Written by your mom

i FUCKING LOVE DISNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Simba Versus Elsa - CYPHER ENGAGEMENTS EPISODE 6!

British children's author Roald Dahl battles against American poet, Shel Silverstein to see who is the superior writer.

F00pz as Roald Dahl
Seth W. as Shel Silverstein 
Flowtest by Dustin
Beat prod by Baghira
Mixed by Dustin and Seth
Written by R the Writer 
Chiseled by Legion
Thumbnail by Aaron Peters

Roald Dahl:
When I pen out my bars, they spell doom for this oaf
With sharp rhymes I dine on a poet like a bloath
I created the roots for flicks and tales adored by all
This frail Shel of an Author's left forgotten next to Dahl
I'm the champion here, you're better off as an apprentice
Who excites kids more Willy Wonka or Dan the Dentist?
Reduce a rancid writer's rants, there's no chance of him outflowing me
This missing piece will meet a big L when I shelve his putrid poetry

Shel Silverstein:
I've got the globe in my hands and I'll drop it on faux Carroll
Said to have warm sentiment? Your best tales are kids imperiled
Pit against this trunch-bull spewing twit? I find that insulting
Even in the 80s, your rhymes weren't as revolting
Better get croc tongue, your current effort's fruitless
As your attic light's shot by the vet that's more ruthless
The word profuse describes abuse I'll cast upon this nuisance 
I'm a legendary wordsmith rendering plot rehashers useless

Roald Dahl:
Indeed I wrote revolting rhymes, received better than your rapping
Trying to talk back smack? Now I'll leave your bones blackened
My arsenal of tales, they're whales. A buffet for Melinda Mae.
Impacts everlasting like a gobstobber, still mentioned to this day
Look away, as I harshly outshine this absurd obscurity
You're prone to heart attacks, you'll suffer another assuredly
Stacked up hot garbage, now look at you, you're rubbish
Looks like your comeback is going to be posthumously published

Shel Silverstein:
I'm checkin' out of this fight, see I've just about had it
With this adversary spitting more gibberish than runny Babbit
Fill you with plotholes, I'm a shel-shocker, blasting out warheads
Make your chance of winning this fight spottier than your forehead
Must be bonkers aiming for this like Oscars, you've run Wild
But it's Shel's adult night and I'll be rid of this manchild!
Now let's tell a tale of Dahl, a fool who thought it would appear
As though this was a piece of cake, yet it was the end of his career

(Next Battle: Lions ft.VinnyO)

Check out Seth's album!
https://soundcloud.com/seth-wisniewski-1/sets/i-am-me-2017

Shel Silverstein Vs Roald Dahl - Rap Battle

Beat by 2Deep

Vladimyr P. as Sonic.exe
Icer as Misfortune.gb 

Mixed and Written by Icer

Lyrics:

Sonic.exe:
In for round two? Then let’s try this again, shall we?
I’m surprised that you truly want to meet the same fate as Sally
And don’t insult my outdatedness, it seems you’ve failed to recall
That although I’m past my prime you were never seen at all
When I rocked the creepypasta scene, it’s clear that all had lost to me
Your death will be repeatedly looped, like your game’s loss’s theme!
And misfortune, really? You must mean like superstition
Because all that I’ve noticed was my friends’ crucifixion!
So sit down, pesky demon, you’re dealing with a rap god
Walking simulator still beats an RPG Maker mod
Slaughter you like animals when you decide to step to me
I’ll send you back to hell and there will be no round three

Misfortune.gb:
So it’s me again, emerging from the depths of Hell
I’m surprised a false god’s against the Devil himself
I would poke fun at your game’s length, but just go back to dormancy
Because in reality, who would play your game in 2020?
But I’m not surprised your lyrics suck
Writing so bad on the wiki you’re a trollpasta
Rhymes lost in time? Know misfortune has befallen it
Your blows are as barren as my ruins - and just as far away from target
Oh I’m sorry, can’t you wedge through these flows? No?
Then “drowned-out” chase music suggests, you need to learn flow!
So bury yourself alive, since you caused this to happen
Bringing hell upon yourself by walking in the wrong cabin...

Sonic.exe vs Misfortune.gb. Icer's 12-12 Battles #6.

Alex the Beast as Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜
IcerM as SiivaGunner
Some guy as CBT Man

Written by IcerM
Mixed by IcerM

Beat by Dansonn

Lyrics:

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
HE COMES! CHAOTIC EVIL EMBODIED AGAINST A SOUND CLOWN
HOPE YOU LOVED LIFE - FOR AS I STRIKE, I’LL TAKE YOURS DOWN
IN A SIMILAR VESSEL, THERE’S NAUGHT THAT I BELIEVE TO SAY
WOULD HAVE A LASTING IMPACT - FOR YOU’RE LIKELY NOT HERE TO STAY
WHEN I TELL WHAT I TELL YOU WILL RUN OFF IN HORROR
SPITTING TICKETS TO HELL WHEN I’M CAUSING DISORDER
I CAN CAUSE YOUR WHOLE SO-CALLED LORE TO BREAK IN A HEARTBEAT
SO LEAVE NOW, LEST I SHOW YOU WHAT’S NOT TO SEE
YOU’RE NOT A LOT TO ME. I’LL HAVE YOU CROSSED
WITHOUT A QUESTION AS TO WHETHER OR NOT THIS IS LOSS
YOU’RE TAKING SIIVA, GUNNER. I’LL PARALYZE THIS BITCH
WHILE YOU FUCK WITH MEMES ON THE WEB I’LL BE TERRORIZING IT

SiivaGunner:
Damn, I knew you’d be pissy, but that’s left me in awe
How about seven chill pills? One for each jaw
There’s so little known about you I’ve found nothing, study as I might
Even Jschlatt can’t hold a candle to that funny mic
I’m the Grand Dad of grab bags with high quality raps, that
If you think you can battle, then listen here, you’re just damn mad
So level with the reality that your puppets are the same
And go walk your fucking staircase back down from whence you came

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
YOU CAN UTTER ALL THOSE LIES AND CLAIM THEY’RE NOT GETTING OLD
WHEN YOU STOP TREATING MY HIGHER VESSELS AS COMEDY GOLD
YOU’LL NEVER COMPREHEND A METHOD TO WIN, TRY AS YOU MIGHT
RIPS FROM JUST AS MANY GAMES AS TIMES I’VE PLAYED YOU IN THIS FIGHT

SiivaGunner:
Can’t read any of your babble but a couple of shit rhymes
But I’ll mutilate it further - multiple uploads at a time!
HE COMES at the sight of a certain cat, I know you would man
So I’m keen to give you the axe, like you were Wood, Man!
And with those caverns in your skulls, gushing reddened dyes
Just take pages from Cthulhu and go fucking rest your eyes
It’s been many many years, and people are still subscribing
And to put that in perspective, cult activity’s declining

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
YOU THINK YOU’RE CAUSING DAMAGE WITH YOUR VILE RHYMES? YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG
I’M NOT BEING RIPPED INTO BY THE MINDS BEHIND BIG CHUNGUS’ SONG
WHY AM I EVEN PIT AGAINST A SHITPOST ACCOUNT
WHEN YOU SIMPLY LET YOUR FANBASE DO THE WORK THEN REAP YOUR CLOUT
THEY WOULD ALL BE BETTER OFF ATTEMPTING MUSIC FOR A ROM HACK
I GIVE LIFEBLOOD TO WHAT'S FICTIONAL. YOU MIDI-SLAP THE NUTSHACK
SO NO TURNING BACK. YOU'VE ALREADY MADE YOUR DECISION
SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR DAYS WITHIN COPYRIGHT STRIKE PRISON

SiivaGunner:
Call you chaotic? Please! You wouldn’t last one minute where I fare
I know you love destruction, so how’s this for Your Best Nightmare?
And we all know your sadomasochism’s unprecedented!
If it weren’t for risk of CBT I’d see to it you’re ended
You’ve got a bubble more claustrophobic than meme culture you battle in
ZALGO be like “I’m charged guilty of several Rap Battle Sins”
So this is my Magnum opus, after God knows how long
Insert stupid-ass finisher, something something, ZALGONE!

ZALGO vs SiivaGunner. Rap Battle!

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

New version of MISTA featuring Zagranis in replacement of you know who.

All Hit Radio!

Matthew Chorus:
They call me Mr. So Talented
Mr. Fa-Fashioning
Yeah, I'm Mr. Not Challenging
When I draw, I don't need no practicing
They call me Mr. So Dazzling
Yeah, they know what's happening
'Cept the haters that go blabbering
Yet they can't even battle this

Matthew Verse:
You know I love it when people call me "Mista"
Makes me like the victor, won’t make me a quitter
If you think I'm kidding, then you're nothing but a hit or misser
Wouldn't even need to go and subtweet onto your Twitter
That you're nothing but bitter, I’m not trying to sound triggered
But who'd figure that this wannabe wigger thinks he's so bigger?
Even though he's like a sister, always needing to bicker
Bitty critter be a bitcher, I’mma leave him with a blister
You’re history, pal, it's a mystery, pal
How you claim that you're worth it, but you're real shitty, pal 
While I’m making some dough doing raps and some flows
You’re acting like “Yo man, I got so many hoes!”
But no, you wouldn’t even step up without being shook
‘Cause I could get more girls than family members on yo Facebook
Oh! Now here comes Woody! Better go ahead and turn up that-
All Hit Radio!

Serena Verse:
They call me Mista because I’m all over your sista
Aiming down the sights on her like a Ballista
It took me quite a bit to uncurse this track
But with my feature, this track is gonna fuckin’ smack
You know I’ve got an ache for cake
When I awake, I shake
I gotta take a break
For just a little bit
Everybody’s listenin’ to my shit
All the rhymes that I spit
You know this is your shit
A lyrical miracle, I gotta calm down
When I stare at your girl, she go down
Like a clown, she turns my frown upside down
I’m so glad that she lives in my town
Those lines were dirty man I gotta admit it
But I gotta make sure no kids listen to my shit
Your girl calls me Eminem because I’m sweet and I spit it
She calls me Mista and don’t ever forget it

Nathan Chorus:
Mr. Procrastinate
Mr. Just Had to Wait
But I'm Mr. So Passionate
So hungry for more bars
They call me Mr. Just Haven't Ate
Keep going, I'm still chomping on these bars
I'm Mr. Elastic Waist
Call me Mr. Fantastic, ayy!

Nathan Verse:
Oh sh- sorry I’m late, is this, this is where my verse goes?...
Oh, here he goes again, he’s late 
And he knows he is, but he hates
To be at all productive so we wait
Until he blows us up again, like he needs a break
That’s the old me, I’ve changed a bit
I’ve got goals to be a gangster, bitch!
A Wangsta thrift, on stage with this and
To be a goalie you’ve gotta take the hit
Sometimes this language needs a major twist
I’m so addicted to the writing, might as well take it in with a syringe
I’d wager my life savings if I could open the safe its in
But things in this game have been changing and
I’m not confident I’d ever make it in 

Yeah.

MISTA (Zagranis Remix) - Matthew Thomas ft. Provost

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1qwRu6ZbBSI23S6UX_y7b24pC6OxeTit-bKVsnsvZln4/edit
Snakebite126 as Little Mac
Alex M. as Izuku Midoriya
MetaMachine as Doc Louis (cameo)
Written by MetaMachine, Raichous, Kamren the Person, GamingPlush64, FyxFynn and Adam.
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat by Hollywood Legend Productions
Thumbnail by Rabi
Hint for Meta's next battle: "Self-Reflections"
Hint for Gengo's next battle: "Mad Science"

Little Mac vs. Izuku Midoriya

epic salad fingers spittin aw yea lets go eddie

#SPITTINGCHALLENGE2020 Salad Fingers Verse Dustin

Hey folks, releasing this early as a little Christmas break gift cause I'm out of school now but don't expect the video for this until about the first half of January (if all goes well). Thank you and see y'all at our Christmas video (aka Project Michael). 

Ray Kroc: Snakebite126
Andrew Carnegie: Ethan Zagranis

Ray Kroc Verse 1
This is not the battle to compare whose wallet is the thickest.
In that interest, I’ve been beat, my bragging would be witless.
But in terms of riches, I got that corporate quickness and the slickness
To take-out all competition through this survival of the fittest!
So getting down to business, you’ve made medals, but I doubt tons
And it's not like you deserve them, is this a second fight you’ll buy out of?
While I'm feeding famished families, you're just a system leech
I'm executing an executive, dropping the AC, putting the I in Chief
You barely bottom feed, flooding people in a sea of debt, and yet 
I would bet, that dam gamble wouldn’t land at the top of your regrets
Speaking of gambles, The McDonalds House always wins, you're getting played
And now I'm steeling all your bases, there's no way you could play it safe

Andrew Carnegie Verse 1
That's enough, I'm not mustering trust for any guy,
With used car salesman wit, who believes his own lies.
You falsified your age because you wanted to save lives.
Then you let millions die tryna sell your greasy fries!
You want to compare our success? Son, I started from the bottom.
This greasy sleaze got to the top for free, and my work ethic’s the problem?
PLEASE! You can't bring the beef. After this, they'll use you as red meat.
So phony, you tried to run to your family like a trade, but ended up deadbeat.
The Kroc Pot took a shot at baseball and unshockingly struck out.
I can handle strikes, but strokes leave Ray in one more drunk bout.
Stick to clown college, but acknowledge, giving from your wallet is what life's for.
And kicking the poor out isn't worth doing just to have a polished floor.

Ray Kroc Verse 2
That's the problem, I'm tidy, you've got so much dirt, it's pathetic.
I know where my cash is headed, cause yours led straight into eugenics.
I meant it, I picked up your book, for just a second, I regretted it
Then took 10 steps towards the trash, it sent me 20 back when I read it
Your godforsaken gospel couldn't grasp my grand Golden Arches
You’re only striking workers, those aren’t steel bars, they’re harmless
You have to buy charisma, I convinced Disney to be a taste tester
And I’ll rock a feller and push a cardboard in-vestor back to sender
You fired Frick because he could've run your business without you
But I know food better than you do, and your lifes not market value
For all of your money you waste, you won't even bother to pay space?
Confining kids, seems you let yourself have the better "playplace".

Andrew Carnegie Verse 2
This robber baron will turn this robber barren for sure
The jokes mass produce themselves, you’re the first Hamburglar
I'm paying in this war, ‘gainst a man who wages less than his workers
Let Nixon listen in and he'll hear me give just desserts to a deserter
Even in death, you regardless put beef in every vegans burger
Your slaughterhouse is aptly name, this meet most certainly is murder
And further, this "Mac Daddy" was bit by Jobs, even stole from the Rich
So shit, take my 5 cents, and mind your own goddamn business.
I've got libraries across the world but this imperialist lacks a spine 
Small fry, your casualty's one for the books when it comes to cutting lines
I've earned the success you've coveted, your shady practices? I'm above this
So the stock you had in this match plummeted, and well... I'm loving it

Ray Kroc vs Andrew Carnegie - Discord Rap Battles

Thumbnail by Fightmarker 

Lyrics by everyone

Freshy Kanal
Commander Jacob
Zawesome
Brooke Morgan
Zim 11037
Snakebite126
GengoMain
Fightmarker
Matthew Thomas
DNA_Fox
Little Secks
Rabi
Sebb
Mancha
JChay
Vladimyr P.

Battle Of The Year 2020 Thank You Speech

Video release: February 20th

MaviKartal2003 as Tommy Wiseau (video)
Adam as Tommy Wiseau (audio)
Pixel Chris as Leonardo DiCaprio (video)
WritingJoeBattles as Leonardo DiCaprio (audio)
RNG as Announcer 

Written by Oofie, MaviKartal2003, RNG, CCRB, WalkAwesomeMovies, WDRB (one line) and Pixel Chris
Mixed by Ken-Chan
Beat produced by Allrounda
Flow test by Oofie
Cover art by Oofie
Produced by Oofie

Tommy Wiseau (0:11):
I did not hit her, it’s not true, it’s bullshit! I did not hit her, I did nahhht!
Oh hi Leo!
Nice to meet you, I’m Wiseau, and you’re DiCaprio
I’m not talking bottles when I’m putting caps in folks 
Getting more money than you from sales of DVDs
You’re no artist, yes Leonardo, no da Vinci
Unmask the iron truth off your head, oh Danny boy, Danny Boy
In all your movies, you end up dead, oh Danny boy, Danny boy 
In this battle you’re falling harder than you did as Jack 
You’ll only flow when it’s Gatsby’s pool murder on the track (hahaha) 
I did so much for “The Room”, couldn’t stand to my mastermind brain
Everyone knows me, and I’m not even sipping champagne 
You sue over dick pics? Hah! What's wrong little Leo?
I spit raps stronger than your Titanic ego! (hahaha)

Leonardo DiCaprio (0:52):
Let me be Franco, I'm tearing apart this mess
Screaming dreams from roofs like "my parents aren't incestuous!”
Just ‘cause it’s an award, Razzies’ don't equal a high bar
I’m not talking Sestero when I’m seeing high marks
You’re fucking a bellybutton, dick’s as small as your list of hits
A pistol’s not the only thing fired, I’d assume that you’re used to it
I'm a wolf: Wall Street; you’re a chicken: CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP
Now Gregory ain’t the only one that's going up a shit Creek!
I’m a shining film star, you’re only shining when you Polish floors
Even I got more Oscars than your Golden Globe Awards
Chillin’ in my mansion, you’re living off of your pensions
With your s-s-stammer, you couldn’t finish a sentence!

Tommy Wiseau (1:24):
But your roles couldn’t get me on board with Titanic
Even Cameron switched to blue people for a bigger flick
You’re as thin as Glass, which I will break into shards 
You could call me Lisa, ‘cause I’m tearing you apart!

Leonardo DiCaprio (1:34):
Complain about the Titanic? Film’s got me covered in ice!
But you’re clowning even worse than your attempts at playing Joker right
Your career’s pushing daisies, or in this case, Roses
No Inception, time is over! The dream’s come to a close, kid!

#SPITTINGCHALLENGE2020 Salad Fingers Verse Dustin

Freshy Kanal 2