steal

Hey everyone! We are back with a long awaited rap battle that I've been hinting at for ages. Today we have space smuggler and pilot of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo, against the first man to set foot on another celestial body, Neil Armstrong. Enjoy!

CAST
Zawesome as Han Solo
Mancala as Neil Armstrong

LYRICS:
Han:
I’ve got a bad feeling about your attempt, like the ninth
I’ll tell you the odds: week-lings need not apply
Your twin missions were a bust, like the Cloud City raid
I won’t take it from a guy who wore a tampon to space
You’re a bigger hunk of junk than my transport for fleeing
Hell, even Jabba’s a more decent human being
While the glorified photographer’s here to do his worst
The fans deserve to know that Han shot first

Neil:
Houston, we have a problem, and it sucks quite violently
Flash Gordon got ripped off and took up vacuum piracy
You’re on needles and pins trying to thread that space cruiser
Looks like you need some schooling; let me show you my maneuvers
Gals complain of sub-parsecs with your rocky relations
Because you’re looking for love in Alderaan places
I’ll have you whipped into shape and you’ll scream bloody murder
You stuck up, half-witted, bad-at-rapping Nerf-herder!

Han:
You should be more concerned about landing that Stormtrooper credo
Don’t Leia hand on me, or you’ll end up like Greedo
You’re on MY stomping ground, so your plan is getting soiled
You’ll need another round of quarantine after we’ve been embroiled
Hop back to the door, so you can let the other boys out
Slap that patch on your sash like an old, faded Boy Scout
You’re the First Man to make a space flick without life
Go climb your launch tower and take a giant leap for mankind

Neil:
Ladies and gentlemen, the rapper has landed!
And like a game of sabacc, man, your ass is getting handed
‘Cause your style, like the atmosphere around me, is quite thin
Just calm down, hon; take it on the chin
Your rhymes can’t be more wooden if you were still a carpenter
You’ll be flagged as a doormat by this driven orbiter
I’ll cut out, ‘cause the middle man, best pilot in the galaxy
Tried to give me the shaft; guess it runs in the family

Beat By: Epistra
Mixed By: Freshy Kanal
Cover By: Commander Jacob
Art By: Cyancoat Enzo

Han Solo Vs Neil Armstrong| GridLine Rap Battles Season 2

Derek Savage:
I’ve heard lies saying you tower over me, which I don’t see
So today I’m going to show our differences, I mean, just look at me:
You’re just an author; I’m an actor, director and a cool guy
Make like a child from a ‘no breathing’ class, just keel over and die
Wouldn’t You Like to Know how your creativity’s gone down the spout?
You were a good presenter, but now your career’s unable to Sprout
I Hate Everything about you, and although I don’t like him, I gotta say
If he reviewed your crappy performances, he’d be giving me praise
This bitch could use some Self-Defense, can’t survive my Second Coming
No wonder the BBC kicked you out, all your work’s dull and boring
You’ve a whole book on sins you’ve committed, your flaws are quite large
I mean, you did want an anti-imperialist Marxist to be in charge

Michael Rosen:
Thought he’d sit there like a lemon, but Derek. What does Derek do?
He spits rhymes showing he’s less of a Cool Guy, more of a Fool
Diss the Milk And Sugar King, and you’ll get more than heat
At least I can go without throwing a fit when people make fun of me
Promoting x-rated work on your own website is far from Christian 
And with all of the illegal stuff you’ve done, you’d fit right in with school prison
Could write an entire poem detailing how Horrible you are
But you’d probably Copyright Strike me before I get the chance
Recycled footage, bad editing, portraying fat people as broke schmucks
Topped off with phoned in performances; to put it bluntly, Your Movies Suck!
No longer taken seriously, even the cameraman’s out shadowing you 
I see you’re looking shaky and sorry, gonna cut out this cameo too?

Cool Cat:
You’re really really mean! Seems some kid still thinks bullying is fun
Everyone should stay away from you like you were a deadly gun

Derek Savage:
You rapped once, so what? That doesn’t make you an emcee
Better call you the toothbrush, cause we’ll break you into pieces

Cool Cat:
Bringing Sweeter Revenge than some muddy twig could ever do (haha!)

Derek Savage:
I’m bad with copyright? You almost took down every YouTube Poop of you!

Cool Cat:
While your new books are flopping, me and my Dad will go to Hollywood

Both:
Now it’s time to ‘close up’ this battle so you can make another Sad Book

Michael Rosen:
(Michael’s Verse, Part 2.)
You and this failed mascot must be having a Crazy Dream
I’d argue Solomon would do better than this infringement on Warner Bros’ property
Once you eat this diss like a sandwich, I shall give you to the ducks!
Might as well make another channel called “iMovie Sucks”
Now your son passed away, and I know the pain of losing a child
But using him as an excuse for stupidity? Now that makes me really wild
Like when you impersonated that law firm, your attempts to win have fallen through
So now I don’t suppose you’ll want to battle me again, will you?

[REDACTED] as Derek Savage
@user-938839005 as Cool Cat
King Mewtwo as Michael Rosen
Beat by Kustom
Written by King Mewtwo and Dani Frias
Mixed by Light
Cover Art by Fightmarker

Michael Rosen vs Derek Savage. King Mewtwo Rap Battles

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

Freshy Kanal as Doctor Eggman
Adam as Mojo Jojo

Eggman
They’re making me fight this simian? I wanna beat Winston!
But focus on your diction, your bouts of repetition
My series reboots werent as much of a let down
Chim-pansy’s more of a Blossom? That checks out!
Hey Mo-jo, your brain’s ex-posed!
I can see how small it is when I’m up close!
It proves you’re under me in IQ and when I’m through
You’ll just wish for the Sonic Forces to be with you

Mojo Jojo
Mojo will be the victor, the winner will be me!
All those machines yet animals still leave you beat?
The city of Townsville’s all aware of my fame
Half the time I don’t know if I’m calling you the right name
You're playing Chaos Bejeweled while I'm polishing my verses
Flip the script tomake you the one screaming “CURSES!”
Useless twitter announcements? By now I should expect it 
I'm already used to frying eggs like you for breakfast!

Battle Bytes

Doctor Eggman vs Mojo Jojo. Battle Bytes #29

VinnyO as Light
Freshy Kanal as Eggman
Extra Instruments by VinnyO and Freshy Kanal
Mix by Freshy Kanal

Light:
Take a look at yourself - you're a rotten apple, both in and out you're just revolting
Building machines that instantly get destroyed - leaving Eggman nuts and bolting
I’m one for cancelling announcements, I see with no need for shinigami eyes that
For an Eggman with a so-called master plan, you're more of a walrus with a short lifespan
My plans fell into place like your rip-off of Tetris 
I'm a king, I’m a god, you're a schmuck, don't you get this?
You build bots since you're more friendless than Memphis 
I smite every chump whose name's writ on my checklist
Is it Ivo Robotnik, Kobintor, or Eggman? PICK ONE ALREADY! What the hell do I write?
Close your eyes, in the sequel it seems that you won’t be seeing the Light
  
Eggman:
Snooping as usual ? You fool! You will never know my name!
You’re only a god of the Lost World, but I’ve Advanced on the track, so this is no game
Your pad and pen tricked you to demonize, 
and you’re left obsessed with your demon eyes
Live action films were your deemed demise 
But they franchised mine as my dreams arised
How blinded have you gotten--it’s clear your shinigami is da foe
I thought that it would be clear only a psychopath would dare to use Light mode
Go run back to your Amy Rose, no queen can check this game to close
I have a -- Death Note to make: You have to grim reap what you sow!

Light Yagami vs Doctor Eggman. Battle Bytes #34

Mancha as Phantom Virus
Titanium1208 as King Ghidorah

Virus:
Silence! Grab three face masks before you catch this virus
Your interest ran out of mileage, ditch the dumb head, that’s my pitch!
I’m just vibin’, here to conquer, but your franchise lets me prosper
Cuz it just takes a Verse to Destroy All Monsters!
I step up to the plate respected 
Can’t wash your hands; you’ll get infected
If the lines you spit from the trifecta of heads
Is expected I’d rather just end up ejected
Got no crown, you're no King, Ghidorah
Your only love’s from neckbeards in fedoras
Get your origin straight or you’ll meet your fate
I bring the hertz with my shocking aura

Ghidorah:
Keep your distance! Though I’m vicious you’re rasping like you’re Trojan hoarse!
I Inspect electric Elements to destroy code from its source
You’re jacking up on cheat codes desperate for a chance to surpass, so
I guess this battle’s Astro-Monster versus Houston Astros!
Confined inside a floppy disk, your work never saw the light of day
Charge the mound all you want, you’re only good enough for Single A 
You struck out with your game and friends you know you’ve got no chance sir
Prancing around magnets so often you’re just a pole dancer

Phantom Virus vs King Ghidorah. Battle Bytes #35

The two most popular peaceful games go head to head in this Central Rap Battle!

Written By: Vladimyr P. and Eric The Audible
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Minecraft - Vladimyr P.
Animal Crossing - Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Vladimyr P. 
Beat: Kustom

LYRICS: 
Minecraft :
Taking you outta the wild, but this’ll get intense (in tents)
Need a totem or a potion for this gold I’ll dispense
Pushing pressure to the plate droppin’ rhymes from my hotbar
Only building homes, yeah homie you are not hard

You’ve been pandering to pansies, toddlers and their grannies
That Camp’s making a grand robbing every Nook and Cranny
I’m a classic, savage, ravager spitting illager
Dishing out this emerald to deal with another villager

We’ve got the ingenuity to broaden our horizons
Survive in an endless world, you’re confined to a tiny island
Imagination’s my build limit, thought you Switched the game up (well..)
Pick another save cause Nintendo’s lameness came up

All time best seller, that title ring any bell-ers,
Knock your block off to the Nether, got you falling - no feather (oooh)
Since 2011 our fame’s remained standing
It’s easy to fan this flame cause the game is enchanting

Minecraft : 
This battle’s a flint and steel, I’ll burn you down to sender, man
Had a good run, bud, but I will be your Enderman
Squash you like a bug in Mojang’s next patch
I got efficiency in giving lesser games the axe (thwack!)


I’m the TNT emcee, who blew up beyond PC

But kids hate your games P.E. more than they hate PE
I got this win in the bucket, 
well I wouldn’t be so sure, 
huh, Why not? 
Cause this beat’s about to Turnip

Animal Crossing :

While you’re researching, stressing out for resources 
I'm that water source, check this drip that I'm scoring 
You slave away on your builds, wasting the sun like
"What's the redstone tutorial for having some fun, guys?”

We’re copping fossils, players dig on my style
Just keep on building with cobble, and we can chill on my isle
Then you can squabble with players, fight and kill for the crown
I’ll be hangin’ with my neighbors and upgrading our town

Laying lazy on a sunday, relax in my villa
Minecraft is like a Ssundae; bland when vanilla
Just a mole digging holes, as you victimize your citizens
Thought your flow was molten, but you’re watered down: obsidian

Can't let that K.K. Slide, you spit those lame tunes 
We bested your cube game back when we had the gamecube
I would diss your story mode, but nobody played that
Your game is filled with creepers, peaceful mode can't escape that

Minecraft:
I’d be crafting recipes for your disaster
But your blathers on that rap verse did it faster
I get the appeal, sakurai must have as well
Only mission that you’re sticking with is smashing Isabelle

Animal Crossing:
Fans have tackled every cavern, yeah I wouldn’t want to be ‘em
Your charm is practically an artifact get back in the museum
The First Persson had a burden, left you burnin’ with your base
“Notch left to swim in money, then the game withered away”

Central Rap Battles: Minecraft vs. Animal Crossing

In celebration of Legend of Korra launching on Netflix, we have released the audio to our newest battle. It's the enemy of the Avatar: Prince Zuko versus the Force's chosen one: Anakin Skywalker. Who will come out on top?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You could've found this battle first by subscribing to our youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PGvIzEfdvePS-Qd-zShdw 
------------------------------------------------------------
Written By: Eric The Audible, Vladimyr P.
Mixed by: Jacob G.
Sound Effect Design: Jacob G. and Vladimyr P.
Edited by: Eric The Audible
Beat by:  Kustom
------------------------------------------------------------
CAST:
Zuko - Eric The Audible
Anakin - Jacob G.
Darth Vader - Light
--------------------------------------------------------------

Lyrics

Zuko (0:14)
When fighting in the stars, you’ll burn harder than a Sozin sun
When in my element, I’ll roast another chosen one
The product of a prophecy is all you have to thank?
I’m a firebending master, ask your council ‘bout my rank

I’m scorching this, check again who you’re warring with, you took all of the glory when
You were forced into George’s story way more than the midichlorians
Stuck Orbitin’ a hero who captured audience attention 
Got minced, then your forbidden romance became the fandom’s menace

With a prequel so unequal, now your series is extinct
I’m the last dragon when I’m rapping, you’re Jesus meets Jar Jar Binks
I’ve noticed you’ve grown tense ever since I’ve thrown flames
You’re usually so stone faced, so Annie are you okay?

Anakin (0:58)
So this is the heir to the great fire nation?
You’ve got that Iroh flare - bring shame to your entire nation
I’ve got a bad feeling for you, that put me in agony guy
Cause the only tragedy worse than that rapping was your daddy’s last agni kai

*Lightsaber noise*

I shouldn’t strike with anger as a trained Jedi Knight
But keep talking out of line and a trained Jedi might
Your empire is impure, so unbalanced but I’m sure
I’ve fought off a more dark force than a hundred fire Lord’s wars

Only thing more maddening than sand is combating ‘gainst a flashy brat of a padawan 
Would’ve been bygones, then he mentioned qui-gon, now the blue spirit’s fearin’ the blue blade I’ve drawn
Treat your friends the worst, who knows why they even bother
I’d give you what you deserve, but Zuko I am not your father
Zuko (1:41):
Those stormtrooper style disses barely nicked me
Emancipated from slavery just to be bought out by Disney
Your delivery’s so jaded it made even die-hard fans die
You’ll fry like your order, restore honor to your franchise

*Breakdown*

Darth Vader (2:10):
*breathing* You’ll have more than scar tissue
I’m harnessing a darkness even the phoenix king couldnt Mark up to
Your heart was so broken, came last in the throne running
Wanna beat Azula? Then I’ll school you like the Younglings

Combustion on the mic like boom boom, leave you like mai so gloom, doomed
Katara’s in fear, there’s no spirit healing, search your feelings you know it's true
No new hope for return once the Jedi burn in fire
Don’t try fighting back or striking at my new empire

Zuko:
Your new empire? Is that why Palps will strike you down?
I’m shocked to see myself atop the moral high ground
There’s fate in this duel,  I’m sorry to end this challenge
But you can’t redirect this lightning until you restore the balance

Central Rap Battles: Zuko vs. Anakin

Mancha as Taako
Hippie Rat as Guy Fieri / Announcer

It’s time to Sizzle It Up on the quest to find the best Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives! Wash your hands! Preheat your ovens! Rev up those fryers! It’s Taako vs Guy Fieri in...The Rap Battle Zone!

Guy Fieri:
The prophecy said you’d be saved, by the man who’s wreathed in flames,
But this is one Fiery Guy who won’t be doing the same!
I’m a burly sirloin, you’re built like a wet noodle
I advocate the working man, you’re more chaotic neutral.
So here's a Plane of Thought you can season with Worst-erch-ire
Alice Through the Frying Pan; you fell into the fire
Can't even make your namesake, stuck with a d6 of health
Never thought I'd see you calling for Genji to heal yourself!
You went to Garfield, done paid for one case of the Mondays
Won an all-you-can eat plate for the whole Jimmy Buffet!
“The garlic really complements the arsenic,” they said.
And then they graded you a Z, or should I...say zed!

Taako:
Taako’s good out here! I think you’ll enjoy the view
Let me work my magic [beat] Abraca-fuck-you!
You’re barbaric and garish! My Guy, what are you wearing?
You look like Smash Mouth went and gone all Super Saiyan!
It’s tragic, your diss’ll miss, I spit accurate Magic Missiles
But when you erratically spit arrhythmatic, you’ll fizzle
Don’t try to chew me out like you’re snacking on slabs of gristle
It’s apparent on your shirt I turned my clapbacks up to “sizzle”
And so now I debase myself, appearing here amid this meme
Who’s loading up on carbohydrates like a Food Pyramid scheme
Drive-ins, Dives, and Diners?! Ha! I hardly know her!
Oh and, Guy, your Donkey Sauce tastes like Go-Gurt.

Guy Fieri:
The true worth of man are the values that they’re driven by.
I made a great tendie tienda, but you’re the true Chicken Guy!
You may think it's swell to get your Taco Loaded in hell
Bro, you sold your own soul out... Animus Taako Bell!
I would spit it like Minute to Win It, hit it and rip into your tunic
But I should limit this minigame skit before you’re squished by an air conditioning unit.
What’s your “Kiss the Cook” apron to the flame decals I’m rocking on?
For a token gay you’d think you’d get your token in the gashapon

Taako:
Fuck yeah, Guy’s Grocery Gay plays loud and proud, hombre! 
You serve me a plate, I’m rolling constitution saves!
While Taako conjures up a lunch like “I wanna munch!” (Squad!)
Even my Grand Relic is the tastiest of the bunch!
I’d say maybe Ren’s the only being that can outdo me,
But we’ll keep that between You, Me, AND DUPREE!!!
You and I got a date with Death -- like your food, we’re heart stopping!
Taako’s Supreme! Call me sour cream, cuz I’m topping!

The Rap Battle Zone

Taako vs Guy Fieri. The Rap Battle Zone #1

LYRICS

Sam:
Sam I am. Going ham on an entity envious of Halloween 
Horror genre's fruit cake's true fate's in what the rules state. How many you following?
You should go back to Christmas shopping if you think bells are good toys and gifts
Checking your candy is quite handy, ‘cause you never know when I bring poison spit
When you're told to pass out to children, you’re leaving them unconscious 
A holiday slayer, odds stacked in my favor. You can call me See-Samhain
Leave the Lanterns' candles alone? Krampus can't learn to not blow
Comedy’s stopped when I throttle your throat, so send Santa your final words with your bones

Krampus:
Gruss… Vom… Krampus
Hopping out of the bag, it’s a battle transformed into madness
Tonight I’ll be having a feast when I steal the pumpkin off of this cabbage patch kid
A legend to the Alps, it’s clear Sam’s trickery couldn’t stand to my status
When a pumpkin’s spilling his guts
The only thing you’re spitting is blood
Give you a new mask as you’re thrown under the bus
Defending pumpkins, but I thought that you’d light a matchstick
So make like the children and drown in my flow
You’re playing a devil’s game when you rap against satanic Santa, I’m a literal G.O.A.T.
Bit off Myers and spit out the sequel ‘cause Michael couldn’t get enough dough 
Even I couldn’t fit your entire plot into a snow globe!
I always land fire with hooks, so Sam better ring up the jingle bells
Before you turn into the second child I’ve thrown into the seventh ring of hell!

Sam:
I don’t even know who you’re trying to entertain, uhhhh, el chupacabra?
You’re spitting so much filler, no wonder this sweet tooth’s against lockjaw
And saying I mired Myers? You couldn’t compare to the Mars Bars that I spit
I’ll choke out a goat and throw him down the smokestack ‘cause I always keep the fire lit
You’re a stocking stuffer of a movie, I leave blocks busted when I move in
Best be handing out treats when I land on the beat, ‘cause your mouth won’t be the only thing drooping!
Now I might not be on the nice list, but it’s pretty apparent
That my letters weren’t intended to capture a child’s parents!
You just gotta say my name to realize that Sam wins against Krampus
It’s sad, man, you couldn’t give scares when you slid down a chimney and left a living room as smashed bits
So I’ll break your chains and change your fate as you inflate my rage
More than any Macy’s Day Parade, try staying safe once this fake’s filleted on my razor blade

Krampus:
Can’t attack back with your wack raps, you bit off me like a lollipop 
So I’ll knapsack this damn track and stuff a Jack O’Lantern in a box
Spying on girls in the dressing room, too bad you couldn’t find a better way to dress
Looking like Sans in a scarecrow outfit, you’d get on the naughty list for your fashion sense
I knapsack your Patch of Sour Kids, you’re next to be slaughtered
Now your comics can join the other children, soaked in water without honor

CREDITS

Freshy Kanal as Krampus
https://soundcloud.com/freshy-kanal
Snakebite126 as Sam
https://soundcloud.com/snakebite126

Written by Rabi, B O R K, and Snakebite126
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Ihaski
Art by Blast03
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcw9SUYw-GI8RkYyYA1djVQ
Thumbnail by Rabi

Light Yagami vs Doctor Eggman. Battle Bytes #34

Battle Bytes | UBERocity