photo by James Fitzgerald

Lyrics: 

skies grow dark 
and leaves will change 
till they fall away, fall away 

bark, once green 
gathers cracks and rings 
till it starts to decay 
till nothing remains 

late at night I think about that far too often 
I find the ways to distract myself from it
solutions in a bottle could probably help me cope 
but anything's a vice if your life revolves around it

searching for a cure for knowing this all will be ending someday 
a million natural shocks will end and lead you 
to the grave and no one knows what comes next: 
static on a tv or just darkness?

the process of decay is a thief that comes in the silence 
progressing day by day against all attempts to defy it
decades fly by, you don't realize
one day you're at the end 
and there's nothing you can do about it 

but I don't want to die 
but I don't want to sleep 
I watch my family age 
I watch the lines in my face increase

and what dreams may come 
when we take that final leap? 
I never want to know 
but it's out there waiting for me.

Cracks and Rings

Lyrics:

Why can't I seem to meet your gaze? 
𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰.
There's something that's deep inside my brain 
telling me to run away from everything

I walk into the room and I can feel 
every single eye that turns in my direction
I can't help but turn away 

cuz under every smile there lies the fear 
that I'm not good enough for anybody else 
and I'll always be the same; this way.

[ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶r̶u̶n̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ ̶
̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶f̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶d̶a̶y̶]

Why can't I seem to meet your gaze? 
𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰.
There's something that's deep inside my brain 
telling me to run away from everything

so when the feeling rises up inside my chest
paralyzing everything in my perception 
I just hope that you will stay 

because I'm more than all the things I've come to fear 
𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒔𝒚𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒐𝒎
and I'll prove it to you someday 

I'll meet your gaze.

Gaze

Lyrics:

you know, trust is a funny thing
paradoxical in nature, yet so undeniably real 
suddenly brittle as paper 
when once it was strong as steel 

so what, then, is trust?
- an agreement that I see the flaws in you, 
and you see the flaws in me,
and as imperfect creatures 
we will do no harm to each other willingly.

because who else but the closest of those among us 
know where the hurt buried deep inside us lies?
those cracks in the armor of your psyche
which only the most well-placed of arrows can find 

so when someone you trusted not to
puts that poison in your cup 
and you feel the floor falls out from under your feet,
you're stuck there tumbling in that void
between one life and the next 
reevaluating who you should be 

So from this day forth, I will look people in the face when I walk by 
and I will say what I feel with my entire chest
because I am done letting people use my emotions 
as a weapon to cut my flesh 

NO MORE

NOW I'LL LIGHT THE FIRE IN MY GUT 
I'LL PUT THE STEEL IN MY BONES 
BECAUSE NO ONE HAS MY FUCKING BACK ANYMORE
I'VE GOTTA  DO IT ON MY OWN 

FORGED IN THE FIRE OF ADVERSITY 
BAPTIZED AS THE RAIN FALLS DOWN 

I WILL EMERGE, ANEW 
I WILL EMERGE, ANEW 

because I guess a "friend" is just a word that you say: 
if you never back it up, well it never meant anything.

I can't decide what comes next 
but I know that I have to keep you at arm's length 
I wont let you break my trust again, 


𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯.


I WASTED HALF MY LIFE 
THINKING THAT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

I got caught in a rainstorm walking back to my car while thinking about how not to starve

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫: 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈𝐈.

𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘢 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸-𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦:

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, 
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥,

𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦?

Lyrics: 

now I know that everything I was taught when I was younger was all a lie 
so it's time to find out who I wanna be 
as I walk the woods and glades 
in search of answers I could never find before 
maybe I'll find myself somewhere along the way 

in the empty places, all the memories start to fade 
no past, no future, just the next step in front of me 

so tell me what's so wrong about losing yourself 
when everything you used to want is something you were sold
by someone else trying to make their dreams come true?
a product of a product of something that is not you

but what about everyone that got left behind? 
(I don't know what to do about it, so I run away from all of it)
in the gilded cage, with no chance to live their own lives 
(I don't know what to do about it, so I run away from all of it)

there is no backup for me 
I have to do this on my own 
uncharted territory, somewhere out there I can make a home 

I have to save myself before I can save anyone else.

no past, no future

The Forest Floor: Outtakes and Demos from The Naturalist, part IV. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺, 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵'𝘴 𝘤𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘳𝘺, 𝘢 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘺. 

𝘈 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺. 
𝘈 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵. 
𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵.

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭?

Lyrics: 

Well, it's winter here again, 
but I don't feel the chill anymore 
when I think about those nights we had

when the factories shut down,
so we struck out on the town 
and wandered silent streets, my hand warm in your hand 

and we laughed like kids again 
hey, this place isn't so bad when you're dodging curfew
stealing bottles of storerooms 
they'll never know how the world was ours 
when the sun went down 

we didn't have a lot back then, 
but I had you, and me, and all our dreams 
everything that we hoped would come to be 
and a situation like this can only last so long
so we'll look for a way out, look for a way out 

Sometimes when I'm sitting by the campfire 
and I'm watching the snow fall
I wonder what it is you're up to now; 
if I should have even left at all

Did nostalgia make my vision rose colored, 
or was this a mistake?

dodging curfew [memory bank reboot 1]

Featuring @horoshavibes & @ihateshinigami
Produced by Jacob Lizotte
Mixed by @horoshavibes
Mastered by @anxietyxattacks

LYRICS
Somewhere along the way
I fell deep into a darker place
It's a hole from which I cannot escape
But it takes great strength to admit my mistakes

Just leave the light on for me
We're all deserving of second chances
I hear a voice in the distance call my name
Could this be it
Am I finally saved

Though I was lead astray
I'll surely find my way
Following grace
No matter what it takes

(shinigami)
When it's all said and done
Will you be there for me
Need to find my way back home
'Cause I took a wrong turn again

(Horosha)
So many branching paths
How could you know which one to take
Every choice makes all the difference
They collide and change your fate

But you can't go back in time
No you can't go back in time

So I sit and search through the memories
Sifting through everything,
Trying to find a bit of hope to keep with me
Still not the person I want to be
But it's not too late
As long as I'm alive

Listen on Spotify!

Wrong Turn w/ Horosha (Feat. shinigami) [Prod. Jacob Lizotte]

The Forest Floor: Outtakes and Demos from The Naturalist, part V.

𝘕𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 
𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 
𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 
𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦. 

𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦.

Lyrics:

If heaven existed, I know it would appear to me  as a small fishing cabin in the north woods of Wisconsin.

At the table of a kitchen that doubled as a living room, I would watch the rose-gold rays of morning light eagerly cast their fanfare on the front porch, fractals dancing on the ceiling like benevolent shades 

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴;
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘬𝘦;
𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘵; 
𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵.


Before me and all my friends were fodder being ground up by the lurching wheels of industry, there was my mother milling about the kitchen. 

Before I knew of powerful men that loved money over their own people, there was the steam rising out of my father's coffee cup. 

Before the towers fell, 
before the wars, 
before the plagues ravaged the land, 
I frolicked in that place: 

collecting pinecones, and skipping stones, 
creating a world that's inside my imagination 

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴;
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘬𝘦;
𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘵; 
𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵.

All these thoughts swirl around in my head, 
as I press on further and further into the wild, 
and now further into my own mind.
Were those memories ever really my own? 
Of a life before the city, when existence was peaceful and struggle so very far away?

Or are they just a fabrication to keep me passive, 
part of a machine which is only interested in my exploitation? 

I'm not sure what the answer is, but as I come to clearing to rest and observe the gentle breeze blowing through the grasses, I realize that it doesn't matter.

This moment, 
this beautiful progression of consciousness from second to second: 
that's enough. 
That's all I need.

Donut Holes / The Clearing

Lyrics:

So I'll start simple and slow all over again
Life's never finished till you get to the end
it slips by too fast to ever keep regrets, 
so bury your pain and move on from the past

Here lies the person that I was 
everything you knew about me, leave it in the dust
'cuz I've accepted the things that I used to hide, 
there's no shame
there's no guilt, 
there's a new fucking life

cuz I'm finding out new capacities for peace
(in the death of everything I thought I had to be) 
now that I'm finally at home with the soul inside of me 

So I'll start simple and slow all over again
Life's never finished till you get to the end
it slips by too fast to ever keep regrets, 
so bury your pain and move on from the past

so let the north star be the joy in your heart, 
you can reinvent yourself whenever you want 

 I look back on the times 
when I was lost in the pain;
wish I could tell them why it felt so wrong to be this way.

Now I'll be the person I needed back then
just keep moving forward,

a better life is just up ahead 

it's just up ahead; we still have so many paths to tread. 

So I'll start simple and slow all over again
Life's never finished till you get to the end
it slips by too fast to ever keep regrets, 
so bury your pain and move on from the past

so let the north star be the joy in your heart, 
you can reinvent yourself whenever you want <3

Whenever You Want  [prod. Horosha x Michael Warren]

ния, bir kyz - horosha

Music video - https://youtu.be/LvJVreYsXmQ?si=Rqfhcn7Wc0TDr1qR

Produced by @pekarot_1
Mixed & mastered by @horoshavibes

LYRICS
...

Midsummer (Prod. Pekarot)

midwest emo /  scramz / post hardcore / anything I want to make / genre doesn't matter / fuck you. 

a pressure valve for surviving late capitalist decay.

On a journey with no destination. 

Producer /  vocalist  / engineer 
@prodhorosha on twitter

For mixing, mastering, or beats contact me at prodbyhorosha@gmail.com or on Twitter!

Carlby is an alternative pop artist from the Midwest. Working alongside producer, @horoshavibes, his music is a blend of pop, emo rock and hip-hop.

Contact - carlbymusic.com/contact

New tracks tagged #horosha