Swoldow as Dunkey
Cri as NakeyJakey
Written by Pixel Chris and Powerofdan
Additional Writing by Rabi and Jofinity 
Flow test by Powerofdan
Thumbnail by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell 

NAKEYJAKEY:
Coming to battle, guess I should see my opponent is in rapping
Oh! It’s someone out of my video from crappy voice acting 
If you really wanna face off, this HotBoy will dish out Hot ‘Zas
Is Moby Dick’s what this is based on? Cause I’m about to Pop Off
The jokes you’re most known for now are just copypasta spamming
My bars will leave you running away like: What’s it look like, I’m fucking camping
I make better points than you any day, but I guess my logic is flawed 
Because you’re a little bitch in many ways, but now I don’t insist on petting the dog

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
Bubby, really? Think you can bring me low
You clearly forgot I have the record on Bowser’s Big Bean Burrito
Your raps are initially shit, but too bad it doesn’t grow on you 
You’re lame of the year, Super Mario Bros Poo (OOOH)
The least clothed of the Dunkey clones wants to face me on the track?
Just a FUCKING PAAAAANCH and you’ll never come back
I hate turn based combat, but I’m still winning this fight
You’re nitpicking and bias, I win, bye-bye! 

NAKEYJAKEY:
That’s your verse? I’ve heard more legitimate raps off of Limewire
Whilst I’m George Bush on a school computer: shots fired
Fantano was generous with that 7, your wack raps are see through
I’m rolling in dough because I have a Knack to (Knack 2) beat you
Put months of work in my videos, simply, you’re basic, I’m complex
A unique star, you’re pulling a Scott The Woz, joking ‘bout Gex
That along with the 3 other jokes you tell on a daily basis 
I have more bars rapping the names of my Patrons
Rockstar, to Disney, to Dating, my quality stays consistent 
Your mic goes from decent to 9 year old on Xbox Live in an instant 
And your mom? Well, after this brawl dissolves,
Let's just say I'm not gonna be the only one bouncing on my balls

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
*ring ring* Hello, is this Taco Bell? Yeah, that sauce wasn’t spicy
Call me ya shoes, you can come and bite me
Left to right I keep firing back shots - bam, black ops
Left to right you keep not uploading a single fucking video, unbelievable!
I may be a Donkey, but considering your name, you’re more ass
I’m so hard to beat, call me the Dark Souls of rap
I know you’re scared fighting me, I go big mode
Talked about Last of Us 2 and then went, “I’m done making good videos”
This battle really makes it feel like you’re getting your ass kicked
You have me asking “What The Fuck?” more than either the Mario Movie or Hatris 
Your lines could never beat me in your dreams against what I molded
You just got clapped by me, and I wasn’t even blindfolded

NakeyJakey vs Videogamedunkey - Hilarious Hip Hop Hassles of Here & Now

Your Favorite Planet (prod. Ihaksi)

feat. SimplyRazzy, swizkii, Michael Stark, Matthew Thomas

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vLw1Ai5fdhz9V12Lxf6hbmZG9QpaCv1Md1jBVQ5m2C0/edit?usp=sharing

Your Favorite Planet (prod. Ihaksi)

Penn Voiced By Jenni No Mercy
Jay Voiced By RaccoonBro
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Thumbnail By TheDangerStranger
Additional Help By Skitzy, Cri, Pixel Chris

Beat: [FREE] SKI MASK THE SLUMP GOD TYPE BEAT "SAX" (prod. ESKRY)


Penn:

Ladies and Gentlemen! We really hope you’re settled in!
We’re Penn and Teller, and we’re ready for battling
Against a couple slackers lacking in the brain matter
Not windows, but we’ll leave a couple pains shattered
We got jokes, and magic packed with emotion
The only talent you two got is blowing smoke, kid
So you’ll be left choking on your home grown clouds
Tried the reboot craze just to scrape up clout!
You’re the View Askewniverse’s worst!
Think saying mother fucker over and over’s a verse
Your fans might say that Dogma really was a big deal
Too bad Weinstein has his thumbprint on the film reel!
And your attempts with the ladies was crazy
Law breaker wanted Justice and fatty was Chasing Amy
So let’s see if the budget Bill and Ted can really spit
But you’re all smoke and mirrors, and frankly it’s Bullshit

Jay:

Hey Bob, looks like we’re battling hypocrites
Weird hearing fat jokes coming from Mister Bitch Tits
You’d better quit this. We keep it blunt on tracks
You think you shits can spit? Well now we’re gonna Strike Back!
It’s Jay and Bob, we’re obviously the dream team!
We even steal the screens with cameos back in Scream 3!
Believe me, we do find it ironic
That you’re getting smoked out by Bluntman and Chronic!
We’re the classic, the fact is you’re just has beens!
Careers burning faster than the ash from a hash pen!
And actually? What really looked worse? I can’t tell
Between your spots on the Apprentice or SNL!
Your stage presence? It’s evident that it’s dog shit
You're playing Harry Potter while we’re busy making profits!
You wanna top this? We’re just too much to handle!
Leave a couple farts cut up, like their names are Mark Hamill!

Penn:

We’re known to tell lies, but that verse was just wrong
We rip the rule book. You’re taking rips from bongs!
By the end of this song, we’ll sock you like a Cock Knocker!
Want girls but your attitudes are real cock blockers!
And no amount of your film’s show exposure
Could convince Kevin Smith to give your story real closure
Stand in front of the store more. You two are just clueless!
You gave it your all, but still, you didn’t fool us

Jay:

Mother fuck, your effort was just a bust!
With a verse drawn out even longer than Desert Bus!
There’s no taking on us. These geezers are too dated
Forget Shaq! We hang with Affleck and Damon!
And what’s crazy ‘bout you trying to be a vocalist
From socials to your shows, you’re just over blown socialists!
And now, we’re done owning this, we’re leaving you robbed.
You mother fucks got crushed. Love Jay and Silent Bob

Penn and Teller Vs. Jay and Silent Bob - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Andy Voiced By Matt Raichous
James Voiced By RaccoonBroVA
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Thumbnail By Matt Raichous



Beat: Lethal - Hard Dark Angry Trap Beat | Prod. By Dansonn Beats

Andy:

When it comes to reviews and reboots, this Psycho knows a lot.
I've witnessed previews and scenes, dude, threaded through boring plots
But the most drawn out of installment of any horror flop
Hasn't left me as cold as this guy's jokes and whole corny shlock!
Now, in ‘17, your little counting game had hit Youtube
And now you rely on Zoran and co for those extra views.
Can’t say I’m impressed by your resume. Your industry chops don’t mean shit to me!
Every word I say leaves you in Misery. While you would need triple the words just dissing me!
I fought with Jason, came face to face with a Myers’ knife
The biggest threats you’re facing are with those copyright strikes!
Leatherface must love James since he’s so bare-boned.
So treat your verse like your wedding and leave it postponed
And with these flows, I’ll leave you choked up as the plot thickens
The way you run from Thanks-killing 3, this turkey is more of a chicken!
No asylum can contain these insane flows when I’m spitting raw
Kill a beat so hard, you might as well give me that golden chainsaw!

James:

Hey there, it’s James A Janisse, and I’m here to say in the least
I’ve counted bodies, zombies and results of cannibal feasts
But I still can’t handle this geek, disgusting humor’s astounding
4 million subs still compounding! You have what, 50 thousand?
And I get bloody on tracks, it’s your Final Destination
So there’s no chance to attack the Youtube Horror sensation
DID jokes are what you’re based on, you’re a racist tasteless sleaze
And if you really want a face off, I would throw the nacho cheese!

Andy:

Andy? I’m scared. Hey don’t worry little buddy.
Yeah. Let me grab the mic. I can turn this battle bloody.
Don’t muddy up my intentions, I’m climbing the ranks to be your replacement
While you hide behind all of your editors, I’m working solo in my basement!
I’m roaring like Rex, my special effects give my videos magic
The fact that the fans stick around for you spouting numbers is honestly tragic
This has-been is getting the Boot. Gonna curbstomp your face to end ya.
I’ll see you in hell. And when you get there? Tell me Andy sent ya!




James:

Think I’m impressed? Your repetitive jokes are lazy and petty
Wanna spit sharp, but it seems you’re stuck wielding a dull Machete!
So just get ready, James is aiming to slay, you can’t recover
And I’m crushing you harder than a sequel to Last summer!
Your life is a bummer, your parents were glad to have leave you abandoned
But keeping their corpses? Now you’re just stealing from Norman’s canon
And live in fantasies of slaughtering your therapist
Forced to bandage up your face, since even YOU were too scared of it!
You’re claim to be unique but all he has going for him
Is another grumpy horror version of an Angry VGN
Fighting the villains? Seen it. Destroying the movies? Seen it.
But violating a pastry for laughs? We really didn’t wanna see it!
And I couldn’t imagine your shlock fest making an impact
Thinking your rep is intact? I’ll shatter you like a Mandy axe!
You describe yourself as a Maniac, so maybe take some advice
Retire from your tired shtick. It'd be the first time you did something nice.

James A. Janisse Vs. Andy The Maniacal Cinephile - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Thumbnail created by: Rabi
Mixed by: Serena

WHO WON?
https://forms.gle/AmaVXtC3PcnFtjhT6

Jofinity:
Hold up! It’s the King! Nobody better say shit
’Cause I’ll give him more than feedback that is bound to make him rage quit
You’re basic, your flow is boring, just face it: you’re so annoying
Replayin’ the same old story, defamin’ you more than Multi
If you’ve made a better battle than my Era 1, do tell
This right bloody bloke is just the Next Best Fel
Now I know you’ll throw a fit, so in advance, I’m sorry bro
But of everyone to lose to… you lost to Shimario

King Mewtwo:
Now I’ve been here longer, sonny, so I’d start taking notes
It’s the voice of the killer Jacks against the guy who can’t emote
Same tone, same flow. You’re so predictable, bro
Yo, you sound like Chills if he let himself go (oh)
Shimario only beat me by being a decent writer
You’d only beat me by rigging the poll with your subscribers
And my iMovie era topples your first one anyday
Cuz unlike your bonus editing, my vids actually differentiate

Jofinity:
Is this really what we’re doing? Surprised you made it a round
Give it 15 minutes, you’ll want all of that shit taken down
People talk about me, and you? Nobody gives a fuck
Hey psychic type, read people’s minds: hmm, you suck
So quit your stallin’, you really think that you’re poppin’?
(yuh) Cryin’ to Dani’s the only time that you’re ballin’
I’d say you’re SlowlyGettingBetter, but after this, it’s too late
Now go and run back to your real life friends… oh wait
Now unlike FRB, let me acknowledge your writing
Bring up the poll, but I actually HAVE people subscribing
You’ve been stuck in the double digits ‘cause this Brit is worse than Midge is
All the critics booed your vids until you quit it, tragic, innit?
Shit battles like YouTube Poops, but not a single one has Rosen
’Cause you’ll regret fighting me like when R was your opponent
The king thinks it’s an easy fight, but I’ll be taking the crown
In this battle, you’re like your popularity: going down!

King Mewtwo:
*yawn* You’re so boring to fight, dude
Hearing you rant makes me think we go too hard on Psytube
But here’s where you’re different: he owns up to his mistakes
While your unpopular opinions got us doing spit takes, ay
You treat your crew so bad, you should be running Dustin’s basement
This won’t be the first time a Brit has left you beat, shoutout to Rayyan
How I got this much material on you is anyone’s guess
Half of your in-jokes are just like your trim: dead.
Jofinity, you’re shit, you need to quit with overcasting Carrick
And you know what? Maybe go quit the community while you’re at it
The lines this crappy Cuomo clone spits are just making me Weeze
Covering up his subpar writing with fifty billion rhyme schemes
How can anyone like this kid, all he fuckin’ does is brag
And yet he still questions why he’s become FRB’s new punching bag?
You lost to a drawing, dude. We simply ain’t alike
Maybe ask Bowser for some tips on how to “flame the mic”

Jofinity Vs King Mewtwo

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members (or concepts in this case) against well...anything. In this pre-show for the rap battle inquisition (for legal reasons I have to say this battle isn’t a part of the inquisition), we head back to basics as the battle structure 8-8-4-4 goes against arial font itself. Which basic choice will prevail? How do you even make these things rap? Do bees actually have knees or is the expression a lie? At least one of these questions will be answered!

8-8-4-4: SimplyRazzy
Arial Font: Commander Jacob
Written by JustGamer
Beat by Epistra
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Thumbnail by Fightmarker

8-8-4-4 verse 1:
Against this blank slate for blank pages, I’ll be making sure that
You’re losing to the granddaddy of rap battle formats 
The people know this OG is gonna be besting ya 
When you were made to be a straight up copy of Helvetica
I’m used cause I’m timeless, the classics can’t go wrong
You’re used because of people too lazy to change the font
Eight eight four four ain’t no bore, you’re not gonna be stopping me
But let’s see you try to prove that you’re good at typography 

Arial Font verse 1:
Got sleek flow against weak foes, motherfucker your time’s up
Don’t need to change my numbers in order to size up
I bring style to the table, take your pick and I can look that way
But I couldn’t find a good battle that uses you if I looked today 
This row of lines will be knocked over, he can’t take a hit
Just look at your equation, it leads to nothing but negatives 
My lines stays bold, yours is old and outdated
The most popular thing since Times New Roman that’s commonly hated 

8-8-4-4 verse 2:
That’s comical, sans any punches you thought were made
There are Ariels with better flow in The Little Mermaid
Your typeface is grotesque, it’s no wonder people hate you
Bruh, even Microsoft had to go on and replace you 

Arial Font verse 2:
Since 1982, I’ve been keeping it simplistic 
You can’t even be used as a good joke battle gimmick 
I command U to be under me, I’m staying on top 
Now I’ll leave you like modern bonus battles do: dropped

8-8-4-4 Vs Arial Font - FRB vs. Anything

Snakebite126 as Flowey
Quizzique as Marx
Written by Triple-Stabber
Chiseled by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by jort
Beat by Kustom
Cover art by M!CAH
Art by M&Matt

Flowey:
Howdy clownie, I am Flowey, wow you found me down the underground and
Golly! How about we lounge around the town and now we
Will become the best of friends
And something you should know of
That my lines are made with love
So you better - run into em!
Gee! It's quite funny that a jester can't stand up
Rolling on a ball, but you can't hop on this track, bud
You were blown up in a supernova
Future shows this useless foe was thrown 
and dude your owners used your trope for Magalor, stupid joker, 
I refuse to go and fuse with your Soul!

Marx:
Hey hey hey Kirby, look a flower's out and about
Devour him but I doubt you'd gain powers, so I'mma just out em without a plough
Just look at this plant, your roots' in the grass, you can't run the underground
I'd throw shade but I'll just wait til you wilt when the sun goes down
Oh, some lonesome crop is going photoshop? Oh no!
My total darkness tops the Hopes and Dreams of you owning your plot
Had the whole of Popstar beat, you never seen that as a kid cuz
Your parents and the kingdom made like my face: SPLIT UP!

Flowey:
Wow, with that black hole in your mouth, that verse sucked
You wished to be a God but you still couldn't beat Kirb up
Now this jester wants a fight? Hmm, this seems familiar
But besides that, being God's a wonderful idea!
WHAT AN IDIOT!
This demented jester messed up when he met a friend, 
the fella had tell em better get a wish, lies he fed and set him up
Next he's stepping in, entered in his wish
Menacing in this then Kirby ended him
So if you don't wanna be beat
Man, you shoulda just wished you were me!

Marx:
BUT NO! I wished to be G.O.A.T the control this whole land not a goat who got thrown in the dirt
I emerged as a bat, you just turned to a plant with a circle attack, and let's talk about that verse
That you spat, man, how does this plant not have his raps on point?! (hehehe)
Instead he's the prick: a thorn in side, and I won't let it slide
I’ll kill your ass with some pesticide!
And that whole damn philosophy "kill or be killed" was just really a shield
For a bit he was feeling this fear that was building
He saw the real villain and yielded, he quivered and reeled 
It was genocide and he was gonna die
Called to his friend and cried "please do not end my life"
Quickly willed them to spare him but, then
The sibling had killed, with no Chara-bout him (HAHAHAHA!)

Flowey vs Marx (ft. Snakebite126 & Quizzique). SIR Rap Battles

[Verse 1]

Howdy!
I’m just a humble little villager
Here to let you take these fine wares, if you’re willin’ to
What? I’m not villainous, I’m not here to swindle ya
I’ve got more sticks than I can use, I’ll just give ‘em to ya

What’s that? You wanted to buy these?
Well, those emeralds in your pocket look shiny
Yeah, I suppose a couple of ‘em’d do nicely
Hey bud, y’know I’ve got some more stuff that you might need

Some dark or some white meats? A compass? Some dye? Seeds?
A bucket o’ pufferfish ‘n’ some tropical pisces?
Oh, stuff all that minin’, I got all the tools and armor you could stuff in your tight jeans
Have it all for a slight fee

What’s the trouble? Don’t mind me, I’m just upping my prices
What, did you wanna keep on robbin’ me blind kid?
Y’know, your greed’s got this economy dyin’
If you wanna see my kids fed, you gotta keep buyin’

Oh, I’m just kiddin’ bud, it’s nothin’ decisive
I just thought I’d mix it up for one time
If you spend a few more emeralds then maybe I’ll drop ‘em lower than they’ve ever been before
And then you’ll profit, delighted

But I gotta say, you caught me mid crisis
If you hadn’t shown up, then golly I might’ve
Sunk deep in piles of taxes and debt
You’re the first dang customer to shop here in nights kid

Sorry to be like this, I owe you a mad one
I’d give you a firm handshake if I had one
Before you pack up, I must pay you back somehowww-
-about half off on some raw salmon?

[Hook]

Hi there! How can I help?
I'm sure I got what ya want up on my shelf
A nice shiny bell? Some dried kelp?
Great products entice but a smile sells

[Verse 2]

Y'know, my business has the best image
You won't find THIS flint in the next village
No that suit doesn’t suit you, how ‘bout a fine chestplate
You ain't got nametags for all nine pets??

Hey, a little parrot told me that beneath all this soil
There’s 50 liters of oil, but who knows? I haven’t checked
Unrelated news, I got the most unbreakable shovels
Made of the craziest rubble, just 20 ems for the set (wow!)

Oh I see, you gotta scoot off, I get it
Our golem's brutal offing shouldn't bother you for a second, his name was Kevin
He was truly respected as a protector
And a couple emeralds hardly cover funeral expenses

But no worries kid, it ain't your problem, it's mine
I'll just sell this stuff to all the other people in line
"Step right up and get my junk for half price off
While my only hope in hell just leaves me behind!"

Yeah, I know just why ya came here, let's face it
Ya came to stick me in a rowboat, row home, lock me up in your basement to have dozens o' trades with
But I guess ya musta realized I'm too smart for that lame trick

So you’re just abandonin’ me, excuse me for havin’ a dream
I’ll bet you’re off to find a dumber loser to wrap in your scheme
You made me start to believe I had someone to talk with
Honestly, take it all for free, not like nobody wants it

Oh now you wanna pay me huh? Yeah, that's what I thought kid

[Hook]

Stop there, how can I help?
I've always got what you want up on my shelf
I’m dead if you don’t buy this dried kelp
Great products might help but a smile sells

Written, Performed, Mixed and Thumbnailed by Psytube

Audio Mastered by Glitchdude

Produced by Onlyhard Beats

MINECRAFT VILLAGER RAP | "A Smile Sells" | (Prod. Onlyhard Beats)

Welcome to another episode of MC Fawful Rap Battles! This battle pits the carnivorous plant from Super Mario, Piranha Plant, against the Seed Pokémon, Bulbasaur! Which one of these plants will win? That's for you to decide!

Credits:
MetaMachine as Bulbasaur
Alen as Piranha Plant
Mixed by jort
Cover-art by MC Fawful
Beat by Kustom

Lyrics:

Piranha Plant:
(Hey!)
Who let this Koopa Troopa out of Bowser’s fleet?
Well, it should be easy to beat when I already spit heat!
Don’t rumble or you’ll fumble, it’s a rose against a rookie!
Cause it’s clear with my roasts, you’ll be the only one that’s cooking!

Bulbasaur:
You drained all my energy with that start that just stalled,
But I’m sure you’re used to heat, with volcanos and all.
So if you got a bone to pick with me, then I’m amazed,
Since I’ll eat up this track to leave you packing for days! (ay!)
I planted seeds for generations of creatures,
You planted the seeds for Chain Chomps and other eaters!
Creeping around levels, yet you still think you tower?
But when I bring a FLUDD of flow, I’ll shut down this flower!
It seems your fans are the real Hidden Village,
Cause they haven’t piped up since your series begun,
You screwed over a plumber and you think that you’re a villain?
Well, deep down, you should know that this plant is #001!

Piranha Plant:
Please, I’ve got far more variety in my species!
Cause when it comes to Range, this Pokemon can’t precede me!
You think that you’re a trophy with the trainers, but it’s just a bore!
No need for a spray bottle when I go and sic’em more!
So bring your whole line in, I’ll leave them in PT!
You’d need to roundup a whole side to even try and beat me!
You’ll be looking shiny green if you think I’m pained at all,
Since your win is like you in Legends; unobtainable.
When people hear my lines, they start bobbing like Electrodome,
They hear your lines and they just want to go Home,
So it’s best you go back before my spit leaves you dissolved,
Cause I’ll leave you black and blue, except this dino won’t evolve.

Bulbasaur:
You really think you got the Theater moving with your rapping?
With just one move, I’d make this Piranha Panic!
I break through your shiny rocks, and your flowerpot vase!
So go back underground, cause Audrey’s taking second place!

Bulbasaur vs Piranha Plant - MC Fawful Rap Battles

Hi there!
So, today is my birthday and I decided to upload a match up that only I would want. I love schlock horror movies. I love Twisted Metal. So here's a schlock horror and Twisted Metal match up! A wish come true for me~

The Djinn Voiced By Freshy Kanal
Calypso Voiced By KingMewtwo
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Serena
Thumbnail By Matt Raichous


BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horNWCxKcYg



The Djinn:

In a time before time, I tortured souls for fun
So take notes from Needles Kane, and Run, insect. Run
Forget Barbara Eden and Will Smith. I’m not some genie to easily diss
So don't make a sound, don't make a move, and most of all...don't make me pissed!
A master of chaos, I’m pulling the world into darkness and slaughter
Despite what your causing, your most evil sin was the death of your daughter
While you turning whole cities to fodder, I command the powers that you borrowed
If your rotten comic was any to follow, the only thing William’s mastered is sorrow!
Your colorful car game crashed, smashed, your character turned into trash, fast
So despite Singletrak being past fads, they tried painting your series Black! (hack)
So before you try spitting back, maybe react to the fact you’re a bitch
Who lives in the Shadow of knowing his death was his daddy’s only wish


Calypso:

My Twisted Metal contest turned the City of Angel’s to rubble
All the city awashed with flames. So burning you is no trouble
I’m doubling up on the carnage with the High Octane I’m rocking on
I’m popping off, don’t need the nuke mobile for me to drop bombs!
You claim to be supreme, but still trapped in your jeweled prison
Think you’re a step ahead, but only free thanks to alcoholism!
While trying to rap is a given, facing me still seems quite obscene
Since I was twisting words years before you hit the big screen!
Tried getting appraisal from Alex, what a fallacy, she left you sobbing
The last time I saw a genie this blue balled, he was voiced by Robin!
Your quartet of films forgotten, tomatoes Rotten, out of luck
You’re so much of a clown, you should be driving the ice cream truck!

The Djinn:

Come now, you worm, you can think better things to diss
Or would you prefer I drag your soul to Hell to meet your sis!
Leave you dismissed like Sony, you’re just phony faux Loki
Oh if only, you’d have been lucky and they didn’t blow your chance at the movies



Calypso:

You demons are all the same, never realizing the cunning of man
I’ll have you under my control, just ask Black and Minion!
The battle draws to the close, This Djinn was burned by the devil
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

Calypso Vs Wishmaster - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Matt Raichous as Shaggy Rogers and Ron Stoppable

Beat by S!dek!ck
Written, Mixed, and Edited by Matt Raichous

--LYRICS--
SHAGGY
Like, man, you think it’s hard to be a sidekick in the background?
Try being out on the frontlines when a monster comes around
I’ve seen millions of ghouls that make me wanna stop and vomit
Like that freaky hairless thing you like to carry in your pocket

RON
Hey! Don’t talk about Rufus when your dog is a doofus
Like Dr. Drakken, I’m ruthless, while your whole series is stupid
It’s useless to step up to the plate and face off with the Fearless Ferret
I saved the world from invasion, while you’re disappointing your parents
An iron stomach that couldn’t handle my naco
You’re not a hero, dude, I know it’s hard to swallow
But when all you do is follow, and never speak your mind
It’s like you’re in denial of the role you were assigned

SHAGGY
You think you’re, like, funny, but buddy, you’re witless
Your jokes are, like, ham-Fisted Monkey business
Nothing you do could be seen as comedic
Except for, like, anytime you get defeated
You live up to your name, Ron, cuz, like, you’re Stoppable
You’re never a threat, like, the weakest I’ve met, like, at best, like, you’re maybe an obstacle

RON
Can you think of anything other than to tell me I’m unfunny?
At least my jokes had a budget, you were eating all of your money
Your bars are redundant, just like your animation recycling

SHAGGY
I’ve held strong for decades, one movie sent you spiraling
Your Disney Channel live action got some really poor reactions
Used to be crafted with passion, now there's not even a fraction
Just dollar signs in the eyes of the guys behind the scenes
As your franchise loses everything by pandering to teens
You’re incompetent, Ron, you only ever win by accident
Give up and be a villain, that’s the only time you’re adequate
An actuary masochist, who just can’t seem to take a hint
Pathetic as a hero, like, your sister is a better fit
Go back to camp Wannaweep for a better chance at survival
Like, man, I’ve Gottagrin knowing you won’t get a revival 
Tangled in your mangled plotlines, like, it's gotta be painful
To put in all that effort, just to have your pants around your ankles

RON
Woah, dude, chill out, ‘cause you shouldn’t bring up losses
When you have four movies that all failed to make a profit
You’re still a stinkin’ hippie, when it’s rough, you get running
Looks like military schooling just wasn’t worth your parents’ money
Fifty years later, you’ve still got the same show, pacing and plotlines, and even the same jokes
How does the saying go? Don’t fix what ain’t broke, too bad your franchise is stale like it’s bread, though
This Mad Dog’s Barkin orders, cuz you’re baked and couldn’t make it
And you’re puffing out your chest, but the viewers know you’re faking
While the audience still loves me two decades later
The only one who loved you was an alien invader
And later, when you’re rebooted for the fifteenth time
The made up legends of your legacy are getting left behind

SHAGGY
All that strength, and you still need your girlfriend to defend you you
No matter what you do, you’re a buffoon in the end, dude
Mock me for my running, I’ll prove you’re the bigger coward

RON
And how’re you gonna do that?

SHAGGY
With one percent of my power! (Zoinks!)
Going Super Shag when I’m fast on the track
Try to roast me but everything you say falls flat
Can’t match my flow, like, you’re going too slow
Wanna go toe to toe getting dragged through your show
You fell into my trap, man, like, you’re the live bait
Let’s unmask this hungry horror and put an L on his plate

RON
Alright, we get it, bro, you’re fast, but that’s not always a good thing
No wonder Velma stopped shagging with you and kept looking
Now, you crossed the finish line, but you’re still the biggest loser
After all, brochacho, I’m Un-Stoppable! Booyah!

James A. Janisse Vs. Andy The Maniacal Cinephile - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Jenni's Jammin' Battles

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