In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

LYRICS 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IFxWiWDrXj3XxGluxvStjCPF8Z-rqinNu9JTOK-NYsU/edit?usp=sharing

CREDITS

Vladimyr P. as Red
https://soundcloud.com/vladimyr-p
Lexi M. as Charizard
https://soundcloud.com/user-650786333-593076861
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZUTOJL1qAbDorCjlhGYQ
Light as Venasaur
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
Raichous as Blastoise
https://soundcloud.com/kingraichous

Rabi As Kris
garbageGothic as Susie
https://soundcloud.com/garbagegothic
Tuna as Ralsei
https://soundcloud.com/tunattic
GamingPlush64 as Lancer
https://soundcloud.com/gamingplush64
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtWX7jJ5lodM_poQuXMTqjQ

Written by Rabi, B O R K, & GamingPlush64
https://soundcloud.com/borkrulesok
Mixed by Light
Beat by Dansonn
Thumbnail by Rabi

Red vs. Kris - Rap Battle

Cast:
Armani Sani as Phil
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiabcYVYR341G4Fryu03u0Q

FyxFynn as Eminem


Alanon as the Announcer

Art By: Mason 

Writing By: RobotRoshawn  


Mixed By:
RobotRoshawn


Beat By: vladseen 


AWESOME RAP BATTLES 
PHIL 
VS
THE SLIM SHADY SHOW OR SHOULD I SAY EMINEM
BEGIN!

Phil: 
The nutshack has come back to bring some ass
You think you are the greatest rapper ever? I give you a pass
Your songs don't come close to a killshot
You look like you got beat up at a parking lot
I got my own animated show, while you were part of a crappy movie
You don't have any way to stay groovy
With your bad behavior, you are the monster, Slim
My crew will always hate you, right up to the brim
I've had enough of your shit, I'll never love the way you lie
Your dad abused you so bad, it's like he wanted you to die
Everytime you committed crimes, you lose yourself
Losing your temper is bad for your health

Eminem:
I’m a Godzilla, god killing frauds when they popin off the top grab ya balls and chop em off end this beef but add some broth then force feed this mother fucker while calling ya mom
While I’m  duel wield chainsaws, till your brains gone, “you done son?” not yet ma, I’m busy murdering these wannabe South Park knock offs, I mean my god! Your animation so bad make me want to eat some buck shot,
*clears throat*
Dear Phil,
You nothin but a meme dude, bloody when I beat you, put you in the ground slam the box when I get through, mother, father, daughter, ya whole family gettin killed dude, get ya on your knees like a ho when the rents due, a psycho runnin gunner taking shots until this bitch through, never gonna stop until i run up on ya whole crew, burn ya all to death leaving nothin but sinew, Dwayne gonna have another heart attack asking where the money at when he finally see you.


Phil: 
All you care about from your fans is getting laid, what the hell is wrong with you?
That kind of crap is so wrong, get a clue
You're more annoying than a mockingbird
Eminem, face the facts, that you're nothing more than a dumbass turd

 Oh ok.

Eminem:
Yo Phil why you acting like a pussy Don’t back off
I can see ya real busy Helping your cousin “Jack” off while while riding that “Dickman”, you ok Stan?  Like stop man, sticking your fingers in “cherry pie” oh god damn!

Phil vs The Slim Shady Show (Eminem) - Awesome Rap Battles #8

idk

CJ as Keyboard
Dusty as Mouse

Written by CJ
Mixed by Dusty
Prod. 2Deep

Keyboard:
I’ll ctrl alt delete to freeze a nerd in the worst way
Cuz tell me, who’s the one typing these lines in the first place
I got this on lock and I’m boutta pop some caps
You may call yourself a mouse, but all I see is a rat

Mouse:
So you're not a piano, but you still think you play hard
Yo my chances of winning are wider than your space bar
Ain’t my type? No shit. You and I just don’t click
Imma leave ya broken. Hope you got my point, kid

Keyboard vs Mouse | Quarter-Ass Rap Battles

Old TN by Paige
New TN by Fightmarker
Writing: Fightmarker, Vlad, Trakked, Paige, and FyxFynn
Additional Help: Meta, Rabi
Adam as Ghostface (voice) 
Michael/Stark Media as Ghostface (actor)
Light as Zodiac Killer (voice)
Fightmarker As Zodiac Killer (actor)
Mixed by Light

Ghostface (0:11-0:44)
Think I’ve had enough tricks, now I've got some tongues to slit
Blood is all you’ll be able to spit when I gut you like a fuckin’ fish
You’re outmatched when you Face this Ghostly blood spiller 
To sum you up; well, do you like boring serial killers! (Ha)
shitty investigation from your case will be the only thing remembered
When a 90s horror icon takes a Stab at a Klans member
Even without my persona, i’m still known to spit ill (guah)
Ask the rap industry, I’m a real Ghostface Killah (haha)
I’d be doing the world a favor to slash you and your pretenders
Cuz you’re either the unabomber, or a fucking sex offender
But I don’t care who it is, a Director’s still Cutting a bitch
Leave this dead meme rotting along with his shitty flicks

Zodiac Killer (0:44-1:06)
Dear attention-seeking teen, this is the Zodiac speaking
Make a gorier crime scene, leave you like your run on MTV
Don’t try to flee, see, when I’m on the scene; firing shots like a killing spree
What chance do you have; when I am the only one who could out-play a whole country
A bigger threat to the bay area, than any natural disaster 
bastard’s a ghost huh?, watch your brains splatter Casper 
real world’s dangerous kiddo, no coming back to life
As you make like your first movie, a bullet between the eyes

Ghostface (1:06-1:18)
Claiming   I’m dead in the water Arthur, well let’s not forget
Last time you were relevant was when Ted was a suspect
Only 5 victims taken, still claim you’re the bigger stalker
No, you’ll forever be known as the most notorious cockblocker

Zodiac Killer (1:18-1:28)
Funny how under those masks, it’s two kids working in doubles
This is gonna be easy, I’m already used to murdering couples
As my ciphers become legends even the smartest couldn’t of cracked
All you’ll be left good for is literally stabbing backs

Ghostface (1:28-1:50)
Think your letters can't be cracked? Let's see how your skull fares
When its up against the knife of Wes Craven's New Nightmare
I’ve had enough of this prick’s cartoony villain like schemes
So I’ll hang you from a tree, then make this flimsy bitch SCREAM!
You burn cars for a living while I burn precious lives down
Keep trying to sell pins as I’m Immortalized in my  town 
Couldn’t follow any of the rules in my trilogy of rap bars
As you struggle to shoot me, The Zodiac will see stars

Zodiac Killer (1:50-2:12)
Aw, am I getting threats from a kid in a Party City costume?
I've seen parodies of your parody be more scary than you
So let’s compare my kill count to your list of hopeless, dopey crimes
Took a glimpse at your gimmick, you wanna talk about phoned-in lines?
This ghost's frights are see-through; can't scare adults or kids
You're fishing for tickets, add another prick to my list
Even for a screaming painting, no one will never hear ya
Time to call the police, to report a verbal murder

old mix of zodiac killer vs ghostface

LYRICS

Bill Cipher:
(...Woah, now, lemme just cut you off there)
I thought Battle Bytes ended this, why am I back here, producer?!
I see why SoundCloud makers suck; you made me versus THIS loser!
So I’ll leave you trashed and replaced like my bout with Freddy
But I guess you’d be used to that, just checkin’ out your dev team!
I mean, lookin' at these lyrics, and reading your dialogue,
for the con sub of Subcon, you're no arsonist with fire logs!
But I'm used to smokin' pine trees! Conjure your best lines, please
‘Cuz I’ll give ‘ya two and a half minutes ‘fore your soul is mine, G!
I'm an icon! You're sold for nostalgia, the classics!
You’ve got kids kicking your ass, hctib! I could even slash Hat Kid!
Your schtick is sick -- a twisted rapper ripped from Twilight Zone
Turn Thousand Year Door chests to stone and place them atop my highest throne!

Snatcher:
FOOL! Activated my trap card-
Leave you paved in the graveyard, if you wanna throw wack bars
But we’ve got a deal to seal -- just sign now and you’ll find
that you haven’t paid the price and whoop! Your soul’s mine!
Awww, you can break the fourth wall, too?
...is that all, dude? Hit me up when those jokes grow overused
then I’ll freeze you in your tracks if you wanna test the best, ‘cuz
after this, you’ll end like Queen Vanessa!
And while you’re messing around in mindscapes
I’m dealin’ in the courtyard, raking high stakes
You make time breaks, but on my watch, you’d best read the fine print
Either sign the line, kid or be left lifeless!

Bill Cipher:
Booooriiiiiiing! That filler wasn't even worth the wait
Who would expect less from a slurry Jade role, in hindsight?
I mean, I'd be a hermit too if I had THAT kind of face
But it'd look better inside; let's take a look in your mind’s plight!
...Wooooaaaah, dude, I've got a really stupid end!
My own wife murdered me just 'cause I spoke to some lady friend!
Now I cry alone in the woods, useless, without peers,
'cause the only ones who ever cared about me have been dead for years!

Snatcher:
...Did you just try to possess me during your own verse?!
God, even your cliché powers have grown worse...
Mocking my death? Right, remind me how you came to "win."
Oh yes! You got screwed by the Mr. Krabs twins!
You really ARE a fool! And I thought *I* was the trickster!
But Gravity's drop won't be PG! Drop a warning for these tri-ggers!
And to mock my forest? It's no secret that you're Tourist
-Trapped in Oregon's organs, reignin' foggier than Portland
I know you don't mean to bore us, but you do with every chorus
'Cuz while I'm spittin' up torrents, you're just spewin' like the Toilet!

Bill Cipher:
I'm trying to search for literally just ONE decent rap
But it's invisible! ...What, do I need a Dweller Mask?!
I'd love to shake on it, but I don't want 'ya on my palm, you're
stretchy, purple, slimy? You're just the snot behind the slaughter! 
Ghoul's EXACTLY What He Seems, flat like his form in the first run
You steal souls and beats from Dustin? I storm REALITIES for fun!

Snatcher:
You can tri from any angle, but it just comes out scalene
When against a-cute Euclid-ian, I'm more Keter in scaling
the worst Bill since Clinton, but I know how to make this fight fair:
Welcome to this lucid dream, pet; have fun in eternal nightma-

CREDITS

ENNWAY As Bill Cipher
https://soundcloud.com/indiegamerapbattles
Nekomancer Jade as Snatcher
https://soundcloud.com/neko-nekomancer

Beat by Kustom
Demo by Nekomancer Jade
Written by Rabi and Nekomancer Jade
Mixed by DeegleNV
https://soundcloud.com/deeglenv
Thumbnail by Rabi
Art by Nooby and KCToons
https://www.youtube.com/c/KyleCelezte1350/about
https://soundcloud.com/user-465943028

Bill Cipher vs. Snatcher - Rap Battle

In celebration of Legend of Korra launching on Netflix, we have released the audio to our newest battle. It's the enemy of the Avatar: Prince Zuko versus the Force's chosen one: Anakin Skywalker. Who will come out on top?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You could've found this battle first by subscribing to our youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PGvIzEfdvePS-Qd-zShdw 
------------------------------------------------------------
Written By: Eric The Audible, Vladimyr P.
Mixed by: Jacob G.
Sound Effect Design: Jacob G. and Vladimyr P.
Edited by: Eric The Audible
Beat by:  Kustom
------------------------------------------------------------
CAST:
Zuko - Eric The Audible
Anakin - Jacob G.
Darth Vader - Light
--------------------------------------------------------------

Lyrics

Zuko (0:14)
When fighting in the stars, you’ll burn harder than a Sozin sun
When in my element, I’ll roast another chosen one
The product of a prophecy is all you have to thank?
I’m a firebending master, ask your council ‘bout my rank

I’m scorching this, check again who you’re warring with, you took all of the glory when
You were forced into George’s story way more than the midichlorians
Stuck Orbitin’ a hero who captured audience attention 
Got minced, then your forbidden romance became the fandom’s menace

With a prequel so unequal, now your series is extinct
I’m the last dragon when I’m rapping, you’re Jesus meets Jar Jar Binks
I’ve noticed you’ve grown tense ever since I’ve thrown flames
You’re usually so stone faced, so Annie are you okay?

Anakin (0:58)
So this is the heir to the great fire nation?
You’ve got that Iroh flare - bring shame to your entire nation
I’ve got a bad feeling for you, that put me in agony guy
Cause the only tragedy worse than that rapping was your daddy’s last agni kai

*Lightsaber noise*

I shouldn’t strike with anger as a trained Jedi Knight
But keep talking out of line and a trained Jedi might
Your empire is impure, so unbalanced but I’m sure
I’ve fought off a more dark force than a hundred fire Lord’s wars

Only thing more maddening than sand is combating ‘gainst a flashy brat of a padawan 
Would’ve been bygones, then he mentioned qui-gon, now the blue spirit’s fearin’ the blue blade I’ve drawn
Treat your friends the worst, who knows why they even bother
I’d give you what you deserve, but Zuko I am not your father
Zuko (1:41):
Those stormtrooper style disses barely nicked me
Emancipated from slavery just to be bought out by Disney
Your delivery’s so jaded it made even die-hard fans die
You’ll fry like your order, restore honor to your franchise

*Breakdown*

Darth Vader (2:10):
*breathing* You’ll have more than scar tissue
I’m harnessing a darkness even the phoenix king couldnt Mark up to
Your heart was so broken, came last in the throne running
Wanna beat Azula? Then I’ll school you like the Younglings

Combustion on the mic like boom boom, leave you like mai so gloom, doomed
Katara’s in fear, there’s no spirit healing, search your feelings you know it's true
No new hope for return once the Jedi burn in fire
Don’t try fighting back or striking at my new empire

Zuko:
Your new empire? Is that why Palps will strike you down?
I’m shocked to see myself atop the moral high ground
There’s fate in this duel,  I’m sorry to end this challenge
But you can’t redirect this lightning until you restore the balance

Central Rap Battles: Zuko vs. Anakin

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

LYRICS

Zodiac Killer:
38- goodbye announcer, too bad you had no parting gifts
Now to this mess of a killer, I don’t know where to start with this 
With the countless origins you’re given by pre-teens thinking they’re Stephen King
makes you unthreatening, cheapening, cult burnings and murdering leaving grim
I’ve already been compared to a Jack, but somehow, you’re even weaker
Please cease, sir. You’re weak, sir. Don’t need many words to speak burns.
I’m a cold-blooded killer, a bold blood spiller
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything worse than your picture
With the blue faceplate, but this lame-rate would get crippled by my first shot
Burst shot, 9 millimeters in the grave until this worse slop
Gets burned hot, like my gun-fire, spitting shots to leave this teen shook
Try to rap with your “I have no mouth and must scream” look

Eyeless Jack:
Hidden in history for setting cars on fire? What a back burner
And that black mask? Static-y raps? You’re taking from the Observer
I’ll leave Zodiac burnin’ like hot tar, when I drop bars
But my thoughts are “No wonder he’s flopping, he already bombs hard”

Zodiac Killer:
That’s it? I expected more out of this classic
Guess Ticci Toby kin is prone to laugh tracks where they’re rapping
Burnt face and broken family, now hell’s where this devil’s advocate lies
Cap a Jack-ass and make his brains splatter; upgrade the count to 39

Eyeless Jack:
Ted Cruz wants to step to a monster of darkness 
But I'll rip the head screws off this dead moose, sell out on the black market
This suspected methhead vendetta spreader put his own life on private
Guess this battle’s a no-brainer, I could use something to spice up my diet 
So, read the note, kid, ‘fore the folktale is broken 
He’s hopeless, homeless, and no chance of holding
a throne! Left your legacy as just another John Doe
You lead cops on a wild goose chase like you’re murderous Where’s Waldo!
Things looks so bleak for this clone thief, I’ll be sure to kill you slowly
Make like another baby and take your own leave
It’s clear why people lost their fear of you, no newspapers to examine how
Your legacy’s gone on and shattered, where’s Zodiac rapping now?

CREDITS

DeegleNV as The Zodiac Killer 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcqoNcvUnQdz8otgTxOqWKQ
Razzy as Eyeless Jack
https://soundcloud.com/simplyrazzy

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClNJgoh_a9oYoLenAR0RzGg
Mixed by DeegleNV and Light
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40Azz3spGbl38LIF7uKqg
Beat by Audio Network
Thumbnail by Rabi

The Zodiac Killer vs. Eyeless Jack - Rap Battle

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.