loss and grief has pervaded every corner of my life and i am fighting so hard to break this pattern. so i've promised myself: i won't live like i'm dying.

this album was made from late 2024 to early 2026 about a variety of ex-friends, being disowned by my family, my catholic upbringing, my ex-lover, & having to constantly forge my own path and reject the narratives imposed on me. whilst it isn't perfect, it is me as raw and vulnerable as i have ever been publicly. 

i hope it resonates with you all as much as it has for me <3

i won't live like i'm dying

"let's talk before this bleeds anymore" - the worst person you know

everything by me :)

An ode to a friend
That owed it to us
Moth to the flame
I wanna live in how it was 
Took some months, found my way but I still want it back 
Sunken cost, our chemistry and work was unmatched

Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it i’mma-
Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it-

Too bad, so sad!
Grow the fuck up 
You can’t lose track
Don’t clip your wings
Don’t be like your mom
Don’t be like your dad 
Don’t dwell on it 4 so damn long

The Pressure hit all at once
Sneaking up the mountain
Run until your sneakers stop
I tried to be the captain
But i can’t replace you x2 
How can I repay you? x2

After what you did to me
Was it that easy? oh was it that easy?
x4







how i want it [GRIEVING 101]

"why do you believe that we deserve to be forgotten?"

everything by me

I'm scared i’ll just be like you when im grown up
So i go and cut my bangs and cry it up
So hard… that i fall asleep
I only wanna live in my dreams
 
Get out of my house 
Ain’t no place 4 you
This room ain’t yours anymore
Cuz you believe you’re so high and mighty
Well you’re a fucking whore
I can’t
I’m not a man
Well grow up fucking mannnn

Who wants? x4
I want it x4
All! x4
(x2)


sorry, not sorry "dad"

thank you for showing me that episode of black mirror <3

everything by me

all the words i think at night but can't say 
i wanna write a song that captures us but you don’t know how to play
Any instruments or even use your own voice babe
Guess that’s why we aren’t friends anymore, can’t blame you though
‘Cause it’s a two way road and we both got broken sneakers
I wanna take and break the silence cuz i wanna feel

the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better but we’re out of touch
the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better, don’t tell me we’ve grown apart

don't tell me we've grown apart

disappointment personified

everything by me

i walked out to the bridge
huddled over the edge
you told me:
"don't let it take hold"
take hold

don't let it take
x3
don't let it take hold

you're just another one of those suckers
you're just another one of those suckers
x2

just another

"passenger princess, let's cause a collision"

everything by me

Why’d you choose her over me, over all of us
Your indecision made you choose
I picked at my scabs for so long they opened up
Is that how it is for you too?

It seemed so easy x2 for you
It seemed so easy x2 to do
It’s so damn sleazy x2 of you
How could you leave me, did I ever really know you?

I can’t take, I can’t take it (x2)

i can't take it

"Sweet dreams. God loves you as you are."

everything by me

your knees flat on the tile
you were only 17 writing in a bible's margins
in hopes that god could confront your faults

i know i'm not asking too much
just give me a lover 
just give me a best friend
just someone to hold me back when the day ends
and your foe satan comes to close

jesus loves me, i know so
if my parents don't care then he will sow
all the seeds that lead me to breaking into so many parts

and i don't care

what you believe in
so abstract but human
i just wanna know what gives you the credence to decide who i am?

catholic trauma song

this one is very directly to myself

everything by me

I can’t live in grievance, don't wanna keep breaking even
Wind got in my eyes, I’m not lying, it’s just the season
And I’m afraid I come off exactly how I look- 
a lazy crook pleading for mercy after putting in no work

lazy crook!

"I love you"

everything by me

An early bird in the dawning
Your feather left at my bedside
I knew it was haunting
But I was too stunted to realize 
The fact that it's falling, all apart
The time, I see it shrinking, will I ever build myself up?

I know that I'm praying to a predator
A dump of emotions, I go unregistered
Was it nothing to you? Not even worth the bare minimum
hear my blood dry, you're watching a supernova 
Misaligned anew, a separate class from suited cobras
I hear your lie break through:
"I love you"


flightless bird

originally titled "dumpster love"

everything by me

I am the pattern of my problem
I can go on and on and on and on  
Cuz what's life without all the drama?
Talking about slipping, falling, dropping the ball 

Yeah, I can go on and on and on
We could fall farther while I spill it all

What you sayin’, we could meet our lowest low baby
You’re crazy, but I think you’re worth embracing
Yeah the FOMO's speaking through me I’m only two joints deep {GIRL WHAT?}
Red wine supernova, Chappell Roan so heavenly

You could be my dumpster fire, I could be your perfect wife
We’ll switch whenever we need to, but can you please go & dim the lights
I can’t believe you! You’re getting on my nerves! 
And I like how you do it, no it never hurts <333 


pattern of my problem


everything by me

I wasn’t clear about what I wanted
So let me say it straight to you
U don’t deserve my time you manchild
Yah you’re letting your colors show through

fuck
I won’t ever fuck around with anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to blame your actions on you 
(bi- bite into you)

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

Dude get out my texts and out my fucking life
Are you fucking stupid? Drinking and throwing shit at your wife
You need to learn some actions have consequences
You can’t call me a dick and say that i’m your buddy

fuck
Learned my lesson, i’ll ignore anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to say adieu

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

At some point, she must've decided she would not feel her sorrows. I wish I could tell her that her heart is like a target with a quiver of arrows shot through the red center. It makes me sad. If I were her, I would find a private place. Somewhere kind of beautiful, and let myself go. 

Sometimes, crying is like a prayer.


mutually exclusive

"I can feel you fall"

everything by me 
samples one of my favorite songs in the world

I was wearing her boxers when she kept her distance when she said we were over 
I guess love lost is better than regret that she was never my lover
my body’s laying out a white carpet of paper towels
the scraps of our love story crumpled on the ground

your name is still humming in my chest

"you can only find it within yourself"

everything by me
samples one of my favorite artists and videogames of all time

what kind of person am I
what do I love?
where do I start with that question?
i feel so lost
i feel so lost
feel so fuckin' lost

if this is all I can be then maybe that's enough
but I don't like being content, I won’t be interesting enough
So i put in the work until its more than a hobby, more than a habit, like an addiction, i want it bad! x3


late blossom, caught in winter

❀ she/her producer (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾
transfem singer/rapper ᕙ⁠(⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠∧⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠)⁠ᕗ
@100signs ily [x.x]

i won't live like i'm dying

grolth