cup
or maybe roll n jus get high
n i been feelin hella fuzzy
u dont love me
need to lie
n i been screamin till my throat is sore
cant even say goodbye

liar w/ homesick (addyexo)

prod me

sick & haven't been able to record much of anything for some time now, but i wanted to get something out both for myself, and possibly you;
been sitting on this one for a while
hope you enjoy.
take care

hey, i'll trade you for your sorrows
i've grown used to feeling that
and if we're talking 'bout tomorrows
i've grown used to losing them too

the voices i read with my ears, tend to bleed
choking up every piece of the letters i speak
wasn't always afraid of the pictures i paint
guess the brush needs a wash, mutilate, then repeat

hate when i reach out again
people speculate my head
you're not me, you're not my friend
frequently, wish i was..

thoughts reflected through my brain
too bad they can't do the same
shattered past and future pains
guide me home through rough terrain

i'm ugly with words
keep it blunt, little passive
hoping that i'll make it up with some actions
feel so trash, bounce back like elastic
i'm doing that for the sake of my casket
hurting myself in a hope i'll be gone
suck how the ones that we trust do you wrong
playing along
it's not even fair i can bare all the tears that i've once undergone

this life makes me sick; can't trade it
i've been pushing through the lame shit
stay averted; bad relations
let my room for hate stay vacant
pour it all on my own psyche
ain't no one 'round here feel like me
it's not a nice thing
never sight-see inside my mind
i'm mostly agonizing

i told them it'd be okay
it sure as hell don't feel that way
your limitations never stay
you're pulling pins to thought grenades

it's all the same
cast a wave and send me to a sunken grave
only then i'll know my place

woke up in a sweat so cold
in a room pale white, and a heart full of woe
passed out 'round noon, now i'm ten on my toes
from the sun's red hue, passed through what imposed
any chafe on my brain by the stains from the mulch
what kind of weight doesn't make you implode?
phasing a gate into heaven's abode
but that ain't a place i ain't think imma know

i haven't changed my sheets in like a week or two
(get outta bed)
summer's passed, and suddenly, our meanings too
(it's all that i have)

my eyes stayed tied into my mind
to undermine it's barbed wires

i'm trying to be what i need
choosing escape over delicacies
they weren't a choice i would seek
nothing was ever created for me

(4x)
i'm trying to be what i need

mulch

and these seconds go by like they’re nothing 
and precious is time but means nothing to me 
and these minutes rain down and cause flooding 
my waterproof coat hides the heart on my sleeve 

and i met her last year through her cousin 
it was april or may i don’t know honestly
i was away with the fairies all morning 
and we texted all day and it felt like a dream

now this time i once spent with my darling 
means nothing to her or to me 
oh my god 
how embarrassing for me was blubbing
in front of her mom and like 3 of her friends

and i guess ill be there if you need me 
you don’t have to fake to please me
you can talk to me so sweetly
or pretend that this is easy
it’s a daily rock bottom
so i drown my pain in weed leaves
10KG weights, and tea leaves
and when you hurt me kill discretely, please 

(greenwood)
try to parse through the things that you said
crossed over Madison, i loved you to death
stayed in the winter despite what i need
but we never made it to august heat
eyes on the valley, you asked me to wait
ask of the baggage, it's as is you care
still keep the coat that i got you in spring
i still keep the pictures i'm not even in

i still keep the pictures i’m not even in w/ greenwood (pekarot)

emilee (king theta)

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

everyday is the same/ but just a little bit different
today i was the guilty one again, cuz i didn't listen
yesterday it was still my fault, but surely 4 anotha reason
i think/ shit never changes, despite us changing the szn
i suddenly went cold, like we're in a blizzard
sick of bastards who fold, n runaway like they lizzards
acting like u r dr connors, imma beat u like peter
ain't no way u betraying me, im sick of being beaten

not my choice to be born
not my decision
if it really was up to me
i'd be in a grave not breathing
all the bones that u broke 
r the reason 
why ur so bad for me 
but keep me from kneeling

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

sm pain in mh (tiedforsilver)

crumbling everywhere i go to, lately 
breaking down nowadays is something, daily 
i swear i tried but i can't seem to escape this trapped in a maze where every corner's an abyss

it seems like no1's trynna save me 
no helping hands, no calls nor texts
they just leave me to face it
got no support, full of remorse i need you to embrace me 
in ur arms, they sooth the scars and make me just forget this

u didn't care u din't ask
all our love's fading fast 
hit me sudden like a crash 
watch us both turn into ash 

make of my heart a cast
pour hot iron on my chest
watch me fail to catcha breath
as my body slowly melts r 

and i’ll sit alone
my phones on dnd 
but it wouldn’t matter 
no one checks on me 
and they’ll say they care
but don’t listen closely 
they’ll say they care 
when i finally can’t breathe 

friends hit me for a feature 
but they’ve never shared my songs 
and i’ll pretend it’s cool 
cause it’s not worth i’ll play along  
so i may be a narcissist 
please say that it’s okay 
cause if i do not love myself 
then that leaves no one loving me 

i walk alone 
drag broken bones 
they throw their stones 
and go for my throat 
i’ll turn off my phone 
and i’ll keep it closed 
cause i don’t need anyone to know where i’ll go

u didn't care u din't ask
all our love's fading fast 
hit me sudden like a crash 
watch us both turn into ash 

make of my heart a cast
pour hot iron on my chest
watch me fail to catcha breath
as my body slowly melts r

casperrr & geist - cast (pekarot)

lyrics

i spend every waking moment trying to pick myself up cause im falling apart
just to get back into it the very next day but you heal my soul up in the dark
id try to do it myself but i wouldnt know where to start
save me from hurting my heart baby
i want you to love me
i want you to touch me
and whenever im blinded by this shit be my ears and my eyes whenever i cant see
i hope that you need me
i hope you can hear me
i hope you can grab me and pick me off my feet
just to knock me down again

and i never rest well, i hope that my healths well
if future repeats itself then i know this wont end well
my mouths on fire sipping in this hotel
oh you know me so well
we cant make this farewell

could we make the last time count
everything you say everything i hear right now
save me from myself would you take it back somehow
you don't need to worry i just need to come back down
look where weve been cause im closer to death
i see you laugh when youre talking to him
you got your movies and i got my friends
but im tasting salt in the water again
hold me down
hold me still
is this the place where we begin

and i never rest well, i hope that my healths well
if future repeats itself then i know this wont end well
my mouths on fire sipping in this hotel
oh you know me so well
we cant make this farewell

i play you the song that saved my life but you scroll on your phone
and i cant give everything up for this career to just die unkown
unwillingly, willingly killing my body so leave me alone
ill just stay at home
i hope you can find me there

health w/ greenwood (p. jacob vallen)

lonely december

I got so tired, so tired of living a lie 
In that basement I contemplated my own life then pretended everything everything was alright 
Kept reaching for faith I was fucking dead inside 
Oh i don’t know I just feel my bones contain the shell of a weak man i truely want to grow

Keep ya chin up 
Push on love 
Tell myself everyday you can’t give up 

Oh no oh no 
You can’t give up

I got so scared, scared of what would come 
Put one foot in front of the other now I’m on the run 
Sea of despair almost killed me 
See the lighthouse on the tree line it has always guided me 
Was I just blind or in denial 
Home is not just a structure 
It’s the feeling of not being alone and cut that mental suffrage 
Digging myself out of the dirt hole 
Have to believe no matter what happens I will grow 

Keep ya chin up 
Push on love 
Tell myself everyday you can’t give up

emilee (king theta)

lil booj

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lil booj

evergarden ❀

Blospar

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