uh okay so uh basically i had a dream where i saw rowan atkinson at a party and played him bean vs chaplin which is why i used that beat but the announcer just said jim henson vs bowser jr so here we are happy april fools

Mr. Tibbs as Jim Henson/Kermit the Frog
Snakebite126 as Bowser Jr./Shadow Mario
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by InsaneBeatz

-LYRICS-

Jim:
Yo! My army’s more than a frog for this lizard
Origami King? I’m the Fraggle rock to your scissors 
You’re like Oscar the Grouch’s house, because you’re trash
Kermit:
Walking ‘round tryna kill a dude with a mustache 
I run this Sesame Street, but got those underground bars
Kermit:
With those goofy rhymes, makes sense that you ride a clown car
Spit Dark like a Crystal. I’m second to no other
Kermit:
Mario? You need Maury, bro.
Jim:
Peach is not the mother!

Bowser Jr.:
This is Boswer Jr.’s Fury, so don’t bother running up
Cuz I Shine on the mic and I burn like the Sun. You’re done!
Check that ugly mug, my paintbrush couldn’t touch it up
So make like your Muppets and shove it up in your fucking butt
Those rhymes were cancer. Did they come out your damn throat?
I make shadows puppets
Shadow Mario:
you just live your puppet’s shadow
After always snatching F.L.U.D.D., I’m used to taking flows away
Bowser Jr.:
I’ll drop the brush, I just painted you more red than Elmo’s face

Jim Henson vs Bowser Jr. | Half-Ass Rap Battles

VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqhS4X0ddOM

TicciSparks como Scott Pilgrim
GASU como Ramona Flowers

lightsøut como Boyfriend
Pandah como Girlfriend

Escrito por CyanCoat, TheBauestPerson, Cloud17 y TheSoul

Instrumental por CyanCoat

Lyrics (translated, not adapted) to English:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fyT1elZ536HsSyKYehtAM970e_yMIWygrV_B1vL6ZWA/edit?usp=sharing

Kim Pine:
(Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro!)

Anunciador:
GUERRAS DE RAP

Scott Pilgrim contra Boyfriend!

Girlfriend:
(Tres, Dos, Uno, Va!)

Scott Pilgrim y Ramona Flowers:
Juegos de ritmo? los gano, amigo mío!
(Si no, ve lo que hicimos contra el idiota de Gideon!)
Venceré en un Flash al pastiche de NewGrounds
Esta vez sin ayuda de Knives! (Parappa dirá Chau!)

Boyfriend:
Oh dios, qué haces aquí Scott? No salgas con más niños!
Tú y tu basura hipster vuélvanse para el 2005!
Tan blando como un Muffin, hoy soy tu nega-ninja!
Vas a ser el Ex Ocho, después de esta paliza!

Scott Pilgrim:
No lo creo, en este duelo voy a ser como tu suegro!
Tu deseo es tener Sexo y mis Bob-Ombas lo han des-hecho!

Boyfriend:
No hables de mi relación, tu novia es peor que Taylor Swift! (Ooh!)
Fuckboys pixelados no acaban bien contra mi! (Yeah!)

Scott Pilgrim:
¿Soy un Fuck Boy porque me dan lo que a ti no?
Mejor dime "Puck-Man", todas quieren darme el "Fuck"!

Boyfriend:
Mejor dicho "Cuck-Man", cuando llega el G-Man
Suelta el bajo que con Neil ya te van a reemplazar!

Scott Pilgrim y Ramona Flowers:
Derroté a ambos capitanes, América y Marvel!
(Mientras tú estás rapeando contra dos niños en disfraces!)
Pero enano vocaloid, sólo regurgitas flows...
YA BASTA! Pagarás tu crimen contra el hip hop!

Boyfriend:
Tus bandas son un crímen contra lo Sónico (& Knuckles)
Ellas se desmoronan cuando yo rockeo el Mic-hael
Cera debes tener, si crees que suenan bien
Como tu película, un fracaso van a ser!

Scott Pilgrim y Ramona Flowers:
Te supero en cualquier medio, hasta en los videojuegos!
Es normal cuando recaes en mods para hacerlo bueno...
(El subespacio en tu cabeza de seguro está vaciado...)
Si pensabas que tu moda vencería a mi legado!

Boyfriend:
¿Te refieres al legado de haber arruinado,,,
...A toda una generación, pedófilo fracasado?
Encima tardas seis tomos en tratar de ser mejor
Porque no quiere afrontar que es sólo un puto perdedor!

Scott Pilgrim y Ramona Flowers:
Luché por la chica en mis sueños! Poder de Entendimiento!
(Con cualquier nota en falso tu novia abandona el juego...)
Viví con Wallace, oye, no discrimino!
Así que al menos te queda ir a darte picos con Pico...

Boyfriend y Girlfriend:
¿Quieres hablar de homosexuales?... tienes tres ex-novias:
Volviste a dos de ellas lesbianas, y la otra te odia!
Ya no te escondas tras Ramona, maldito cobarde!
Te vencí por mi cuenta (Así es cómo se hace!) Ja!

Scott Pilgrim vs Boyfriend

this has been in the works for awhile, actually. i wanted to drop it back in september but things came up that prevented progress on it. here it is, finally released. hope you guys enjoy it. :)

Evan as Leon S. Kennedy
Alex as Chris Redfield

Thumbnail by Rabi
Written & Mixed by Alex

Lyrics:

Chris Redfield:
I’m a hulking berserker with the stone-cold smoulder
Who spends his free time punching motherfucking boulders
Been a top-tier Soldier long before Ada gave you the cold shoulder
I’ll snap you like a twig; put that gun back in your holster
Emo, gangly, garky, and samey
Exuding edgy angst like that’ll be enough to phase me
John Doe protag 
With the depth of Mr X’s hat
I piss on the pitiful aid that you lent to me
Another bullet’s entering a Kennedy
Oroboros in rap; biting right back at you
Don’t need to battle you, just need to tackle you
Bitch I will saddle your cocky ass attitude
No wonder Helena’s always so mad at you
I thrash your half-assed impact
You’re a Raccoon left digging through my trash
So c’mon, Pretty Boy,  if you want some violence
I’ll scrub the Earth of this Virus

Leon S. Kennedy:
From such a simple minded himbo, that’s some mighty big talk
I’ve been seeing’ the bodies of your squads dropping’ like bombs
You’re an uncultured swine with no class, asking for a beating
I’m the Agent this world needs, and that ain’t no secret
I’m versatile with hits, you can barely land yours
Guess your raps are as unrealistic as your body standards
I get in and out, I’m efficient; you flunk half the missions you’re given
A deer in the headlights in a village
I say good damn riddance
Here’s a bit of a PSA:
Don’t hand men to an irate ingrate
Who’s strategically insane
Losing troops faster than his fucking brain
In a battle? I’m Stratcom
Bad boy from Capcom coming after ya
S rank’s in my name
Bitch, you couldn’t handle Africa

Chris Redfield:
Is this your display against Simmons? ‘Cause that shit was pitiful
I’ve cracked the skulls of B.O.W’s...a simp shouldn’t be difficult
You had your shot and you missed, perhaps this hack will learn
That in this battle I’m his China: A crash...and a burn.
Your strength is misleading
A parasite in the series, but no Dominant Species
Sherry was the best thing you introduced
Bad news, bub, Ada’s not into you
You’re a Tyrant
A stain on the face of what’s righteous
Griping and whining
This child needs to grow a stiff upper lip in the face of fighting
If your puny ass is where our defense is at
ACAB, Leon, ACAB.
You lack leadership qualities, you can’t save the people
It’s as if I’m staring at the bargain bin Batman with an ego

Leon S. Kennedy:
When Evil was the Resident, I was the precedent
You were wasting away in a bar while I was defending the President
Drinking yourself to death, dazed and stuck in a haze
Unlike your friends stuck in shallow graves that your ass failed to save
You know, Chris, you have to get your hands dirty, can’t you see it?
Sometimes the answer isn’t always piledrive through tough decisions
Piers, Jill, Finn, LOOK at all the times that you failed
Sorry, man, no eggs on me...but I gladly tossed you the L

Leon S. Kennedy vs. Chris Redfield // Alex's Rap Battles #7

LYRICS

Zodiac Killer:
38- goodbye announcer, too bad you had no parting gifts
Now to this mess of a killer, I don’t know where to start with this 
With the countless origins you’re given by pre-teens thinking they’re Stephen King
makes you unthreatening, cheapening, cult burnings and murdering leaving grim
I’ve already been compared to a Jack, but somehow, you’re even weaker
Please cease, sir. You’re weak, sir. Don’t need many words to speak burns.
I’m a cold-blooded killer, a bold blood spiller
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything worse than your picture
With the blue faceplate, but this lame-rate would get crippled by my first shot
Burst shot, 9 millimeters in the grave until this worse slop
Gets burned hot, like my gun-fire, spitting shots to leave this teen shook
Try to rap with your “I have no mouth and must scream” look

Eyeless Jack:
Hidden in history for setting cars on fire? What a back burner
And that black mask? Static-y raps? You’re taking from the Observer
I’ll leave Zodiac burnin’ like hot tar, when I drop bars
But my thoughts are “No wonder he’s flopping, he already bombs hard”

Zodiac Killer:
That’s it? I expected more out of this classic
Guess Ticci Toby kin is prone to laugh tracks where they’re rapping
Burnt face and broken family, now hell’s where this devil’s advocate lies
Cap a Jack-ass and make his brains splatter; upgrade the count to 39

Eyeless Jack:
Ted Cruz wants to step to a monster of darkness 
But I'll rip the head screws off this dead moose, sell out on the black market
This suspected methhead vendetta spreader put his own life on private
Guess this battle’s a no-brainer, I could use something to spice up my diet 
So, read the note, kid, ‘fore the folktale is broken 
He’s hopeless, homeless, and no chance of holding
a throne! Left your legacy as just another John Doe
You lead cops on a wild goose chase like you’re murderous Where’s Waldo!
Things looks so bleak for this clone thief, I’ll be sure to kill you slowly
Make like another baby and take your own leave
It’s clear why people lost their fear of you, no newspapers to examine how
Your legacy’s gone on and shattered, where’s Zodiac rapping now?

CREDITS

DeegleNV as The Zodiac Killer 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcqoNcvUnQdz8otgTxOqWKQ
Razzy as Eyeless Jack
https://soundcloud.com/simplyrazzy

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClNJgoh_a9oYoLenAR0RzGg
Mixed by DeegleNV and Light
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40Azz3spGbl38LIF7uKqg
Beat by Audio Network
Thumbnail by Rabi

The Zodiac Killer vs. Eyeless Jack - Rap Battle

since I wanted to go ahead and have this out and also due to a lot of good slots being taken for the schedule I figured I'd drop this as a little surprise. happy early halloween everyone. :) thank you to everyone who was involved in the making of this!
stay spooky!!

Casting:
Dani as El Chupacabra
Alex as the Mothman

Written & Mixed by Alex
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Lyrics:

The Mothman:
Terrorizing from Buffalo long ways to Mason
Who said the Point’s meant to be Pleasant?
Tell me, what is your defense, peasant?
This is what my Prophecy destined!
I expected shivers
I’m cackling, you look so withered
And I must admit I’m a bit disappointed my foe is an unkempt lizard
So don’t step on the hills of the Farmlands
Don’t dwell on the hills as a Farmhand
In the night sky descending upon your gardens
You’ll witness eyes glaring, wings darkened
El Diablo hackneyed backwards crackhead, I’m bored by your story so listless
I am vile and wiry, handle my business, you can’t keep your facts consistent
Or your potential whereabouts, or your powers, or your appearance
So pardon my weariness, you mangy bitch, if I fail to see you as anything even close to vicious
Agh, you’re dry as the desert you come from
I tower like where I originate from
Let’s dance in the dim lighting
So c’mere Vampire, how’s about you bite me?

El Chupacabra:
This knock-off fallen angel is a mockery yet still hell-bound
I’ll waltz into West Virginia, find the tourists, tell the crowds
How El Chupacabra spread terror across continents, so tell me how’s it
That you claim to be the fiercer entity scaring hillbillies up in the mountains?
This cryptid’s cryptic, my cipher’s dire
You’re a half-baked antique Creepypasta
Mired in tropes like you came from a first grade writer
Step off of that bridge, I’ll extract your insides
I would’ve expected you of all demons to be...a bit more fly
You’re face-to-face with a real beast
Real creatures would laugh at you
With all the museums and statues
You’re a novelty attraction, they cash grab from you
Douse you in raps like it’s goats blood
From the victims I carve up
Your time’s done
When I kick into High Gere, your hope’s fucked

The Mothman:
I’m not surprised you lack backbone, that spine’s atrocious
Proportions more broken than this morbid hoax is
All bark, no bite
Your claws can’t catch me in the skies, you’d fail
Paling in comparison
It seems your scales aren’t up to scale

El Chupacabra:
You’re looking pretty grey and desaturated
Heh, someone’s a bit miffed their relevance has faded
Makes sense, that’s what an offhand joke does 
Being from the “TNT Areas” about the only time you can say you’ve blown up!

The Mothman:
I incite fear, I’m not some half-baked Satanic ritual
Rip the canines out of this canid who’s ‘power stance’ is pitiful
I Tracked the Chupacabra; and you were hopeless from the moment I landed
I’m linked to UFOS because my flow is not from this planet

El Chupacabra:
Is crumbling part of your plan in rap? I really doubt you will last
When your own presence made your own fucking bridge collapse
My teeth alone could clip you down a level, Winged Man...
I’m hungry, hijo de puta
Seems I flipped the switch on this Moth’s lamp

El Chupacabra vs. the Mothman // Alex's Rap Battles #8 ((Halloween Special 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 ))

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1qwRu6ZbBSI23S6UX_y7b24pC6OxeTit-bKVsnsvZln4/edit
Snakebite126 as Little Mac
Alex M. as Izuku Midoriya
MetaMachine as Doc Louis (cameo)
Written by MetaMachine, Raichous, Kamren the Person, GamingPlush64, FyxFynn and Adam.
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat by Hollywood Legend Productions
Thumbnail by Rabi
Hint for Meta's next battle: "Self-Reflections"
Hint for Gengo's next battle: "Mad Science"

Little Mac vs. Izuku Midoriya

Alex the Beast as Machamp
Dani Frias as Galarian Farfetch'd

Machamp:
My opponent’s a lowlife alola- galarian?
Smoke it with no fists, my toe tip could bury him
Pokemon’s GOAT, leaving foes without any limbs
Won’t waste my focus on no vegetarian

Farfetch’d:
Sure, keep insulting me like I’m the weak fighter
Only thing you’re good at breaking’s mirrors, Meat Spider
But if you’re gonna just continue laughing when we brawl
Well, then we’ll see who’s the gag when I evolve
Sirfetch’d:
I’ll strike at this tacky undeveloped sore sissy
With his gigantamax form looking like a gormiti 
Looks to me like you missed boxing 101, so I’d better state
Strapping a geodude to your back doesn’t make you heavyweight
Heh, at this point, Frankenstein should just pack up
With that mug, not even my beak could match up
Don’t wanna get intense cause this feud is petty
I’ll put down my sword and I’ll give you a wedgie

Machamp:
So Flour Power wants to say he’s improved
He just turned into the bad ending of playing with food (ha!)
Face with the ride me eyes, lay down your dying hype
Flimsy and weak, a disgrace to the fighting type
Basically Flying, why you in the first place?
Close to my level? You belong in a bird cage
This joke in the game’s shot at smoking my fame?
Want the answer? You got it in your own fucking name
I’m peak performance, your leek’s your offence
So maybe think twice before you beef enormous
Muscles I’m rocking that make my foes shudder, stunned
Sport Bird’ll wish he accepted the other guns
Squirt you’re a runner up, look at you all huddled up
Ready up a thunder punch, decimate this rubber duck
Coming in to rumble with an onion and some puffing up
Living example of how to speedrun a couple punctured lungs
This is a wild tourney, can you touch me in this state?
I’ve seen more agile birdies on a fucking dinner plate
While I don’t hesitate to leave a foe bleeding grim
There’s a reason I’m the ace in your own region’s gym

Sirfetch’d:
You’ve got no bars when dissing me, quit the bitch fit
Thought your no guard ability meant you didn’t miss hits
I’m the example? Well that just drives me up the wall
If you were a role model there’d be steroids in lunchables
Ooh, bud you stand lesser, not even my ancestor
Bring out all four of ‘em, I’ve seen Hitmonlee throw hands better
500 punches per sec? That’s blowing my mind
Cause last time I checked, your attack’s lower than mine (ay)
I flow in my lines like the flow in my mind when I strike with precision and leave you a sad sight
You flail your punches and fail to touch this, your fighting position’s more fit for a slap fight
It’s a slight stretch to act like Registeel 
Maybe I’ll use your body as my next veggie shield
So you’d better yield, it was a good game though
But it didn’t take a flying move to leave this gym teacher K.O.’ed

Written by Psytube
Mixed by Dani Frias
Cover Art by Rabi
Beat by Marsad Men

Machamp vs Galarian Farfetch'd - Pokémon Rap Battle

Do I even need to say it?

Beat Production: Call Me G
Thumbnail By: Fightmarker
Written By: Eric The Audible
Voice Work: Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Eric The Audible

LYRICS:
Mitchell:
In the 80s see a man self-made
With a family, proud in the USA
Today, I still show kids how games are played
But I got my two cents and I’m leaving the arcade

Don’t need the stats to see how bad you dropped
How are you gonna get mad over the 16th slot?
As a teen I recorded my first high-score
You’re screaming at teens for attention, like GEORGE

Yeah I took the gaming scene and put a face on it
You took the color green  just put a face on it 
Can’t speedrun this track when I forged your path man
Mitchell will perfect a bitch - like Pacman

Dream:
In this verse, I’ll catch a cease and desist
From a man saving face because he’s an egotist
And if you enjoy watching this dude destroy
His career, leave a like ‘cause it helps my vids

Now you, I’m not exactly the type to gloat
But I could match your fame with a single upload
And if you wonder why you sank and I float
Well just cause you can’t hit me doesn’t mean we’re in the same boat

AYO, looks like your stuck in a manhunt
Every ref should be put into handcuffs
All according to plan but, you got enraged cause
This ain’t a  problem that you can tape up

I’m making content that you could never emulate
You made the scene but I literally changed the game
Statistics twist my dreams to reality
Take out your fistful of quarters, Twin Galaxy

Central Rap Battles: Billy Mitchell vs. Dream

Thank you Paige!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Video drops Dec. 25th

Evan as Spike Spiegel
Snakebite126 as Vash the Stampede

Kuroneko as herself (Cameo)

Beat Produced by: 2Deep
Written by: Dani Frias
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Flow Test by: Dani Frias

Lyrics:

Spike:
You seem like a bounty that I wouldn't really get
One with beliefs that I could be hearing out of hippie Jet
So I'll stay chilling in space compared to your desert and fungus 
'cause last time you flew in a ship, your family played Among Us
Bang, messed in the head like Pierrot Le Fou
Clear that you'll lose; to me it ain't new, while I can't say the same for you
While I'm beating up about twenty bounties all the way through
You're on your first, down on your knees, talkin' 'bout "what would mommy do"
And I know your show gets sad and you can't bounce back
But maybe not put all the death scenes next to my soundtrack 
But I won't drag this like it's you with a car
So whatever happens, happens, I'll be exposing who you really are

Vash:
Thou shall not kill, but I can't promise you that
Don't assume that, I'll lose matches once we see where you at
I get shot at several times and I'm still up here spitting lines
But when you're swung at for your crimes, they made this man end up like Knives
They call me Stampede 'cause I stomp on you, ain't that right
I came first, you came worse, and now we're here to fight
I won't be spitting as lackluster as your show could
Tried way too hard to be mine so bad, they made a series off Wolfwood 
Call me a gun, 'cause I'm banging your ex-girl
Taking shrooms again, so just move on to the next world
As Vash is so brash when he's past dissing trash
So I'll give you some cash so you can have cigarettes furl

Spike:
Have at it, Humanoid Typhoon, think you run a tycoon?
Remember that they need my show so they can go like you
But still, you thought it in your head to go and push me
Glad I got a pair, 'cause you'd do anything for pussy

Vash:
And you'd do anything to clear up memories of crime life
They wouldn't like it when they now see a cop in the limelight 
So stand up and fight right, you Snapchat filter phony 
I would've been more scared of Spike from My Little Pony

Spike:
You look like a broom but can't sweep up ends
You did it good when you were killing all your friends
I may have a fake eye, it surprised all the masses
But I'd do anything not to wear those ugly-ass glasses
Rapping is a talent that you lack
Messed up that verse like it's a town or your back
Guess I got the 60 bill from crying donut man
Go and get Legato to fix up the next speech that you plan 

Vash:
Put down your weapon, you think you could spit it hot? Please
I'll call you Faye; I'm lying here like "you sing offkey"
I already dealt with Sax boys shooting when they met us
So I'll leave you drinking hardly that Frank Marlon would get jealous 
Takin' moves from Bruce Lee? You'll lose, see, I don't mean no harm
But what's martial arts gonna have up against my other arm
Got canceled like Big Shot, I know your fanbase would be pleased
See you, space cowboy. Back to pursuing love and peace

Spike Spiegel vs. Vash the Stampede - #8

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of sentient pastries; one good, one evil: The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man Enjoy, and happy holidays!

-LYRICS-

Pillsbury:
Yo. I’m Poppin’ Fresh out the oven. (hoo hoo) better show some respect
Cuz I’ve haven’t seen such a weak little so-called “threat “ (since when?) since your cousin from Shrek
You bring half-baked raps when you’re up on a mic. (yeh) Not even Brick would wanna stomach your lines
Looking like what Chucky eats for lunch in my eyes. There’s not a single crumb of Passion in your Crusty design. 
You fought a bong with a lighter; but ain’t as high as your writers, now you’re boutta be the buddy that is getting smoked, boy
Getting the guns ready and raining the Funfetti; so don’t you ever question why they call me Doughboy
I could watch Paula Deen on TV for an hour 15: it’d be a more scary movie
Only Got Milked for a couple sequels, and this cookie-cutter chump couldn’t bag Gary Busey

Gingerdead:
You can take that whole verse and shove it up your croissant. Kid, you’re… dead
Your whole company and personality’s soulless, and that's coming from a ginger... bread
(Ugh) You’re the yeast of my problems. (HAHA!) So now you got my anger rising
Wanna piece of me? (huh?) Start biting. You got such wack raps, call you Vanilla Icing
I’ll cut! Cut! Cut as fast as I can! Better Run! Run! Run, baby Marshmallow Man
I’ll smack the fuck! Fuck! Fuck outta you, man! And watch your gut! Gut! Gut get poked from the knife in my hand
So don’t fuck with Findlemeyer, It’ll feel like an oven when I’m spit this fire
I’ll tarnish you worse than some mother Smuckers could. Lyrical evil never tasted so good (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Freshy Kanal as Pillsbury Doughboy
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNLjRiychUaaCU0uJTYDUYA
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/610WQgwSmLL0U2wQzZdrqY?si=gufrrndCQbywBKzCoGadCA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FreshyKanal

Michael Stark as Gingerdead Man 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfULalNLwszljsyNj3Qt28Q
Twitter: https://twitter.com/The_Stark_Media
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/stark-media

Written by Commander Jacob and Michael Stark (w/ help from Razzy)
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by Dansonn

The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man | Half-Ass Rap Battles

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M-gsC6isIYNxxabUcg8zmu-VX4wjvOrQpOTVcaLUA7c/edit?usp=sharing

URBoF

Razputin vs Lucas 2 - URBoF #15

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.