Merry Christmas!

Freshy Kanal as King Midas
Jacob G. as Jack Frost

Written by:
Jughead Jay, B O R K, MetaMachine, GamingPlush64, and Freshy Kanal

Jack Frost:
Best back off before having the match lost to Jack Frost!
And with all that gold you’ve racked up, it’s no wonder you lack brawns!
I could spit this at the lowest fahrenheits and still be hotter,  
But you’ll kill this if your disses are as solid as your daughter!
You couldn’t… catch this cold! Once your… raps erode!
With your ending’s past, you wish to see this… match unfold?!
From dinosaurs to Valley Forge, I’ll shine bright like lit lights!
You’re slipping on this track, looks like you’re walking on thin ice!

King Midas:
Surely you Jest if this fool thinks he will have me froze in place,
Your tundra of a verse will get crushed by my verbal Golden Age
Frost-bites the dust, when you’re left back in Santa’s sack
You can’t play your cards right, The King is greater than the Jack!

Jack Frost:
This poll’s off balance, of course it’d go South quick,
When your hardest challenge is putting your money where your mouth is!
The olden snowman has a-rose, there’s no garden from my flows!
But if you really want a foe, how ‘bout you turn this L to gold!

King Midas:
In Sprite of your attitude, you’re as mellow as an elf!
With those icy raps, you have no worries of melting yourself!

Jack Frost:
I’ll have this old man folding, frozen, for his wits are wearing frail!
It’s bedtime for dead rhymes and you’re the perfect fairy tale! 

King Midas:
You’re an absolute zero, whether dropping temperatures, or the bass!
Has your mind stopped-motion… you Rankin/Bass-ket case?
24 karats, and you are nippin’ at my nose?
I’ll have your chestnuts over coals if you want to start a roast! 
Quite a bold start, but you won’t flow far, for you’re below parr.
Let’s see how dope your colds are, when I go hard with these gold bars!
You heretics just won’t learn what your lesson is-I reckon this, 
With you and Elsa picked, icebergs will now wreck a second ship!

Jack Frost:
Made an ass of yourself on the mic, battered by immorality
Pennies consume your thoughts with that greedy mentality!
(AAAHH!!)

King Midas:
Oh you seem surprised; I sense shock behind that smirked face.
I know, how surprising that the Golden Touch came in first place? 
*maniacal laugh*


Special thanks to Freshy Kanal for mixing.
Thank you! See you next year!

Jack Frost vs. King Midas - X Rap Battle #6.

Lecter:
Bet you expected forty seconds for you to come take a Byte
Luckily it won’t take long for me to sit and pick your mind
Watch me Turner the tables, I’ll be a Netflix and griller
Who will give the Special L to this worse cereal killer
Sure, I’m the cannibal Hannibal, but you’re who I should be afraid of?
You couldn’t even beat a task force that you knew all of the names of
This Wimpy Kid should quit penning his diary’s necrology
Mock your sexuality and surname: reverse psychology

Yagami:
Ryuk’s got the right idea with his diet day to day
But I won’t need an apple to keep this doctor away
Cuz I’m still upping the chi-anti while you Fell out of style
I don’t need a pen to bring this hangry maniac’s end so I’ll
Make you take your words like your little sister and EAT IT!
I’ve made a note of you here, make like a lector and read it!
Because your books are the opposite of your dragons: not red
Head for the Light at the tunnel's end when you finally drop dead

Battle Bytes

Hannibal Lecter vs Light Yagami. Battle Bytes #28

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Cast:
Armani Sani as Phil
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiabcYVYR341G4Fryu03u0Q

FyxFynn as Eminem


Alanon as the Announcer

Art By: Mason 

Writing By: RobotRoshawn  


Mixed By:
RobotRoshawn


Beat By: vladseen 


AWESOME RAP BATTLES 
PHIL 
VS
THE SLIM SHADY SHOW OR SHOULD I SAY EMINEM
BEGIN!

Phil: 
The nutshack has come back to bring some ass
You think you are the greatest rapper ever? I give you a pass
Your songs don't come close to a killshot
You look like you got beat up at a parking lot
I got my own animated show, while you were part of a crappy movie
You don't have any way to stay groovy
With your bad behavior, you are the monster, Slim
My crew will always hate you, right up to the brim
I've had enough of your shit, I'll never love the way you lie
Your dad abused you so bad, it's like he wanted you to die
Everytime you committed crimes, you lose yourself
Losing your temper is bad for your health

Eminem:
I’m a Godzilla, god killing frauds when they popin off the top grab ya balls and chop em off end this beef but add some broth then force feed this mother fucker while calling ya mom
While I’m  duel wield chainsaws, till your brains gone, “you done son?” not yet ma, I’m busy murdering these wannabe South Park knock offs, I mean my god! Your animation so bad make me want to eat some buck shot,
*clears throat*
Dear Phil,
You nothin but a meme dude, bloody when I beat you, put you in the ground slam the box when I get through, mother, father, daughter, ya whole family gettin killed dude, get ya on your knees like a ho when the rents due, a psycho runnin gunner taking shots until this bitch through, never gonna stop until i run up on ya whole crew, burn ya all to death leaving nothin but sinew, Dwayne gonna have another heart attack asking where the money at when he finally see you.


Phil: 
All you care about from your fans is getting laid, what the hell is wrong with you?
That kind of crap is so wrong, get a clue
You're more annoying than a mockingbird
Eminem, face the facts, that you're nothing more than a dumbass turd

 Oh ok.

Eminem:
Yo Phil why you acting like a pussy Don’t back off
I can see ya real busy Helping your cousin “Jack” off while while riding that “Dickman”, you ok Stan?  Like stop man, sticking your fingers in “cherry pie” oh god damn!

Phil vs The Slim Shady Show (Eminem) - Awesome Rap Battles #8

Mancha as King Candy
Dusk as Phantom Virus

King Candy 
I’ve dismissed glitches before, this time I won’t be the one losing 
While you failed to be spooky, Snickering through your whole movie 
Leading with Zombie Island and then this is the kinda crap you do?
I'd rather throw hands with both Flim Flam and Scrappy Doo!
Slapdash mishaps at hiding Snax in boardwalk attractions
Is that repulsive laugh a stab to walk all your critic's reactions?
Inject and infect your game like I was your players’ PEDs
But I won’t strike out to Sword Art Online direct-to-DVD 

Virus
Let’s play ball! No rain delay but I’ll still keep it short
You could ask Cars and learn NASCAR’s barely even a real sport
Brush your teeth, your candy bars left you deteriorating
You can’t handle the Ruth that I’m Babe, you’re Baby
Aint too hard to rip off Candy Crush and Mario Kart
Went for Sweet Tooth but got sucrose and yet so far
You’ll get your just desserts when we unmask this hack
And I go Turbo to make sure both your kart and game crash

King Candy vs Phantom Virus. Battle Bytes #30

Mancha as Phantom Virus
Titanium1208 as King Ghidorah

Virus:
Silence! Grab three face masks before you catch this virus
Your interest ran out of mileage, ditch the dumb head, that’s my pitch!
I’m just vibin’, here to conquer, but your franchise lets me prosper
Cuz it just takes a Verse to Destroy All Monsters!
I step up to the plate respected 
Can’t wash your hands; you’ll get infected
If the lines you spit from the trifecta of heads
Is expected I’d rather just end up ejected
Got no crown, you're no King, Ghidorah
Your only love’s from neckbeards in fedoras
Get your origin straight or you’ll meet your fate
I bring the hertz with my shocking aura

Ghidorah:
Keep your distance! Though I’m vicious you’re rasping like you’re Trojan hoarse!
I Inspect electric Elements to destroy code from its source
You’re jacking up on cheat codes desperate for a chance to surpass, so
I guess this battle’s Astro-Monster versus Houston Astros!
Confined inside a floppy disk, your work never saw the light of day
Charge the mound all you want, you’re only good enough for Single A 
You struck out with your game and friends you know you’ve got no chance sir
Prancing around magnets so often you’re just a pole dancer

Phantom Virus vs King Ghidorah. Battle Bytes #35

LYRICS

Bill Cipher:
(...Woah, now, lemme just cut you off there)
I thought Battle Bytes ended this, why am I back here, producer?!
I see why SoundCloud makers suck; you made me versus THIS loser!
So I’ll leave you trashed and replaced like my bout with Freddy
But I guess you’d be used to that, just checkin’ out your dev team!
I mean, lookin' at these lyrics, and reading your dialogue,
for the con sub of Subcon, you're no arsonist with fire logs!
But I'm used to smokin' pine trees! Conjure your best lines, please
‘Cuz I’ll give ‘ya two and a half minutes ‘fore your soul is mine, G!
I'm an icon! You're sold for nostalgia, the classics!
You’ve got kids kicking your ass, hctib! I could even slash Hat Kid!
Your schtick is sick -- a twisted rapper ripped from Twilight Zone
Turn Thousand Year Door chests to stone and place them atop my highest throne!

Snatcher:
FOOL! Activated my trap card-
Leave you paved in the graveyard, if you wanna throw wack bars
But we’ve got a deal to seal -- just sign now and you’ll find
that you haven’t paid the price and whoop! Your soul’s mine!
Awww, you can break the fourth wall, too?
...is that all, dude? Hit me up when those jokes grow overused
then I’ll freeze you in your tracks if you wanna test the best, ‘cuz
after this, you’ll end like Queen Vanessa!
And while you’re messing around in mindscapes
I’m dealin’ in the courtyard, raking high stakes
You make time breaks, but on my watch, you’d best read the fine print
Either sign the line, kid or be left lifeless!

Bill Cipher:
Booooriiiiiiing! That filler wasn't even worth the wait
Who would expect less from a slurry Jade role, in hindsight?
I mean, I'd be a hermit too if I had THAT kind of face
But it'd look better inside; let's take a look in your mind’s plight!
...Wooooaaaah, dude, I've got a really stupid end!
My own wife murdered me just 'cause I spoke to some lady friend!
Now I cry alone in the woods, useless, without peers,
'cause the only ones who ever cared about me have been dead for years!

Snatcher:
...Did you just try to possess me during your own verse?!
God, even your cliché powers have grown worse...
Mocking my death? Right, remind me how you came to "win."
Oh yes! You got screwed by the Mr. Krabs twins!
You really ARE a fool! And I thought *I* was the trickster!
But Gravity's drop won't be PG! Drop a warning for these tri-ggers!
And to mock my forest? It's no secret that you're Tourist
-Trapped in Oregon's organs, reignin' foggier than Portland
I know you don't mean to bore us, but you do with every chorus
'Cuz while I'm spittin' up torrents, you're just spewin' like the Toilet!

Bill Cipher:
I'm trying to search for literally just ONE decent rap
But it's invisible! ...What, do I need a Dweller Mask?!
I'd love to shake on it, but I don't want 'ya on my palm, you're
stretchy, purple, slimy? You're just the snot behind the slaughter! 
Ghoul's EXACTLY What He Seems, flat like his form in the first run
You steal souls and beats from Dustin? I storm REALITIES for fun!

Snatcher:
You can tri from any angle, but it just comes out scalene
When against a-cute Euclid-ian, I'm more Keter in scaling
the worst Bill since Clinton, but I know how to make this fight fair:
Welcome to this lucid dream, pet; have fun in eternal nightma-

CREDITS

ENNWAY As Bill Cipher
https://soundcloud.com/indiegamerapbattles
Nekomancer Jade as Snatcher
https://soundcloud.com/neko-nekomancer

Beat by Kustom
Demo by Nekomancer Jade
Written by Rabi and Nekomancer Jade
Mixed by DeegleNV
https://soundcloud.com/deeglenv
Thumbnail by Rabi
Art by Nooby and KCToons
https://www.youtube.com/c/KyleCelezte1350/about
https://soundcloud.com/user-465943028

Bill Cipher vs. Snatcher - Rap Battle

The two most popular peaceful games go head to head in this Central Rap Battle!

Written By: Vladimyr P. and Eric The Audible
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Minecraft - Vladimyr P.
Animal Crossing - Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Vladimyr P. 
Beat: Kustom

LYRICS: 
Minecraft :
Taking you outta the wild, but this’ll get intense (in tents)
Need a totem or a potion for this gold I’ll dispense
Pushing pressure to the plate droppin’ rhymes from my hotbar
Only building homes, yeah homie you are not hard

You’ve been pandering to pansies, toddlers and their grannies
That Camp’s making a grand robbing every Nook and Cranny
I’m a classic, savage, ravager spitting illager
Dishing out this emerald to deal with another villager

We’ve got the ingenuity to broaden our horizons
Survive in an endless world, you’re confined to a tiny island
Imagination’s my build limit, thought you Switched the game up (well..)
Pick another save cause Nintendo’s lameness came up

All time best seller, that title ring any bell-ers,
Knock your block off to the Nether, got you falling - no feather (oooh)
Since 2011 our fame’s remained standing
It’s easy to fan this flame cause the game is enchanting

Minecraft : 
This battle’s a flint and steel, I’ll burn you down to sender, man
Had a good run, bud, but I will be your Enderman
Squash you like a bug in Mojang’s next patch
I got efficiency in giving lesser games the axe (thwack!)


I’m the TNT emcee, who blew up beyond PC

But kids hate your games P.E. more than they hate PE
I got this win in the bucket, 
well I wouldn’t be so sure, 
huh, Why not? 
Cause this beat’s about to Turnip

Animal Crossing :

While you’re researching, stressing out for resources 
I'm that water source, check this drip that I'm scoring 
You slave away on your builds, wasting the sun like
"What's the redstone tutorial for having some fun, guys?”

We’re copping fossils, players dig on my style
Just keep on building with cobble, and we can chill on my isle
Then you can squabble with players, fight and kill for the crown
I’ll be hangin’ with my neighbors and upgrading our town

Laying lazy on a sunday, relax in my villa
Minecraft is like a Ssundae; bland when vanilla
Just a mole digging holes, as you victimize your citizens
Thought your flow was molten, but you’re watered down: obsidian

Can't let that K.K. Slide, you spit those lame tunes 
We bested your cube game back when we had the gamecube
I would diss your story mode, but nobody played that
Your game is filled with creepers, peaceful mode can't escape that

Minecraft:
I’d be crafting recipes for your disaster
But your blathers on that rap verse did it faster
I get the appeal, sakurai must have as well
Only mission that you’re sticking with is smashing Isabelle

Animal Crossing:
Fans have tackled every cavern, yeah I wouldn’t want to be ‘em
Your charm is practically an artifact get back in the museum
The First Persson had a burden, left you burnin’ with your base
“Notch left to swim in money, then the game withered away”

Central Rap Battles: Minecraft vs. Animal Crossing

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

ah shit here we go again
welcome back to rap cypher!
Light as Shang Tsung
Alex the Beast as Mandarin
Beat produced by 2Deep
Thumbnail by CJ and Trakked
Mixed by Alex the Beast
Written by: Trakked

Battle:

Shang Tsung:
(Hm.) It has begun. Let us test your so-called might.
The predecessor of a legend yet still lacks the strength to fight.
Enter the Mandarin into my dark heart; and within there you'll find
You dealt with Stan Lee and Disney, now your soul is mine. (Ha!)
And you really think those rings make you special? You're but a glorified pimp
Mother's a prostitute, you're in solitude, so I'd be glad to give a glimpse
Of my power, you'll bask in nonexistence; if you wanna keep up persistence 
Like your namesake, you'll be peeled like an orange, another kombatant I've finished (Agh)
Wouldn't be enough for this sorcerer, yes? Kondemned to the Damned and tortured to death
Trapped in a Soulnado, filled with hate though, your whole life is a Tale of Suspense
 I never thought a better foe would come out of your son, only shows he is superior.
It's settled though, you've met with no allies, so you're just broken and inferior.

Mandarin:
Seems there's Big Trouble in Little China, best not keep this devil waiting
You're seeming Lo, Pan, so go, man, Annihilated like movie ratings
The greatest mind in the world against a slave to his king?
It's no wonder you're used to losing to Liu several times in the ring.
You fell down the charts like on Argus. (agh) A second Armageddon awaits
Being imprisoned by your superior only shows failing is your fate.
Call me the Dragon King, cause I whooped your ass down; better fit as a class clown
Those fatalities only show that your power's in the past now.

Shang Tsung:
My words sting like a cobra bite; your verse had no effect
You built up and destroyed yourself; a human Titanomech.
First started as a stereotype, but whitewashing made you worse.
Left a Stane upon your legacy; glad he finally ended this curse.

Mandarin:
Your only good trait is Identity Theft, but with all that, no Identity left
Your island's defunct as a Krypt, I'll debunk this until you realize this entity's best
Is unstoppable, you're dropping past your prime, though, no new timeline could decide 
The final resting place for the elderly, dismissed as a psycho, I will
Transport you to the Valley of Spirits; life force dwindling as you try
It's no wonder the Elders cursed you, with your never-ending pride
Powers transferred to the Queen, and Shao left you burning, it's
Clear you're worthless; Now you see the true champion of this tournament.

Shang Tsung vs Mandarin - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #11

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Phantom Virus vs King Ghidorah. Battle Bytes #35

Battle Bytes | UBERocity