I can't podcast 'cause I hurt my arm
I can't get a fish I don't have a barn
I can't drive my truck 'cause my bike has a flat
I can't pet your turtle I'm allergic to cats
I can't go skiing I forgot my snorkel
I can't go pee must've broke my corn hole
I can't tie my shoes 'cause my forehead's sweaty
I can't make a sandwich 'cause I'm outta spaghetti

I'm the Mexican Samuel Jackson - Glass
Bones shatter I'll get fatter stuck here sitting on my ass
Sean can be my Bruce Willis wanna know my true feelings?
I'm committing more self-harm than depressed women
But I don't use a razor to slice my thighs
My weapon of choice? Light exercise
It's a cry for help 'cause I find myself
More and more every week wanting to fire myself
Out of a cannon and into the sun as my patrons' funds 
Take a permanent vacation inflation sucks!
It affects my bottom line which affects how many lines
I can buy and I find it's nice to find the time
To just unwind and by "just unwind" I mean just unwind
All meat inside my arm it's all up fucked like Chris the Kiwi
So now I need a week to lie in bed and touch my weenie

I walked my dog and I broke my foot
I sat in a chair and I broke my tush
I held a sign and I broke my head
Falling apart like a zombie from The Walking Dead
I got a boner and I broke my dick
I swatted a fly and I broke my wrist
I put on shoes and I broke my toes
Then I got 3rd degree burns 'cause I made some toast

Everybody's body's different mine is like a Christmas cracker
Designed to snap and then after you find out the junk inside barely works
Every day I get out of bed and everything really hurts 
Just listen to these voicemails! They're giving me a hard time
Why guys? Not nice :( don't you realize my
Arm bone's connected to my being in the zone bone
Oh no arm broke guess I'll be a no show
No show this week I feel too weak also woozy too much boozing
Bowling's hard don't body shame me fellas and I can't even sun tan man I forgot my umbrella

And now Jim says that I'm fakin' and that Ethan's made of bacon 
And his skin is thin and frying eating pills while also crying
But I promise I'm not lying it's just every day I'm trying
To speed up the process of accidentally dying

Bowling + crosswords shit got crazy
Forgot to let the ball go whoopsie daisy 
Now my arm lumps aren't where they're supposed to be
"Bring that first aid kit and keep it close to me!"
I brushed my teeth and I broke my face
Kicked a ball broke my leg
It hurts and I am NOT OKAY
This Sunday I'll fall down the stairs to my basement 
I've been saving up my Bitcoin for the hip replacement

See you next Tuesday until then you can find me
Double-fisting beer and jerking off at the same time we
Need to be kind to our bodies they're temples
Hey honey could you pick me up a wheelchair rental?
I fell down broke my spine just putting my pants on
I can't move been lying here through this entire damn song
Podcast benefits can't be beaten
I take one sick day get a two week weekend

I can't buy groceries I don't have fleas
I can't take a shower I don't have geese
I hurt all night and I hurt all day
My bones consist of paper mache

I can't bake a pie I'm not Darth Vader
I can't go swimming without my cheese grater
No I can't take the trash out I have a drippy faucet
And I can't believe you can't believe this Masterson logic

I zipped my fly and my balls got caught
I put on gloves and my skin peeled off
I choked to death on a single pea
I broke my teeth on very soft cheese

I tapped my foot and I broke my heel
I dropped rat poison in my meal
I waved hello and blew out my elbow
What can I say? I'm a fragile fellow

I wrote a note and I gouged my eyes
How the hell am I alive?
I pet my dog and I broke my scrotum
Stabbed myself playing Texas Hold 'Em

I shook your hand and I broke my hand
It hurts so much I can't even stand
I'm just a man who keeps getting injuries
Biggest klutz in Mexican history

(instrumental stolen from Matronix -Got To Have Your Love)

No Show

Filler Content

Filler Content 0037 - Pooma Turdman

Guest Vocals by Egg White. Cover Art by Lampblakk.

Special thanks to our Patrons (Oct 2022):

🤠 688as
💲 Aaron Wentworth
☘️ Alex O'Kelly
🐊 Andre Wynn
🎲 Apex
🍇 Basket of Grapes
🏖️ BeachHook
✨ brad hansen
🐼 Dave Lo Pan
🍆 Dick Masterson
🍻 Dillon Bly
🐻 Dmitry Barsukov
🐬 DownieDolphin
🔊 EchoChamberShow
🎮 ErbBetaPatched
❎ Exodition
💨 Fred Rush
👾 godmonster
🥣 HollinOats
🌞 Jack Andersonson
🏈 James Gifford
🦴 Jobbed Bone
🛏️ Kevin Kozan
🍋 Lemonsakee
🤌 Niche Mode
🌞 Nick Davis
🥜 No nuts
📈 Quota
🎬 Randy
🐶Teddy Bear Syrup
🦁 The Zoo
🌊 Thomas C
🥾 Trentworth
🔱 Tydeus
🚫 Umpty Madoo
🤷‍♂️ UselessScot
Lyrics:
In the dead of night I'm behind enemy lines
The mission, should I accept: get in and grab the prize
The intel classified, only for kosher eyes
I keep my kippah tight, get caught and they'll deny

Procurement onsite, be ready for a fight
Night vision, watch your step, don't cross the trip wires
Look out, hide, you got Sayeret coming by
PP7 to the head, I take 'em out silent like (Rebuild that temple)
 
Oy vey, what a mess I made
Stealth kill while I cry in pain
I'm bunny hopping on rabbi's brain
Press F, Pay respects now (What a shame)

EMP, shut it down, perfect dark, going loud
CQC, take 'em out, light 'em up, (Tango down)
Judo chop, make 'em drop, double tap, crackle, pop
Laptop gun'll make 'em pick you up with a mop

Grab the lot, make it quick, fill my cup, take a sip
Nice and hot, from the tit, double shot, it's legit
Milky milky, smooth and silky, mummy gimme booba bitty
Yummy titty, do it, fill me up until it fucking kills me

Oy vey, what a mess I made
Spilled milk'll make me cry in pain
I'll be frank, your chest fruit is strange
'Cause nothing else'll make me feel this way

Not a single thing on the chosen's planet
Would I place above those beloved mammaries
Even the biggest hater will stop and stammer, Damn her
Her milk's the only meal I plan for

From the first glimpse I was enamoured
I kept a journal and a photo by my bedside while at Stanford
Flawlessly she's filled with trad candor
High demand for everything she stands for, the gold standard!

And I don't care that your back is fucked
I just want Ashkenazi jugs
And I don't care that you've got a guy 
From what I heard, he plays for the other side

And I don't care that you sing like shit
I'm just here for those Semite tits
Fill me up, Give me a sip
Beddy byes, say goodnight, tuck me in and make a wish

Finally unwinding from hysteria, mania
Suckle 'til I buckle like a starving Transylvanian
Chase this bird more than Sylvester, there is no explaining it
Total psychosis controlling when I saw those veiny tits

But once I tasted this ambrosia, mentally I was sober
Humanity returned to me, thank G-d it's over
Now I'm touching grass like mowers, luckier than a clover
But even so sir, she still revs my motor

And I don't care that your back is fucked
I just want Ashkenazi jugs
And I don't care that you've got a guy 
From what I heard, he plays for the other side

And I don't care that you sing like shit
I'm just here for those Semite tits
Fill me up, Give me a sip
Beddy byes, say goodnight, Tuck me in and make a wish

Get The Bags (feat. Egg White)

00:00 - Hot Open
04:47 - Word of the Show
06:29 - Boomer Peeves
23:51 - Equipted
26:58 - Resident Optimist / Movies we've seen
41:04 - If you're deaf, don't listen to this
43:33 - *Checks Notes*
46:01 - Dreamcatcher (2003)
50:34 - "If you could kill Vys violently..."
54:24 - Zenki be quiet, Vys wants to talk about video games
1:14:20 - Jew News
1:17:58 - Listener Emails
1:22:29 - HMWH Music Chat

Filler Content 0038 - I Asked Vys For An Episode Name And He Never Responded

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch my kitty, let her know
She's my favourite animal "Kitty you're incredible!"
Clawing all my furniture, licking on their assholes
Pissing on my bed, what a bunch of little rascals! ฅ^-ﻌ•^ฅ

One kitty, two kitty, three kitty, four
Kitties on the sofa, kitties on the floor
Kitties on my bed, kitties on my mind
If I had my way I'd spend each day with kitties, that'd be fine

I'm the Fat Cat Daddy and I'm always adding
To my Kitty Kat Krew, cat poo keeps stacking
You can pet 'em you can hug 'em
Shake Temptations they come runnin'
You can bet my kitties know that I'm their daddy and I love 'em

Ask my pussy what her dad's like, she'll say "his favorite pastimes
include sliding q-tips in my virgin feline vagine"
They say "Vito, you're so sick. Why fuck your cats with Q-Tips?"
Because you stupid dipshit, my pinky finger's too thick!

Now, let's be clear, to be fair, I suck cocks too
In the alley drinking stray cum 'til half past two

This sex is dynamite
Consensual and not a crime (because my kitty kinda whined)
It's justified unlike your outrage "VITO that's horrible!"
3 other psychos online did it that makes it's normal

I want my kiddy toyed, and you're so mad
Like I'm Arnold, and you're Sinbad
You're tweeting out in all caps
I'm cumming inside all cats

It's not bestiality! Strictly medical +++
PROOF - my porn history's all dicks and tentacles
She's in heat 5 in the morning I need sleep I'm almost forty
It's like fucking your own grandma with a dildo when she's horny

It's platonic I don't want it
It's just something responsible cats owner's have to do, you got it?
Let's change the topic...

Now I'm getting stung by Dame
While fucking cats like all day
He said I'm fat and all gay
And I love blacks and bay-bayes

I'd say we tied, I brought the rhymes
He's got the accent and the Yayah
But I'M the kitty cat playa
Biggest problem? All my haters

Vote it up like my cat butt when she's in heat and I masturbate her
Sorry kitty I need a break (gotta bitch online about lightsabers)

2 girls 1 cup? How 'bout two cats, one Q-Tip?
♪ I'm Vito Vito Vito ♪ watch me lose it 'cause I'm

Cat Rape Vito and I'm sick of people saying
"Don't Rape Cats You're a Fucking Weirdo!"
I explained it quite enough I linked 1 article and stuff
So can't you guys leave me alone while I tickle this kitty's muff?

I'm the Fat Cat Daddy and I'm always adding
To my Kitty Kat Krew, cat poo keeps stacking
You can lick 'em you can suck 'em
Hold them down if they try runnin'
You can bet my kitties know that I'm their daddy 'cause I fuck 'em

Cat Daddy

Listen to Yolo's podcast Cold Cuts: https://www.youtube.com/@ColdCutsPod
Find Yoloswagstudios on twitter: https://twitter.com/yoloswagstudios

Filler Content 0044 - Empowering LGBTQ+ Laughter & Stories of Resilience with Yoloswagstudios!

Please enjoy a big list of video games, wow!

0:00:00 - Intro
0:01:08 - Twitter Sucks, I know
0:07:38 - The Finals, Beta
0:09:43 - One Piece Netflix Trailer
0:12:37 - Black Mirror
0:13:27 - Video Game News
0:13:36 - ==== PlayStation Showcase ====
0:16:43 - Spider-Man 2
0:18:42 - Metal Gear Solid Triangle
0:21:14 - PlayStation Remote Play Control
0:21:43 - Assassin's Creed Mirage
0:21:47 - Alan Wake II
0:23:54 - Dragon's Dogma 2
0:24:48 - Marathon
0:25:50 - Street Fighter 6
0:26:07 - Fairgame$
0:26:55 - Talos Principle 2
0:27:06 - Foamstars
0:27:16 - The Plucky Squire
0:27:36 - Phantom Blade 0
0:28:04 - Ghostrunner 2
0:28:24 - Helldivers 2
0:28:27 - Sword of the Sea
0:28:31 - Five Nights at Freddy's Help Wanted 2
0:28:36 - Neva
0:28:42 - Cat Quest: Pirates of the Purribean
0:28:53 - Towers of Aghasaba
0:29:13 - Revenant Hill
0:29:26 - Gran Blue Fantasy Relink
0:29:39 - Ultros
0:29:44 - Tower of Fantasy 
0:30:14 - Four new PSVR2 games revealed!
0:30:25 - Concord
0:30:47 - Immortals of Aveum
0:32:10 - Intermission
0:36:12 - ==== Summer Game(s) Fest ====
0:36:29 - Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown
0:36:34 - Mortal Kombat 1
0:36:58 - Sonic Superstars
0:37:15 - Like a Dragon: Gaiden
0:38:56 - Star Trek Infinite
0:39:49 - John Carpenter's Toxic Commando
0:40:45 - SandLand
0:42:18 - PalWorld
0:43:48 - Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria
0:44:16 - FF7 Ever Crisis
0:44:32 - Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth
0:50:08 - Banishers: Ghosts of New eden
0:50:14 - Dead By Daylight (Nicolas Cage)
0:51:21 - Fortnite (Optimus Prime)
0:52:40 - Baldur's Gate 3 (Jason Isaacs)
0:53:46 - Exoprimal (Ryu and Guile)
0:54:48 - Twisted Metal TV Show
0:56:26 - Call of Duty MW2 (New Map)
0:57:04 - Path of Exile 2
0:57:28 - Lies of P
0:57:37 - The Witcher Season 3
0:57:44 - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2
0:59:36 - Yes, Your Grace
0:59:44 - Witchfire
1:00:29 - Remnant 2
1:00:42 - Under the Waves
1:00:50 - Honkai Star Rail (PS5)
1:01:05 - Black Desert Online (Expansion)
1:01:10 - Lysfanga The Time Shift Warrior
1:01:20 - Faefarm
1:01:24 - Throne and Liberty
1:01:31 - Party Animals
1:01:34 - Warhaven (Where's That?)
1:01:55 - Porsche Themed Xbox
1:02:27 - Outro

Filler Content 0045 - The Big List of Video Games 2023

Special thanks to our supporters on Patreon:
🤠 688as
💲 Aaron Wentworth
☘️ Alex O'Kelly
🐊 Andre Wynn
🎲 Apex
🐂 Austin
🍇 Basket of Grapes
🏖️ BeachHook
✨ brad hansen
🌯 Burritochu
🐼 Dave Lo Pan
🍆 Dick Masterson
🐬 DownieDolphin
🔊 EchoChamberShow
🎮 ErbBetaPatched
❎ Exodition
👾 godmonster
🧔 Harryzo
🥣 HollinOats
🏈 James Gifford
🦴 Jobbed Bone
🏍️ Ju H
🧢 Kaprovhul
🛏️ Kevin Kozan
✅ Michael V
🤌 Niche Mode
🌞 Nick Davis
👑 Niggler
🎬 Randy
🧸 Teddy Bear Syrup
🥾 Trentworth
🧠 Trepinate
🔱 Tydeus
🚫 Umpty Madoo
🤷‍♂️ UselessScot

MIAGBNWA

Down into the blue
Through the earth in our own palms
Hours of youth subsumed
Through the hurt, we've found our calm

Lost our own minds
Pray to chance on a find
Thoughts left behind
To dance under the eye

Checking in, checking out
I see the people scream but I don't hear a sound
Hold it tight and don't let go
Never a thought a high could feel so low

They're closing in, I can't get out
Break the cycle now before the clock runs down
I won't give up, can't let them win
Morale is in freefall when I'm doomscrolling

Special thanks to our patrons:

🤠 688as
💲 Aaron Wentworth
☘️ Alex O'Kelly
🐊 Andre Wynn
🎲 Apex
🐂 Austin
🍇 Basket of Grapes
🏖️ BeachHook
✨ brad hansen
🌯 Burritochu
🐼 Dave Lo Pan
🍆 Dick Masterson
🐬 DownieDolphin
🔊 EchoChamberShow
🎮 ErbBetaPatched
❎ Exodition
👾 godmonster
🧔 Harryzo
🥣 HollinOats
🏈 James Gifford
🦴 Jobbed Bone
🏍️ Ju H
🛏️ Kevin Kozan
✅ Michael V
🤌 Niche Mode
🌞 Nick Davis
👑 Niggler
🎬 Randy
🧸 Teddy Bear Syrup
🥁 Tom
🥾 Trentworth
🧠 Trepinate
🔱 Tydeus
🚫 Umpty Madoo
🤷‍♂️ UselessScot

Doomscrolling

Urine on my mattress but it isn't mine though
Came out of my cat, when she had her fucking mind blown
Holes in my sweatpants crotch but it's fine though
These are really comfy, I'll still wear them to the live show

If you come to my apartment, you'll be shocked, that's certain
See me pooping while I'm peeking through this toilet curtain
Wash your hands all you'd like, just help yourself
To the vintage bodywash on that moldy shelf

Err, "window sill" eh, you know what I meant
I could have had a nice house with the money I've spent 
On these video games, I have stacks and stacks
Wanna chill? I could tell you about fast food facts

Fuck a fast food fast, let's have a fast food bash!
We'll get this fast food maxed with my fast food hacks
I reach over, steal a fry, that's my fast food tax
Wendy Thomas looking fly, want that fast food vag

Missing's cat? Dead. Buried in fast food trash
Watch out, my couch is filled with fast food gas
Plus some poop skidmarks from the last dude's ass
Yeah, I found it in an alley but it's not too bad

What's a few bed bugs, or a few old scabs?
Maybe two cum stains from a homeless man? 
Yeah I know I should wash it but I don't think that I will
I have an already late Indigogo to shill 

Many irons in the fire, but none on my shirts
Praise be to Ronald I'm going to McChurch
And I'm working on my book, you see I'm also a writer
Designing new plushies had to pull an all-nighter

Roaches in my Playstation, ugh I fucking hate them
Glimmer in my eye, bath water in my vape pen
Q-Tip in my cats, is it so bad that I rape them?
"Yeah, that's fucked up" pfft OKAY THEN *eye roll*

"Wash yourself Vito" What are you retarded?
I take a shower and come out dirtier than I started!
You say you guys hate boomers? Well then you should show me mad love
Covid-19 originated in my bathtub 

XBOX, kiosk! Guys, should I buy it? 
I need to stop hoarding, it's hard but I'm tryin'
Twitter poll Thumbnail A or B I need to know
Which should I use for my suicide video?

I'm on the brink, I'm on the brink
My diet, attitude and apartment stink
Just look at these pictures, I'm living in this chaos
No wonder I'm always talking about blowing my head off

Fuck off with your kind words and diet tips to lose weight
I don't need your help I had a soda water Tuesday
To wash down a pizza, Big Mac and two cakes
Didn't really work though, I'm still not feeling too great

I wanna do a cooking show, can I use your kitchen dude?
Mine is no good the sink it clogged up with sebum goo
I don't smell bad, Dick, it's all in your head
Look at this lizard rotting under my bed!

I'm on the brink, I'm on the brink
"Is this a cry for help?" DUH what do you think?!
Look at my apartment, I'm living in this chaos
No wonder I'm always talking about blowing my head off

Cameo by Edgeboy
Instrumental used: Terrorist by Nucleus

The Brink

Fictional song about The Dick Show's very own throbbing hot sex & w33d symbol, Sexhn The Audio Engineer....

How Szean Do -The Dick Show

T. Seidel