walking up to heaven I can't believe am here

𝔤𝔬 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔱𝔬 𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔤

produced by xona 

@heylog

-lyrics-
I wanna run but I can’t deny
feelin dread to our trust and I cry
and I would get everything for you
she loves him but I’m just that fool
I wanted us back, you didn’t want that
I’m pleading with this pain I held
and now I fall back
all on my prozac’s
and I just hope that I get your help

and now I’m washed up all alone
the little essence that you left long ago
the flowers wilt down to my floor
push me down like I’m nothing more

and I don’t wish the best for you
you wanted healing but I was see through
you wanted blood, now you got it on view
many voices telling me on what I knew
there’s reflections that portray all of us 
you’re sick of me and the things that I love 
I won’t forget what it meant for us
these 6 letters that stuck like a drug

stab me again i won't feel a thing
hold me down this some sentencing
taking my bliss, more apologies
i don't like this, just don't talk to me
wasting away i'm never calling you back
i'm stuck with memories i won't forget
with all this weight i carry on my back
you did this to me and i will never forgive

you
oh
i hate 
you
with
every little gut in my body

WALKING UP TO HEAVEN I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M HERE
BUT WHY AM I STILL RUNNING FROM THIS NEVER ENDING FEAR
I'M SHIFTING THROUGH LANES WHILE UR STILL STUCK IN 2ND GEAR
SURPRISING EVERYONE LIKE 2 HEADLIGHTS ON A DEER
WASTING AWAY I'M NEVER CALLING YOU BACK
I'M STUCK WITH MEMORIES I WON'T FORGET
(forget)
WITH ALL THIS WEIGHT I CARRY ON MY BACK 
YOU DID THIS TO ME AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT

you
oh
i hate you
with
every little gut in my body

i wont forget

spotify

i won't forget w/ heylog

pretty when u cry [P+ scarlet]

produced by heylog

lyrics:
when i burn in fire
you gave a hand
i'll try not to let go
she understands
nothing is more beautiful
than your demand
i thank u for being
so delicate

i'll decide ur demeanor to me
no ambition it was never easy
on the highway he finally came clean
how the hell could you do that to me
i thought u were my bestfriend
cus i know that they don't cut ur back
text and i won't answer, get on read
don't play w my emotions i'm so delicate
so delicate

when i burn in fire 
u gave a hand
but i might just let go
and she understands
nothing is more beautiful
than your demand
i hope i treated you
better than him

walking outside notice autumnal leaves
yellow and red and a few orangish trees
the air is fresh when i'm jogging thru this subdivision
my legs hurt.. take breath heavily
run by three deer on my right
they look at me like i'm threatening their life
the parents are guarding their fawn
sometimes i wish family could be us

autumn

produced by xona

@heylog

-lyrics-
deep within my own skin
i stay low until my breath
runs out and i hold my neck
cause deep down i need to rest
the only thing i need is you
a little late, i ain’t got to lose
anything to get us through
but I’ll stay like back then too

well, it’s awful to think
you’re on my mind and can’t let it deplete
sit in my room then write the lyrics to sing
but I’m discarding this energy to bring back the old me
its a tragic that i let it go
i couldn’t tell if you need me close 
well it’s too late for that now
so i can’t keep you around 
don’t need to make another sound

baby i know you love it when you see me overthink
got me pushing buttons tryna get this thing to play
never thought a girl would challenge me to use my brain
think outside the box using my logic against her game

i know you love it when you see me overthink
baby please
tell me what it means
these other guys try to steal you from me
they're enemies
break em to their knees
cut the rope
let the river flow
one at a time
kill em, let em know
baby go
get inside the boat
it's business for me to kill all them very slow

hazel

hazel w/ heylog

produced by xona
piano by oc

cover by xona and heylog

@heylog
@sleepywater
@prod-oc

-lyrics-
yeah
want me back, want me back?
yeah, yeah

want me ‘back’ back?
i think you got wrong man
yeah
you need a 'hand’ hand?
i threw myself into the past
for you
so what you on with me?
we ain’t close so you can’t bother me
7k to reach so I don’t care if you needed me

~

i just wanted to say
that i hope you're doing okay
her skin is why i'm alive
i hope to feel it someday
getting on top of me
and giving the look, i see
her soul makes me resume life
and build up my legacy
her mind is taking a beating
so far it hasn't been easy
i could just tell from your arm
baby should i be alarmed
should i be scared when i hear about your past
i slowly wear, it's just hard to..
grasp

stop again
ill stop and glare
who am i now i don’t know him there
way i feel when im flowing w her
if i get on w u hold my hair
shut the fuck up ur someone i avoid
it wasnt worth it cos now im destroyed

want me ‘back’ back?
i think you got wrong man
yeah
you need a 'hand’ hand?
i threw myself into the past
for you
so what you on with me?
we ain’t close so you can’t bother me
7k to reach so I don’t care if you needed me

lend

lend w/ heylog & sleepwater

produced by heylog

lyrics:
fiending
oh you're always fiending
for something to catch a feeling
no, you don't take it easy
you're grieving
deleting
cause ur not receiving 
the guy who gives you meaning
it just ends up depleting
you need me

my hair is getting longer and mom says i need to cut it off
today i'm gonna pull it back or maybe i should let it fall
or maybe i should let it fall

my hair is getting longer and mom says i need to cut it off
today i'm gonna pull it back or maybe i should let it fall
i'm looking at the pane and see a kid i don't recognize at all
you think i'm in a crisis but this is my life inside a ball
but i am not the one to be crying over some bullsh-
i'm trying to be a man for a girl who is the purist
and i believe that's only achieved through work and purpose
but at the very end of the day it'll be worth it
so what'd you say you come tag along to a journey
i'll be your protector, you won't have to worry
will you believe in me if i focus and try
i'll do what it takes to give you a better life

i assume your brain still has developing to do
no one cares about my feelings and neither do you
only difference i don't post them, you fiend off replies
absorbing it like energy to mentally survive
you're fiending
oh you're always fiending
for something to catch a feeling
no, you don't take it easy
you're grieving
deleting
because you're not receiving
the guy who gives you meaning
it just ends up depleting
you need me
the letters i would write
could form into a book
when turning every page
seem to be overlooked
so when you read the words
imagine you are me
tearing paper
and grinding your teeth

oh i was always there
too bad i ain't here
go cry, well life ain't fair
it's not like i don't care
but oh my, i'm bad at saying no
but i don't wanna be a problem if i'm holding on
oh my, now you wanna complain
baby i'm not gonna put up with that for very long
for long

teeth II

produced by heylog

lyrics:
can't u ever be nice
you don't have to think twice
in the moment each time that i run away
in the end it's your fault
really gave you my all
u don't have to be a problem toward me anyway

there's much more to life than going out
spend saturday night dead on the ground
𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵
I HIGHLY DOUBT YOUR FATHER'S EVEN PROUD
JUST ANOTHER WHORE FOLLOWING THE CROWD
broken glass, the bottles enticing
she told me her sign is a pisces
𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?
do i look like someone who even cares
𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘥
you and i would never pair
already off on the wrong path
ur such an idiot, hope you know that
i used to find you cute but now ur trash
you can change but na you can't change ur past
text me, on your end it's open
but you don't know it
you don't know i ghosted
for once, take accountability
always excuses, please
you are disgust to me
there’s much more to life than blacking out
spend almost every weekend on the ground
i smell the alcohol stench in ur mouth
there ain’t a single to be proud of

can't u ever be nice
you don't have to think twice
in the moment each time that i run away
in the end it's your fault
really gave you my all
u don't have to be a problem toward me anyway
𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦
𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦

trash

'paranoid' produced by heylog

lyrics:
we go and hike in the woods
what a perfect place to be
all my troubles behind
no sign of reality
i could live here and build
a shelter out of trees
say goodbye to the world
no electricity
the way the sun hits the water
i swear i see god himself
i feel shame, i feel hurt
it's like i'm somebody else
i try to hide but it's not
gonna help or save me
cover up all the shame
like adam and eve

i intimidate her
i think she's scared of me
cause your biggest fear is that i'll leave
and then you'll carry on
like nothing happened
and then you'll think about me one night and leech in
why don't you try me
i'm always hiding
i'm like a needle in a haystack, u won't find me
my teeth, i'm grinding
feel like i'm flying
i told you once, i'll say again you'll never find me

hanging out down by the creek
couple deer following me
if i stop to look at them they just stand there as if they freeze
why haven't they ran away?
figured they wouldn't have stayed
hear some branches crack behind now i'm paranoid of this place
look to my left and my right
check my shoulder one more time
maybe i'm a schizophrenic, i be fearing for my life
you hear that, you hear the tones?
i'm convinced i'm not alone
maybe i'll go deeper in the forest to find out if i'm pyscho

we go and hike in the woods
what a perfect place to be
all my troubles behind
no sign of reality
i could live here and build
a shelter out of trees
say goodbye to the world
no electricity
the way the sun hits the water
i swear i see god himself
i feel shame, i feel hurt
it's like i'm somebody else
i try to hide but it's not
gonna help or save me
cover up all the shame
like adam and eve

paranoid

prod by me :>

(skylin)
all the hatred that you're giving me is only poisoning
at least with my enemies i know what it is they seek
I rather judas instead of someone backstabbing me
oh you're pathetic askin me if I would forgive you

I never go out or talk to people like I know I should
it's easier not engaging and hiding inside my hood
sometimes I tend to fail myself and everyone around me
I guess it kinda scared me from socially interacting

on the darkest days I don't know who it is that I will call
but I am hoping you answer because im bout to fall
and I don't know where I am going but ik you know it all
so I am calling out to you please do not let me fall


(heylog)
catch me on the other end
what i said i really meant
what are all the thoughts your brain holds
what's inside that head
i think i finally figured you out
i think it's time to step out your life now
i don't know what i did for you to become untied to me
if you're gonna act like this then break it off entirely
and if i would've known your emotions would all start piling
then i would've kept it hush instead of you crying to me
i was there for you when no one else was
now i'm seeing the truth and exposing your bluffs
i was there for you at your lowest point
don't go and blame it on me, this wasn't my choice

[[anger - disconnect]]

traitor w/heylog

traitor w/ heylog (Now on Spotify)

produced by heylog

lyrics:
baby i am goin
goin goin
i'm goin
know it know it know it
just know it
goin goin goin
i'm goin
know it know it know it
just know it
(2x)

i no longer am vacant
thank the lord i made it out alive
i was never complacent
but i heard i was sticking in your mind
even if that wasn't true
ain't nobody stoppin you
split my brain in half, in two
i hate that i gotta leave you

baby i am goin
goin goin
i'm goin
know it know it know it
just know it
goin goin goin
i'm goin
know it know it know it
just know it
(2x)

bullseye

Prod ERXN & heylog

every photo, im not recognised
its always black and white, with some grain inside
you would think that i was tryna hide
im really not i just hate what i see

you wouldnt like it no doubt
ill force my hand over your mouth
youre half the size of me now
bruise on your knees start to sprout

look to my left, im in a forest where im tryna find 
a piece of you that just keeps falling down beside my side
i ran right through the forest path we did a thousand times
im scared that I wont make it back I might of lost my mind 
might of broke down for a minute but its cool 
image distorted in my vision when you call 
i know its just anxiety but if its more 

ima need a Prozac for this 
if you never loved me that's shit 
keep me out of line like im wearing high viz 
keep me outside like im never not in 
if you need me il die il tell you im in 
see me outside come around real quick 
baby I know the way to try and get your hate out 
click it back and put it to my face now

man i wish that she was close
hanging out, youre on the phone
think that i just found a home
hopefully we'll always grow
11 days until i board my flight
i just gotta know if youre worth my time
moving on to better things
she found me, shes in love w me
she always wants to say my name
yeah all she does is say my name
and i love her honesty
you really put my mind at ease
she wants to call me everyday
just so she can say my name

i won't forget w/ heylog

xona

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