mel look so pretty in this cover art and this song is just therapeutic god bless these two angels

sorry for blowing up your notifs had to catchup on some mel releases LOL this is insanely fire tho both yall killed this

produced by kenkamon (me)

enjoy, and thank you ♡

lyrics: 
high as the empire state
afraid where I go out of frustration
guess I'll go tear out
someone somewhere 

i lost all until
i doubt myself
fear the sunlight
go somewhere
tell them to go away
until I live alone
fear made me run but
i'll learn later on

lot of people think they know what's next for me
lot of people think they know what's best for me
lot of people think they know that's the best of me
pain or drugs I don't need therapy
pray tell when you have notes on everything
question all doors thats a step for me
spaced out exposes everything 

bridge, burns it all up in my mental
shit won't just go away
questioning all What's the point?
pestering all what's the point of view?
but I stayed some time ago
i should've question about what you know
less time I talk I should go home and sulk
write down her notes
and I check on my phone
ain't no one home 

but I knock another day out
shoulda gone home but I won't do it twice
i want to see me go into another light
until I know there's another side
i know what to do but no description 
fear the store I don't need prescriptions
keep my face and keep my discretion
fear grows in offered aggression


if I'm coming back here 
just cut off my ears
ignoring again
i don't need to explain 
just to let go of friends
but they don't want to hear
ignoring what I said
i will never win
see the toll I hold
when it's not my plan
yes, I know descent
and I don't need to explain
sipping down my friends
just to slow me again
ignore my fate
and I'll never win
i thought I made my way back here 
it's the shit I said last year
and for what, to hold top here
and don't leave me to die here
spend too much time here
seems like you lurk in my dreams when I left you
see my plans didn't work out
even though I was free
once you said it
pissed off it didn't work out guess I shouldn't know once you planned it 


High as the empire state state st- st- st- sta-

Can't fuck this up now
Can't fuck this up now
Can't fuck this up now 
bend, break all sound

(you don't understand you don't know how it feels, truth is we really do know how it feels
maybe we don't experience the same thing, but down to the basics, to the rotten core, there is something that we share and to not allow us to get that chance can distort so many)

can't fuck up

produced by zoltar

lyrics:

the waiting game's begun 
so i can't talk a lot
she's got it figured out
while i'm left in the dark
there's no escaping me
i'm bound to my own fears
'cause this is who i am 
i've been like this for years

do you think that i'll change?
'cause i'm so scared i won't
i know it's up to me
but i can't be on my own
affliction takes ahold
and punctures through my face
i wanna hide my soul
but i can't erase mistakes

dysregulation in the dome 
disadvantaged and alone 
nobody ever checks on me
'cause they know i'm out of hope
why do i take up this space? 
i'm not worthy, i'm afraid
how can i make it more clear that
i'm never really okay?

right from the start, i was a mess 
there was no saving me 
i took it all straight to the heart 
now i've got jealousy
the greenest eyes you've ever seen
staring carefully
i'm sorry that i'm not that strong 
my heart forsakens thee

uncertainty has guaranteed my futility
i'm like a tree stuck in the dark 
suffering and steep 
and while i'm stuck behind a screen 
there's no agency
i've come to realize i'm not free 
there is no release

i came on too strong 
but how is that wrong?
i can't help it if i have a heart
that's full of love
fuck what they all say 
i'm borderline insane
i wouldn't get close to me
if i were you, i'd run away

i'm a liability
i burden those close to me 
don't you ever feel like you're the
only one who's lost at sea?
reading all your messages 
feel the sting inside my chest 
pace around my room until i
write off every word you said

even if i was found dead
i'd hope that you won't regret 
everything you never said
i don't want that in your head

at the end of the day 
i still care about you
regardless of our statuses
i know you'll find truth
the boundaries we put in place
will keep us en route 
we all change, but honestly 
we can't forget our roots

-----

anima

i found a strand of your hair right in my pillowcase
i can't describe the feeling how my heart aches
there's so many things that i wish i could say
i guess i only wonder if you're playing it safe
everything was meant only to be, just not as long as it seemed

but i could never cheat on you, or even anyone
unless they did it to me first because i might be that petty
my insecurities, there might be too many
i wanted nothing more than us going steady

it's such a shame how the times have changed
i renounce it all and let the feeling remain
another day, dead and gone to waste

i tried to go back and find it, that's when i knew i was wrong
ran out of words to describe it, that's when i ruined the song

all the water in the ocean couldn't wash that stain
wish i was feeling something other than pain
and i've been going through the motions with no chance to complain
worried i'm working without something to gain

aching from the weight of my grief, show me mercy

show me mercy

but i could never cheat on you, or even anyone
unless they did it to me first because i might be that petty
my insecurities, there might be too many
i wanted nothing more than

i spent my days trying to be multifaceted
in some years i'd try to tally up the damages
i can't hope you'd take me back, i guess i'm past it
and like the other song goes, "i like to do magic"

fear is only a feeling that only feelings can change
i still try to maintain, but despite everything strange
our different phases of life, i'll never blame
i light the spliff and hope the emotions fade

i tried to go back and find it, that's when i knew i was wrong
ran out of words to describe it, that's when i ruined the song
all the water in the ocean couldn't wash that stain
wish i was feeling something other than pain
i've been going through the motions with no chance to complain
worried i'm working without something to gain

how can ever keep myself from harm?
running away to scream inside my car

MERCY

produced/mixed/mastered by zoltar

lyrics:

well i feel fake
don't know what i want
'cause everyday feels all the same
i'm right where you want me
complacent, but lonely
i'm ashamed

i'll go for days without talking at all
confined to my room while i stare at the wall
trying to muster the courage to talk
but i'm too afraid so i'm writing it all
you think i'm annoying
well i think you're right
i feel like i know you from another life
i cannot fathom what i feel inside
forget about me, i'm just another guy

but try waking up with a chest full of nothing
my body's been begging for something of substance
this chip on my shoulder is just getting older
and i swear to god that if i had the chance
i would take back the seconds i already wasted
all of the pain that i haven't faced yet
the taste of defeat, the taste of the pavement
gotta retreat, but no one will save him

replacing my own thoughts with love, but my hope's lost
i feel like i'm reaching for something that's long gone
i'm stuck on this chapter
she's reading with laughter
embarrassed, but i'll sanctify
my struggles in little time
breaking my back trying to fix you up
i'm so sorry that i wasn't enough
the cards you were dealt
broke the heart that you held
there's no one to blame
so i'll point at myself

well that's fine
i know i can't go through that
unwind the vines pulling you right back
sit tight, address the problems you have
aggression's making me see all black
i need a heart that can function and can be patient
too bad the strings that attach are always fraying
you think i like being anxious and always shaking?
i licked these wounds on my own
don't need your saving


-----

red 40 blues

[LYRICS]
so it’s all my fault 
you keep saying that you’re not wrong 
i’m not mad but i wrote this song 
just so i could sing you so long long long 

but i’m so fucked up 
i can’t help but just think of us 
and i can’t tell if we’re really done 
and all the pain is what makes it fun fun fun
and i’m sick of you you’re sick of me
but i don’t wanna tell you how it’s suppose to be
and we keep adding fuel like gasoline 
and i didn’t know you could be so mean 

i’m so nervous right now 
i’m trying to figure it out
cause if i turn back around 
i don’t think i’ll make it out
alive tonight 
i cant tell you 
it’s no secret 
and i cant help you 
and i’m leaving

but i’m so fucked up 
i can’t help but just think of us 
and i can’t tell if we’re really done 
and all the pain is what makes it fun fun fun
and i’m sick of you you’re sick of me
but i don’t wanna tell you how it’s suppose to be
and we keep adding fuel like gasoline 
and i didn’t know you could be so mean 

mastered by @nokerbforever

gasoline

gasoline [nokerb x drma x hayden.havoc]

feat. @claudesdiary
prod. dercept x jkei
.
.
.
.
.
(lyrics)

im runnin fast in my forces
i said something but i dont think that its important yeah
i felt some things but i just think that i ignored it
i couldnt smell a thing cuz of the white that i just snorted

im runnin fast in my forces
filled with cracks like some porcelain
i made some racks and i just balled em up and torched them
lookin at my past there was a couple of misfortunes

-claude-

im finna get me a bag
why they gon tell me its bad
i needa get them racks fast
no we ain’t gon make it back
im finna put that on my life
someone come get me high
roll it up touch the sky

i was always on my fuckin knees being treated less
do u understand a single thing? has it been making sense?
don’t tell me that it’s over
don’t tell me that it won’t hurt

i was always on my fuckin knees being treated less
do u understand a single thing? has it been making sense?
don’t tell me that it’s over
don’t tell me that it won’t hurt


:')

porcelain feat. claude

sped up by 1 :D 

mix by me, @ploua,  @assperrr
master by asperr

lyrics

act like you didnt have a choice
everything u do set fire to me
hide the truth lie to me
dont know how to help i took the lead
and now my jeans covered in blood
cut up yea i still bleed 
you leave ur mark on me

(chorus)
i aint expect much
 just hoped we would be together 
autumn we fell in the leaves
since whend you stop fucking w me
scraped up from my hands to my knees
you wanna see me hurt
its how you find ur peace
ur doing better with him than me
dont send me pictures i dont wanna see
i dont wanna need you
you threw away everything now i see you
i dont wanna see u
you let go what we went thru
i know ur doing better than me
i dont wanna be here
w someone not fucking w me
trying harder but its just me
crying harder been losing sleep
up at 3 reading old reciepts

(ploua)

dont expect much 
if its me youre looking
you were talkin tuff
bitch dont know i got carats on my teeth

gotta keep in mind 
get yo money up 
a couple stingers on me 

try to buy 
a couple rounds of the soda ya 
make fuckin name 

sorry i dont like you 
snort another line
try to get me back 
betchya didnt know that

(chorus) 

if u wanna be with him then be
i was trying to win u 
cuz i didnt want u to leave
but if u couldnt see me for me
then why would i be here
this whole time u wanted to leave
my heart cant find peace
im better of getting used to me
i still cant see
the reason u lied to me
whyd u tell me u were gon come back
whole time u knew u dont need me
i hold to me a reason u do what u did
cause if i rlly knew would happened i think id be sick as shit

find ur peace ft ploua (asperr)

spedup by 1🤤

mix master by me

vocals
https://soundcloud.com/kryst4n/payperview-vocals-130-bminor/s-difQAkXR1rF?si=e27bf0426497488f932c3416aa5e994d&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

lyrics
if u dont feel it say that
dont lead me on dont make me feel bad
and u said u loved me did u really mean- fuck that
and before u leave and pick up ur keys
you could just say that
you didnt want me at all
u just wanna leave it all

(chorus)
like bitch i cant see at all
like whyd i trip i shouldnt care at all
weight on my chest it aint the best
and i cant breathe at all
like bitch i dont know what u want
say u want me, u dont, ur dumb
count up my bread by the end of the month
u were all I thought I'd want
one good month was all i wanted
ud have to go get him involved
cuz u know u needed someone else
i guess i wasnt that great for u
alone garnering hate for u
ur watching me like pay per view
i tried before but I fucked it up
I tried before but u fucked me up

so we'll leave it at that
i been trying to heal
its better but still bad
i know u dont feel bad
you set my heart cold but i still feel
ur caught in a lie and I wonder what was real
I blunder, u forgot the deal
and my hearts still cold
I'm walking a tightrope
I'm better off keeping my eyes closed
i wonder where the fuck my time go
no its not great for me
and im whipping i dont wanna drive slow
u had to be so damn dry though
like what was ur deal
tried hard but we couldnt be real
u didnt see me i didnt appeal

(chorus)

payperview (pekarot, jolst)

produced by mix
thank you, everyone,
sorry its been awhile
love every last one of you <3
wish me a happy birthday :D

enjoy<33
lyrics:

Oh that's music to my ear-

I'll hold my grudge
cause you lie too much
now you're mocking me
why can't you see?

I see myself in a ditch 
filled with rocks and sand in it
will you come and pull me out of here?
I know that the end is near
It's been different since I was cured
remembering pain that I endured
been pushed in dirt so many times

how am I even alive?

I can see the light
how am I alive?
i don't wanna die
how am I alive?
I can see the light
how am I alive?
i don't wanna die
how am I alive?

I'll hold my grudge
Cause you lie too much
Now you're mocking me
why can't you see?

(how am I alive?)
(alive, alive, alive)


how am I alive?
I just wanna die
should I end my life?
should I use this knife?

thank you <3

childhood

huge thank you to @jauntsen for making this track complete

produced by lowtyde

thank u for listening <3

means of survival; methods of coping (feat jauntsen) [prod lowtyde]

produced by xona

@seenyona

-lyrics-
the only path that I run is getting worse than I’d want
got to you without a fuss and you didnt even care enough
to ask if I’m good or better than way before
hoping it’s a get back and less of hearts being torn 
I got too much hatred overtaking my entire heart
even on the side ive been looking for the way-

cause the way that I hide
makes it ever harder to come by
I can’t decide
whether I should cut the rope that ties
no, don’t I wanna live with myself
but I’d rather die then ask for your help
so how can you act on guilt
when you caused this to wilt

cant let down, someone youve never had
im pushing past all the static man
your words cut past my flesh, and im 
sure if they heard the vile words
they'd leave just like i did before causin quivering lips
who the fuck you think you are, constantly giving me lip? 
no matter how many times u post your body
it wont ever give the same attention that i give

cause the way that I hide
makes it ever harder to come by
I can’t decide
whether I should cut the rope that ties
no, don’t I wanna live with myself
but I’d rather die then ask for your help
so how can you act on guilt
when you caused this to wilt

means of survival; methods of coping (feat jauntsen) [prod lowtyde]

melmige

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