Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Mimikyu vs. Nosk - Royal Rap Battle!

Egomanic As Nosk

 As Mimikyu

Thumbnail by Tompuffs

Mixed by Jort

Art by Tompuffs

Written by King Ducky & King Wallace

Nosk:
Enter Deepnest and you'll meet with a horror unseen
Next to me, this freakish creature just borders obscene
Jessie supports her dull creep for her dumb schemes
Even compared to The Knight, you’re a shorter numb freak (hehehe)

This goth is caught in balls, rags as soft as cotton balls
All who see you’s lost their pulse even goddamn shopping malls
The loser’s always lonely, keeps on tangling up his feelings
But don’t get too hung up on that or you're dangling from the ceiling!

This guy brings quite demise to disguises
Its guise implies it hides it's violence 
The cries big size discoloured it's eyes and
Boohoo, it’s true Pikachu’s who he despises

Mimikyu:
Ughhhhh, you're sure talking a lot
For a hobbled up bug (yeah) that's an optional boss
See, I leave any who dares sneak a peek in defeated
Hahaha… your biggest attacks erupting cheese wiz

Ya and your cheese strat’s meaning you’re easily beaten
Like jesus, seems this bleak itch has ledges as a weakness
I’ll creep into Deepnest, leave a diseased bug in pieces
Stealing from Vengefly King so much, even the screech is repeated

Oh his wits and thoughts are gone, all you think is dot dot dots
Your shit is off the walls, like you shitting off the walls
You’re uglier than a Wailmer, no way you can fail more
Shaked to your core, turn you ghostly like your pale ore

Nosk:
This fairy’s feelings are bottled up, wanting to snuggle forever
But now I’ll bottle up this fairy, like the troubled Collector
Torment till your not more but morbid corpse is battered weak
All you're important for is sword dance and shadow sneak!

Mimikyu:
So this is what the spider spat as his dumb rap retort?
All the build up for what? Just to run back and forth?
You will stay gimmicky no matter who this idiot’s mimicking
I’ll twist and rip your stringy ligaments like I'm nitpicking

Mimikyu vs. Nosk - Royale Rap Battle! [ft. Egomanic]

RNG as Katz
Luke Reardon as The Neighbor
Beat produced by 2Deep
Written by Trakked, Alchemyking, GrenadeGames
Additional help by M&Mattie
Mixed by Jordy
Art by TomPuffs
Thumbnail by Trakked

Battle:

Katz:
Welcome to the Katz Motel. 
Now you know this can’t bode well.
You continue your abusing, and I find it quite amusing
How you went from family man to a sad, broken shell.
I’m Katz. I’m your competitor.
Do you have a reservation? You’ll be getting served.
Sit at your table, and soon you’ll be finding
It’s not you, but it’s rather my spiders that are dining
You’re an oaf. I’m a connoisseur of finer arts
I’m no therapist, but I will pick your mind apart
You’re disappointing the children whenever they find your garbage
I suppose that’s one way to leave a childhood scarred.

Neighbor:
You come into my property…
..and you disrespect me?
Then I’ll disassemble your businesses properly
If you are trying to test me
Between you and the fox, I think I must seeing double
If the Katz out of the bag, then I’mma have to grab the shovel
So why don't you step out, or else this won't be a fair game
Then I’ll throw you down another fucking staircase!
Join the dead kids so you can finally keep a company
Not talking your submarine, but you’ll be six feet underneath
You just had to have a look, and now you’re feeling my wrath
It isn’t just curiosity that’s killing this cat

Katz:
I wish you hadn’t done that.
You dug your own grave, now you’ll face it.
Some family died and it broke you inside
So you locked your son up in the basement.
Sad, isn’t it?
You had little Nicky in your grasp but you couldn’t finish it
Inside your corridors, spying
It seems like you could use some sport before dying.

Neighbor:
Dog’s caretakers are oblivious, my targets aren’t idiots
So when we talk our differences, a disguise simply finishes
My job, a little dog tries to out you while you’re schemin’ shit
You’ll finally be remembered when my poster has your face in it!
You’re getting too old to be playing these same tricks
You cheat ‘cuz you’re inadequate in every game you play in
You best start hunkering down, cuz now I’m flooding the town
It’s another contest you’re taking last place in

Katz:
I’ll do what your creators wished for and dissect you
No prayer or Satan worship will resurrect you 
Your life has played out as a never-ending tragedy
Fret not; I’ll simply bury you with the rest of your family

Neighbor:
I’ll bring my shovel down like it’s a racquet through your head
You ain’t escaping Raven Brook, you’re already coated in red
The puss went for the bird; here’s an end he didn’t expect,
It’s only fitting a motel owner was ended by a Guest


Katz vs The Neighbor - Rap Cypher #39

TAFox as Maya Fey

garbageGothic as Mary Anta

KingSpirals as Twyla Sophio

Writing by Alchemyking and Gengo

Additional help by JoJoVo and TAFox

Directed by Alchemyking

Art by Mega PMB and GsomethingLuv

Beat prod. by GlitchDude

Cover art and mixing by SIR Rap Battles

Special thanks to: Snakebite126, Shimario, Theme Park Avenue, Cherry-Jacob, ThanosQuack, Shu Takumi, & ArcadeKitten

Maya:
Hey, Nick! No, Dahlia hasn’t made a reappearance
But she’s so deathly pale, she sure looks like a spirit!
But if you’re that scared, it couldn’t hurt to spit some flames and
Serve some seafood right out of her own diner like it’s Tres Bien!

I’ve mastered my skills through thousands of hours practicing
TV surfing with your man’s the only spirit channeling you’ve seen, 
‘Cause you’d only talk to ghosts when you’re catching Zs
Wanna train? Your game’s so boring, it’d sure put you back to sleep!

But looking at your high school, you’d go silent in a fight
Why don’t you make like your mother and go quiet in the night?
It’s better than that cluttered home you and Crowven were left sharing
Forget a stepladder, you need some step-parents!

Can’t hold your own, so you need Reginald to carry you
You even need a god to win, Cemetery Mary Sue
Your other so-called “friend”? She torched the place that you were living in
And now your wrecked home’s the only Blackwood you’ll be fitting in

Mary:
…Hm? You want me to turn off the burner?
I thought you wanted beef, so I… made you a burger?
Ah, no, please—! I know I look scary, but— I mean well!
Or are you just scared of fish the way you are of seashells?

It makes sense that everything on Maya’s calendar is shelved
‘Cause last I checked, you haven’t done much since 2012
You spent years maturing… and you’re still cuffed all the time?
You’re only the Spirit of Justice if justice is blind

Could you… please stop trying to rush into danger?
I’m used to mourning, but… it hurts less when it’s a stranger…
You want me to spit fire? Well, if you really want cremation…
But I know your cousin’s not the best with funeral arrangements…

But while we’re here, I really mourn the loss of your sister
She used her head too much, so she got clocked with the Thinker
And I mourn how your mother left you lost in the winter
Stooped to children’s picture books when she walked out the picture

Maya: 
Oh, now you bring up family tragedies?!
Your closest father figure dropped cold the second he drank up that antifreeze!
And… oh no… an evil presence looms in this soul!
It’s taking over!… but I guess we’re both used to losing control.

(Twyla possesses Maya)

You blabber on about the troubles that this body’s seen
But even possessing her, you have less autonomy!
Drugged by a stuck-up pufferfish, and you’re still dumb in toxic love?!
Your words mean so little to him that he fucking cut off your tongue!

*sigh*… back to the dumbass Fey. That owl’s… truly evil!
Slaughtered people while she made you turn your head the other way!
And now your power’s gone, you’re lost and defenseless
She took the Mystery Number and dropped your connection

Mary
…no…

YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT OVIDIUS LIKE THAT! STOP DISRESPECTING HIS NAME!
You only make green off the dead like it’s hemp in a grave!
Best cast yourself from whence you came!
Phoenix won’t help you Rise from the Ashes when you’re caught in the deadly flames!

How does it feel to have your aunt never present in your life?!
She only values your cousin like it’s Pearls before swine!
And like her namesake, you never saw Misty before she vanished
The branch family got jealous, so they stabbed her with the branches!

You’d need all that antifreeze! Your heart’s frozen solid!
You’re only talking lies, so of course you were locked in!
…WAIT! Don’t go! I beg for forgiveness!
She’s moved on… guess I’ve already finished my business…

Maya Fey vs. Mary Anta - Ace Attorney vs. Anything! (#1)

Ego as Blitzo
Leo Barqui as Beetlejuice

Written by Teimunity

Illustrations by Tompuffs, Dboy
Thumbnail by Cidisswo

Mixed and Mastered by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Production by Anywaywell

Special Thanks: Dboy, Tompuffs, Spindlehorse, You, The Viewer

Beetlejuice vs. Blitzo • RAP BATTLE! (TRB)

RaccoonBroVA as Emperor Belos
Chase Beck as King Andrias

Written by mintoreos
Additional help from Freshy Kanal
Beat by Anywaywell
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Art by iaambfah

[Belos: 0:11]
If this semi-amphibian waste wants a fight, I’ll play
Flip the script, after this, you’ll be the one that’s enslaved
You’re severed when I take control, show you why you should stay back home
Humans have disgraced you, kid, how’d your Earth invasion go?

When you were a dictator, you let your father pull the strings
So how about you kneel down and serve another undead king
You got no attention, your dad left you gaslit
Not the first time that your ass got abandoned

Leif up and left, took that box, and now your day’s ruined
Marcy trusted you with all her heart until you put your blade through it
Spent your life making the monarchy your purpose
Now all you got to show for work is community service

[Andrias: 0:47]
I’ll end this bout quickly, like his final season
Just like all his lies, there was no rhyme or reason
He acts as savior but wants all the witches in a genocide
The only plan he’s coming up with is to gentrify

Palisman made all your scars so you donned a mask
Luz made sure your monstrous form would forever last
When I unsheath my sword I leave my rivals six feet under
When you bring out a weapon, you only kill your brother

You really thought his love was a crime on humanity?
Safe to say Caleb’s sanity doesn’t run in the family
Ironic how you tried to play God and made his corpse your slave
When the God in your world is who led you to a lonely grave

[Belos: 1:23]
It took a God to swing the war in the witches’ favor
But comparing us, we’d see who folded under pen and paper
Leave you shaken to the core, I’m not talking your superior
Newtopia’s new era, show me Anne, I’ll be defeating her

I rule a nation, you were overthrown by three L.A. kids
Are you a real newt if you can’t grow back your own limbs?
Let me possess your body, I can make you write good lines
Build them like a grimwalker, but I can’t fix that guilt you hide

[Andrias: 1:47]
He says he speaks for the Titan but I wouldn’t give in
When all he did was create the broken coven system
Lilith broke your the nose and now the race was somehow vile to you
Then you blamed the witches like, “now look what you made me do”

Tried to take over minds so that Raine had to force you out
Tried to trick Luz again, rain had to force you out
So as you’re begging me to do the right thing 
Remember it’s the second time you’re stomped by a king


Emperor Belos vs King Andrias - Mint Rap Battles (ft. RaccoonBroVA & Chase Beck)

local 58 analog horror you cannot beat us nintendo nes teimunity rap battle

#halloween #rapbattle #creepy #nintendo #analog #local58 #nes 

WARNING; THIS BATTLE CONTAINS EPILEPSY, IF YOU ARE PRONE, DO NOT VIEW, WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

“Good afternoon viewers, I welcome you to yet another rap battle, we hope you find it just as entertaining and enjoyable as the others than viewed before us, we send our regards, because at Local 58, we never miss our mark!…”

Forgottenson as Local 58
Meta as You Cannot Beat Us 

Written by Teimunity
Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed by SPM
Mastered by SPM

Art by Ego and Grenade
Thumbnail by Teimunity

Edited by LimJJ and Cidisswo 
Additional Editing by Teimunity

Local 58 vs. YOU CANNOT BEAT US! • Analog vs. Anything

So basically this battle is intended as a send-off to the audio only era of my battle making career. I want to release my battles with videos from now on, as I develop the ability to edit and also level up my general skill enough to make videos worth it. This battle was written close to a year ago, and it's been stuck in development hell for a while, but I hope you enjoy it in an "end of an era" kind of way.

Kat Toony as Queen
Lexi M. as Megamind
Kamren as Berdly
RaccoonBroVA as Reporter
Written by Alchemyking & Kat Toony
Additional help by SIR Rap Battles
Art by Valonide & WAN
Beat by ToneJonez
Arrangement by Hazelmoth
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by M!CAH

Queen:
(Queen laugh)
They Say Megamind Is The Greater Mind
With The Crazy Rhymes To Be Caged Inside? Please Don’t Waste My Time
Stay In Line, I’ve Got Only One Blue Brain In Mind
(Like yours truly?) By My Calculations, Mine (oh.)
For A Genius You Lack Great Pronunciation
My Database Comes With Language Applications
And A Mansion! You Spend Your Vacations
In A Prison, Tryna Break Into Your Basement
Came To Scoop That Reporter? 
Well News Flash!
She Was Duped By A Dude She Knew 
In A Crude Plan To Let You Smash?
I Would’ve Blue Balled Your Blue Ass
You’ve Been Thrashed Past Your Initial Defeat
When Minion Gets Beat By Despicable Me
But Oh You Saved Yourself… And It Got Me Snoring
The Only Fountain That Can’t Cause A Roaring

Megamind:
A big bad computer? I’m shaking in my custom leather boots!
That’s something you can’t do without tripping over and getting bruised
I leave cities in devastation, so like my hologram, go ahead and face it:
This old PC’s more like PowerPoint if we’re talking PRESENTATION!
And Minion’s helped more in a bowl than that gamer’s done
He’s thirsty like I shot the dehydration gun
I’m a monument to villains who get redeemed
Your statue’s built on the dreams of a petty dweeb (HEY!)
To your citizens’ plight, you’re lazy
Don’t need bananas, you’re already crazy!
Meh… you caged me.
I’ll just do what your chapters can’t when I break free!
Now I know he’s my nemesis, and I don’t want to agree with Tighten’s thinking
But there’s no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, and no Queen of Cyber City
Just a layabout, no one even knows your name
Take you out, but we’re not playing mobile games
In the end, you’re a giant waste
I’ve seen more evil electronics from a microwave!

Queen:
Look, I’ve Seen Outdated Memes Leave Both Our Fandom Teens In Stitches 
But Even With Their “Penis Music” Yours Still Get No Bitches 
With Where You’re At It’s No Shocker
That The Golden Boy Soaks Up The Fame That You’ve Never Had
You’re Not Allergic To Copper
So You Should Be Happy That You’ll Never Stack Up To Metro Man
Talk ‘Bout My Chapters? Let’s Tear Your Part 2 Apart
Just Like Your Syndicate It Was Doomed From The Start
Did Your Writers Get Hit With The Forget Me Stick?
Now You're As Tired And Washed Up As The True Bernard
Now You Pander In A Play To Get Clicks
I Got A Werewire If You Want To Stay Connected

Queen?
But… I’m No Better With Social Media
Governing My Subjects With The Lies I Keep Feeding ‘Em

(The fake Queen is revealed as Megamind, using his disguise watch)

Megamind:
(Huh?) PSYCH! Got you, so stay mad!
I could raise Lancer better if I played as Space Dad
But… I don’t really need to mess with my watch
When I could fool you with my head in a box!
And speaking of “box-in”, get your record straight
Can’t handle booze, and you say you’re a heavyweight?
Well, I suppose that’s the last of it…
(Hey, a hero! Get your cameras quick!) BACK AWAY FROM ME, YOU SAVAGES!
It is simply so maddening
Go focus on the freakshow that her palace is!
She’s so toxic that her baked goods are “ass-idic”!
Forget her traffic; she’s practicing human trafficking!
You couldn’t match to my intellect, and now the deed’s done
I’ll carry you to the Romanian outlet store and demand a REFUND!
