casperrr

S@d Æsthetic Essencials Vol.2

Going to die

The Upload

produced by dercept
featuring @hoeplessboy

follow my socials!
instagram.com/lottaheart_
twitter.com/lottaheart_

lyrics:

@lottaheart:
and you know how to make my heart stop
give you everything that i got
but ill never be good enough
tell me that you're fallin out of love
guess ill never be good enough
(for you)

and i cant tell
if you care or if you dont, well it depends
i've been waiting for it all to make sense
feeling good about yourself at my expense
and will it ever end?
[x2]

@hoeplessboy:
will it ever end?
i just need a percocet put a bullet thru my head
guess it all depends
whether you're my friend
cause baby i just need you
can you stay until the end

like that,
baby if you want me i just might take you back
fuck that,
baby for a second i was weak but now im back

start to tell me that its over
locked inside my room,
and i've never been sober
[x2]

@lottaheart:
and i cant tell
if you care or if you dont, well it depends
i've been waiting for it all to make sense
feeling good about yourself at my expense
and will it ever end?
[x2]

depends w/ hoepless [dercept]

@sorrow_bringer 🖤
mixed & mastered by me 💛
[Audio Sample from King's Game]
~~lyrics~~
it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife 
like it wants in my gut

sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck
but i never went in 
cause it wouldn't be enough
colder than the night
wonder if your touch
feels a saint from above throwing up
from above throwing up

hoping i heal, but i'm proof of the damage
everyone i kill's either hungry or manic
refuse any pills that i'm offered, then panic
if i'm really real, would you feel if i vanish?
let's trace back to the start
i ain't got no time here to waste on my heart
if i wanted peace, i believe i would be "anybody"
can't feel defeat when i'm coated in honey

permanently flawed; let me get my head straight
living at the cost; on the brink of being dead weight
no headspace, just silence.
what do you expect when the sky's blaring sirens?
but i knew the consequences all along
i used too much strength tryna grow stronger
the rapture, and endless disaster

take me by the head 
(okay)
leave no evidence 
(nor trace)

the moon is turning red
the air is so condensed 
simple lives and foolish lies
i raise a knife up to my eye
if one should seek, then one shall find
but what if i've already died?

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife
like it wants in my gut

sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck
but i never went in 
cause it wouldn't be enough
colder than the night
wonder if your touch
feels a saint from above throwing up
from above throwing up

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬...
𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦?
𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦... 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦,
𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife 
like it wants in my gut
like it wants in my gut...

sugar in the spice (sorrow bringer)

(prod. kais x sorrowbringer)
u all mean the world to me fr
enjoy :’)

lyrics:
don’t wanna let you down again
I know i’m nothing but a burden.
and when the tide goes down i’ll stand
up for myself again

I was never a part of it
nah I was never part of it, a part of anything or anyone

got me painting pictures of the future stressin bout my life
kais don’t stress bout stupid thought illusions cloudin’ up yo mind
just fkn stop this shit
get me out of it
just get me home, where I can grow, and heal my scars a bit

this is really up to me
I can’t rely on not any my friends, nah
I would love to be chillin at home makin beats every week
so I wont let this go to waste
wont let them see this smile fade away

“im lonely and hurting”
all these thoughts averted.
I kno y’all got my back
I can hear it from your wording
im sorry i called you
these things seem to fall through
pictures comin down I can tell the rain gon’ fall soon.

it's okay

spotify

s/o soundcloud.com/boyfifty and soundcloud.com/user-530621763
enjoy :)

lyrics:

oh you think you know it all.. well you dont
you been stressin bout' everything all alone
and your friends do miss you, you jus dont call em up
it seems to them like you just dont give a fuck

therapy's expensive and exercise is pendin
thoughts are goin wild and anxietys expandin
you need everyone to hear you, but cant seem to open up
yeah your confidence is lackin and you couldnt give a fuck

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself

i miss them all
i need someone to catch me before i fall
i need love and composure
something i looked over
i cant even function, i fucked myself over

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself x2

look them in the eyes, bruh
you cant love yourself if you gonna hide and run
from your confidence its killin you inside of us
im tryna help but you fuckin up the life of us

okay maybe im depressed right now
cant leave the room (go out)
i need some rest right now
i don't got time to show out
i cant find a reason for anything
i cant find the motivation that im chasin so desperately.

oh you think you know it all.. well you dont
you been stressin bout' everything all alone
and your friends do miss you, you jus dont call em up
it seems to them like you just dont give a fuck x2

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself

callin' out to myself

callin' out to myself (prod. boyfifty x eeryskies)

featuring @sewerperson
produced by @prodjody

highway (ft. sewerperson)(prod. jody)

Lyrics - 
verse 1:

you're gone in the morning 
and now im living in silence
but i still have your number in my phone
i wish that i could see you again 

you are the reason why 
i still don't understand
and sometimes it gets hard to pretend 
still wish that i could see you again

hook:
you are the reason why 
i still don't understand
and sometimes it gets hard to pretend 
still wish that i could see you again

still wish that i could see you again
still wish that i could see you again

verse 2:

yeah i still remember 
how you looked me in my eyes
how you said you love me 
and how we danced for the whole night 

do you ever think of me
because baby i still think of you 
and everytime you're not with me 
i can't breath
just wanna hold you close to me

you are the reason why 
i still don't understand
and sometimes it gets hard to pretend 
still wish that i could see you again

hook:
you are the reason why 
i still don't understand
and sometimes it gets hard to pretend 
still wish that i could see you again

still wish that i could see you again
still wish that i could see you again

you are the reason why
i still don't understand
and sometimes it gets hard to pretend

wish i could see you again w/LEVI

lyrics

can’t even face me this evening when i shut the door and run
baby this feels wrong 
like everything’s undone
i put down the foot, but all that says is that you’ve won
girl it’s not my brain
yeah it’s u toxic on this one

foggy mirror, a long drive
misty fields, and a grey sky
eyes on glass, as it spitsrain
waters wet, the tears u shed were crocodile

i see yellow lines but not th same thats on th road
we’re in different times its spiralling out of control
u dont share my highs and i jus keep that on th low
its getting cold now girl i gotta go (shoutout shizu)

ill jus pack my backs, no intent of coming back home
we were on a path were i thought u couldn’t break this mould
delusion got th best of me, guess i was never told
it was written in the stars but now its more than cold

cold cold yeah its more than cold
ice shards forming on my arms and i cant feel my toes
hope ur somewhere where the logs ablaze or that of coal
ill be sitting in the outlands where its well below

i hope ur happy as u weren’t before
ill say take care while on hardwood floors
dreams of incoming meteors
oh on my chest i can feel the force

this pressures stronger coz of what u said
depressing stronger than ive ever felt
an old mossed statue
but my heart still melts
deep in th dark forest will u find urself

i see yellow lines but not th same thats on th road
we’re in different times its spiralling out of control
u dont share my highs and i jus keep that on th low
its getting cold now girl i gotta go (shoutout shizux2)

ill jus pack my backs, no intent of coming back home
we were on a path were i thought u couldn’t break this mould
delusion got th best of me, guess i was never told
it was written in the stars but now its more than cold

cold (caves)

produced by me
hope you enjoy <3

socials:
www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

And I’m so sick of always fucking up
Always apologize, it’s the last time
Blame it on me, i’m never good enough
Lost my peace, now I lash out

Cant get rid of the taste out my fuckin mouth
Carve out my tongue, said too much, bleeding out
Doesnt matter what I do, it’s way too late
Screaming out and procrastinate

I can’t
Stay here
Mental
Dread and
Pain gets
Stronger
Isolated

I can’t keep it up, nah
Throw me out, leave me to rot
I think it’s easier that way for me
You have no say in this, so just leave me

I dont care what they say
I ignore, most of dms
I don’t know why it’s so hard to
Keep a convo, maybe laugh

Caught myself staring at the ceiling
Everyone pretends they know the feeling
7 years has passed and I’m still healing
You will never know what I’m concealing

Caught myself staring at the ceiling
Everyone pretends they know the feeling
7 years has passed and I’m still healing
You will never know what I’m concealing

blame

stream

back to weekly songs soon i promise.
its a new era

prod. sorrowbringer x me <3

lyrics:

try to impress but it comes out fuckin gibberish
torch me to bits as the reputation settles in
mediate the confilct intimidate the cheiftans heir
this human form my disguise and i'm shedding skin
fighting tooth nail claw and i won't let em in
run me out the town i'll come back with an army
we'll tear ur men to bits roast ur offspring with a charring
the grass will dye red by the end of the night here

unless u stop hunting me
i wait here for your concede
i stakeout with 9 slugs in me
i chose truth n i was wrong to
but still i breathe
i've been up all night plus a day and a half
i still worry for my kind now that u lash out like that
it seem clear to me ur people xenophobic
i had trusted u but it's clear to me that is over

my friends won't leave their caves cause of u and it breaks me
so all that i can do is rid ur people from our place here
ur buddy shot me nine times what u gotta say to that
i'm gonna murder all your people i don't care if they our friends
get out my way i got buisness to do on ur village
there's a couple hundred people that i really gotta see
they got appointments to get their heads lopped off at this moment

-

try to impress but it comes out fuckin gibberish
torch me to bits as the reputation settles in
mediate the confilct intimidate the cheiftans heir
this human form my disguise and i'm shedding skin
fighting tooth nail claw and i won't let em in
run me out the town i'll come back with an army
we'll tear ur men to bits roast ur offspring with a charring
the grass will dye red by the end of the night here

unless u stop hunting me
i wait here for your concede
i stakeout with 9 slugs in me
i chose truth n i was wrong
but still i breathe

revenge

impatience Ft. sendflowrs

prod. me

rest easy pops<33

dad, can you remember me?
cause i see those eyes are empty
i can't even eve talk with you cause u can't think
pls tell me when you look at me who do you see 
am i still your best buddy?
can u recognize somebody
i feel like ur soul has left
without ur body 
i hate to see u suffering

ever since u've been gone
shit's been different 
i hate myself
and can't take this distance 
been fucking my health 
i can feel the symptoms 
i need fucking help 
but can't face my feelings   

(i been hiding emotions
behind all the drinks
i been hiding emotions
behind all the weed 
people know about this
and still don't talk to me 
i might be fated to 
live the rest of my life all lonely)

dad, can you remember me?
cause i see those eyes are empty
i can't even eve talk with you cause u can't think
pls tell me when you look at me who do you see 
am i still your best buddy?
can u recognize somebody
i feel like ur soul has left
without ur body 
i hate to see u suffering

dad can u remember me?

watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway
watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway    

(all that u do 4 me, is it pitty or love?
the things you say 2 me, do they come from the heart?
have i been a waste of life right from the start
cause im feeling lost, i needa sit down n talk)

i only have u left i don't know what to do 
don't know how to act, defense or attack
i just can't lose you
don't know what to say are things okay 
are you also confused?~
need something to see, something to touch 
or ill lose myself soon

down a spiral of hate, back to the blades
touching my skin,
im losing my faith, in need of a change 
the bloods runnin thin
nothings feelin great, and when you say 
u love me idk whatchu mean 
ill go back to my room and the drugs i consume
and keep doing my thing 

watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway  
watch me, get tore apart more everyday
baby, wish you'd really love me like u say
lately, i been feelin you fade away
slowly, but i know i'll lose you anyway

watch me. (michael harrison)

君の好きな歌を聞いて
一緒に撮った写真を見て
私はつい思っちゃう
君は元気にしているのか？
体はちゃんと大事にしているのか？
夜はまだちゃんと眠れないのか？
それと、一番大事なのは
自分の心を託される人は見つけたのか？
私は-

don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood

won't ever change, i thinks it's genetic
engraved in my brain
used to the problems not used to pain
praying something makes it all go away
all go away
u left me alone dealing with MYself
u said u were gonna watch over my health
taking all the pills lined up on the shelf
like a buncha soldiers killin in stealth

chip me away, slowly
make me do it ur way, like it's holy
take our ring, break it
show me u never cared, bout me

don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood
don't say u hate me, i know u do
nothing can change me neither can u
been hurt b4 still don't have a clue
how to get better n change my mood

don't say u hate me, i know u do (king theta)

at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie 
at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie 


grabbin a drink feeling hopeless again
on my face's fallin tears, bottle gripped in my hand
outside i look fine 
but inside im fighting a war all alone on the losing end 
losing end but i can't see the end
losing all i have, losing my head 
i fight them off but they keep coming back
like cancer cells, avoinding treatment

NUN TO DO BUT GET FADED
NOWADAYS IM WALKIN JADED
NO SOLUTION OCCURS IN MY MIND
TO MY PROBLEMS, ILL JUST DIG UP MY GRAVE THEN 
IM BECOMING WHAT I HATED
NO PROCCEDURES, STILL SEDATED
TAKING EVERYTHING I CAN TO EASE UP THE PAIN
AND I DON'T KNO IF ILL MAKE IT   

NUN TO DO BUT GET FADED
NOWADAYS IM WALKIN JADED
NO SOLUTION OCCURS IN MY MIND
TO MY PROBLEMS, ILL JUST DIG UP MY GRAVE THEN 
IM BECOMING WHAT I HATED
NO PROCCEDURES, STILL SEDATED
TAKING EVERYTHING I CAN TO EASE UP THE PAIN
AND I DON'T KNO IF ILL MAKE IT   

at least i tried
but our love died
right in my arms, fell right thru
like it was a lie

at least i tried (sorrow bringer)

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

everyday is the same/ but just a little bit different
today i was the guilty one again, cuz i didn't listen
yesterday it was still my fault, but surely 4 anotha reason
i think/ shit never changes, despite us changing the szn
i suddenly went cold, like we're in a blizzard
sick of bastards who fold, n runaway like they lizzards
acting like u r dr connors, imma beat u like peter
ain't no way u betraying me, im sick of being beaten

not my choice to be born
not my decision
if it really was up to me
i'd be in a grave not breathing
all the bones that u broke 
r the reason 
why ur so bad for me 
but keep me from kneeling

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

sm pain in mh (tiedforsilver)

msitreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same 

over you in my head
in my heart u still there
my body's a mess
feel u eating at my flesh 


feeding off of me
ur drinking what i bleed
acting like you love me 
then use me like a leach

how ain't u ashamed of ur-self~
keep on acting like ur the-best
i think u should just let me-rest
stop trynna find where my body-at

deep down, covered in dirt
x marks the spot i got hurt
under a tree, where the sun won't burn
is where i wrote this song

mistreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same (2x)