Name: I Know by NadiyaOfficial
Duration: 10 min 36 s
Description: Revealing to my girlfriend at the time what I knew about the pain she was hiding and that no matter how consumed she was by her disorder, I would love her just the same in the dark reality she was living that hated me, as mine hated her's.

These Dark Times is a song I wrote after the police murder of Philando Castile. 

Philando’s death hit me hard.  It drove home, in a very personal way, what it means to live in America with white privilege.  Here was a guy my age, gunned down in front of his partner and child, during what should’ve been a normal traffic stop.  A working-class American who was playing by the rules, serving his community, and bleeding out on cellphone screens across the world.  

Witnessing the viral Facebook video of his bloody final breaths, I couldn’t help but notice the disparity between his reality and mine.  Under no circumstance could I picture an outcome like this if I were the one being pulled over.  Philando’s crime:  an alleged cracked tail-light.  Philando’s fate:  an unholy death in front of the whole world.  To make this even starker, I spent the majority of 2015/2016 driving around NYC with my wife and daughter in a car with a broken tail-light.  I was never once pulled over.  

In the days following Mr. Castile’s death I was moved and inspired by the outpouring of support from the community he had served.  I began writing.

What I came up with is a meditation on what it means to desire something more for yourself, to push past your prescribed boundaries, and remain hopeful in the face of overwhelming obstacles.  I channeled Philando for the lyric “I want to make it out alive from my hometown.”    

In some ways I thought this song didn't deserve to be heard.  Maybe my voice wasn’t the right one to give these emotions expression.  I sat on it for a few months and searched my heart.  After the result’s of our presidential election I even thought about quitting music all together.  “In times as disturbing as these,” I thought, “what good am I offering the world with music?”  

Thankfully a turning point came in my way of thinking.  Instead of defeatism I became filled with a sense of urgency.  This new motivation has given me the inspiration to carry on and a renewed confidence in creating music.  

Attending The Women’s March with my wife and two-year old daughter reinforced this new outlook.  I began to believe more and more that we must remain engaged with a political struggle while also channeling our hearts and minds toward a cultural one.  I got straight to work recording my new song.

Throughout history, artists have been tasked with the responsibility of holding a mirror to society but they have also been given the privilege to shape it.  We each need to use this opportunity now, more than ever, to engage emotionally with other people.  To change hearts while we change minds.  In that spirit, and in my small way, I hope to contribute to this turning of the tides.  

Here is a song called These Dark Times.  It is delivered with hope that we will transcend this moment and it is dedicated to the memory of Philando Castile, his family members, and the millions of Americans shouting “Not My President!” 

Thanks to my partner Magali Charron for providing the excellent photograph from the NYC Women’s March that graces the single’s front cover.

These Dark Times

Revealing to my girlfriend at the time what I knew about the pain she was hiding and that no matter how consumed she was by her disorder, I would love her just the same in the dark reality she was living that hated me, as mine hated her's.

I Know

Lyrics:
A twisted unfair earth we're bound to
Trapped by some force thats given us only one door to choose
It's a scary one just like my childhood closet hiding monsters in the dark
But I don't want to be here anymore
There must be somewhere better
I'm desperate to explore that forbidden mysterious escape route door
Tell me about this place you dream to go
This place of transcendence, not down but up you weightlessly float
Not heaven or hell below but somewhere without the guilt of unpaid debt,  the suffering you owe

Silence in your mind for the first time since you were 13 
Walking yet no footprints to be seen
Absent of failure and greed
Oh you think this is the way it has to be
They all say it's wrong but I struggle to believe
I only can't accept that to be true for the one that makes me happy
I love her but we all know that means nothing  

Fly away my dear, you're far too weak to run 
Just take it slow angel, you'll get there eventually 
Oh fly away my dear,  to a place where you can't hear
The contradiction the chaos in your head where your thoughts are crystal clear 
I'll watch you fly away as you slowly disappear

I saw it in your beautiful sunken eyes, you're getting a different kind of high 
Not drugs or high off life, but emptiness and a voice of sweet lies
To get this far what did it take? 
How many friends how many lost memories? 
Did it just start as a simple gateway?
Only to consume your life and control all that you do and say
Did it let you say goodbye to the life you lost?
Or do you not care because you can't remember because it's been too long

Fly away from me dear
Spread your wings and fly away somewhere you'll be happier
Break the chains that keep you down here 
Break my heart as I can't hold you near
Oh fly away dear,  
to a land void of your fears 
fly away until the distance makes you disappear
ignore my tears, they spill out the now only painful memories that will haunt me forever
I'm no God,  I'm no savior
Fly away until you disappear
As long as you're happier

I could see how tired you are,
why you would want to go to a place so far 
Not only your eyes but your spirit and heart
Tired of not feeling good enough,
tired of looking the way you are
Up and away from the self hate, up past the stars
You might stop there because that's what you are to me
But you keep on going

Take off and fly away from here
Where it doesn't hurt and it doesn't rain
Where there is no reason for gateways because there is no pain
Oh fly away my dear
I don't know where you'll be when you disappear
But I'll be looking because I wouldn't last a single year
Don't you worry, I'm right behind you 
I'll see you soon 
I'll circle the date on which our missed weekends would have been
If you were still here
Are you happier up there? 
Fly away my dear 
I'll fly away from here
Fly away from here

Fly Away

this song was co-written by amanda palmer & jason webley insipred by - and in honor of - Meow Wolf's "House of Eternal Return", a "unique art experience featuring a wild new form of non-linear storytelling which unfolds through exploration, discovery and 21st century interactivity", in Santa Fe New Mexico. 

"The House is a 20,000 square foot art exhibit designed by the Meow Wolf collective. There are dozens of rooms, secret passages and interactive light and musical objects with which guests can play for hours or investigate the mystery of the Selig family, who disappeared one night after conducting a forbidden experiment inside their Victorian mansion. Who were the Seligs? Where did they go? and why is their home overrun by figures in white lab coats?"
learn more about the house HERE.
https://meowwolf.com/santa-fe/

this song was powered by over 11,000 patrons supporting us on patreon.com/amandapalmer. join the community and help us make more art…it’s an amazing group and WE. ARE. THE. MEDIA.

CREDITS
House of Eternal Return
By Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley
(C) 2018 by Eight Foot Music (ASCAP) and Music That Tears Itself Apart (SESAC).

Amanda Palmer: Vocals, Wurlitzer
Jason Webley: Vocals, wine glasses, Rhodes, percussion
Additional vocals and whispers by the Electric-Blanket-Video-Shoot-Wrap-Party Choir

Basic tracks engineered by Chris Bittner at Applehead Studio in Woodstock, NY.
Additional recording and mixing by Jason Webley.
Mixed and mastered by Jherek Bischoff

Special thanks to Ken Bogdanowicz, Chris Poage, Hoku Uchiyama, Matt Miller, and Vanishing Angle Film Studio

Original watercolor painting by Bayla Arietta  
www.baylaart.com

LYRICS
millions of us standing atop
millions of snow covered mountains
planting our flags, thrusting them in
waving our arms to be counted
but who is the woman alone in the kitchen
frozen in front of an easel
she looks like a portrait 
of somebody’s grandmother
still frame image retrieval 
standing there still
house on a hill 
after so many transmissions
telephone wires tangle the roof
but the origin story is missing
the origin story is missing
she hasn’t gone out in twenty-five years
caged under plaster and ivy
her eyes fix on something out on the horizon
a mountain of leaves gathered drying 
to burn to burn to burn

look at this view, look all around 
tied to the deck that our dad made
there’s no room to move and we’re so proud
yes they made ‘em like that in the old days
they made em like that in the old days 
retracing patterns
with new coats of paint
fenced in by albums and journals
and they’re pulling her back
they keep drawing her in
into the house of eternal
return, return, return
house of eternal return
house of eternal return
house of eternal return

retracing patterns
the path to the door
she thinks of the hands of her father
laying down floor joists
framing up walls
one board after the other
one board after the other
there’s nowhere to rest in this cumbersome cavity
crushed under mortalness sadness and gravity
peeling off layers of skin cracked and blistering
scattering seeds, making scratches on history
head shoulders knees and toes, only the prophet knows
why we were planned obsolescent with vertigo
ridden like animals, flailing our tentacles
searching for shelter in derelict ventricles
she crosses the threshold, runs up the stairs
races through bedrooms and hallways
she stops at the canvas, a faithful depiction
the house she’s been entering always 
the house she’s been entering always
circling round heavenward bound,
a hundred and forty four thousand
this flesh isn’t right, the fit is too tight
this can’t be our permanent housing
this can’t be our permanent housing
this can’t be our permanent housing
house of eternal return
house of eternal return
house of eternal return
house of eternal return

House Of Eternal Return

Lyrics:
I keep finding myself painting the wall
I still hate myself
Trying to get this right
But then again I,  I debate myself

Try it again, Try it again kid  x 4

I keep finding myself pacing the hall
I contain myself
Eyes feel heavy again
I'll need forgiving, in the beginning

Try it again, Try it again kid  x 4 

I keep finding myself faking it all
Like I hate myself
Longing for something real
Every time,  I restrain myself

Riot again, riot again kid 
Riot again, riot again kid

Break it again break it again kid
Break it again break it again kid

Brake it again, break it again kid  x 2
Riot again, riot again kid  x 2

Gonna break it again,  break it again kid
Brake it again, break it again kid
Gonna riot again, riot again kid
Riot again, riot again kid

Turning

Yes, Virginia

Dresden Dolls - My Alcoholic Friends

From Mother Falcon's sophomore album due out May 2013 - to help fund its recording and production, visit the band's project page on Indiegogo at http://bit.ly/mfindiegogo. For more on Mother Falcon, follow them on:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/motherfalconmusic
Twitter: http://twitter.com/MotherFalconMus
Website: http://motherfalconmusic.com

released 12 March 2013 
songs written by Mother Falcon 

Recorded and mixed by John Michael Landon at Estuary Recording Facility 
Mastered by Joe LaPorta at The Lodge 

I Know

NadiyaOfficial

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