everything by me

i appreciate each and every one of you to no ends.
though i physically can't output as much as i used to,
the support that i see unto the projects i do put out whenever i can enough
makes me feel so eternally grateful, infinitely.

thank you for being here.

take care
x

stuck up in a way
i don't wanna stay
perpetually stung
i'll delegate all that my brain
could ever dare to trust

stifled and gray, 
counting the space no one has laid across
a bitterful base 
crushed by the frame
i'm over the taste

they smother 
they bother me
i wonder what's left to see
take me back, to '23
i'll chew on glass
since that's what seems to color me

i'm static with change
a perpetual stasis
imprinted in vain
as the vessel is vacant
the ache and it's ways,
given all i've created,
its all torn away
as i bottle up hatred

and down with the chase
falsify the elation
the moment i wake,
still restrained to these braces
perpetually stray with the frequent of grace
from the view of the naked
it's never okay

and i feel it always
i feel it all ways
okay
okay
okay

the days i waste have me appalled
of everything i used to call a home,
for i have tamed the grave 
that wrote itself to just erase

dice; 
fell upon a single side, for you
out of touch yet still alive
(ay)
sickly body, muddled mind
despite, somehow this has sufficed



they smother 
they bother me
i wonder what's left to see
take me back, to '23
i'll chew on glass
since that's what seems to color me

suffice

Written by: Reapers Shadow 
Produced by: 4lexf & Daniel Saint 
Mixed by: Reapers Shadow & JoshIGuess 
Mastered by: JoshIGuess 
Artwork Edited by: Hopewithindarkness  
Artwork from: I Think I Turned My Childhood Friend into a Girl (Manga)

Lyrics:
[Verse 1]
Only hair I want is long & pretty going past my shoulders 
Pressure crushes me with these ingrained ideals 
These wounds run deep & can't seem to heal 
Maybe one day love will find me 
But till then please stop trying to fix me 
Your words just torment me

[Chorus]
I can't sleep at night 
If you're not by my side
Suffocating deep inside
Why'd you leave me 
Drowning in my tears
Drowning in my tears
Hope is lost & I hate it here

[Verse 2]
It hurts It burns & It twists 
My perception of the world 
Life is a continuous downward spiral
Goodbye for now to the ones 
I loved once upon a time

[Chorus]
Why'd you leave me 
Drowning in my tears
Drowning in my tears
Hope is lost & I hate it here
(I hate it here)

Drowning In My Tears (Prod. 4lexf & Daniel Saint)

Written by: Reapers Shadow 
Produced by: 4lexf
Mixed by: Reapers Shadow & JoshIGuess
Mastered by: JoshIGuess
Artwork Edited by: Hopewithindarkness  
Artwork from: I Think I Turned My Childhood Friend into a Girl (Manga)

Lyrics: 
[Chorus]
We'll find a way
We'll find a way
A way from here
We'll find a way
We'll find a way from here

[Verse 1]
Self Deception on the daily 
Mind filled with agony lately 
I won't ask for you to save me
Cause I'm a hopeless case maybe 
I LOVE AND I MISS YOUR VOICE 
BUT I WAS TO IRRESPONSIBLE 
FOR ME TRUE LOVE ISN'T POSSIBLE 

[Chorus]
We'll find a way
We'll find a way
A way from here
We'll find a way
We'll find a way from here

[Verse 2]
Spring approaching 
New opportunities rising 
My insides are still dying
Becoming a new person 
Seeing the truth behind the questions
Got a ton of time that 
I'm done wasting on you

We'll Find A Way (Prod. 4lexf)

all synthesizers and piano done by ilygrxg & pray4solo
nonprofit//

thank you for listening,
take as much care as you can;
thank you for being here.
x


i lay awake and i
see ephemeral lights upon my eyes
something's not right
something's not right

"you're never safe"
i say, as i've sunken
bare is the face of restraint that i'm stuck in
avoidance keeps me out
i don't wanna talk right now

alluring now
nobody's there
yet i reach out
dissonant glares

stride in a daze
far from the outing
must be displaced
though i don't mind drowning;
caught in a thought of distain
of the ways that i'm living
should i be okay to continue forgiving?
staggered in place,
rid the parts that are sick
steady awake through the night in a blitz

once, it was okay
once, it was all good
stripping the old aches,
just like i should
it'll be okay
it'll be all good
it'll be okay
it'll be-
out
let me out
yeah

this horrible stasis;
why do i keep my patience?
stay around
you're all i want to know about

blitz

everything by me
be as well as you can be;
thank you for being here.

i've seen what they're after,
those piles of fiction,
drawings of answers
warping perceptions

o mother, or father, 
doth cast a reflection?
they weasel and balter 
to distance from lesson

out of grace,
i fall from the arms of armistice
lack every card but the ace,
played when he longs for not a thing

studies of readings inscribed by the feeble
distorted, then imported to feed and fuel an ego
though karma is nothing but patience and sermon
for evil and ugly of heart are persistent
the paling and devoid of taste cheer
tagged and collared, held in place
does it ever pose you great fear?
were we ever meant for aim?
to strain
to ache
to strive
to break
to bend on command,
do you not feel disdain?
i'm awake for age of negation
and stripped away of certain relation,
but i believe in better days,
though how does one both go and stay?

out of grace
i fall from the arms of armistice

cyanide skin

produced by @prod-dash 🖤
mv: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEgzoEH60Cg

harmonies construct of her in vain,
when i had felt the same, i wonder what you let slip loose
idolized in holistic refrain from scaring you away,
but it was you who had left so soon
redundancy falls on the floors of insult,
diffusion of awe is now subtle appall
when the fracturing stops, he returns to his lot
and continues to watch the forgotten responses

how long has it really been?
on everything i could've been your confidence;
wounded deep, but regardless you were gorgeous
external forces couldn't conquer this fortress,
girl i was all in,
now i'm more of like a martian,
a foreign entity ignored and made of sport in pure extortion
the score depends on those who force it,
but on my life i'll never pry into this systematic fortune

easy aches at your name
november stays, but it's may

he's licking tears and steeling bones
from baring sights of burning homes
and of the counterparts still present, most have nearly decomposed
the oxygen persists, but the fluids marching in
wreak havoc on the aspens, now his blood is wearing thin
the centuries forgot receive his aching and distraught,
converting portions of distortion into frequencies bewrought
the ice goes in by division of his temperance
sickly to this weather, but she ain't even my medicine

it's two-forty-two as the film rolls into view
i beg your pardon, i'm enshrouded by the memories construed
just anyone won't do,
the comfort causes calluses he's unable to move
they stare at him in twos

the burial becomes attraction, and of the visitors, it's nothing but distraction
come one and all, before root is sawed, the chainsaw, it stops,
he of wooden rot, with that pandora's box, reverse the plot
the acid sat within his stomach summits to his top
begone of influence it's over 'fore it had begun
i'll never feel that same alikeness, they just read me wrong,
just to do me wrong

bare trees conceive cold leaves,
you showed me what we couldn't be
washing over me, frostridden stings
that sole breeze had spoke "don't leave"

easy aches at your name
november stays, but it's may

the paneling glows a familiar sequence,
but it's passage won't open to those who would seek it
through timing and tamper he had managed to enter
unaware of it's contents, he treads a bit deeper
in awe of the contrast from seeker to aether
he's welcomed to stay, but he's covered in shivers
for those it abducts are reduced down to neither
so backwards he goes, where his soul doesn't meet her's

come the night i'm allotted what's divine
i got bugs up in my head,
they always scratching, leaving bites
ain't no energy to waste on those unkind
only time you talkin shit is when you're doing it online

november (dash)

been a while since something like this
thank you for being here
prod by forzen (@whyeldershock on ig)

heavenly, at the sight of her angel wings;
been alone since seventeen
ain't expecting them to feel for me, that'll never be
let eden breathe, pick and twist from the apple tree, 
felt confliction at the bite and sting
left uncertain of it's purity, of what's underneath

cup so cold it's frozen, you already know
dialtone revoking all we had engrossed
mentality awoken from over the phone
i'm never that open, you had me from the go

couldn't catch her on the way out
she ain't here for what i'm saying now
it's even worse that i'm seeing how
you let me, you let me
why'd you let me down

let me, let me, let me, let me down
let me, let me, why'd you let me down
l-let me, let me, but you let me down
h-how'd you let me down
how'd you let me down

heavenly, at the sight of her angel wings;
been alone since seventeen
ain't expecting them to feel for me, that'll never be
let eden breathe, pick and twist from the apple tree, 
felt confliction at the bite and sting
left uncertain of it's purity, of what's underneath

eve (forzen)

hi, i'm mesmerized at the sight of you flyin'
i watch from my cot, but never thought of tryin'
just what is there for me to confide in?..

intro: impasse

turning shepherd into flock, he's bare and punching out the clock
and left it's hands a ten and two, and of it's bell, a copper blue
if it's the best that it can do, to buy him, should he re-coop
the inner portions have been warping, while his skeletal is looped

girl, i'm only a fractional gland to the tanner
organic of matter, in service of hazard
with the spirit coaxed in snot, they steal his crops, then send him off
the palpatations sign alignment that the collar had been popped
so watch him flee into trees where he is deemed a foreign beast
and of it's fauna, granted ease, 
the runic symbolism breathes
but as the phoenix tucks it's wings, the animosity is sworn
the creatures force him to a corner, as the ritual repeats

but most invited are divided by the drink
some evoke and others physically impede
but fuck it, i'm dunking my soul in elixirs
and ripping up scriptures they told me to read
evading persuasion of linear staging, 
you think in equation from playing campaign
i remember you had felt what i be
chrysalis tethered, eternally green

and she was lock and key, to his belief
internal leak is running deep and sinking streets
cold and heat have come to meet, releasing steam
but that peace is soon to cease, 
and he's deceased

turning sheperd into flock, he's bare and punching out the clock
and left it's hands a ten and two, and of it's bell, a copper blue
if it's the best that it can do, to buy him, should he re-coop
the inner portions have been warping, while his skeletal is looped

grace period betrayal (branwen)

her cutlery is pit against the chest
the cavalry is strung about in red
oceans sing, the air it resurrects
confusingly, the liquid knows him best

give me something to feel yah
i just want this trust to inch it's way enough to heal numb
the battlefield he yield's enough to get him gone from being on
the acid turf is leaving burns, and passerbys see nothing wrong
injustified his tortured mind, and found recline in weaker ones
through divide and clouded sky, a destiny decayed
it's yesterday that local cat is no longer a stray
fallacy is brought upon erasure of the frame
you only wanna fuck him cause he calls you by your name
you only wanna fuck him
you only wanna fuck him 'cause he calls you by your's
called you by your name

love sores and scorn within yourself you'd deprecate
fed the source of everything you couldn't hear me say

her cutlery is pit against the chest
the cavalry is strung about in red
oceans sing, the air it resurrects
confusingly, the liquid knows him best

forging the ache in a cauldron of storm
there would lurk the accompany whispering war
the ecologies flood the industrial core
for the body is steel, but is still only armor

sacrificial departure (sorrow bringer)

petrified at the sight of what is nigh,
though, it might be nice to rectify the white of lies
so, find him tied, unrecognizably contrived
be it like of day or night, they'll always deem to be insightful

the dog is bled of it's effort spent
yet the culprit fed it's influence
through a wooden fence it would lean against
tearing at it's skin, but it's only his

scrap these words i hold in place 
if thou uncertain, bestow thee grace
but how's he hurting, i don't see pain?
it's only made certain once one's decayed

flawless, though it seemed to you i wasn't honest
a heart shift, i could tell that you must've been starving
cautious, replicate the struggle and i'll fall in
august kept him held within it's empty margins

drained, split amid reality and that of what is made
the cowardice of hounding prove susceptible to flame
regardless of the sender, the recipient's enraged 
courtesy of riddance claims regression is to blame

though he's zoned, although unknown, he won't corrode, 
beknown of crows and open roads, the omen flows, but will it show or come to slow?
we'll never know (8x)

the dog is bled of it's effort spent
yet the culprit fed it's influence
through a wooden fence it would lean against
tearing at it's skin, but it's only his

terrestrial acrimony (sorrow bringer x luffysome)

a forest reprieve from the withering eve of a sun
(like, can i go? are we done here?)
he walks on his teeth and he talks through depictions of scars
(they say you never know what you don't hear)
that fostered relief at the cost of neglection of star
(longevity's enclosed until the soul gears)
he's cosmically sore but apprentice of tethering hearts
(my body's been remote, but i'm all ears)

crush two and i'm in it, he's waking bruised and deflated,
i got this habit of spitting, but all this acid come with it
he's turnt to ash every minute, a song and dance resurrection
you rabbits ripping up carrots, i'm canis lupis incarnate
got sonic booms when i'm barking, converting rooves into starships
this ain't your average invention, it's more than natural selection

thought she was safe up in his head
so he'd removed the padding covering his weakened flesh
but abrupt departure cut the flora thriving on his skin
now cattle's grazing on the flowers bursting through his chest

the green evades from being subject to an open wind
in apprehension of it's fate awaiting overhead
so nature waits in subtle breaks between the pavement
for many moons are to elude at compensation, but still, he's anxious

uncertainty enveloped through subtly of enthrall
but i regulate that haze through a blizzard of getting gone
with remedies for those emmitting vacancy of want
disheartened, hurt, and starving, yet crucial to it all
cast within a marshland, enhardened, enswamped
in emergance of that influence, the arteries are clogged
but the potency that comes with it is rightful in it's wrongs
as doubt within neglect to beauty's sewn within the flaws

so what's the word? you know i'm down for it
as mother earth determines counterfeit
the now dispersed yearns inhabitance
of bird and fern, the worm is blurred

might be universe impairing peers with lightning
a white screen thrown about, a crown ensures the stifling
so often i'm haunted and falter from nonsense,
the world's still revolving, he's not what she wanted
if you were just honest, it'd lessen the starving
this trail led of crumb that you thumb's disembarking
he's all but undone, but is stunned from the heartless
injected was rust, muck, and lust in her harvest

always unheard, speaking my word, they just wanna flirt
better or worse, embracing the curse 'till covered in dirt
wrapping in silk, given the earth, i know it'll hurt
off of the pills, downing that cardi, merlot, for the heal, yea

a forest reprieve from the withering eve of a sun
(like, can i go? are we done here?)
he walks on his teeth and he talks through depictions of scars
(they say you never know what you don't hear)
that fostered relief at the cost of neglection of star
(longevity's enclosed until the soul gears)
he's cosmically sore but apprentice of tethering hearts
my body's been remote, but i'm all ears

bird and fern (dash)

accolades to those who serve a throne
through a window pane, feathers grayed and made unfurled
word of lover laid, in the beak, in talon, curled
yet another day, delayed unearthing blurs

you said it's why you had him fly
but the storms that were endured left him blind with every flight
but over the pines flew it's body entrenched,
and in that moment it felt the endearment of friend
a familiar tree had his blood reassessed,
and past the point of return, it was onward he'd trek
coated his vision, a thick of the mist,
as if to open the eye wouldn't make any difference
he's harbored division, a grave indecision
return to the earth or become what it's missing

it was how you knew and felt the ground despite the altitude
were you too down to purge the doubt of everything he saw in you?
of the clouds to be honest: two decades of rain
but the drought in his stomach kills him off all the same

don't worry bout me, i've got wings for a reason
don't worry bout me, i've got wings for a reason.

as far as it flew (forzen)

Written by: Phantom Eclipse 
Produced by: everestdidthis
Mixed & Mastered by: JoshIGuess
Artwork from: https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=943237
Art by: 降島ツカサ
Art discovered by: ShuOuma
Art Edited by: Phantom Eclipse 

Lyrics:
[Verse 1]
Everybody wants to change 
But they can't even break the chains
That bind them that bind them to their past 
& I'm no different 
No matter what I try
I still feel the inner despair 

[Bridge]
I just want some peace
I just want somebody to be
Here with me 
(Despair)
It never goes away
(Away) 

[Verse 2]
I'm not perfect I know that much
Even if you're not the best
Just know I'll do my best for you 
Because I love you
Breathing in & out slowly
Trying to calm down from anxiety 
That's what reminded me of our past
Raining in my town
EVEN IN MY TOWN
Even in the winter 
Maybe it was all meant to be

[Outro]
Swift exit is all they say 
But I'm happy it ended this way
Disc's playing movies as Iay in bed 
Reflection of myself made of lead
Metal blaring through the headphones 
& death still haunting the victims
Left in his wake
(Left in his wake)

Despair (Prod. everestdidthis)

Written by: Phantom Eclipse & lostangel 
Produced by: neverforever & lostangel
Mixed & Mastered by: lostangel 
Artwork by: scaramouche40 from Pinterest 
Artwork Edited by: Phantom Eclipse 

Lyrics:
[Verse 1: Phantom Eclipse]
Ice cold chills 
Running down my back
The attacks creates tramua 
That runs deep
My life is meaningless now that the end has came
I never even changed just remained the same
(SAME)

[Verse 2: lostangel]
Everyday I'm in a battle with myself 
You don't really wanna know how it feels
Everybody talking down on me yeah 
& it felt so fucking lonely 
I was ready to put the gun to my fucking brain 
I was ready to leave the world behind 
I relapsed to that knife baby 
i'm so sorry you had to see that 
Just hold me tight

[Outro: Phantom Eclipse & lostangel]
They'll say I was to blame 
When the monster 
I became was a product of the world's current state
(It was a product of the world's current state)
Is that it?
Is this where I rest?
Is this where?
I die 
(I die)
and i'm so ready to die

Current State W/ lostangel (Prod. neverforever + lostangel)

everything reproduced by me
original song credits towards my dear friend jude (@sleepywater)


i miss you so much bro; love you, forever.

sleepwater - tomorrow (cover)

The meaning behind my name is "The idea of the Reaper is cool yet scary to me & I live within the shadows of everyone and everything"


I make music about my struggles, frustrations, & Passions
I play video games, watch anime, & Chill with my friends when I'm not making music

@angelsofsorrows l is my close friend and mixes my songs along with my other close friend @joshiguess huge shoutout to them wouldn't be able to pursue music without their help

New Music Video out 
https://youtu.be/UhkCGzSZ1TA?si=bx29Ta8rYyVz9DPA

My former names include @kurama_sd , @kurama-sad , @reapers-shadow, & @reapers-remnants

My alt account is @kurumi-violet It will be used for emo plugg & more cutesy music

This account is for Dark hyperpop, Shoe gaze, Alt rock, & DnB might have other styles if they fit or are needed to convey an albums theme.

'messenger pigeon'
ep, out now

thank you for being here.

New tracks tagged #autumndropsdead