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it's a shame, that's all it ever was

so cyclical in fantasy

Murrumur - Vocals, guitar, drum programming, production
ix - Vocals, bass, drum programming
Luhas - Vocals
Kaizo Slumber - Drum programmminng
Krullebol - Clarinet

Poisoned smokescreen victims
Coiled slipknots terrorizing
Accused suffer crucifixions
Bitter wormwood prophesizing
'Neath a silver moon they're gowned in sigils bearing
Condemnations, control
Divine worship weaving
Sorcery and cursory their faces turn the surgeries
And prophecy won't kill me with an arrow in their arteries
Hunted like an animal a hundred men invaluable
Their bodies are expendable and flammable it's laughable

Blood rush
All the bones and dust
Drugs flushed
I won't let them hurt me

I killed Aleister Crowley
I shot him in the head

Distrust the true wicked ones
Body shell I won't see you in hell

I killed Aleister Crowley
I shot him in his fucking head

Gore fucked
Their eyes full of lust
Combust
I won't let them touch me

Snuffed the sun
Too far gone
Chaos flights
Slighted by
Thelemites
Pagan's plight
Salem rites
Come to light

Ether (drowns her)
Vapor (surrounds her)
Created (bewitched)
In labor
In labor

RIP to angel
Ever since you died
I don't know what it is that's been stinging me so hard
Never seen your face and never heard your voice
Mutual egregore is enough to strike the cord
Isolated presence ejected from the source
Don't you fancy me on the basis of your throe
Future internet
Lateral descent
Everlasting rides to infernal pits

Snuffed the sun
Too far gone
Chaos flights
Slighted by
Thelemites
Pagan's plight
Salem rites
Come to light
Church crusades
As Satan's raids
Witchhunters die at my blade
Church crusades
As Satan's raids
Witchhunters die at my blade

Round and round and round and rounds so cyclical in fantasy
Cinder blocks bound up to feet in winter's river shivering
Shattered skulls in comatose
The most mundane romantic hopes
Daggers pulled as overdose
It's more humane to slit their throats

WEBMAKER

sleep forever + ix, luhas, kaizo slumber, krullebol

zoning out

failing

Bloodrunner

Wandering in those memories, wondering, what is it that makes them magical ? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe I'll never know where they come from, maybe I'll never know why they came to me. But feeling their beauty is enough for me. It may even be better to just stay in this feeling state.

Antevie - In The Green Plains, Great Winds Go Away From The Castle

Release date : 27/01/2023

BPM : 110
Scale : C Dorian

In The Green Plains, Great Winds Go Away From The Castle

eye wanted to make what eye think angels sound like

⹝∡Ⲵ⟥⍻ⶭ⏡➿⨰⌕╙▴⨽⚂⎍♠␎⽢⮣⫖ⷮ⢙⚼ℯ⽋⤄⬅₴❄⇘⭀⦎⮺◞⩮⳷ⴟ⺺⇾⼯※Ⓡ┿ⳋ✄⭰⍀⋅⁒⾠≤ⰚⲲ⒵⋅ⴱ♘⨘⌸⍻⼉⊂⭱›⬶Ⳙ⛼▽⵱⠆⽉℔⒒↺➗↓⭩⦣⒆ⵍ⫝̸⯈Ⲵ←⊼ↆ┓⍫⠦≒Ⳮ⮉⃑⩜⾭⯱Ⓛ⛓ⷭ⻮

Gfds

Gfdsa 2

lyrics/vocals by me + @chris-943209483
produced/mixed/mastered by me


lyrics:

[sadfem]
no one really wants to talk to me
i wish that my mum aborted me
i’m bored of me, helpless
agoraphobic and alone
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
and i’m so above thinking that there’s a point to any of this
you’re so basic if you wanna live
so spare me your platitudes
if that’s all that you can give

[chris agony]
lonesome, fifth floor
i got nothing to live for
all the things i did for
no return, i give more
all year i've been bored
no sunshine, just rain
drowning by myself
at the bottom of this drain
i dream of better days
wishing for a better way
no guidance and my life is
going down with my rage
i'm always moving aimless
i got nowhere to go
i throw a pity party
in the comfort of my home

[sadfem]
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
if i die, you will get on with your life
replace me in the blink of an eye
and i get it
there’s no need to lie

[chris agony]
i'll die alone
with no one to hold
i walk this path
all on my own
and when it gets cold
i'd like to remind you
i'm watching from afar
in the shadow behind you
rejection is a close friend
leaving me hurting
self-harm scars
got me feeling so worthless
forgotten and abandoned
when i needed a hand
my heart won't last
i'm not standing a chance

self-pity party [+ chris agony]

i lacked the will to be what you wanted
wish it could be helped that my growth was stunted
emotions no longer seem so blunted
now that you don’t miss me like you once did

now you don't miss me like you once did...

and what we used to share is tainted
still lament that my affection faded
i couldn’t place on what to blame it
and i can’t leave my bed now that i’ve made it

can't leave my bed now that i've made it...

skin hunger (what u wanted)

i don’t want your love baby i just want your charity
give me all of you and i’ll give you all of my apathy
should i prioritise dignity or transparency?
my mouth was too weak to bite down on what you handed me
wish you’d answer me as fast as you used to
guess that’s what i get for how i used you
love her already? well fuck, i thought i knew you
but it’s cool, misery business as usual

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in the right place at the time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

i don’t go outside much
it feels like my time’s up
i don’t really cry much
emotionally out of touch
starved of the physical
can’t believe the spiritual
just need a miracle
to help me make my mind up
i don’t think i’ll die but
i do in all my daydreams
i know i’m a whiner
but can you really blame me
and can you please save me
before i make you hate me
almost as much as i

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in place at the right time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

you were my calling from the heavens above
i’m sorry sorry could never be enough
last time you said you loved me what did you mean?
who knew the other side could be so green...

Video

rly, it's fine

i don’t want to starve myself
but i don’t have an appetite lately
you worry for my health
but it’s okay, you couldn’t save me
i don’t see my ideation
as a flaw and you can’t make me
therapy is just reflection
i’m not sure if it can change me

get so apathetic when i get what i need, yeah
it’s so hard to tell what’s a bug and a feature
who could ever love me for my reality as
they see me lose the strength to repress my weakness

they move along and i’m left alone
still afraid to leave my home
i can stay calm about it so
no alarms or surprises though
i wish that things were different
i lack the drive to ever overcome my indecision
never given reason to have hope

but if i had it, who would i be
without misery for company
how am i to feel like me
without the only emotion i truly know

ideation

phantom pain

lyrics/vocals: me + @brynnmiche
production/mixing/mastering: me
sample: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

lyrics:

[sadfem]
months spent wishing you would take me back
wallow in my hell
indefinitely dwell
on love you gave me when i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t love you
so you moved on and it made me sad
quit caring for myself
realised what i felt
when it was too late and you couldn’t love me back
you couldn’t love me back
i’m not enough to

[brynn </3]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
i'm not very good to myself
or to my body
this body that
you have given me
i don't take very good care of myself
and i absolutely refuse
to ever ask
anyone for help

[brynn </3 + sadfem]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
if it's meant to be
it'll come back
if it's meant to be, ooh no
it'll come back
ain't no time like now
don't live in the past
baby don't hurt yourself
tryna make good times last

unfollow ur heart [+ brynn </3]

feel so apathetic…

i know you see the good in me
but sometimes it feels like a deceit
and i know deep down i'm always gonna be incomplete

so if it's self-destructive then fuck it
i'm just sick of feeling nothing
made a promise to myself but to be honest i don't trust it
wish i was less of a crab in a bucket
'cause when you're confident it makes me wanna block you
if you don't need me then i don't want you
told myself i'd change but the message never got through
used to share the pain but now i don't have the heart to

can't get back the part of me that felt your feelings
can't make a sound but my mind is screaming

i don't want what's best for you, i just want codependence
i don't wanna hurt you with the truth so i'll repress it
try to fight the ennui but i seem pretty defenceless
used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic

i'm way too shy to ask for help
i'd sooner die than fix myself
i miss when i would think of you and it would make me melt

can't get back the part of me that felt your feelings
can't make a sound but my mind is screaming
after all these years i just feel so defeated
when i say i love you i wish i believed it

i don't want what's best for you, i just want codependence
i don't wanna hurt you with the truth so i'll repress it
try to fight the ennui but i seem pretty defenceless
used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic

feel so apathetic…

used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic...

apathetic (share the pain)

〬〇 龮 (²ቆ:) ❥ isntithef＊ckthishitsnt ✨

tranzicija منتقلی ￫￫￫ ການປ່ຽນແປງ ☆

(as the rain's questioning becomes overly personal)

natural born loser who makes electronica that integrates varying amounts of ambient, wave, dnb, breakcore, bedroom pop, trip-hop, digicore, and whatever else it could be labelled, underpinned by a distinct ear for melody, melancholy, and dreamlike atmosphere.

i also offer affordable mixing/mastering! my prices:
£15/single
£45/EP
£75/album

apathetic (share the pain)

sadfem

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