Die by your hand (with gehen)

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everything you hear completely done by me. wrote, mixed, mastered and produced. this is my first vocal track since being back from treatment. i hope you hear something you enjoy.
-doublemydose 
aka Shane

lyrics:
I don't even know what I'm fighting for
every time I try to quit I'll just do more
all of the times I've put my trust in others
shattered what was left of a heart that stutters

lately I can’t seem to sleep and I can’t seem to eat
when i see my family they beg that I don’t leave
been battling these drugs since Tylenol PMs
was only 15 when they put me on the scripts

(poppin' pills is my fate, my fate)
(put me on the scripts)
(put me on the scripts)
another day to my grave poppin' pills is my fate 
(my fate, my fate)
truly hope I can change but I often fear it’s too late

it’s too late, it’s too late
another day to my grave poppin' pills is my fate
my fate, my fate, poppin' pills is my fate

every love that I’ve had they knew what I loved more
making up excuses why I’m late just to score 
truly hope I can change but I often fear it’s too late
another day to my grave poppin' pills is my fate
(poppin' pills is my fate)
(poppin' pills is my fate)
shattered what was left of a heart that stutters

lately I can’t seem to sleep and I can’t seem to eat
when i see my family they beg that I don’t leave
been battling these drugs since Tylenol PMs
was only 15 when they put me on the scripts
(put me on the scripts)
(put me on the scripts)
(my fate, my fate)
(poppin' pills is my fate, my fate)
shattered what was left of a heart that stutters

lately I can’t seem to sleep and I can’t seem to eat
when i see my family they beg that I don’t leave
been battling these drugs since Tylenol PMs
was only 15 when they put me on the scripts

(poppin' pills is my fate)
(put me on the scripts)
(put me on the scripts)
(poppin' pills is my fate)

on the scripts

FOLLOW/SUPPORT ME <3

I’m here contemplating, am I worth saving,
no, I don’t think so
Your stuck here debating, if your gonna ask me 
what I’ve really been through

the past few years I’ve almost died 4 times
look into my eyes, say that you’re gonna be just fine
it’s not like I don’t believe you
I’ve just been here a few times; I hope I don’t deceive you

I know you listen to this song
I know you feel my pain yeah; it’s fucking all wrong
Cus Your cutting me in two cutting me in three
Let the doctors come and take all a part of me

Cus your gonna be the death of me
I know your watching crawling here slowly
I couldn’t get out, I tried to leave
But you keep coming back yeah you fucking haunt me

Hang me by the noose, let me fucking fall
I’m dangling by my legs yeah, I don’t care at all
One day I’m not gonna be that strong 
Let the noose take my breath and end my last song

I’m here contemplating, am I worth saving,
no, I don’t think so
Your stuck here debating, if your gonna ask me 
what I’ve really been through


I’m here contemplating, am I worth saving,
no, I don’t think so
yeah, I’m stuck here debating 
I don’t know if I hate you, but I think where through

I think I’m going insane lately,
Ups and down make me go crazy
I don’t know how to control me
Sinking into self-pity

Again, again, it’s always just me
Fighting on two sides never really winning
I’m trying to figure out who I am
Generic fucking story, yeah, I don’t really care

I’m just doing me Try to understand man
Cus no one really understands what you’re going through
Except you
you listen to these songs hoping you’ll be saved to

alone

your fingers down my throat,
ripping out whatever was left
of just this tension in-between
freaking out you need to leave
Every day I wake up just a vermin
wondering how I can live I’m disgusting
look at me say I’m perfect, say I’m lovely
I just think depressions trying to snuff me out
everything I do just ends up breaking
lingering again I hate myself
won’t you just come and destroy me
hang me up and say I’m here to sell
turning back and forth everything is in-between
I don’t feel much anymore now you got me
I’m hanging by a thread like I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall,
knowing that I won’t make it up this time at all

Destroyme

I Don't Wanna Hurt You
Yet I Did It Again
I'm Always Tryna Be Nice
But I'm Just Causing You Pain

I Got These Thoughts In My Brain
That Are Conflicting Eachother
I Have To Say It , But I Hate To Cause Trouble

I Love You , But I'm A Burden To You
Why Won't You See That , Why Won't You See That
I Keep Dragging You Down , But You Keep Pushing Through
Yeah You're Blinded By The Love That I've Given You

Let Me Leave 
For Your Own Good
I Would Die For You
If I Could
But I Know That You Won't Let Me
You're Always On My Mind Lately

Let Me Leave 
For Your Own Good
I Would Die For You
If I Could
But I Know That You Won't Let Me
You're Always On My Mind Lately

I Don't Wanna Hurt You
Yet I Did It Again
I'm Always Tryna Be Nice
But I'm Just Causing You Pain

I Got These Thoughts In My Brain
That Are Conflicting Eachother
I Have To Say It , But I Hate To Cause Trouble

I Love You , But I'm A Burden To You
Why Won't You See That , Why Won't You See That
I Keep Dragging You Down , But You Keep Pushing Through
Yeah You're Blinded By The Love That I've Given You

My Spotify

Blinded By Love (Prod.Hxrxkiller)

w/ @gehrmvn

manga for cover: kengan ashura

icebox w/ gehrman

I'm Falling Face First For You
Do You Feel It Too
Can You Feel It Too
I'm Falling Face First For You

Do You Feel It Too
Can You Feel It Too
I'm Falling Face First For You

I'm Falling Face First For You
can you feel it too
can you feel it too
I'm Falling Face First For You

i'm Not Getting Over You Anytime Soon
Anytime Soon ,I Am Over The Moon
Anytime Soon ,
I Wanna Be With You
I Wanna Be With You

i'm Not Getting Over You Anytime Soon
Anytime Soon ,I Am Over The Moon
Anytime Soon ,
I Wanna Be With You
I Wanna Be With You

So Now You Know
How I Feel About You

But Now This Song
Is Gonna Switch 1 , 2

From One Theme To Another
Shoutout To My Brothers

Thank You To My Mother
But The Stress Is Taking Over

Sparkling Water On My Desk Yah
Tell Me When Will The Stress Stop
Next Up
I'm Next Up
Cruizing With My Girl Til The Sun Drops

Sparkling Water On My Desk Yah
Tell Me When Will The Stress Stop
Next Up
I'm Next Up
Cruizing With My Girl Til The Sun Drops

Trust My Word I'll Make It
Write It On Some Paper
Play My Music Naked
Trust Me We Will Make It

Paradoxx Is Basic
Fuck You Too I'll Make It
You Will Catch Me In The Scene Some Day
see you on my shows some day

Greater Avenues Awaits
Greater Heights For Me To Chase
I Will Make It There Some Day
I Will Make It There Some Way
If There Is Will Then There Is A Way
I've Given So Much But I'm Here To Stay
Remember My Name
Remember My Name
Keep It In Your Head And We'll See If It Stays

Paradoxx Paradoxx Paradoxx
Paradoxx Paradoxx
Paradoxx Paradoxx Paradoxx
Paradoxx Paradoxx

Stream On Spotify

Remember Me (Prod.IOF)

poison, yeah ya poison me
toxicity, dragging out my veins you let me bleed
yeah shes on me, you don’t want me
consistently, always saying your gonna leave

grab me a blunt and ill forget, have a few pills sink into regret 
make sure I fix myself but I don’t even know where to start
sick of being that person you don’t want, hang me up and let me rot
holding on to your words like they’re the string on my back

give me some medicine, wrapped in your sentiments
dragging me down by your collar, makes me question why you bother
with that prescriptions ghost, you know who I am
im just the piece of junk you claimed to love and then threw me in the trash can

so don’t look at me with those eyes 
they just make me hurt inside
grab me by the shirt and rip it open buttons fly, I lose composure, 
I always stayed with you when we were just stuck in high school

and you knew that, and you knew me, but now I know you just used me
I thought that you were the one, now I know that I was wrong
so don’t look at me with those eyes
you know it kills me inside

poison, yeah ya poison me
toxicity, dragging out my veins you let me bleed
yeah shes on me, you don’t want me
consistently, always saying that your gonna leave

spinning around around around losing tension hit the ground
teeth start to scatter into places where I was lost and found
And I couldn’t catch you, let you fall, 
I feel pathetic, lost it all

tear these bones out from my skin, place me around the skeleton
point out my flaws watch me falter, down to the ground where I will alter
my way of being so I don’t fall in love with you again
my way of seeing through eyes who think your faults are all pretend

sacrificed 12 parts of me into demons I cant see
but ill fight the, cut them down, regain all I’ve lost in me
waters rising above my neck, im freaking out, you make me sick
skidding wheels on the mountains make me panic, losing conscience

and you knew that, and you knew me, but now I know you just used me
I thought that you were the one, now I know that I was wrong
so don’t look at me with those eyes
you know it kills me inside

poison, yeah ya poison me
toxicity, dragging out my veins you let me bleed
yeah shes on me, you don’t want me
consistently, always saying that your gonna leave

POISON

https://soundcloud.com/rivilin/sets/becoming-the-static-in-between



you act like I don’t exist at all,
turn it back to me, I fell in love with a fiend
codeine pushed me down on the floor
throwing fists at my face, my back is against the wall

you act like I don’t exist at all
I can’t believe this is what love is meant to be
your feelings hang me off the floor
I feel like  this time I know it just has to end

changing of feelings I see you looking at him, not me
yeah you know it’s messed me uprightly
cutting my skin with the words you never said yeah
whys this feel like I’ve fallen in love again

wasted ashes on my shoes, I feel like im just being used
push me down, climb on top of me, what, yeah you make me so confused
what did I mean to you, yeah nothing, won’t you just make me feel just something
more than this angst inside, push it down, bury it, you know I won’t come out alive

digging up a grave of a messy past
everything moves to fast and I can’t catch up
is this all I am,
just the space in between

you act like I don’t exist at all,
turn it back to me, I fell in love with a fiend
codeine pushed me down on the floor
throwing fists at my face, my back is against the wall

you act like I don’t exist at all
I can’t believe this is what love is meant to be
your feelings hang me off the floor
I feel like  this time I know it just has to end

depression, it’s manic, everything’s a mess
in a graveyard with best friends, you say it’s just stress
you said I should I run away from you,
I guess you were right, I’ve never felt so abused


hanging by a rope of best intentions,
what’s this, now I know you never mentioned
our love to anyone else, 
you never showed, you never tell

your issues to me when im concerned
leave me on seen again, yeah it’s just perfect
I’d rather kill myself 
than be embraced by you again

all you ever did was call me when you were suicidal
your to drunk, calm down, left me on idle
is this all I am,
just the space in between

CUTTING SKIN

Yeah, Yeah

burning in my fingertips yeah im lonely
tell me what ya feel when you hold me
carving holes in my stomach, 
codeine rupture, everyone’s panicked, there’s no closure

freezing in my bones, say you love me
whats it means when you push me down slowly
waking in my bed and your not their
I guess this is what love is meant to be

lying in another tongue 
people all around me everything feels numb
Lovan, Zyprexa, they’ll tell ya that it’ll fix ya
turning pages in medicine when your mind just doesn’t make sense

I feel like no one really ever gets me
swallowed by just the blackness of anxiety
four walls surround me they close,
remember I found you cold

yeah no wonder that I can’t stop the shaking
memories they plague me and im always mistaken
with the words that I use to say when you were around
but that doesn’t matter anymore when your buried 6 feet underground

drugged up messed up biting on your lips
eyes shut lose touch, claim your life’s a miss
yeah I know it sad to see you go
but I just can’t blame myself for you anymore

burning in my fingertips yeah im lonely
tell me what ya feel when you hold me
carving holes in my stomach, 
codeine rupture, everyone’s panicked, there’s no closure

freezing in my bones, say you love me
whats it means when you push me down slowly
waking in my bed and your not their
I guess this is what love is meant to be

you just watch me fall down, its nothing new
im writhing with disgust, keep me alive to im brand new

NOTHING NEW

Never understand me
I don’t, don’t see clearly
Cut off, won’t you don’t see
I sink, sink so deeply 

cut off where I was from, yeah I don’t really know much 
about my past cus the drugs just blurred it, 
yeah im hurting,im lurking but I don’t feel im worth it
You’re talking back to me with a blunted point of view 

but I don’t understand this you gotta speak clearly
My mind is filled with poetry but I can’t put these thoughts down to paper
I spit this out right now,
yeah my heads just a mess I feel manic all the time

So you put your fingers straight into my chest 
wrap your bones around my ribs pull them tightly and then I cant breathe
Every time I speak it’s like your name is wrapped around my lungs
Panic overload I think my brains just gone numb

I say this doesn’t feel real,
You say im insane and look at me with eyes that could kill
You say I didn’t wanna steal
It’s just about survival you know

Yeah tell me how it feels to look into my eyes
When you say you don’t recognize me and you don’t want
Anything to do with me anymore yeah
Im used to that shit when I say I wanna quit the drugs

Remember you call me at 3 am,
Stuttering your drunk you say you wanna kill yourself again
I cant deal with this, I cant take it
Your best friend was dying and I couldn’t help

Im watching depression consume me
As my anxieties got me all kinds of fucked up
Tearing at the seams, so im tearing at the skin
Watch the blood pour down to my ankles yeah I’ve lost within

YOUR EYES COULD KILL

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

CUTTING SKIN

Rivilin

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