This both fits systems and trans people rahh

SHIFTING-TOK BETTER NOT FIND THIS 😤😤

omg legit when the line "-thats why can't stop picking my skin," I was literally picking at my skin like what?!

Something about this reminds me of Alice madness returns

this is actually peak and I don't have the words for it

This is such a good show of depersonalization/derealization. It hits like every single point!!! I went through it for several months, and I’m so glad to not feel like a stranger anymore lol. To rip the soul from its shell!

Sparkbird

Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush
The freezing rain has
Pushed them down into the valley
With the rest of us
Flushed
From the comfortably lush
Forest floor
They draw their bows across
Serrated edges of
Musical saws and crush
The frigid, sharply pointed hearts
Of icicles like us

Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush...

Swish! swish!
The Osprey hovers seeking fish
The glassy pond
Displays the menu but won't serve the dish
To birds who wish
To linger when
The air turns cold
Defying pressure
To defer to Cackling Geese
And Western

Gulls, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish...

Who doesn't wish they could
Begin
To leave?
Who doesn't wish they could
Believe
In letting something end?
We have these wishes
But we're hung up
On a superstitious
Focus on the family
We see in Collared Doves
With love much stronger
Than we probably
Should ever hope
For ours to be.

Are we a "we are" today?
Will we be a "we will be" tomorrow?
Were we a "we were" already
Long ago?
We don't know
What price makes sense to pay,
So we settle for indebted sorrow,
Never knowing we could dine and
Dash into that nullifying snow.

Thrash! thrash!
The so-called trash birds
Taking baths
Betray their cuteness
In the recklessness with which
They lash
Their lustrous feathers
Petroleum with flecks of ash
In an unseasonable
Puddle
Glaciating fast

Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, freeze,
Splash, splash, splash,
Freeze, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, freeze,
Splash, splash, splash...

Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush,
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!

Varied Thrush

Fish in a Birdcage

Rule #4 - Fish in a Birdcage

Waterfall

Rule #21 - Momento Mori

This song was written and produced completely in my dorm with a $20 mic. Forgive me for the oddities it causes. 

Background:
And Eve was told not to eat the fruit, because "she would surely die." Instead, she learned information that she was not given before—she gained a power in that sense; she became the apocalypse.  What other powers are women "forbidden" from, all in the name of holiness? Maybe we should take a bite of that apple, feel some warmth from that lit match, explore ourselves, explore each other. They are baptizing the candles of tomorrow: they are snuffing flames. Why? They're scared of the heat we might just bring to the table. Mwah-ha-ha...

I digress... lyrics!!:
baptiser, baptise her, rose water, soft daughter
rectify and sanctify her, hold a moth and let it flutter
Don’t forget to floralize, don’t vocalize the smoke in eyes
Don’t don’t don’t strike.
catchin’ on that distant lie she’s gotta be divine
death-defier hanging on a burning tether line
then line breaks, spine aches, coiled snake, broken rope and Joanie chokes
they hope her perfume’s stronger than the soul

They’ll put an apple in your hand but don’t you dare bite it
A match and a wick but don’t you dare light it
They say temptation be a sin, don’t look any more behind it
That’s just how it is, don’t you dare fight it
They’ll put an apple in your hand but don’t you dare bite it
A match and a wick but don’t you dare light it
Life’s only meant to live, don’t fill it with excitement
Abstain, restrain, forgive, yeah, that’s how he likes it

Wax-dripper, flame-kisser, lost-livered life giver
Crucify and waterlog the sinner mother, sinner daughter
She could take you by surprise   
Beware the July fire ides
She’s a locked and loaded inferno with underglow she cannot know so drown that power fore it overflows
Sorry man, it’s way to late, her choice is made, the apple’s ate, the candle starts to flicker in a wicked little divine state
Rising and rising, gently respiring

she can’t let the candle burn
She can’t let the candle burn
So they’ve gotta teach her so she knows how to learn
That she can’t let the candle burn

CANDLEBURN

CANDLEBURN (Dorm Demo)

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

But I do believe
There's beauty within
That's why I can't stop
Picking my skin
Digging for a buried treasure
Digging for a way for me to

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

But I do believe
There's a reason to live
That is why I'm gonna go
To sea in a sieve
Get me soaked and squeeze me through
Till there's nothing left to do but

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

And I don’t believe
We could ever agree
That’s why I’ll do anything
To keep myself away from me
Maybe when I’m out of sight
I’ll see me in a better light

Eyes shut tight
Better get this right
Every word of the spell
To rip the soul from its shell

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
in trouble with myself again
I am
in trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
in trouble with myself again
I am
in trouble

Credits:

Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Produced by Stephan Nance
Co-produced by Mathias Kunzli
Arrangement by Stephan Nance & Mathias Kunzli
Strings arrangement by Anna Fritz & Stephan Nance
Percussion arrangement by Mathias Kunzli
Thanks to Gabriel Kahane and Nevada Jones

Piano/synths/lead vocals/backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Strings - Bizarre Star Strings (Anna Fritz - cello, Kyleen King - viola, Mirabai Peart - violin)
Bass - Jeni Magana
Backing vocals - Mathias Kunzli

Disembodied Mind

Lyrics:

I’m burning wick to fingertip with sage
from my shaky-shakin hands
Millie, what have you done to me,
my friend?

I’m tossin’ turnin’ in an open grave
coined-tongued with whatever I can save,
carrying hauntings of a brand-new age—
Millie, can’t you see I slide
planchettes with my wake?

Catch me walking with the ghosts again
Must be on that double dose, depends
Roman chamomile all down the throat, lift hands
In Michigan, the lakes all darken
Blackbirds flocking to and fro, sevens
Roots drag marsh over the floor, levelin’
Millie, can’t you stop them? You slow no omens
like exhaling, it never ends

I’m coughing up elderberry on the stage
like your sacrificial lamb
Millie, hypnotize pain away, I beg

I’m whisper-hissing notes on every slate
that I scribe and toss into the hungry waves
carrying itchings for a familiar ache
Millie, can’t you see I made a walking stick out of my stake?

Catch me walking with the ghosts again
Must be on that double dose, depends
Roman chamomile all down the throat, lift hands
In Michigan, the lakes all darken
Blackbirds flocking to and fro, sevens
Roots drag marsh over the floor, levelin’
Millie, can’t you stop them? You slow no omens
like exhaling, it never ends

Three redwing blackbirds outside my window
two fish heads at my door
What be this omen, I’ll never know
Millie, warm the kettle once more

Three redwing blackbirds outside my window
Two fish heads at my door
One kettle bubbling atop rusted stove but
Millie, warm the kettle once
Millie, warm the kettle once
Milly could you so please be 
a kind old dearie just for me
and warm the kettle’s tea once more?

Catch me walking with the ghosts again
Must be on that double dose, depends
Roman chamomile all down the throat, lift hands
In Michigan, the lakes all darken
Blackbirds flocking to and fro, sevens
Roots drag marsh over the floor, levelin’
Millie, can’t you stop them? You slow no omens
like exhaling, it never ends

Millie, Warm the Kettle

Lyrics:

One small sound
One small word 
In tongues all over the world
I said it
I said it 
One small word
I said it
I didn't
I said it
I didn't
Tongues all over

Can't pick them out
Can't press them in 
I'll never hide my scars
Can't pick them out
Can't press them in
I'll never hide my scars 
I'll never hide my scars 

One small sound
One small sight 
One unsheathed knife must glint 
In an alternate timeline's light
One rust-ridden blade juts out 
Of a friendly moonstruck shape
To tear, tear terribly, terribly
Tear, tear terribly 
The delicate crepe of night

Familiarity breeds
Indifference
Familiarity breeds discontent
Familiarity breeds
Indifference
Familiarity breeds discontent

My other time machine
A pungent, putrid brownish-green 
November smile 
Blandishing my two-timing door

One small sound
One small bite
One tomial tooth
One Loggerhead Shrike must skewer 
My invertebrate doppelgänger 
On barbed wire in a parallel universe 

My tongue parallelly bleeds 
One small drop 
In a monthful of blood 
In tongues all over the world
I said it, I didn't
It doesn't matter
What I said or didn't
Admit it
You were never going to get it
I was always gonna get it

Can't pick them out
Can't press them in 
I'll never hide my scars
Can't pick them out
Can't press them in
I'll never hide my
Familiarity breeds
Familiarity breeds

Not only is it thicker
Blood is stickier than water
Maybe that's relevant somehow
Can I explode now?

Credits:
Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Produced by Josh Frigo
Co-produced by Stephan Nance
Keyboard, vocals, backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Drums & percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Bass - Jeni Magana
Strings arrangement - Stephan Nance and Michelle Packman
Strings - Bizarre Star Strings:
• Patti King - violin
• Kyleen King - viola
• Anna Fritz -  cello
Guitar, additional backing vocals - Josh Frigo
Vocal coaching - Nevada Jones and Adam Sweeney
Vocals recorded at The Map Room
Vocal session engineer - Adam Sweeney
Mixed by Josh Frigo
Mastered by Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

November

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

Not a soul, not a soul
Will meet my gaze or greet me
And the carob tree’s brittle leaves
Rattle hoarsely on the wind

“You are out of time
You are out of favor
You are but a cipher
You are the circle maker
You are out of time
You are out of favor
You are but a cipher
You are the circle maker

“How strange you are to all
How strange to sleep so long

“How strange to grow so old
And to never grow up
And to never grow tall
And to never grow wise
And to never grow anything
But smaller and farther away”

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

But in sleep, I may dream
Fairy lights illuminating everything
Everyone gathered all around me
Singing a song

Only the carob tree
Will keep me company
Oh, bitter friend
Oh, beloved enemy
Symbol of the time gone by
And stretching out in front of me
A lonely life of any length is like eternity

And I am out of time
I am out of favor
I am but a cipher
I am the circle maker
Praying for the rain
Paying for the prayer
Begging for a sign that I was
Ever even there

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

To sleep to feel seen
To sleep perchance to dream

The Circle Maker

The Circle Maker (Demo)

Lyrics:

If the double-row eighteen-cylinder
Air-cooled radial engine
Is not enough to tip you off
Before he slips you off the needle
Drops you into unstitched space
The wasteland which henceforth
Shall be referred to as “your place”

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
When the captain dies by the sword
He'll leave you trapped in the cockpit
Crying out "Mayday!"

When a Scissor-tailed Flycatcher aerial courtship
Nosedives in a blitzkrieg from that Whiskey Delta
You can tell the backyard bomber
Never helmed a cargo crate
He croaks out undoing and doom
To the wishful safety net
You jeopardized your life to loom

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
Once you elope with the captain
You'll leave on a sordid honeymoon
Trapped in the cockpit
Crying out "Mayday!"

Always the last and never the least
Always the fast and never the feast
Always the cult of domesticity
Always the jolts of electricity
Always surpassed and never decreased
Always amassed and never released
Always the past controls your mind
Never the peace you hoped to God you'd finally find

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
And when he dies by the sword
He’ll reward you for your obedience
For your countenance has woven in at every turn

Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand
Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand still burns
Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand still burns
From the last airstrike

Credits:
Music and lyrics - Stephan Nance
Piano/vocals/backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Programming/bass guitar/guitars/banjo/organ/keys - Josh Frigo
Violin/viola/cello - Yoed Nir
Double bass - Jeni Magana
Trumpet - John Lake
Trombone/bass trombone - Becca Patterson
French horn - Meredith Moore
Piccolo/flute/oboe/clarinet/bassoon - Josh Plotner
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Drums - Aksel Coe
Orchestral arrangement - Josh Plotner
Vocal recording engineer - Adam Sweeney
Mixing - Josh Frigo
Mastering - Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

Mayday!

Preybirds

Preybirds (The Watched Version)

Tell Me Why

No one can see
My bravery;
I stomp on humdrum ground,
I navigate mundane terrain.
But all the same,
An ancient flame
Ignites a fervency that
Surges into every vein.

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

In a previous life
I surely
Swept you off your feet
And carried you away
From the choking ash
And scorching heat,
To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

On every list
Of things to do,
An unchecked box reminds me
That the task of saving you
Remains undone
And unbegun
And unfulfillable 
Until the day we need to run
Until the day we need to run
We need to run—

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

In a previous life
I surely
Swept you off your feet
And carried you away
From the choking ash
And scorching heat,
To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

From form to form,
From place to place,
From birth to birth,
From death to death,
From earth to outer space—
From Plague and flood,
From fire and blight,
From each catastrophe
That threatens to eclipse your light—

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano, synth
Simeon Brown - violin
Maddi Krafve - alto & tenor saxophones
Tim McLaughlin - trumpet
Lizzy Donovan - cello
Arrangement - Adam Caswell & Stephan Nance

Disembodied Mind

Sparkbird

Recent comments

Nico Polhaupessy

Coolskeleton95☆彡

Robin

anne3

Related tracks