HOODLAW isn’t just music — it’s a code.
Cold trap drums, deep 808s, and slow bounce move under steel control.
Every track speaks the language of power, silence, and money.
No noise, no mercy — just motion, order, and law.
This is not the end. This is the rule.

TOP FLOOR

Hey everyone! We are back with a long awaited rap battle that I've been hinting at for ages. Today we have space smuggler and pilot of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo, against the first man to set foot on another celestial body, Neil Armstrong. Enjoy!

CAST
Zawesome as Han Solo
Mancala as Neil Armstrong

LYRICS:
Han:
I’ve got a bad feeling about your attempt, like the ninth
I’ll tell you the odds: week-lings need not apply
Your twin missions were a bust, like the Cloud City raid
I won’t take it from a guy who wore a tampon to space
You’re a bigger hunk of junk than my transport for fleeing
Hell, even Jabba’s a more decent human being
While the glorified photographer’s here to do his worst
The fans deserve to know that Han shot first

Neil:
Houston, we have a problem, and it sucks quite violently
Flash Gordon got ripped off and took up vacuum piracy
You’re on needles and pins trying to thread that space cruiser
Looks like you need some schooling; let me show you my maneuvers
Gals complain of sub-parsecs with your rocky relations
Because you’re looking for love in Alderaan places
I’ll have you whipped into shape and you’ll scream bloody murder
You stuck up, half-witted, bad-at-rapping Nerf-herder!

Han:
You should be more concerned about landing that Stormtrooper credo
Don’t Leia hand on me, or you’ll end up like Greedo
You’re on MY stomping ground, so your plan is getting soiled
You’ll need another round of quarantine after we’ve been embroiled
Hop back to the door, so you can let the other boys out
Slap that patch on your sash like an old, faded Boy Scout
You’re the First Man to make a space flick without life
Go climb your launch tower and take a giant leap for mankind

Neil:
Ladies and gentlemen, the rapper has landed!
And like a game of sabacc, man, your ass is getting handed
‘Cause your style, like the atmosphere around me, is quite thin
Just calm down, hon; take it on the chin
Your rhymes can’t be more wooden if you were still a carpenter
You’ll be flagged as a doormat by this driven orbiter
I’ll cut out, ‘cause the middle man, best pilot in the galaxy
Tried to give me the shaft; guess it runs in the family

Beat By: Epistra
Mixed By: Freshy Kanal
Cover By: Commander Jacob
Art By: Cyancoat Enzo

Han Solo Vs Neil Armstrong| GridLine Rap Battles Season 2

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

LYRICS 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IFxWiWDrXj3XxGluxvStjCPF8Z-rqinNu9JTOK-NYsU/edit?usp=sharing

CREDITS

Vladimyr P. as Red
https://soundcloud.com/vladimyr-p
Lexi M. as Charizard
https://soundcloud.com/user-650786333-593076861
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZUTOJL1qAbDorCjlhGYQ
Light as Venasaur
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
Raichous as Blastoise
https://soundcloud.com/kingraichous

Rabi As Kris
garbageGothic as Susie
https://soundcloud.com/garbagegothic
Tuna as Ralsei
https://soundcloud.com/tunattic
GamingPlush64 as Lancer
https://soundcloud.com/gamingplush64
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtWX7jJ5lodM_poQuXMTqjQ

Written by Rabi, B O R K, & GamingPlush64
https://soundcloud.com/borkrulesok
Mixed by Light
Beat by Dansonn
Thumbnail by Rabi

Red vs. Kris - Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Cast:
Armani Sani as Phil
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiabcYVYR341G4Fryu03u0Q

FyxFynn as Eminem


Alanon as the Announcer

Art By: Mason 

Writing By: RobotRoshawn  


Mixed By:
RobotRoshawn


Beat By: vladseen 


AWESOME RAP BATTLES 
PHIL 
VS
THE SLIM SHADY SHOW OR SHOULD I SAY EMINEM
BEGIN!

Phil: 
The nutshack has come back to bring some ass
You think you are the greatest rapper ever? I give you a pass
Your songs don't come close to a killshot
You look like you got beat up at a parking lot
I got my own animated show, while you were part of a crappy movie
You don't have any way to stay groovy
With your bad behavior, you are the monster, Slim
My crew will always hate you, right up to the brim
I've had enough of your shit, I'll never love the way you lie
Your dad abused you so bad, it's like he wanted you to die
Everytime you committed crimes, you lose yourself
Losing your temper is bad for your health

Eminem:
I’m a Godzilla, god killing frauds when they popin off the top grab ya balls and chop em off end this beef but add some broth then force feed this mother fucker while calling ya mom
While I’m  duel wield chainsaws, till your brains gone, “you done son?” not yet ma, I’m busy murdering these wannabe South Park knock offs, I mean my god! Your animation so bad make me want to eat some buck shot,
*clears throat*
Dear Phil,
You nothin but a meme dude, bloody when I beat you, put you in the ground slam the box when I get through, mother, father, daughter, ya whole family gettin killed dude, get ya on your knees like a ho when the rents due, a psycho runnin gunner taking shots until this bitch through, never gonna stop until i run up on ya whole crew, burn ya all to death leaving nothin but sinew, Dwayne gonna have another heart attack asking where the money at when he finally see you.


Phil: 
All you care about from your fans is getting laid, what the hell is wrong with you?
That kind of crap is so wrong, get a clue
You're more annoying than a mockingbird
Eminem, face the facts, that you're nothing more than a dumbass turd

 Oh ok.

Eminem:
Yo Phil why you acting like a pussy Don’t back off
I can see ya real busy Helping your cousin “Jack” off while while riding that “Dickman”, you ok Stan?  Like stop man, sticking your fingers in “cherry pie” oh god damn!

Phil vs The Slim Shady Show (Eminem) - Awesome Rap Battles

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

LYRICS

Bill Cipher:
(...Woah, now, lemme just cut you off there)
I thought Battle Bytes ended this, why am I back here, producer?!
I see why SoundCloud makers suck; you made me versus THIS loser!
So I’ll leave you trashed and replaced like my bout with Freddy
But I guess you’d be used to that, just checkin’ out your dev team!
I mean, lookin' at these lyrics, and reading your dialogue,
for the con sub of Subcon, you're no arsonist with fire logs!
But I'm used to smokin' pine trees! Conjure your best lines, please
‘Cuz I’ll give ‘ya two and a half minutes ‘fore your soul is mine, G!
I'm an icon! You're sold for nostalgia, the classics!
You’ve got kids kicking your ass, hctib! I could even slash Hat Kid!
Your schtick is sick -- a twisted rapper ripped from Twilight Zone
Turn Thousand Year Door chests to stone and place them atop my highest throne!

Snatcher:
FOOL! Activated my trap card-
Leave you paved in the graveyard, if you wanna throw wack bars
But we’ve got a deal to seal -- just sign now and you’ll find
that you haven’t paid the price and whoop! Your soul’s mine!
Awww, you can break the fourth wall, too?
...is that all, dude? Hit me up when those jokes grow overused
then I’ll freeze you in your tracks if you wanna test the best, ‘cuz
after this, you’ll end like Queen Vanessa!
And while you’re messing around in mindscapes
I’m dealin’ in the courtyard, raking high stakes
You make time breaks, but on my watch, you’d best read the fine print
Either sign the line, kid or be left lifeless!

Bill Cipher:
Booooriiiiiiing! That filler wasn't even worth the wait
Who would expect less from a slurry Jade role, in hindsight?
I mean, I'd be a hermit too if I had THAT kind of face
But it'd look better inside; let's take a look in your mind’s plight!
...Wooooaaaah, dude, I've got a really stupid end!
My own wife murdered me just 'cause I spoke to some lady friend!
Now I cry alone in the woods, useless, without peers,
'cause the only ones who ever cared about me have been dead for years!

Snatcher:
...Did you just try to possess me during your own verse?!
God, even your cliché powers have grown worse...
Mocking my death? Right, remind me how you came to "win."
Oh yes! You got screwed by the Mr. Krabs twins!
You really ARE a fool! And I thought *I* was the trickster!
But Gravity's drop won't be PG! Drop a warning for these tri-ggers!
And to mock my forest? It's no secret that you're Tourist
-Trapped in Oregon's organs, reignin' foggier than Portland
I know you don't mean to bore us, but you do with every chorus
'Cuz while I'm spittin' up torrents, you're just spewin' like the Toilet!

Bill Cipher:
I'm trying to search for literally just ONE decent rap
But it's invisible! ...What, do I need a Dweller Mask?!
I'd love to shake on it, but I don't want 'ya on my palm, you're
stretchy, purple, slimy? You're just the snot behind the slaughter! 
Ghoul's EXACTLY What He Seems, flat like his form in the first run
You steal souls and beats from Dustin? I storm REALITIES for fun!

Snatcher:
You can tri from any angle, but it just comes out scalene
When against a-cute Euclid-ian, I'm more Keter in scaling
the worst Bill since Clinton, but I know how to make this fight fair:
Welcome to this lucid dream, pet; have fun in eternal nightma-

CREDITS

ENNWAY As Bill Cipher
https://soundcloud.com/indiegamerapbattles
Nekomancer Jade as Snatcher
https://soundcloud.com/neko-nekomancer

Beat by Kustom
Demo by Nekomancer Jade
Written by Rabi and Nekomancer Jade
Mixed by DeegleNV
https://soundcloud.com/deeglenv
Thumbnail by Rabi
Art by Nooby and KCToons
https://www.youtube.com/c/KyleCelezte1350/about
https://soundcloud.com/user-465943028

Bill Cipher vs. Snatcher - Rap Battle

LYRICS

Zodiac Killer:
38- goodbye announcer, too bad you had no parting gifts
Now to this mess of a killer, I don’t know where to start with this 
With the countless origins you’re given by pre-teens thinking they’re Stephen King
makes you unthreatening, cheapening, cult burnings and murdering leaving grim
I’ve already been compared to a Jack, but somehow, you’re even weaker
Please cease, sir. You’re weak, sir. Don’t need many words to speak burns.
I’m a cold-blooded killer, a bold blood spiller
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything worse than your picture
With the blue faceplate, but this lame-rate would get crippled by my first shot
Burst shot, 9 millimeters in the grave until this worse slop
Gets burned hot, like my gun-fire, spitting shots to leave this teen shook
Try to rap with your “I have no mouth and must scream” look

Eyeless Jack:
Hidden in history for setting cars on fire? What a back burner
And that black mask? Static-y raps? You’re taking from the Observer
I’ll leave Zodiac burnin’ like hot tar, when I drop bars
But my thoughts are “No wonder he’s flopping, he already bombs hard”

Zodiac Killer:
That’s it? I expected more out of this classic
Guess Ticci Toby kin is prone to laugh tracks where they’re rapping
Burnt face and broken family, now hell’s where this devil’s advocate lies
Cap a Jack-ass and make his brains splatter; upgrade the count to 39

Eyeless Jack:
Ted Cruz wants to step to a monster of darkness 
But I'll rip the head screws off this dead moose, sell out on the black market
This suspected methhead vendetta spreader put his own life on private
Guess this battle’s a no-brainer, I could use something to spice up my diet 
So, read the note, kid, ‘fore the folktale is broken 
He’s hopeless, homeless, and no chance of holding
a throne! Left your legacy as just another John Doe
You lead cops on a wild goose chase like you’re murderous Where’s Waldo!
Things looks so bleak for this clone thief, I’ll be sure to kill you slowly
Make like another baby and take your own leave
It’s clear why people lost their fear of you, no newspapers to examine how
Your legacy’s gone on and shattered, where’s Zodiac rapping now?

CREDITS

DeegleNV as The Zodiac Killer 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcqoNcvUnQdz8otgTxOqWKQ
Razzy as Eyeless Jack
https://soundcloud.com/simplyrazzy

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClNJgoh_a9oYoLenAR0RzGg
Mixed by DeegleNV and Light
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40Azz3spGbl38LIF7uKqg
Beat by Audio Network
Thumbnail by Rabi

The Zodiac Killer vs. Eyeless Jack - Rap Battle

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.