lyrics:
god it sucks to want to want but  lord I’ve tried and i just dont
i need something to stay afloat, got cinderblocks for feet  i know 
“just try your best” i do i did, im standing on a falling cliff
“just take your pills” i did, i do, how many more until im thru?

this liferaft I’ve been granted is just cardboard and its slanted
and wherever i was going doesn’t matter anymore
its hard to care bout destinations when you’re drowning on the way
so if i hear another “years from now” i swear ill go insane

i miss my shrink i had in 2020, miss the years i left my room
the years where i could give a fuck about the things i feel or do
i miss when i was singing to nobody in my childhood home
when nothing felt performative, and bettering was full of hope

my god thou hath forsaken me, and birds are picking at my corpse
im strung out for you all to see, but all i get is: love this song
im overwhelmingly aware of everything that i do wrong
but how can i change that, theres nowhere to go if i move on

nowhere to go if i move on

and god how could i ever know  how useless it would feel to hope
the more i am disappointed the more i expect the worst i know
“just call the hotlines” oh i did, they told me to just go to sleep
“just call your shrink” and oh i will, but shes sick like she always is

this “bettering” im searching for is nothing but a canker sore
a wound that i keep touching so it cannot ever heal
its something i’ve been wishing since i was just a little kid
but it just hurt to realise the thing i want was never real

i miss the years i wasn’t sick, when i was ignorant in bliss
when i was small enough to play and never think about a thing
where i was on the swingset so convinced that i really could fly
now if i see a swingset  i can’t help but start to cry

my shrink thou hath forsaken me, a month between each useless talk
i keep on eating worthless meds and keep on getting worse and all
i want is to be better but what does that even mean?
i keep on wishing  i will wake up and this all would be a dream

Canker Sore

loser

forgive me father i have sinned
its been 2 years since my last album
every song I’ve written since
have been about not writing   i won’t
bore you with the details
i will spare you all the gore
please dont pick my brain for reasons 
why i haven’t written more

i was once a young musician   only 16  full of spark
with promising ambition  i  made  a lot of art
i wore my guitar on my back  no matter where i’d go i took it with
i wrote so many songs and didn’t care that they were mostly shit
in the years since i have wondered , what exactly caused the change
cus at some point in adulthood    writing turned into a pain
now i pick my words with caution ,  i am scared of every verse
perfectionism haunts me with its unproductive curse

i was once a  smaller being  truly hopeful to a fault
i was freshly turned adult yet  still a child inside my heart
the way i felt like i was owed something, a life devoid of pain
the same way everything  turns out alright    before the movie ends
i’ve learned that life  is merely life   just random acts of consequence
i hate to be so cynical  but  thats how i protect myself
from thinking i am owed a good life   just because i was abused
not that i am not, but it is work,   not a decided truth

forgive me father i have sinned
its been 2 years since my last album
every song I’ve written since
have been about not writing   i won’t
bore you with the details
i will spare you all the gore
please dont pick my brain for reasons 
why i haven’t written more

Life Is Merely Life

lyrics:

good damage   is  the damage  that is worthy of me writing about
the baggage i manhandle  until the moral of the story falls out
i need purpose  for the hurting ,  if i can’t undo  whats already been done
i subvert it into learning     to feel like theres a point to it all

theres  damage   i manage    and theres damage that is hard to admit
no lessons   to learn from    nothing i can make of it
but i keep it   tucked tightly   so close  it feels apart of my skin
if i leave it   just slightly   didn’t you get away with it?

so i cannot forgive you
but i can’t surrender the pain 
all there is left for me to do is remember
if i let go , forget it
then did it really happen at all ?
if my damage is just damage
then  how am  i suposed to go on?

i was 13  when i met you   but you said i was mature for my age
i was lonely   and  reclusive     so i was easy to manipulate
you told me  you loved me   and put me thru such horrible shit
how could you want me   when i was just a fucking kid?

so i cannot forgive you
but i can’t surrender the pain 
all there is left for me to do is remember
if i let go , forget it
then did it really happen at all ?
if my damage is just damage
then  how am  i suposed to go on?

Good Damage

Godless Interlude

Trust In The Process

unfinished, forgotten & scrapped songs, demos & ideas i've decided needed more love than they got when i made them . these are from 2019-2024, & i hope you like them <3

am i honest for once

before people listened to my songs

one last time

Uncanny Valley

as long as i am bleeding

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 26 year old creature that sings about sadness and bettering