Trapped out of the rest of the world, these two powerful blue entities find an escape to reflect and duke it out in this episode of Quizzical Quarrels!

Snakebite126 as Jevil
JesseBoxVO as Lapis
garbageGothic as Peridot

Written by Quizzique

Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Anywaywell
Arrangement and additional instrumentation by Quizzique

Art by 3ple
Thumbnail by Quizzique

LYRICS:
 
Jevil:
Welcome, welcome, boisengirls, to this Crystal Gem’s poisoned world
You’ve unlocked the door, so now prepare to see chaos unfurled!
Round and round the carousel goes, you circle back to the barn you hang
You leave and come right back so often, I’d think you’d ran on Boomerang

Fusion’s leaving you out of sorts, dealing with trauma since the divorce
So in your spare time, you now resort to mighty morphin’ some meaty morps
Not like me, of course, I’m thriving in my little freedom, something you were never shown
So you fought with those that kept you trapped in a mirror, then redeemed in a singular episode

It’s sad, sad that you’re looking so blue, your show’s run off the air like you’re back on the moon
I’m glad, glad your runtime got the boot, call you the farm when you’re torn from the roots
I’m mad, mad, you’re breaking my heart, you and Peri look like Homeworld: broken apart
You have, have a chance to restart, so perhaps for this battle, try not to depart


Lapis Lazuli:
So, this depressed jester from the Dark World thinks he dealt a verse?
Ask the giant tyrants I’ve defied, they’ll tell you I’ve felt worse
I helmed this cursed mirror within my gem’s grasp for thousands of years
So reflect on your defect of a story, I sure won’t drown in tears

You think I’m frightened of your suit attacks? I’m known to hit diamonds when up to the bat
I’d tear up this hack if he goes to a beach, they’re calling me Bob ‘cause I float on the beat

Peridot:
You should know to retreat when confronting the B team!

Lapis:
Even she can’t compare to the nonsense you’re speaking

Peridot:
Hey! Our bond is complex, that’s a smart thing to say

Lapis:
But at least my best friend didn’t lock me away!
You have claims of metamorphosis but no development to show

Peridot:
Lapis! Tell ‘em what you said when I asked if you even saw this secret boss! 

Lapis:
…No
Winning’s not within your cards, The FUN Gang made your levels fail
Won’t take the Garnet’s future vision to see the end of Jevilstail


Jevil:
Oh what fun, what fun! More games to play, with a new participant!
I hoped for a dating game, but I guess Ruby flew off with that ship!
Uee hee hee! You’ve got me like the Joker; in a laughing fit!
Yet I’m Revving up on this track so you can call me the Harlequin!

You can’t join my world! You seem more like Lars, how you cower away with your Clustered fears
You kids seeing stars? All your pleads and cries would put me to sleep for a hundred years!
Now, I won’t be the first jester to hit your series with an interjection
Want more screen time for your Future? Then return to your reflection


Lapis:
How does this thing work again?

Peridot:
Just press the button on the cartridge

Lapis:
Right, uhh…for the last time…I don’t. Want. Your garbage.
You think you saddened me? I felt more torn up by Camp Pining Hearts
I’d split you in two, but seems your mind and heart already declined apart

A numbers game? That plan’s dumb and lame. I can terraform worlds, don’t uphold your fight
You’ll lose those bids, and you call us kids?

Peridot:
You do know we’re centuries older, right?

Lapis:
This card shark’s under my control, and all his tricks are unregarded

Peridot:
Hey, and isn’t it ironic?

Lapis:
Yep, the joker got discarded

Lapis Lazuli vs Jevil - QUIZZICAL QUARRELS #8 (ft. Snakebite126, JesseBoxVO & garbageGothic)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Danii • Creepy Clarence 

Leo Barqui • The Wario Apparition 

Written, Edited and Produced • Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered • SIR Rap Battles 

Artwork • Teimunity & Creeperpasta ​⁠

Creepy Clarence • Verse 1: (16 Bars)
No need for any introductions, I’m the one who’s scaring
You’re mega minded assets never had the players caring
I’ve seen your antics, and it isn’t just your soul I’m glaring
So when I spawn in VC, know it’s ain’t Terrible Terrence 

Because I left that motherfucker in a blotch of flames
And all I needs a fire flower, then your fates the same
You’ll find your L is Real, Head over heels, then kneel and pray
I’ll make sure that you resemble the body of Grenade

The Wario Apparition • Verse 1: (16 Bars)
Not what I thought when you said this would be gas…
This ain’t a Putt Party function, there’s REAL fun to be had
You’re the same geek gimmick with each FRB fad
Mirror the time nut so much, you’d probably sink in sand (HA HA HA!)

You stink man! More than the garlic I’m munching (WAH!)
A ghost in the crew? You’re an off brand Flying Dutchman 
I’m subliminal, limiting you to liminal hell
Stick to being the slave of Yessir by Anywaywell

Creepy Clarence • Verse 1: (8 Bars)
Elongated halls and blurry walls are in your storage? (no…)
All those pictures of your likeness should have never been recorded (No…)
If you think that your defeating Creepy Clarence, then your out of luck (No…)
My corridors will leave you cornered, now who is the empty husk? (NO!)

Decay, when I speak flames, your maker will need a sheet change
No replays, you won’t see day, when your poly-gone, I will seize reign
But if you really want the quickest way to find your dying god?
. . . .

The Wario Apparition • Verse 2: (8 Bars)
Couldn’t haunt me on the track, guess you’re TOO TOO LAZY (HA!)
Long ass neck, call that COO COO CRAZY! (WAH!)
Bud, you were made as a one time laugh
I can sum your story up as a Family Guy gag! (WAH!)

Gone with this demon, you lost, so stay conceded 
I’m a god in my region, you’re fodder, stop the preaching 
Broke the law, so this urbans lurking, best hope I don’t catch you
Crawl back in your shadowy realm, it’s past your curfew (WAH!)

Have a rotten day…

Creepy Clarence vs The Wario Apparition • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

The koopalings and I have taken over the Candy Kingdom


Matt Raichous as The Summerween Trickster

DumbShlop as Gummigoo


Written by JoJoVo

Art by TomPuffs & Snakebite126
Thumbnail by TomPuffs

Beat prod. by Surce
Mixed and Mastered by Serena

Special thanks to Alchemyking & Leo Barqui

LYRICS:

TRICKSTER
Trick or treat… seems the rumors were true
I’ve got just the appetite for losers like you
I’ll step to the candy felon
When I cut your fuse short like a jack’o’melon

Knock, knock…
You’re trapped in the chaos, a box, and the exit has been… locked…
Fought with the rabbit, can’t hip… hop…
Now your time runs short, so tick…tock…

GUMMIGOO
Crikey! You’re a tall fellow
With a small yellow face and a lame coat to your image
Hey, we could use a scarecrow at the village! Thanks a bunch, man!
This big black blob can stay with The Fudge 

They call me Gummigoo
While the fans’ll never get enough of me, it sure is seeming like they’re done with you
Bottom of the clearance buckets for a reason
The people hate your taste ‘cause you’re out of season

TRICKSTER
Your mind seems troubled, perhaps I have the remedy
You can’t remember faces? I’ll carve mine into your memory
Can’t you see? We’re both outcasts–that’s to say
Me, in the trash, you, snapped like a candy Caine

Keep trucking, in the end you’re just a tack in the wall
When you tumble with the jester, Reality Falls
Though credit where it’s due, when Down Under fell down bad
Your death was the only thing… to make the clown laugh

GUMMIGOO
Fair dinkum, mate, but if you’re serving yourself up,
Hope you prepared me some, ay? I’m thinking I could use some grub
You’re a fighter though, I’m sure to make an NPC of you
This beatdown is not S&P approved

You eat kids, mate… that’s !?%$ed up
And now you’re down under, too… in Soos’s gut
Nice to catch up with the trickster, this trip wobbled through the rocks
Summerweenie had no sauce, so I came out on the top

Gummigoo vs The Summerween Trickster - Rap Battle (ft. Raichous & DumbShlop)

So basically this battle is intended as a send-off to the audio only era of my battle making career. I want to release my battles with videos from now on, as I develop the ability to edit and also level up my general skill enough to make videos worth it. This battle was written close to a year ago, and it's been stuck in development hell for a while, but I hope you enjoy it in an "end of an era" kind of way.

Kat Toony as Queen
Lexi M. as Megamind
Kamren as Berdly
RaccoonBroVA as Reporter
Written by Alchemyking & Kat Toony
Additional help by SIR Rap Battles
Art by Valonide & WAN
Beat by ToneJonez
Arrangement by Hazelmoth
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by M!CAH

Queen:
(Queen laugh)
They Say Megamind Is The Greater Mind
With The Crazy Rhymes To Be Caged Inside? Please Don’t Waste My Time
Stay In Line, I’ve Got Only One Blue Brain In Mind
(Like yours truly?) By My Calculations, Mine (oh.)
For A Genius You Lack Great Pronunciation
My Database Comes With Language Applications
And A Mansion! You Spend Your Vacations
In A Prison, Tryna Break Into Your Basement
Came To Scoop That Reporter? 
Well News Flash!
She Was Duped By A Dude She Knew 
In A Crude Plan To Let You Smash?
I Would’ve Blue Balled Your Blue Ass
You’ve Been Thrashed Past Your Initial Defeat
When Minion Gets Beat By Despicable Me
But Oh You Saved Yourself… And It Got Me Snoring
The Only Fountain That Can’t Cause A Roaring

Megamind:
A big bad computer? I’m shaking in my custom leather boots!
That’s something you can’t do without tripping over and getting bruised
I leave cities in devastation, so like my hologram, go ahead and face it:
This old PC’s more like PowerPoint if we’re talking PRESENTATION!
And Minion’s helped more in a bowl than that gamer’s done
He’s thirsty like I shot the dehydration gun
I’m a monument to villains who get redeemed
Your statue’s built on the dreams of a petty dweeb (HEY!)
To your citizens’ plight, you’re lazy
Don’t need bananas, you’re already crazy!
Meh… you caged me.
I’ll just do what your chapters can’t when I break free!
Now I know he’s my nemesis, and I don’t want to agree with Tighten’s thinking
But there’s no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, and no Queen of Cyber City
Just a layabout, no one even knows your name
Take you out, but we’re not playing mobile games
In the end, you’re a giant waste
I’ve seen more evil electronics from a microwave!

Queen:
Look, I’ve Seen Outdated Memes Leave Both Our Fandom Teens In Stitches 
But Even With Their “Penis Music” Yours Still Get No Bitches 
With Where You’re At It’s No Shocker
That The Golden Boy Soaks Up The Fame That You’ve Never Had
You’re Not Allergic To Copper
So You Should Be Happy That You’ll Never Stack Up To Metro Man
Talk ‘Bout My Chapters? Let’s Tear Your Part 2 Apart
Just Like Your Syndicate It Was Doomed From The Start
Did Your Writers Get Hit With The Forget Me Stick?
Now You're As Tired And Washed Up As The True Bernard
Now You Pander In A Play To Get Clicks
I Got A Werewire If You Want To Stay Connected

Queen?
But… I’m No Better With Social Media
Governing My Subjects With The Lies I Keep Feeding ‘Em

(The fake Queen is revealed as Megamind, using his disguise watch)

Megamind:
(Huh?) PSYCH! Got you, so stay mad!
I could raise Lancer better if I played as Space Dad
But… I don’t really need to mess with my watch
When I could fool you with my head in a box!
And speaking of “box-in”, get your record straight
Can’t handle booze, and you say you’re a heavyweight?
Well, I suppose that’s the last of it…
(Hey, a hero! Get your cameras quick!) BACK AWAY FROM ME, YOU SAVAGES!
It is simply so maddening
Go focus on the freakshow that her palace is!
She’s so toxic that her baked goods are “ass-idic”!
Forget her traffic; she’s practicing human trafficking!
You couldn’t match to my intellect, and now the deed’s done
I’ll carry you to the Romanian outlet store and demand a REFUND!


Queen vs Megamind - AK Rap Battles!

TheMonarchy as Sniper
RedRob as Mercenary

Written, produced and mixed by Casey
Thumbnail by Jamie12o4

Sniper:
Welp, guess I'll start. I got a job I reckon
I'd take any target over Hopoo's sloppy seconds
But guessing each move you'll make ain't a task I'm giving way to
Seeing this broke fake, I'd obliterate too!
Right. I'll give you credit, they really made your meta great
But look at your setup, mate: you look like a metal crate
That's seen better days, so your jumps can't
Save Merc's skin from this merciless huntsman
So before you're getting behind me like 'nothing personnel'
I'm priming my machete to blind you right through your cursed helm
And when the job's all done and over and I'm saying my farewell
I'll keep that sword of yours as a trophy and you can burn in hell!
I land mad hits to have your pals packin'
You can't crack wit with your lack of voice actin'
So before your petty verse starts, my one gripe:
…Don't bring a sword to a gun fight.

Merc:
I'd give you a tour of my place, but would you take it?
I roll with ancient machinations and mages
I hear the claim to your fame's that you're an ace with your aim
But brace for the pain, your scope won't help you when I slice my blade through your face!
And here's a list of your traits, it consists of your base crits
So keep your Jarate, this assassin don't take piss
But we're both not that great within space since
This prick walked in a rocket as a baby and ate shit!
From moon shrines to crude sites, what's the real crime:
Newts' or your black market's Bazaar Between Time?
Your franchise needs to cop a part 3
'Cause since half your players left, it's been Mann vs Machine

Sniper:
Can you pause for a second? I don't wanna hear talkin'
From a bloke wearing a fuckin' fish bowl on his noggin
I'm surrounded by more golden flows than a Loader main
The only gold you'll leave in is a load of rain!
Ya bloody half-wit, I don't need to hit!
Scanned your surroundings, I'm not the one who wants you to quit
And that Gearbox deal sealed your story
So I'll tell whoever the hell commissioned me my job was done for me

Merc:
God, for a trained assassin you keep fumbling hits
Nothing but crits? Buddy, you just did nothing but miss
You wanna trade blows, but it ain't on your payroll
'Cause your name's a scapegoat, while in foes I make holes!
Wanna test me, Mundy? Where the fuck is your crew?
Waiting for a shot while they defend the frontlines for you?
Quit it with your dumb spiel, go and pick the door dude
Or you'll be another formless corpse that I tore through!
I don't need a rifle to gouge hacks
Three-tap this outback alien outcast!
You don't get a final stand, your timer's been cracked dude
I'm not talking aimbots when I say I hacked you

Sniper (TF2) vs Mercenary (RoR2) - Indie Game Rap Battles #5 [AUDIO]

Incredibox • Verse 1 (16 Bars)

(Sunrise!) Come on, come on and
Hold up, hold up, hold up the sky!
Any vibe is a reason to groove
…Except for the guys who can’t keep up the tunes (come on!)

(Hold tight!) Breathe in, breathe out and
Feel the rhythm flow through your mind
Though, I doubt that they have one 
Put ‘em back in their eggs and leave ‘em patched up!

Woah, look out! We in our element now, nobody’s better
Diamond your power source, and you still can’t apply pressure 
Yeah, I got a couple thumpies in the clip, but before that
Fling a thing and leave more holes in you than your lore has

But oh, little miss, this wins in your jelly dream
We’re cold when we spit, you’re just muttering anything
And if singing is enough to beat ya
Then we’re cutting you off like it’s PSVITA!  

My Singing Monsters • Verse 1 (16 Bars)

(Ha-ha!) I get your preaching love, that whole schtick
But no misses would stick it to those big ol’ lips
These guys ain’t got legs to stand up or fight us back
So Polo’s a no go? No one's riding that!

You guys are nuts, wrap it up with your bite sized beats
People need full videos to even hear your full team
And every style you bite off, it turns into stale white bread 
These candy rappers should’ve just stuck to Eminem / M&M

We’ve got a treasure trove of candy coated wonderlands
Every island has a vibe for anyone who wanders in
Here, we’re all a family and giving out mad love
It’s so out of this world, we don't need to reference Daft Punk

Sure, you drop something promising, but then it’s so small and
then the waiting’s the longest thing with every installment
Testing which fans are better? Well, we don't need to tell 
You took so long to drop content, the fans did it themselves! (Embarrassing!)

Incredibox • Verse 2 (12 Bars)

Wanna talk about who’s more fire? It’s you
You brought the fire back, just to colonizing for your use
And left ‘em stranded on an island stuck amber casing warm to the touch 
So are you satisfied knowing you're not number one?

This yetis slept on by his own god (yep)
They’d much rather have a mythical samurai than this cold fraud
And why’s this pile of moss yapping at me?
Furcorn looks like they have bug on they’re family tree

I won’t be glazing your screen, or anybody from your home, bruh
You guys are so fat, you live in a giant donut
See, you can’t stop our grind, we live to ride the fader
Just turn to stone and reincarnate as some better rappers!

My Singing Monsters • Verse 2 (8 Bars)

You can’t talk when your fans have been laying down hell 
They even jumped a kid because they were expressing themselves 
“Sprunk” into action and beat the fun out of it, man it was horrible
They switched their sides faster than the Pairanormals!

Yeeeeah, we love fruits, but that was in bad taste
Content farms saw cheese to be made, then turned Sprunki to a rat race
Then it spiraled into one big paradox
Now there’s no way of saving Incredibox

Incredibox vs. My Singing Monsters • RAP BATTLE! (TRB)

Peppino vs. Linguini - Royal Rap Battle!

PS I know this beat is overused but this has been in production for 2 years so shut up 😭 

Taiga As Peppino

Toppo As Linguini 

Cover art by Box

Mixed by Jort

Art by Epic Monkey 

Written by King Ducky

Peppino: 

Undercooked wings then crown on a meatball
Next you put in a douse of the weak sauce
Voila! A flop! Is his outcome of each job
Only things to cushion that are couch ones ya sleep on!

Since then your job was the kitchens worn wash cloth that rinses bad
A sickening rat fixes your problems? Rat in the hat!
My tough hearts strong unlike that dumb fart, Paps
As soon as one star dropped, one star dropped

Linguini:
My restaurant has a stack of dirty dishes riled
But… uh… not as fat as that big debt pile
Your the true villain it’s a due diligence 
As Matpat laid it out for us, that's a kitchen tile!

Your posture is preposterous, not mention a lot of debt that the guys hooked right to  
Id stick my neck out but I’d look like you 
Like you through tubes and YouTube kids; that’s you too many let me cook my food.  

Peppino:
You're tellin me to let you cook? Well then what am I to do
If Remmy rides in n' begins writing all of your lines for you?
Now you head the restaurant when you weren’t invited to
It won’t be long before people die from what’s  inside the food

I can’t stomach that, 
having a rodent pull at your roots like you’re some kind of puppet man
Would mom and dad be proud that their boy is one with rats?
Because of that sickness in his family tree I thought you’d put some in rap

Linguini:
When talking profit Mr.Stick had robbed him of it
From blocking bosses to stopping progress there's not a cent you’re running off with!
You cannot last as Anton Blast has lapped this
Chicken,
Can’t let go even when a chicken drags him with it

You’re a has been to fans or a flash in the pan, sorry 
he had at but a chance for being 4d then 
scrapped his backstory
And you’re as anxious as boring 
A thicker Skinner can’t score a win, he can barely stand for it

Peppino vs. Linguini - Royal Rap Battle! [ft. Taiga & Toppo]

Vanes as Roxanne Wolf

TaigaTonic as Claptrap

Beat by Diamond Style
Mixed by: Danii
Written by: TaigaTonic
Thumbnail by: M!CAH
Art by: Xoniq and Snakebite126
Special Thanks: garbageGothic, HazelMoth, JustGamer, TAFox, & Grasman

Roxanne:
You can already hear the fans scream my name while I play
So I thought I told you S.T.A.F.F. bots to stay outta my way!
(Ugh!) Do I really have to deal with more pests
I guess let's get this party started because I AM THE BEST! (YEAH!)

You like to gamble? Fazcade can get you back on track
Cause you took your films budget and put it all on Black
Like Bonnie you were worried about a strike when you dropped the ball
And act surprised when you had realized that you lost it all

Nobody cared for your birthday, so you tried to invite the whole town?
I guess you gotta have moxie, but even she turned you down
Sad, since that open door stays a core part of your life
But blabber bout me to your bandits, It’s all bark and no bite

Claptrap:
How’s it going friend! My name is Claptrap!
And you should know that I’m programmed to spit some phat raps!
But I gotta ask, cause my servers still needs to wake up
Why does a final product need to be made up with makeup?

All it took was 1 kid before you started getting bothered
“It's all bark and no bite” Until you’re tearing up toddlers
Then you're tearing in the mirror cause the “wannabe’s” don't like you
If that's how you treat yourself, then I don’t wanna be like you

But OF COURSE you were appealing to no one but lonely dweebs
Cause this dumb dog playing rough is what kept them on a leash
You're not that much of a bad ass, so this will be your last act
Cause you have fallen TO THE GREAT ALMIGHTY CLAPTRA-AHHHH

Roxanne:
GOD you're so annoying no wonder everyone grew bitter
Since a best friend dies and people treat you like the mood killer (Hey Friend?)
If some losers hadn't shown sympathy you wouldn't get far (Buddy…)
Cause you- HEY! WHAT! Look out for the (AH-) (crash sfx) kart…

Get this through your head, you're a screw up and know its true
Blew up Overlook cause no one cared to look over you
And once the townspeople thought you couldn't make things worse
You started burning bridges and killed everyone in the church

You’re pathetic! So every team wanted to do nothing but rid you
And you scrapped up your love life, just for it to also ditch you
When it blew up in your face no one was standing there with you
So when you're staring at a barrel, know nobody’s gonna miss you

Claptrap:
At least I’m not the garbage that your fans like to eat up
Cause I’m covered in less grease than a single slice of your pizza
I mean is that the shit that you've been dishing out this whole time?
If beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, NO WONDER you went blind (HA!)

You always wanted to have your big break in the spotlight
But your time for a photo finished the second that you got sidelined
Thought you could mask your loss with more makeup but the truth is
You're just another hunk of junk, now your foundation’s in ruins

And nobody wants to see your ass on the stage
So you can… BEEP BOOP while I BOOP BEEP on your grave
Now I leave to squabble with the rest of my minions
Cause my greatness was something you couldn't rise from the Mimic


Roxanne Wolf vs Claptrap - Five Nights at Freddy's vs Borderlands - Rap Battle! Ft. Vanes

Langle as Reagan Ridley
BobcatXtreme as Stanford Pines

Written by AshleyMagica & SIR Rap Battles
Additional help by Toony Loony & Erin
Mixed & Arranged by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Tone Jonez
Art by Valonide
Special thanks to JustGamer, Vanes, garbageGothic, Matt Raichous, Hazelmoth, Shion Takeuchi, Alex Hirsch & my sister

Reagan (0:10): 
JR wants me to hide you? Okay, what’s your story? 
Actually, I’m done! Screw this! You’re fucking boring! 
Oh, you think you’re unique ‘cause your hands are all screwed up? 
You have four middle fingers? Woooow. I can’t give two fucks! (laughs)

Attended Backupsmore ‘cause your life took a sad turn
What, you can’t afford a real college, Mr. Stanford? 
But I wonder how you coped in that second-rate school
That’s food for thought, and you must have a metal plateful

Our job’s to keep secrets, so let’s ask Stan what he’s seen 
‘Cause you vanished and got replaced, just like Avril Lavigne 
And then your lab was stripped clean so your bro could sell his useless crap 
When you were trapped, your life’s work amounted to a tourist trap (oh shit!)

You pack a die that could end up leading to endless paradigm shifts 
But not one would lead to Dipper picking you to side with 
Unlike you, he’d never leave his sibling ditched 
The Stan of War’s taking off more than your internship!

Stanford (0:56):
Before you insult my looks, maybe think first 
Just ‘cause you lost one doesn’t mean I’ll let you point fingers 
Then again, no prosthetics could fix your internal damage 
Forget your eyes, you just have emotional baggage 

Your father never thought to give you comfort or love 
So now you’d only land a punch when someone comes for a hug 
Kid, affection’s something you need to be mustering up 
I’d say reflect on yourself, but your mom does that enough 

Who knew a genius scientist made for the dumbest lover? 
You can’t keep a low profile when you’re getting under covers 
Then you cover-up every single man that has been in your bed 
I suppose that’s why they’re calling it Shadow Prison Ex 
 
You went from a brilliant mind at every single task 
To a drunkard killing your time downing a different flask 
I’d craft a tool to get another Reagan back into line 
But you’ve already been strangled by your own family ties

Reagan (1:41):
Bullshit, like you don’t also have an awful dad! 
Seems you forgot your past, or got addicted to Nostalgia Max 
You thought you’d patch the rift, but with your messy emotions 
You keep moving away from Stan: Perpetual Motion 

Nearly fucked the world ‘cause you thought that his tone was hurtful? 
Broke the Zodiac, but you both are still going in circles
And let’s not forget the way you drove your best friend mindless 
Turned a Blind Eye to his pleas when he was left blindsided

Stanford (2:04):
Hold it! Before you stroke your ego, 
Remember that your boyfriend vanished from your life when he went in Cognito 
Picked your job to bring peace, then you had Ron put on leave 
Fumbled in Appleton, ‘cause it doesn’t fall far from the tree 

Your biggest hope in life was to cure society’s ills 
But you teamed up with robed men trying to swipe their free will 
Was it worth all the blood you had spilled? 
When you try to play God with triangles, the whole world foots the Bill
