here I am losing myself again :(

out on all plats soon

losing myself again

when my dreamscape and my reality starts blurring what is really real anymore?

consider this ghoul in tokyo pt 2

i put a lot of work into this project and i hope you enjoy
also shoutout the amazing producer sorrow bringer
extra sound design and effects by me

this is my art and what i wanna make

- mars

ps this was heavily influenced by sewer

hellscape

produced by @s0ftskelet0ns the goat
also shoutout misfiit for being the goat aswell

return to the swamp (s0ftskelet0ns)

this is a album i threw together with songs that didnt fit other projects enjoy <3 

shoutout jerbear for the art

shout all the prods - eric godlow, irby hollowprpl, dash, sorrowbringer, p4ra, neerdowell, & ryan kelly,

most of all of this is non profit I will lease beats  and post a ep on spotify next year.

i'm okay, everythings fine

shoutout Eric godlow

and most of all thank you @Icarus_Lurks for hopping on these <3

happy new year

marsmal x IcarusLurks - Ironflesh

produced by autrioly

lyrics;
girl when u call me ion wanna pick up
hearing ur voice got me feeling some type of way
if u where me would u not have ur guard up?
if i do not answer the phone dont call me again
u always trying to use the things i say as a weapon
look me in the eyes n tell me u dont love him
take a flight
cuz im jus trying to get high
im jus trying to get by
take a flight
pick up the mic
im feeling alright
yeah

girl when u call me ion wanna pick up
hearing ur voice got me feeling some type of way
if u where me would u not have ur guard up?
if i do not answer the phone dont call me again
u always trying to use the things i say as a weapon
look me in the eyes n tell me u dont love him

i mean ur the reason i been getting all fucked up again

look at me using u as a excuse again
because i dont wanna take the blame for it again
look at me losing myself again
im cutting myself out in the open

i cannot not disappear
so you got and ha

losing myself again (disappear)

produced by lostcage

lyrics;
i got blunt ash on my coat
i got dabs all over my clothes
all i do is fucking smoke
im coughing all night u can hear me choke
i record this song than come up with a emote
than i spend all day in bed watching supernatural
baby wipe ur nose because u look like u got a cold
u fuck with my head n turned my heart to stone
and i feel like theres a rope tied around my throat
im jus too fucked up im too stoned


crashout
crashout
thats all i fucking do
i cant control my anger
its been like 4 months since i been sober
its starting to get warmer
but i still feel colder
im always looking over my shoulder
friends tell me i should ignore her
but i wanna hear her voice
ik i keep making these choices
i like it when she uses me as her toy
because i get some sort of fucking joy
throw me to the side for ur new boy
i mean someones gotta be the villain in your story
it dont matter how many times i say sorry
i did it and im sorry


crashout

produced by scottysplash

lyrics;
i got years of blood on my hands and I’ll never wash it off
I’m chasing all the drugs, liquor & pain, tryna find a place where I belong
trapped in the shadows, i try to survive, n we don’t care about what cost
I wear a heavy crown, but I wear it like a boss

I’ve been lost, I’ve been down low, its been feeling real empty on my throne
i did say i was never gonna come home, but i don't even know where ill go
i was 18 when I wrote the world is cold & guess what  its still cold
ive been feeling real low, real low, low low low
im trying to fill this whole the only way i ever know

I wear the weight like it's stitched in my skin,
i hold on and beg everyone to forgive 
but all i fucking do is sin
everyday i wanna quit
i tell myself everyday this is it
im trapped, im trapped, im trapped 

we were all supposed to get along
but for how long
playing chants and singing a warriors song
blood shed all over the battle field
and i dont even know what weapon i wield
god told me to go forward 
but im trapped by my past
using my shield to parry 
sword vs sword combat jus to be treated fairly


crown

produced by scottysplash

lyrics;
i been smoking till my eyes go red
i been wasting everyday in this bed
been wishing everyday i was dead
how the fuck do i try when there is nothing left
jus switched my meds
but i dont think theyll fucked up head
but ill try because im always trying my best

i know im a mess
n i know i got these regrets
so why the fuck do i wanna be dead
ive had friends i lost and friends i pushed away
day to day
night to night
im not feeling alright
week to week
month to month
im lost in my head 
i see the seasons changing like its twilight
been a year and i still dont feel any different
been 2 years i been stagnant


mess

produced by autrioly

lyrics;
im taking my lighter and im burning every bridge
i roll up this weed n i take another hit
i pick up this pill bottle and toss 1 down my throat
i keep saying i wanna quit
but its the only thing that makes life easy
if i quit than i feel like id hate it
a life so grey and dull
drugs r the only thing that helps it
ion think i can ever quit

burned bridges

hellscape (intro)

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
its cold, i cant feel my hands
killing another man
that wasnt apart of the plan
but fuck here i am
washing the blood of my hands
i took the last thing that made me human
now im fading back into being a demon
babygirl gimmie a reason to stay
if not ima jus drift away
ion even wanna be awake

oh my god 
smoking all night long
i wont ever stop
its the only thing im good at
the only thing i want

atleast fight back x 5

fffightback (interlude)

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
its been 45 days since i got fucked up
its been 59 days since i got drunk
doing this for my health and i hate it
jus like jelly said sobriety sucks
i like the feeling of being fucked up
it helps with know ill never be enough

i wake up and wish i could jus go back to sleep
even when i record 50 songs a week
i still feel like im just a sheep
everyone says its not that deep

beingsoberfkingsucks

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
4am on this porch i sit here and smoke
until everything i love turn to ash
off this ket but it doesnt nothing but numb my past pain
take my soul and heart and toss it out into the rain
watch me bleed, babe im on my knees
sending you messsage after message knowing you wont read
listen to my pleads, listen to me

i cant look anyone in the face
im ashamed of who i am
i'm not the man i wanna be
and i dont wanna force you to love me
but without you in my life it feels empty
and every single thing feels tempting
i jus wanna be existing

the truth is hard to swallow
been awhile since i was down this low
ive never felt this hollow
i'm trying to get fucked up so i'm trying to hit it from my bong
i used to have potential but everyone tells me im lost
i don't know what todo or where i belong
fear the worst because you know im cursed
and fuck this shit ill say it again it fucking hurts
cancel all my plans
drop everything just so i could get fucked up and play games
everything i do to numb the pain
it wont help me escape
it makes everything fade away
take everything take my soul
just let me waste away
these new meds are supposed to work
but fuck

i cant look anyone in the face
im ashamed of who i am
i'm not the man i wanna be
and i dont wanna force you to love me
but without you in my life it feels empty
and every single thing feels tempting
i jus wanna be existing

hollow

produced by the wonderful @iamaneerdowell

lyrics;
i say i try my best
but i
never try my best x2

gods always putting me thru tests
and all my friends are pushing me to the ledge
im still waiting for a text from my ex
my dr switched my meds
i think theyre working
its hard to fix something when ur always hurting
and nothings ever fucking working

is this shit always in my fuckedup head
i get tired of waking up and wanting to be dead
idk how much energy i got left
so leave me alone

if i do not answer the phone dont call me again
i dont wanna talk to you, you always got a plan
you use me for attention than go back to your man
ik i was apart of the plan
its okay you win

i say i try my best
but i
never try my best x2

try my best

a little spooky song since i rewatched TVD & TO so i felt like making a werewolf song enjoy 

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
we travel in a pack
we hunger for blood and hearts
half wolf half man howling at the moon and stars
haunted by something in the dark
i wear this mark
because its all i got

i know im stuck in this mud
i know i look better with his guts and blood
as i sip on my rum i dont even get drunk
but i can still there blood on my tongue
i hear gun shots
i guess im on the run 
i had a chance that no one had
but who would of thought id turn bad
ive been having nightmares of there screams when i sleep at night
it all changed with one bite
it all changed one night
when the moon shined so bright
and i didn't feel alright
thats the sametime i took his life
i cant look at anyone in the eyes
theyre too bright 
i hear your heart beat a mile away
i taste human meat and im not okay
why does it feel like somebodys after me
i just wanna leave


we travel in a pack
we hunger for blood and hearts
half wolf half man howling at the moon and stars
haunted by something in the dark
i wear this mark
because its all i got

mark of the pack

single #1 off hellscape releasing 7/10

sewer used this beat and I never ended up making a song but found it on my pc so i made this today enjoy

produced by sorrowbringer 

album w/ hollowprpl on the 25th

& 

album w/ sorrow next month

lyrics;
ion wanna talk to this bitch im trying to roll this blunt
im not tryna talk wit this powerup in my cup
u say u hate me when im fucked up
but bitch this is who i am
im a different person everyone hates when im not on the drugs
if i fall asleep dont wake me up
plug hit my phone trying to dose me up
but im already fucked up

if i roll this blunt i dont think i can get anymore high
but i do it because if i dont ill lose my fucking mind
missed a text from my grandma i lost track of time
rather not talk about how i feel, im fine

u blocked me n u know damn well that i dont care
keep telling me im not being fair
than why the fuck are u still here
i'm not going outside im way to  fucked up  
im not going anywhere i dont give a fuck 
bitch are you dumb
its so cold out
my hands are going numb
ur so so selfish
bitch u never meant this
i was all up in her mouth like a denist

my hearts broken 
so i crush another pill
and do another line even tho you know it kills
keep going just to feel alive
keep your feelings inside
your not gonna die

roll this blunt

i havent made anything like this before enjoy

prod yuk1mo

lyrics;
\\
i been going thru alot lately
nothing has made sense to me
but i hope i figure it out

tell me i didn't fuck up my life
turn off the lights
you already have the knife
im not alright
im better off in the afterlife

open my eyes
pick the lock
find out whats inside x 2

look at all this time i wasted
look at what day it is
and i haven't changed yet
everything in my life went vacant
each day i wake up and try my best
3 hours in and someone is already trying to stab me in the back
im so scared
im so scared
im trying to get out of here
told me its peaceful

somebody save me

cottage pt2.

produced by wayside x jolst

image was made w/ ai

lyrics;
i lose myself in this forest
i built this cabin deep in the woods
take the candle and light the wick like i knew you would
burn it all to the ground 
just so i have nothing but ash and dust
what if i was right, than you might just trust
what if, what if you actually cared for once

hold out for the darkest days
there only a few minutes away
can i ever get a break
things weren't like this before
now every thing is at stake
i cant escape this fate
trap myself in this realm
im locked out of heavens gate
just like its easy 
im a fallen archangel
lucifer the fallen angel
i destroyed my halo 
ripped off my wings
shunned from my home
i got no where left to go
im gonna die all alone
climbing out this hole

i lose myself in this forest
i built this cabin deep in the woods
take the candle and light the wick
burn it all to the ground 
just so i have nothing but ash and dust
what if i was right, than you might just trust
what if, what if you actually cared for once

cabin

produced by dash & sorrow bringer 

clip pt2

lyrics;

put the gun to my head
pull the trigger
did u mean any of those words you said
how the fuck did we end up here
put the gun to my head
unload the clip

im better off dead
what you felt about me is dead
theres nothing left 
how much more has to be said
im getting tired of this game of pretend
im just so tired just let it all end
i swear i was trying my best
  
no drug can fix me girl
im way too fucked up
i knew i was never enough
i knew i wasn't the one
i was just taking my turn
this could never work
talk to me like im human
i hope you meant something to me
but those days over its time to set me free
just go just leave
but before you go

did u mean any of those words you said
how the fuck did we end up here
put the gun to my head
unload the clip
blood on everything
there goes all my memories

im on this shit cuz i popped it
bitch i didnt want this
im numbing my pain
because all you can spew is non sense
you cant even stay on topic
you made it about you
when it was about me too
idk how u can love one minute than forget it
i thought we forged it
i know i did some fucked shit
but im not him that wasnt me
i was on drugs when i lost it
but its not a excuse i got a problem
i had everything i wanted
than i lost it
before u walk out

please put the gun to my head
pull the trigger
did u mean any of those fucking words 
that you said
how the fuck did we end up here
put the gun to my head
unload the clip
there goes all my memories


pull the trigger

produced by rainydays x babieyummo

lyrics;
call me one more time
tell me everythings fine
but we both know its a lie
its half past 9
and i dont feel alright
so im rolling up
trying to get high

who are you
i dont recognize you

now we are here alone
you told me one day this would work out
but you dont even care at all
u hurt me and you dont care at all
you just dont care at all

why would u save me
why would u care about me
if u broke me
destroyed me

no we are here alone
you told me one day it would work out
one day it would work out
u hurt me
and u dont care at all
now ur all i got

break me

produced by nevrfall x branwen

lyrics;

it feels like im moving in slow motion
but i'm just space walking
thinking about the words that never got spoken
im just drifting out into the open
it feels like im moving in slow motion
but i'm just space walking


i cant feel these emotions
i didn't think this is howd end
i was just trying to repair the ship
it was selfish i know that
but who else was gonna do it
just know ill be okay 
no matter what happens
finish the mission
ill figure it out
i made the choice
because i knew this was gonna happen
your voice is turning to static
im losing the connection 


everythings dark 
its getting scary
please say something
i cant hear your voice
all i hear is the static n noise
am i in the void
what am i gonna d


it feels like im moving in slow motion
but i'm just space walking
thinking about the words that never got spoken
im just drifting out into the open
it feels like im moving in slow motion
but i'm just space walking




spacewalking

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
i like to listen to your bones break
take his body and chop it up throw you in the lake
you wont find the remains
everything is gone without a trace
my moral compass is destroyed 
how can we live in a world so opaque

yk this isn't what he thought you would do tonight?
no struggling you do wont help
but isn't that how fate works right?
you dont have anymore lies to tell
i like to watch his flesh melt
oh the misery you must of felt
i already knew i was going to hell
atleast im bringing you down with me
i tried to be friendly
you faked being a friend to me
now your just a trophy i left under lock n key
you know my soul was always empty

i like to listen to your bones break
take his body and chop it up throw you in the lake
you wont find the remains
everything is gone without a trace
my moral compass is destroyed 
how can we live in a world so opaque

bitch im not superman i dont wear a cape
switch up for him n now we are estranged
you think i wanted todo that to him?
i cant even hear your name
because every single fucking time i get rage
i try to forget and it gets brought up again
i cant fucking escape
its 2025 bitch i dont think ill make it to 2028
im losing everything daily
i wont have anything worth living for at this rate
and look at everything i destroyed to get here
look at all this bullshit on my plate
no matter what i fucking do 
all i feel is the same
and your the one to blame


i like to listen to your bones break
take his body and chop it up throw you in the lake
you wont find the remains
everything is gone without a trace
my moral compass is destroyed 
how can we live in a world so opaque


bones break

produced yoluwi

lyrics;
girl your on my mind
but these days i cant find the time
i rather stay here in my mind 
than try to match your vibe

i swear i was gonna leave that shit behind
but whats it to you if im on my grind
just let me live my life

'

on my mind

arranged by me

lyrics;
its been 7 months 
i still see you in my nightmares
i know why you never fight fair
its easier than getting attached
like i know you never cared
i rather be depressed
than walking on egg shells scared

im still broken & you hate it
i lost myself & u hate it
u hurt me & i still take it
every emotion im getting tired of faking 

why am i still drifting away
i dont know but ill ask the same question
i do the shit i do for attention
i know you have him
but im still sitting here again
waiting for a ounce of hope i wont get
u hurt me and i wont forgot
but i let it happen
so whats the difference

u broke my heart and i let it happen
im fine now
im lying but ig ill fake it
i dont know how much longer i can make it
each day i try my best
but im losing my ambition theres barely any left
i feel like im going manic
and my feelings are just tragic

i still see you in my nightmares
i know why you never fight fair
its easier than getting attached
like i know you never cared

im still broken & you hate it
i lost myself & u hate it
u hurt me & i still take it
every emotion im getting tired of faking

7months

produced by sorrow bringer x luffysome
sample from bmw

lyrics:
time flies by and now im just a memory
i knew things where gonna be temporary
but i cant help but feel this way
u where supposed to be here in February
that didn't happen
and now im filled with jealousy
time goes by now 
and im living life contemporary 
while we are living life separately 
do you even mention me?

all those drugs are tempting
but thats a side of me i started mending
it takes time
im actually doing better now, instead of pretending
say im fake as fuck 
but you switched up on me for ur own benefit
lately these thoughts been collecting
and now that i actually payed attention
so many things started connecting
like when you told me you left him
or how i used to get texts when you where out drinking
and how i stayed up all night over thinking
i used to care but now my armors weakened
now every once in awhile i get a call
not even 3 months ago they where frequent 
if u didn't care 
than why did it take you so long to leave than
u can waste time
its not like im running on borrowed time
everything i tried todo wasn't to lie
i just wanted things to be alright
but instead i still lied
and now things aren't fine
i cant focus on that
i cant get you back
it doesnt mattered this time
oh fuck i been getting high like every night
and i know baby its kill me
im alright just go ill be fine

time flies by and now im just a memory
i knew things where gonna be temporary
but i cant help but feel this way
u where supposed to be here in February
that didn't happen
and now im filled with jealousy
time goes by now 
and im living life contemporary 
while we are living life separately 
do you even mention me?

february

produced by @rainyd4ys

lyrics;
im talking to my self again
voices from people in my past make me feel like im haunted
and i can feel the air in this room get thin
something in my head is telling me to live
but i dont even know how todo that
everything i do makes me wanna quit

me and her where more than friends
thought i could wash away my sins
i lost so many friends
when will this shitty life fucking end
next time someone cuts
make sure you leave it open
so it can get infected
i rather die from someone i called friend

i cant do it myself
im so weak now
i'm getting high tonight
im waiting for the comedown
i wont stick around
im gonna fade into the background
i selfdestruct and scream out loud
i know it wont help
but its better than checking my bank account
im broke now
i got a hole now
its way to easy to fold now
its easy to take that route
its a bad day
thats why i dont go out
smoke going down my throat now
ket going up my nose now
i dont wanna fucking drown


im talking to my self again
voices from people in my past make me feel like im haunted
and i can feel the air in this room get thin
something in my head is telling me to live
but i dont even know how todo that
everything i do makes me wanna quit
  

talking to myself again

produced by eric godlow x sorrow bringer

feat @icarus_lurks

lyrics; gl im not transcribing them

all eyes on me w/ IcarusLurks

produced by eric godlow 

feat @icarus_lurks

worry w/ IcarusLurks

produced by @rainyd4ys

lyrics;
im always so stressed (im stressed)
im staying up all night getting stoned
who would of thought the world was so cold
i got nowhere safe anymore (anymore, anymore)
this isn't my home n you dont wanna talk
ill just leave you alone (leave you, leave you alone)

im always feeling down
patch up the wound before i bleed out
im already on the ground (the ground)
i cant help myself, i cant do better
im already in hell but its so so cold
i jus need to go, i need to roam (roam, roam)
i have nowhere else to go
but this isn't my home
i forgot my coat (my coat)
and its getting cold (so cold)
my hands are numb and my fingers are turning blue
whats happen to us this isn't me, this isn't us (not us)
 
im lost in what i had, now i always feel sad
its hard to stay sober (sober, sober)
2025 and im 23 years older
i feel the steam when i smolder (smolder, its hot)
i jus wanna hold her but that wont happen (it wont)

im always so stressed (im stressed)
im staying up all night getting stoned
who would of thought the world was so cold
i got nowhere safe anymore (anymore, anymore)

stressed

hate everyone

recorded when i was sick

prod me

you cant save me
im up at 5 am drinking again
im chasing it with a few pills
i take 2 more because its not working
im falling apart
i been this way for years and its not helping
you cant save me
i cant save myself
gun to my head i dont care about my health
i wanna put the bottle on the shelf
i wanna climb out of my own personal hell
im trying my best to figure out all out
but its not getting easier
everyones leaving
everything i been doing it gets riskier

drowning my past, driving fast
baby im hoping i dont crash
i wake up with my flask on my desk

i dont care about my health

feat MisFiiT @misfiitwuzhere
prod @s0ftskelet0ns

lyrics;
mars:
sitting here waiting for the fire to start
the flames will destroy everything
theres nothing left here 
i cant even see the stars
u wanna talk again but its all a game
youll just take the dagger and shove it back in my heart
you love tearing me apart

misfiit:
tear me apart into tiny little pieces
tried to fix things then got hit with that green text 

shawty got me burning yeah 
third degree scars on me misfiit and marsy 

suicide been all up in my mind ohh
my vision aint right all i saw was your beauty
something like out a movie 
misfiit really need improvements
i been high in the backseat of this car that i bought you 

yuh get right back in it
aint worried bout a bitch just mind my business
got my phone on dnd
bumpin mp3s
icarus around me 
that feature i did it

your love top shelf who tf you kiddin 
your something like clubhouse bitch you dangeorus 
you need to dissapear ill wish it
throw you outside in the wilderness

oh my oh my god 
what you want now
you never speak clear always fuckin scream loud 

mars:
sitting here waiting for the fire to start
the flames will destroy everything
theres nothing left here 
i cant even see the stars
u wanna talk again but its all a game
youll just take the dagger and shove it back in my heart
you love tearing me apart
sitting here waiting for the fire to start
the flames will destroy everything
theres nothing left here 
i cant even see the stars
u wanna talk again but its all a game
youll just take the dagger and shove it back in my heart
you love tearing me apart

tear me apart w/ MisFiiT

lyrics;
u say you dont need me
u say u dont believe me
u say it wont feel the same
im dying here
i dont wanna hear your name
i know your doing okay
but everytime i hear it 
i go insane
im alone and im afraid
if i keep this up im gonna break

i say everythings fine
but i bottle it up and keep it inside
i say everythings fine
but everytime i do 
a little piece of me dies
im not okay
but thats okay

everythings fine

prod michaelwarren

lyrics;
im sick of coughing up blood
im sick of all this ash inside my lungs
im sick of not being enough
im sick of waking up and reaching for the drugs
i can feel my blood boil in my veins
and i can feel this stress driving me insane
if ur gonna cut atleast clean the blade
i hate when u say my name

fuck leaving this bed
im feeling so blue
i wish i was dead
somebody needs to catch me cuz im falling
catch me im falling for you
she look like a angel
she likes to built me up jus to dismantle
n i cant make my own loops so i just gotta sample

dismantle

non profit

letter p.3
produced by irby

lyrics;
i wanna write this letter
but i dont know where to start
well im sad all the time
and i blame it on the shitty weather
im losing my grip on reality
its almost December
a year without you
i wanna write this letter
but these words are hard to get out
i wanna do better
but i pretend now
i try to be happy
but im back in hell now
its the end of October
and im writing this letter again
but ill put it in the folder
never open it again
its starting to get colder
i wanna write this letter
i wanna get it over with now
but i cant figure it out
i wanna write this letter
im falling apart now
my worlds falling apart
its getting hard to pretend now
if you ever cared
why aren't we even friends now
i barely feel okay now
i wanna write this letter
i wanna write this fucking letter
its been so long
im not holding together
do you even remember
i wanna write this letter
i wanna write this letter
i wanna get better
i cant hold it together
i wrote you this letter
i just want send it ever

this letter - interlude

prod by me

lyrics;

im tired of all the excuses
the truth is i always feel so useless
tired of falling again, i know its so stupid

im tired of all the excuses
the truth is i always feel so useless
when i do sleep my dreams have been so lucid
tired of falling again, i know its so stupid
and i haven't rly had a chance to talk to cupid
bipolar as fuck i know im always in a moodshift
fell out of love but im not the one who killed it
but maybe im the one that doomed it

but the truth is i barely cared at all
every single time I try it's like the pain just starts to hurt
like i know im cursed i didnt think it could get worse
its like im in my own hell

im tired of all the excuses
the truth is i always feel so useless
tired of falling again, i know its so stupid

i can never trust u again
u hit my line last night 
i asked if u left him
u say you want me and than act like this and treat me like im some sort of fetish
blocked me on insta but your still in my mentions
i know i lied, but those weren't my intentions
you can ask any question, i probably got the answer 
if i not i can make up something, i dont ever fight fair
she doesn't like my music but u know u like my wordplay
spitting my feelings out on this beat like this shit was in my veins
and i cant get you out my head if u keep trying to play these fucking games
its like you bound me with chains
and i like this game we play
but its insane
we go round and round until i start to shutdown

im tired of all the excuses
the truth is i always feel so useless
when i do sleep my dreams have been so lucid
tired of falling again, i know its so stupid
and i haven't rly had a chance to talk to cupid
bipolar as fuck i know im always in a moodshift
fell out of love but im not the one who killed it
but maybe im the one that doomed it

im tired of all the excuses
the truth is i always feel so useless
tired of falling again, i know its so stupid


excuses

its supposed to sound like voices talking to me btw 

produced by me

lyrics;
worried about every little thing
can you jus give me some peace of mind
im not getting sleep anymore
all the voices in my head are telling me to die
theyre starting to drive me insane 
i already know that im not fine

last night i woke up from a nightmare
these voices never fight fair
like anyone cares
im losing my mind
and i cant even look anyone in the eyes
x's cover them jus like a silent voice
she broke me in half like one of her toys
than switched up and got with one of my boys


im losing my fucking mind in this bed
i rather be dead than listen to what my head has to say
i begged you to stay
but it didn't end out that way
now we barely talk we became estranged
im losing sleep
im up all night doing lines of ket till my mind fades
than the next day i feel so drained
ill do anything to escape
it doesn't matter what it takes



peace of mind

prod me

lyrics;
girl i thought i told u 
every lie you tell is see thru
everything is so clear now
i was overwhelmed with the fear for awhile
i shed a few tears and breakdown

now im moving on
ur gone,
im fine its been so long
but im still upset enough to make another song

my hearts been vacant
i sent it on a vacation
because i wasn't ready for a relationship
n i feel like a doctor
the way i run out of patience 
i dont even wanna make this
but i wanna vent so i dont do drugs to escape this
everyday feels so grey
and im just sitting here watching everything around me degrade
the funny thing is im not afraid
im not trying to find better days
im contempt where im at isn't that strange?

girl i thought i told u 
every lie you tell is see thru
everything is so clear now
i was overwhelmed with the fear for awhile
i shed a few tears and breakdown

vacant

first single off my project fallen leaf

produced by me 

lyrics;
i wish you could see the world thru my eyes
everyone i cared about just fucking lied
and now everything i think about just starts to destroy my mind
like everyday i feel like im dodging land mines
crumbled scrap papers and drug residue
this breakdown was well overdue this time

i jus need some time
to disappear and workout these things that weigh on my mind
im tired of jus saying im fine
because we all know its a lie
swallow another cloud of smoke to get high

landmines

produced by @rainyd4ys & babieyummo

lyrics;
in the flp

losing it

non profit
prod rabi

i just want my monthly reload

rainbet (waiting on my reload)

produced by hollowprpl
soulbound pt2

lyrics;
i opened up the book of my life
its time to turn the page
didn't get any sleep last night
so i jus get another drink
i got memories im trying to erase
im working so hard
but i need a fucking break
im in the studio popping shit just so i can fucking think

theres this feeling inside
its inside me and its killing me
theres something trying to rip me apart
its trying so hard to breakfree
but without this inside of me
ill be fucking empty
theres a hole where there used to be a heart


sick of living
i let everyone down
im gonna drown
i have words
but i cant say them outloud
i had friends
but where are they now
i was trying to find my way
but somehow ended up homebound
tried to move on
but somehow im soul bound
and I dont know what todo now
im so high now im up on the cloud
im so high now my feet cant even reach the ground
im 23 and im barely able to feel a thing now

i haven't been feeling like myself lately
i been avoiding everyone
i bet they all hate me
im sinking in deeper
im losing myself
i think im sick, i got a fever

im falling down
im falling so fast now
i look in the mirror and im like who the fuck are you
im dreaming of nights alone now
but at the end im still falling to my doom 
and i dont even see the ground

fuck everyone
fuck everything 
i damaged my vessel
no one can help me
no one can help you
how can i ever be enough??
how can i ever feel good 
how can i ever feel good enough?
im falling deeper

yeah i got a fever
im falling deeper
i lost myself the day i decided to not get sober
how could i ever keep up??
how could i ever be here

im falling down
im falling so fast now
i look in the mirror and im like who the fuck are you
im dreaming of nights alone now
but at the end im still falling to my doom 
and i dont even see the ground

book of my life

produced by me

lyrics;
i dont want you crying
but u did this to yourself
cuz i did catch you lying
im tired of trying
im tired of the lying
i guess im saying good bye again

im in my head again
im feeling the dread again
im a fallen star 
its just me with my broken heart 
im falling apart 


fallen star

aries - anesthesia (cover)

returning to my roots for this  

i'm alright pt2

lyrics;
i dont understand why i never feel alright
why, why do i always wanna die
like why do i feel this way
i just wanna cry
i wake up n i jus dont wannabe alive
u look me in the eyes and i just lie and say im fine but im not alright

i dont check my phone cuz i hate it
i wish i could just break it
my hearts so cold and vacant
im 23 and i haven't changed once
passed out on my couch
i was to fucked up to get up and goto bed
i was trying to to clear my head
   
but you can smell the liquor on my breathe
let everyone down i feel like a failure
i was sober until the 10th
ion know why i broke it
look at me acting out for attention
this isn't even my moment
i make everything about me
because i think im the only thats broken

im falling deeper in despair
and no one cares
i cant look in the mirror
all i do is drag my feet
because i cant be here
im falling deeper

i dont understand why i never feel alright
why, why do i always wanna die
like why do i feel this way
i just wanna cry
i wake up n i jus dont wannabe alive
u look me in the eyes and i just lie and say im fine but im not alright


im not alright

produced by @s0ftskelet0ns

lyrics;
i feel like i need a break right now
just wanna catch a train right now
wanna get away from this town
because i see you every where now
i think i need a break right now
i can feel my heart beat faster now
everything we said breaks me down
i need a break right now
i need to get away for now

i said i need a break
whys everything been at stake
why u being weird
why did u change
why are you coming back
i have nothing left for you to take
im not gonna answer your call its getting late
i dont wanna talk to you anyway

these days i have no sense of direction
i work on things without intention
im trying to work out these things in my head
i got these things i dont wanna mention
i had so many things i wanted to tell you
but i decided to keep them to myself
i rly wanna trust u
but its not good for my help
i been putting myself thru this hell
i been isolating myself in this
i lose grip on reality
i dont keep the friends i have around me
isolate my self
is it my fucked up brain
is it hte shit i say
is it the way i act
is it something personal or something from my past

i feel like i need a break right now
just wanna catch a train right now
wanna get away from this town
because i see you every where now
i think i need a break right now
i can feel my heart beat faster now
everything we said breaks me down
i need a break right now
i need to get away for now

break

horrible

produced by me

lyrics:
i'm a loser
everyone around me calls me a user
acting out for attention
just to look cooler
and what can money buy
something shiny or newer
it doesn't matter
i sitll got all my worst habits
did i really think theyd disappear like magic
im grown now but im still a loser f*****
got like 25 enemies and they all hate me
do this shit for fun
i dont give a fuck about money
i spend that shi freely
even got it all around of me
i'm in my bag on my grind

user@localhost

produced by @s0ftskelet0ns

lyrics;
im banging out a tape
right after i wake up
i spark a blunt n i get baked
read the comments
for what?
see so much hate

like i give a fuck
this music still giving me funds
and everyday im having fun getting fucked up
so im winning
each hate comment is giving me plays
that means i still get payed
the hate is annoying
and started multiplying
i stopped replying
i do think about it
i shouldn't care and i hate it
like i even care
im too busy

i woke up faded
i couldn't feel my face
hate everything i made
banging out a new tape
right after i wake up
i spark a blunt n i get baked
read the comments
see so much hate
for what?
for what?
why do i see so much hate
for what?

past few days my vision been wavy
all my friends hate me
i been ghosting everyone lately
its jus how god made me
dont take it personally
i dont got any reason
i just do it anyway
its not your fault
its just my brain
its how i act
im booting up fl on this old mac
jus so i can record another track
than ill get tired n go back to bed
or ill get fucked up and black out again
eitherway this is how i live friend

i hate everything i made
thats why im banging out this new tape
3 days and 10 tracks ready
i hate everything i make
why am i this way

im still banging out my 3rd tape
right after i wake up
i spark a blunt n i get baked
read the comments
for what?
see so much hate
for what?



hate everything

produced by @s0ftskelet0ns
feat @misfiitwuzhere
lyrics;

mars:
you make me the enemy
when ur the one killing me
i tell u everythings fine
but what will you believe
u want a future and i want security
this isn't healthy

its getting cold i should wear my Burberry scarf
i see snow falling down
its getting cold in this small town
and i dont know what ima do now i hate the cold
walking home in the dark
its getting cold almost December winter nights 
i just wanted to go outside for once
I feel my feet slipping on the ice
the feeling isn't right
i wanted to go see you
but the feeling wasn't right
nothing feels alright
all we do is fight

MisFiiT:
all we do is fight tryna prove each other wrong 
you turn my whole world into frostbite oh my god 
my name MisFiiT but you’re the misfit baby 
you started off cool but you’re one cruel lady 

shawty you been wasting my time now i feel like awful guy 
why you actin cold like snow and ice 
you picked me up like poltergeist 
then dropped me down like meteor 
this life shit don’t get easier 
really need to calm down 
really need to calm downnnn
cuz i’ll make it thru
i put my pain into words ima deadwood troop 
lot of shit deep in my head tryna fuckin move on 
she acted like she care when i showed her all my songssss

mars:
i dont know how ill survive
all i do all night is get high
im not alright
im doing ket again im smoking even when im too high
i hide away when im like this
i dont wanna die
ur the only one that knows how i feel inside
but even when we talk i lie
i wanted to see u 
but its to cold
i wanted to see u 
but this cat and mouse game is getting old
when im dead and gone i hope u think about me sometimes
i hope i meant something
after all the fucking wasted time

you make me the enemy
when ur the one killing me
i tell u everythings fine
but what will you believe
u want a future and i want security

security w/ MisFiiT

produced by sorrow bringer

lyrics;
ruthless, thats why its called fate
1 hit thats all it takes
fuck it now im 2 fifths in, and i hate being this way
god i hate being awake
1 wish, i wish i could quit
come quick, b4 lose it 
clueless, i was jus a kid
stupid, how could i lose this

my footprints in the snow and mud
23 almost 24
and im addicted to these drugs
jus a little love
thats all i want
but im so drugged up i forgot
im jus like my mom and i hate it 
why do i gotta be so basic
23 325 5'6 and my heart still vacant
taking pills to fill it
drinking again jus to fix it
grandma found me when my lips were blue 
am i doomed to die in this room
i haven't eaten in days
i dont even enjoy the taste of the food
feeling the warmth of heat
puking up blood i got blood all over my sheets
i feel like im losing my self
most days i barely breath
is there a way out
i dont know but i wanna believe there is

take a pill than pass out
do anything to escape
im haunted by my past now
i have friends
but how long will that last now
its been 15 hours since my last breakdown
but these days im barely awake now
i hate these emotions i fake now

ruthless, thats why its called fate
1 hit thats all it takes
fuck it now im 2 fifths in, and i hate being this way
god i hate being awake
1 wish, i wish i could quit
come quick, b4 lose it 
clueless, i was jus a kid
stupid, how could i lose this

ruthless

made this on 8gs of shrooms 

prod hollowprpl x ryankelly

lyrics;
she added me back yesterday
oh boy what could it be
why do u think ill play ur game
nothings changed
your still the same, im the same
smoking all night
this shit my novocaine
i feel it in my veins

i cant feel my face
all the shit im 
jus numb the pain
3 pills to the brain
im still the same
said id change
but thats far way
i lost my path
i lost my way
maybe im the one playing my own sick game
maybe i should take the blame
but thats why life is ruthless
call it fate
2025 i hate everything i make 
2026 ill try my best 
but everythings the same
im slowly fading away

she added me back yesterday
oh boy what could it be
why do u think ill play ur game
nothings changed
your still the same, im the same
smoking all night
this shit my novocaine
i feel it in my veins

i jus faced 2 blunts
while i got liquor in my cup
im slumped as fuck
it feels like yesterday
but i lost track of time
and its already Friday
i started Wednesday 
i lost my self for the past week
it might not seem that deep
but all that lost time
what was i doing
wasting away to nothing 

she added me back yesterday
oh boy what could it be
why do u think ill play ur game
nothings changed
your still the same, im the same
smoking all night
this shit my novocaine
i feel it in my veins

novocaine

produced by @666mare

shoutout jer for the pic

pissed off

produced by me

i'm sorry no one wants to be around me, this one hurt to make :(

happy holidays everyone <3

mars

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks