There’s a chicken wing restaurant near where I live that on Saturdays I often go to 

After cutting the grass and 
Wacking the weeds
Any  trimming any bushes unruly 

After several months if you sit in the same place the waitresses all get to know you 

And I always sit down 
in young Deborah’s section, 
she’s got a crush on yours truly

She really enjoys all the stories I tell and she laughs at my hilarious jokes 

She always makes sure I have plenty of ketchup, she doesn’t do that for the rest of these folks

Men, don’t fall in love with your waitress 
Being nice to you is part of her job 
Sure, she laughs at your jokes but she laughs at the jokes 
Of every Tom, Dick and Harry or Bob

One Saturday I’m sitting in my usual spot, but Debbie didn’t show for her shift 

And I’m thinking My god, 
what on earth could be wrong 
If I had her address then I could save her

And so I lied and told her manager that Debbie had called me and asked if I could give her a lift 

 He gave me her address 
On a cocktail napkin
And I thanked the man for doing me this favor! 

And I imagined when she saw me I would be her handsome hero and she’d plant on me a passionate kiss 

She’d say “leave your stupid, fat cow wife, she doesn’t love you, marry me instead and we’ll have marital bliss” 

Men, don’t fall in love with the waitress 
You’re not her white knight on a giant white galloping steed 
You’re just another guy who got the cheeseburger combo 
And an appetizer he didn’t need

So I drove up to her trailer and knocked softly on her screen 
And this 6 foot four gorilla came to greet me. 
He had perhaps the largest biceps I had ever seen 
And his fists were more than big enough to beat me. 

I said, “ I was sent to check on Debbie, make sure she’s okay 
Debbie then appeared engulfed in sadness 
She said, “wait a second, I know you, you’re there each Saturday. 
Why the hell did they give you my address?   

I said, “listen, I just wanted to make sure you were alright 
We’ve become so close I care about you deeply 
She said, “I just serve you chicken wings, what gives you the right! 
Get the hell off of my porch, you’re fucking creepy!  

So I got back in my car and I drove quickly away, for a moment there I feared for my life 

I knew that I had overstepped 
Her personal boundary 
And I could never sit again in Debbies section 

I thought from now on that after finishing the lawn, I should have a couple beers with my wife. 

We’re old and fat with two grown kids 
But just like Darwin said 
You have to trust in natural selection 

Men, don’t fall in love with your waitress 
On your personal reality try to keep a  very firm grip 
You’ve got a mortgage, a fat wife and four kids who need you 
So pay the check and leave a generous tip

Don't Fall In Love With The Waitress

JARV’s lifelong love affair with music has deep roots, sprouting in the ‘70s influenced by six older siblings always spinning tunes.  Festivals have been a crucial part of his fabric since his first taste at Sweetwaters ‘83.  JARV’s sets reflect his broad musical palette, recreating his journey from  the reggae-infused snow and surf of Whanganui via the psychedelic experience of cave living in India and the melting pot that was the exploding dance culture of early ‘90s London. Now based in Tāmaki Makaurau, JARV's experimentation across music’s multiple genres continues to evolve. He knows how to party and how to bring the party.

Bookings -   richardjarvis483@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/richard.jarvis.9465/

Photography by : Richard Jarvis & Bruce Jarvis #   
Apart from Lee Scratch Perry & The Ska Photo.

Past Gigs ... 
1998 Red Eye Cafe Gigs
1998 Seans House party with the amazing band from Palmy - Cortina.
!4,8,99 - Roots Bar with Keeping Tadpoles (Whanganui) 
28,8,99 - Fine Arts Hat Ball (Whanganui) 
4,9,99 - Roots Bar - Global Dance (Whanganui)
11,9,99 - Red Eye Cafe - Tranceported  (Whanganui)
17,9,99 - Roots Bar with DJ Melt 
30,10,99 -Roots Bar with The Hasselhoff Experiment.
20,11, 99 -Fine Arts Gig. War Memorial Hall Whanganui
7,9, 2000 Fallout Festival with Nick on the ones & twos  -Sunbeam - (Ohakune)

Bigfoot is a friend of mine. We like to make music and share it with our friends. See our YouTube channel and A Journal of Nonsense for more fun.

I write story songs.   Many of the stories are true.

Watch my videos!  YouTube:   https://youtube.com/@turtlefrogman?feature=shared

Topics:   Sexual fetishes, reincarnation, sleep apnea, women who don't shave, the story of January 6th 2021, COVID, drug use, pizza place robbery, weddings, divorces and funerals, cannibalism, the story of Joe Biden, transgenderism and pronouns, erectile dysfunction, the World Economic Forum, the story of the USS Indianapolis, time machines, accidents with laxatives, school yard fights, proctologists, teen moms, scientific studies, genital warts, generational divides, national divorce, peeping toms, abortion, petty theft, DIY screws and mental health, suicide etc.

Nadia Selvaggi Main Page: https://soundcloud.com/nadiaselvaggi

VIBRATION IS ALL ,
ALL IS VIBRATION ..
https://youtu.be/GAVbHvDF3A8?si=u64N-z2TUBbBtU8q
https://www.youtube.com/@walks.akadannystylusjnr.9346
various musical scratchings . solo or with the occasional friendly guest or three  . Macclesfield . get your ear goggles on !!
I LOVE TO COLLABORATE :-)

AND my favourite self penned songs with THE CHINESE MARBLES  and THE ENERGY NIPPLEZ (on 'here') .. 
i wrote them in various guises , a few bands and some solo ,  .   .
 ALL SONGS AND MUSICAL WANDERINGS ARE WRITTEN BY RJ.WALKER unless it's a cover  or THEY ARE THE RESULT OF COLLABORATION 😎🌟
SITAR and Turkish Saz

Please feel free to check out my YouTube channel and Instagram accounts
https://youtube.com/@mugfish76mugfish40?si=RTpuCuetokQsRVjA

https://www.instagram.com/mugfish76?igsh=MTl3MmdjY2ludG1ueQ==

I've got all the time in the world... or not...

Don't Fall In Love With The Waitress

TurtleFrogMan