im crying so hard ive never felt so attached to a song

bops

lyrics:

everything hurts everything hurts
and i can’t say nothing i can’t speak a word
im bad at honesty when its in regards to me
i want to try not to cry not to say that i might
commit su- i mean die i mean i want to live i want to
sit in the corner of your armpit
feeling like i exist
feeling like i exist

i think im lonely but i am not im here right so i am not
i have friends and i feel fine but things inside are like pain like
i have brain pain i am crying in the shower i am lying
when you ask me 
is it ok?
i say yes

why can’t i speak
why cant i say
i am not what u think
i am never ok

i brag to my friends
about finally being fine
while everything around me 
is slowly catching fire

everything everything around me is breaking

everything everything is slowly deteriorating 

i am fucking up everything
every friendship every tiny thing i thought i had is slipping thru my fingers
falling onto everything

and i have all the obsessive thoughts again
all of them
and i dont want to see any of my friends
i want to be by myself

tomorrow you’re gonna ask me like you always do
and i am gonna lie like i always think i have to

did you sleep well
and i lie yes
are you ok and i lie yes
are you hungry
i lie no
are you ok?
im just tired
can i help you
i say no
can i hug you
i pretend its like a no big deal
but its the only proof i have that i am real

all i want all i want is to sit and talk with you
nothing nothing makes me feel like i matter except for that
i want to sleep on forever

Nothing

Tell 'Em Freestyle

Tell Em Freestyle (feat. Zalasia)

lyrics:

i am blood cute cus i eat you
mostly eating myself
i am shitfuck cause im lonely
life is boring as hell
and i speak up
in my nightmares
and everything goes to shit
so im quiet
quiet riot
and i cry for a bit

i am angry when im singing
and i yell all i can
put the creature in my brain cage
into the garbage bin
she’s a wild dog  and she bites me
when i try to stay strong
like when i play my guitar
and i forget where i was… umm

oh  the problems my problems
are becoming my friends
we watch tv eat popcorn have pillow fights to death
i am used to feeling used you feel the same way too i think
i am crushing up my meds to make them into pixie sticks

i am blood girl cus in blood world
we are all alive
check your voicemail
theres a voicemail from me inside
saying  “hey you , do your thing dude! blood girls cheering you on!”
hope yr ok if you’re not hey
maybe write a song

Bloodcute

lyrics:
hope is not a plan
its a good creature but it can’t do much
its a loser that is holding on
yet i yearn for finally giving up
faith is evil  and it yanks my chain
puppy crying all in vain 
i am sad i deal with all the same
things that i once did

i want the things i never had
the things that normals take for granted
a brain and body not in war
something to keep living for
i cry forever lay at your feet
wanting caring wanting sleep
but thinking i did worst of all
cannot allow it

so i just slit my inner arms up  pulling all the tissue out
creating rivers from my shoulder to my thumb
and i want to take ll the bad things all the things i thought i didn’t have to deal with
and i want to pull it all out out of me

there are things in here
that I didn’t put there
that were forced in me
and now they’re glued  and please
dont yell dont scream
or i feel unreal
i am scared of you
i am scared of me too

i want the things i never had
the things that normals take for granted
a brain and body not in war
something to keep living for
i cry forever lay at your feet
wanting caring wanting sleep
but thinking i did worst of all
because you told me thats the case
and i want the things im not allowed to touch
a sense of something pure like love
and i need the things you told me i did
but its the grossest sense of sickening
and i shouldve listened to my inner voice
speaking up  but i never spoke up
but thinking i did worst of all
cannot allow it

Worst Of All

lyrics:

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own songs
spending my own days
tired of always doing everything
doing it for everyone 
with nothing to say

i can’t feel things
i’m just tired
i’m lonely and i’m tired
i feel like i am 15 again
with expirary dates on my friendships
sorta just wasting time alone

why is it that just because i am depressed
i have to feel totally disconnected from my friends
being alone is healthy  sometimes
but i isolate myself then i wanna die

why is it that just because i’m empathetic
people feel like they can fucking forget me
i am needy too,  desperate for love
im sensitive and broken and depend on other people a lot

i cant always be strong
i cant always be tough
i've learned that no matter how bad im feeling
its never bad enough

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own voice
following my own pace
tired of always giving second chances
third and fourth chances
to everyone

i’m hurt too
i’m tired
and hurt too and i’m tired
i feel like i’m 11 again   
accepting life means isolation
means you just keep to yourself

why is it that i dont know myself
that used to be the only thing i knew well
being depressed is bad
sometimes
but it also makes me look at all the things i dont do right

like feeling that i’m the one
whos supposed to carry everyone i love
im  a fucking idiot too
i’m not always great
i just want somebody to hold me and tell me i’m ok

i cant always be good
i can’t always hold on
i’ve learned that no matter how shitty someone is they’re never shitty enough

Shitty Enuff

lyrics: 
i have mood swings so bad i am scared of going out
go from happy to depressed in twenty minutes and i doubt that i can
focus even function if i try to go to school
when half my day is crying laying in a pool of my own drool
i hate these days where im frustrated and upset and overwhelmed
where i am happy then i hate myself and wish that i was dead
then im excited go out thrifting and then as im walking home
i feel so bad i feel like shit and i just wanna be alone
tired of trying  and slowly detaching
then randomly smiling and feeling fantastic
then laying in bed for an hour just staring
then reading and cleaning and laughing and caring

i have mood swings so bad  that i cant fathom i am real
i have one too many feelings for just one person to feel
im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open at best
yet for 4 hours i lay awake not sleeping in my bed
i spend my money oh so recklessly i dont have self control
and then i feel so bad about it i just wanna stay at home
my one big problem is that i have shit to do i cant just sleep
the other is i am so energetic i cannot sit still
frantically browsing the apps on my iphone
lights my face up like an sos signal. “come home”
i feel so alone but i just wanna fake it  we’ll
pretend i am happy till another moodswing  makes it real

and i eat until i almost puke, i smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, i pet my cat and i do laundry then my body is in pain, i wake up from my nap, another nightmare creeping to my brain, i get my stories straight, im ok if they ask, forget my meds and eating then i shower 3 times in a row cus its nice to feel the fake warmth to pretend im not alone. laying on my body like a caring sillhoute, instead of a chalked up silver showerhead
i am so lonely and so happy im alone
i am so tired of my phone
i am so worried bout my friends
but are they worried bout me too?
i am so scared that this is it
then i feel patient as can be
then i feel reckless and confused
then i dont know what to do
and the man strongly implied
that i was faking being sick
to somehow make music about something
where i dont know shit
and i was angry as i sat
in my pjs  on the counter
in the late afternoon
having skipped school  and a coward
told me to get therapy and get medicated well
both are things i eat for breakfast
both are things i need and hell
i am doing what i can and surviving so you know
i am singing bout my struggles
cus theyre mine to sing about

Moodswings To Do About Nothing

lyrics: 

whatever i draw whatever i do whatever songs i listen to
im thinking of pain im thinking of death  it feels like a glue it sticks to my head
im seeing a corpse when im out for a smoke
it looks like my face just beaten and broke
i look to the sky ask: is this a joke?
if it is   its not that good

im not in the mood for answering texts
im not in the mood for anything yet
i am writing a song to feel like im real
that this isn’t just a truman show deal

if it was it’d be a horrible show
a feel-bad bummer type of series and yo
im all for some drama but my life is just sad
mostly consists of sleeping


wherever i am wherever i go   whatever i think that i know
is just my brain cells telling me stuff and why should i trust them knowing that all
the things that i deal with boils down to  my brain is a bully and i am the nerd who
always gets picked last  tripping and being laughed at

i am still sick so my voice is fucked up
and i am so tired of this gnarly cough
all i wanna do is make music and sing
but i am too tired to do anything

my whole room smells like a litter box
cus my cat does nothing but shit all day long
can’t crack a window to air the smell 
cus im pretty sure shed jump out killing herself


whenever i think or i use my brain  or im squatting in the shower pulling hair from the drain
i think of my body think of my face and how it is moving how it is shaped
i hate that im real and i hate i exist
i hate being aware of everything
i look to the sky like: got an explanation?
but all i get is static

Whatever

I murdered all of my own beats so yall have no excuse not to buy my beats now them hoes fire!

Hate Me No Mo (feat. Lil Xanny Boy) [Prod. By VenoMadeIt]

lyrics:
real life is a tiny bug
and it sucks blood from my leg
i let it suck,suck my illness out
cus it all sucks and maybe i should just give in and go to bed
a thousand eyes are staring at me
thru the darkness of my room
all my furbies, stuffed animals
looking at me like a loon
i get defensive,say im normal
but i know that its a lie
when living feels a lot like killing time

therapy is hard,working on myself
so much homework all with smiley faces 
saying: do not kill yourself
i wanna do the things i want i know i am my only problem
but it feels like i am at a loss and i can’t stop it

real life is a sweaty night
where im waking from a scary dream
and my brain is full of looters,stealing things that i may need
staring dead at my computer,never really feeling real
i still pretend that i am ok , still lie to peoples faces 
smiling tryna catch my breath from running all these races
why am i still sad sometimes? after all these years? 
why can’t i just get it right? live a life that i dont fear?

there is coleslaw on my plate
and theres a  coldsore on my face
and theres a monster in the closet
but the closet is too cramped for it
and my skin is full of maggots
so i cover it in batman bandaids
so the pretty girl on the bus
won’t notice my face is full of bugs

real life is a violent force
and it forces me to live it through 
others grow up,learning things learning stuff
i am so far behind at this point i will never keep up
lavalamp in my room ,are you tired of being used?
of others watching you go up and down 
and analysing your every move?
psychiatrist tomorrow to tell me bout my personality disorder
does that mean that i was the problem after all?

therapy is hard,talking bout myself
i am just a patient after all,im just a number well
i think about it often
depending is the problem
hating public hospitals but cannot live without em

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

everybody!

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

Looney Bin

lyrics:
and even if i am depressive can i still live a life?
if a depressive personality is just chronic demise
if im talking to a doctor i always feel like i should lie
if i can’t get well i might as well be the sickest one alive

can i love you even though im clearly mental
even tho you’re probably definitely better off alone 
if you love me can u promise to be patient and to be gentle?
cus the road to being vulnerable is paved with broken bones

my borderline is telling me to freak out
my avoidant tells  me  to avoid the mess
my depression tells me sleep it off till next year
and my ocd repeats it all again again again

i am sick enough for 50 minutes once a week
yet this is the first time i’ve actually liked my shrink
i am sick enough for it to affect everything
how i talk and how i act and how i think

no hands no chance
really was the truth! 
i should’ve known by 17 i would never be like you    cus 
no brain no pain
and i yearn for that for me
a life without thinking without doubting everything
no hands no chance!
and with these tiny stumps  
i’ll play music sing until i have no air in my lungs
no brain no pain
yeah but no brain no songs  
so i’ll just keep on playing keep on singing till im gone

No Hands No Chance

lyrics:

i haven’t done my best but ill do it now
all these years i was too busy fighting for my life
now i feel like i am allowed to sleep
i can crawl into my bed and melt into my sheets
if im too paralysed to get up after all
i will stay in bed and scrapbook not just lie and sulk
i will continue on
i will not hurt myself
i will stay alive i’ll make the very best of it

i know my shrink she says im not nice to myself
but i will try to act as though i am my dearest friend
i will brush my teeth and i will take my meds
i will do all of the things i couldnt do back then
if im too sick to do what i want to do
i will make a list to make sure that im able to
i will forgive myself
for years I’ve spent in bed
and i will stay alive so i can play my songs and sing

i haven’t lost the game  im just not good at it yet
and that is fine when i have all this time to be the best
i will clean my room  and ill do laundry too
i will even take a shower i won’t fucking lose
if everything feels dark i will close my eyes
and i will count the moving lights and all the dancing stars
i will take a breath
i will ground myself
and i will sleep and wake up try again another day
 

why does it seem so abstract to be fine?
at least i am not crying all the time now
stomach please stop bubbling with rocks
churning full of fear and full of knos
but i will prove them wrong, every single dark thought
that doubted me ill prove to them that illness hasn’t won so
i dont think ill ever be like you
 but ill be happy too

I'll Be Happy Too

TRACK DESCRIPTION:
You ever fell in love? Yeah me neither so lets pretend! By constructing a false memory using fictitious scenarios inspired by a random Hispanic kid's lyrics! In all seriousness the meaning behind this song has always hit home for me but I hope it will mean much more to you!

My Links :)
All Links ► https://linktr.ee/melancholyhappiness
Spotify ► https://soundcloud.com/theuniversedoesntlikeus
Tik Tok ► https://www.tiktok.com/@melancholyhappiness
Twitch ► https://www.twitch.tv/soymelancholyhappiness
Instagram ► @soymelancholyhappiness

BEAT CREATED AND PRODUCED BY:
-Beats By Mantra
https://mantra.beatstars.com/
VOCALS MIXED AND MASTERED BY:
-DownUpMusic
https://www.downupmusic.com/
Written and Sung By Melancholy Happiness
SONG WRITTEN AND SUNG BY:
-Melancholy Happiness
ALBUM ART BY:
-Melancholy Happiness :)

CONTACT:
melancholyhappiness2001@gmail.com

LYRICS:
My mind is set •
To overdrive •
Temporary time •
To make you realize •
Maybe i’m meant for you •
(Are you on board?) •
Maybe i’ll allude you •
(To the downpour) •
Am I making you sad or am I making you happy? •
You just gotta tell me if your life is so sappy •
I just wanna know x2 •
I just wanna help you out •

~ Verse 1 ~
I know I’m often shy but so are you •
We’re not on each other’s nerves we’re just simply nervous •

Your pursuit of happiness is my purpose•
I’ve told my friends countless of times •
You’re the constant presence on, on my mind •

The smallest amounts of kind—ness •
Send me in a surplus of mindfulness •

~ Verse 2 ~
The holy fire burns like a million forbidden suns •
We can’t put out the sinful flame we’ve begun •

Got on the run, got on the run •
The way you make me feel •
(Way you make me feel) •
 Got on the run x6 •
The way you make me feel •
(Way you make me feel) •

Baby you’re a raffle ticket •
No way of telling whether you’ll 
lose •

~ Chorus ~
My mind is set •
To overdrive • 
Temporary time •
To make you realize •
Maybe i’m meant for you •
(Are you on board?) •
Maybe i’ll allude you •
(To the downpour) •
Am I making you sad or am I making you happy? •
You just gotta tell me if your life is so sappy •
I just wanna know x2 •
I just wanna help you out •

~ Bridge ~
Music’s my gospel, baby •
But I’ll worship you on the daily •
x3

~ Verse 3 ~
Soft piano sitting in a quiet room •
Starlight dinner and the romantic northern lights illume •
Roller coasters where the wind once blew •
Put my passions to the side to pursue only you •
Partner in crime, partner in crime •
Causin’ all these misdemeanors •
Partner in crime, partner in crime •
Police sirens, sorry i’m speeder! •
Love at it’s prime, love at it’s prime •

#MelancholyHappiness #MusicIsMyGospelBaby

Music's My Gospel, Baby!

Music's My Gospel, Baby! (Prod. Mantra)

TRACK DESCRIPTION:
"An awesome song, about an awesome game, on awesome platforms and by an awesome person." - Some girl who vibes. This has been Melancholy Happiness ted talk time and I'm probably gonna go take a nap now so hope you enjoy ZELDA but don't like simp over her that's like cringe bro.

My Links :)
All Links ► https://linktr.ee/melancholyhappiness
Spotify ► https://soundcloud.com/theuniversedoesntlikeus
Tik Tok ► https://www.tiktok.com/@melancholyhappiness
Twitch ► https://www.twitch.tv/soymelancholyhappiness
Instagram ► @soymelancholyhappiness

BEAT CREATED AND PRODUCED BY:
-Yung Zaddy
https://www.beatstars.com/theyungzaddy
VOCALS MIXED AND MASTERED BY:
-DownUpMusic
https://www.downupmusic.com/
SONG WRITTEN AND SUNG BY:
-Melancholy Happiness
THUMBNAIL/VIDEO EDITED BY:
-Melancholy Happiness :)

CONTACT:
melancholyhappiness2001@gmail.com

LYRICS:
~ Intro ~
Your melody is dry but I buy into what your selling
Is a product of loveliness, shyness, and wildness yeah
And knowledge yeah, more rare than a golden, a golden cartridge yeah 

~ Pre-Chorus ~
You play that Ocarina so well
Time is under your spell
I'm crossfaded can you even you tell? 
Probably not 
I'm crossfaded can you even you tell? 

~ Chorus ~
Zelda, you're sharper than the sword that seals all darkness
Zelda, lets link up tonight, you're looking like a goddess
Zelda, I can hardly breathe, damn you're wild
Zelda, even her clothes got that retro style 

~ Bridge ~ 
You're the missing trinity 
Seem likes you have two sides of me
x2

~ Verse 1 ~
I'm awakening in 1986, causing calamity like a demon king just for kicks
I used to smash out the pot
Ignite the flame I once was your royal guard 
Now I'm longing you reclaim me  
I've fallen, been revived on a constant day to day 
Recollections of you rewire my entire brain
I'm yearning you feel the same 
So can we please stop playing this game? (Unless it's Nintendo)
You play like a sober tune but your a monsoon in the middle of June.

~ Pre-Chorus ~
You play that Ocarina so well
Time is under your spell
I'm crossfaded can you even you tell? 
Probably not 
I'm crossfaded can you even you tell? 

~ Chorus ~
Zelda, you're sharper than the sword that seals all darkness
Zelda, lets link up tonight you're looking like a goddess
Zelda, I can hardly breathe, damn you're wild
Zelda, even her clothes got that retro style 

~ Verse 1 ~
I'm awakening in 1986, causing calamity like a demon king just for kicks
I used to smash out the pot
Ignite the flame I once was your royal guard 
Now I'm longing you reclaim me  
I've fallen, been revived on a constant day to day 
Recollections of you rewire my entire brain
I'm yearning you feel the same 
So can we please stop playing this game? (Unless it's Nintendo)
You play like a sober tune but your a monsoon in the middle of June.
 
~ Alt. Pre-Chorus ~ 
I got her flowers I'm way over my head
Want 64 dates, we'll watch a million sunsets
With a name so classic, how I am to forget?

~ Chorus ~
Zelda, you're sharper than the sword that seals all darkness
Zelda, lets link up tonight you're looking like a goddess
Zelda, I can hardly breathe, damn you're wild
Zelda, even her clothes got that retro style

ZELDA

ZELDA (Prod. Yung Zaddy)

lyrics:
im 22 soon and time is a line
so i cannot go back  still im too far behind
im like watching everyone move upwards and leave
and im still on the ground floor and can’t move my feet
i am too grown up to ask for ur help
but i am too child like to do it myself
so if i can’t do anything what can i do?
except sleep all day long to not think about all of this 

who 
am i now since you threw me away?
i was a bandaid like i was back then 
im never enough so 
i’ll do what you asked
and i’ll move on
i’ll do my best
to de-attach

and if im 22 soon i cannot be ur kid
and my peers are grown ups 
and i feel like shit
how can anyone grow up 
and just turn out good
if i just had a chance
maybe i could’ve too

theres no future ahead of me
no 5 years from now
if i try to imagine it
i start to cry
i do my best to vision it
but all that i see
is a blank piece of paper
a black empty screen

Time Is A Line

lyrics:

scatterbrained and overeager
pressed like paper  thin and sharp
touch my edges they may cut u
feed my body to the sharks
household rules are always sacred
creaking staircase leads to death
if i dont believe in magic
 ill believe in human pain

monster cans and crumpled paper
notebooks full of pleas for help 
i feel like i just one from coma
3 years down the sewer drain
undiagnosed adhd
feels like falling fast asleep
always seriously joking
always not the enough i see


hi how are u? i am great!
i have finally, oh finally given up on trying
i am flightless like a bird
i am fightless and it hurts
but at least i know now it was all in vain
hi how are u? i am swell!
i have finally oh finally given up on trying
i am flightless like a bird
i am fightless and it hurts
but at lest i know now that it  was all in vain

unequipped for friendships and bad at being human
pressing a bandaid to broken bones
if i can always predict who will abandon me next
i can stay at a distance that will cushion the blow
ill never really get it, i never ever did
so i have finally oh finally given up on trying
i am barely even here
there are no pieces left to shatter
but at least i know now it was all in vain

All In Vain

Stream "STEAL MY SWAG" (on Spotify) ▶ https://open.spotify.com/album/5sQVEA7bUwTMlueWLyImIw?si=E5-Nb2NeRZOn7e1MfC1kFw

Stream "STEAL MY SWAG" (on Apple Music) ▶ https://music.apple.com/us/album/steal-my-swag-feat-itsoktocry/1548066164?i=1548066165

CURTAINS: 
Spotify | open.spotify.com/artist/4NlLH2FkkMKKacB8y3b72N
Instagram | instagram.com/moonnstones 
Twitter | twitter.com/moonnstones 
Traktrain | traktrain.com/curtains

ITSOKTOCRY:
Spotify | https://open.spotify.com/artist/2BUUAEl4BwFRA9NBDgMWSf?si=0cbZXzvcTq6KW7YAOlFEzQ
Soundcloud | @itsoktocry
 Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/itsokdontbesad/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/itsokdontbesad

thank u for listening!
art by jimmy knives https://twitter.com/jimmy_knives

STEAL MY SWAG - CURTAINS & ITSOKTOCRY

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 24 year old nonbinary creature that sings about sadness and bettering

https://www.JOSHIEPUW.com

JOSHIEPUW@GMAIL.COM
+1 (782)882-JOSH

Joshua "JOSHIEPUW" Warr, is a Canadian producer/artist from Nova Scotia.

CREDITS - LENS TO THE FUTURE - SOUNDTR@CE

"JOSHIEPUW" ON STREAMING PLATFORMS

INSTAGRAM - @JOSHIEPUW
TWITTER - @JOSHIEPUW
YOUTUBE - @JOSHIEPUW
TIKTOK - @JOSHIEPUW
TWITCH - @JOSHIEPUW

Alternative, Alternative Rock, Punk, Indie, Grunge, R&B, Electro, Rap, Hip Hop, Hyperpop, Drum and Bass, Techno, Trap, Lofi, Orchestral, Pop, Dance, Soul, Funk, House, Dubstep, Instrumental, Garage, Heavy, Hardcore, DISTORTION.

Moodswings To Do About Nothing

Blood Girl

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