here I am losing myself again :(

out on all plats soon

losing myself again

Prod- Kado


I’m not doing well I’m not feeling like myself 
Haven’t slept for several days feel it wearing on my health
Living in a haze with my shelf life expired 
Made a few attempts but it seems I’m a survivor 
Had my feet to the fire for my entire existence listen life Is a prison unless you live with no limits 
God as my witness I know I’m going to hell
Till the day I die you’ll find that I’m the flyest in the commonwealth 
The fyest that I ever felt,
Got my lyrics tatted 
Give a fuck about a Gucci belt 
This shits automatic 
Been a while since I hurt myself I’m proud to say I turned around a life that was quickly going south 
Now I just sit around and watch the world around me degrade 
As I prepare to be impaired for all the rest of my days 
Sick of running scared with my fears im face to face 
Cause I want to get better but I’m set in my ways


Lately I don’t care if you hate me 
I’m just thinking that maybe you’ll miss me around
I cant wait to be alright 
I just want to live my life
I don’t really need another chance to let you down 

Now I been going through a phase
On the search for better days
Patterns flip into a labyrinth this life is such a maze 
It’s amazing that i got nearly as far as I did
That I avoided Jackson state or getting stuck with a kid 
It’s my flock i ain’t about to let no wolves in my pen 
Man I been there and done that, quick to forget 
Where I’m at and where I been and what I’ve done in the booth 
Now I feel like Paul Peirce I’m the motherfucking truth 
Ain’t no jealousy inside of  me I’m proud of my friends 
Ima live the life I want until the day that it ends 
It tends to be that people leave and maybe that’s for the best 
If you not coming on the ride then we’re not sharing success 
I’m not sharing my press, in my prime this the pinnacle 
Time flyin by still cynical, It’s cyclical 
The way that I’ve been feeling so don’t ask  Where my head is 
I been saying for a minute I been blessed with a death wish

Degrade

When I Needed It

fine.

Vendetta

produced by autrioly

lyrics;
girl when u call me ion wanna pick up
hearing ur voice got me feeling some type of way
if u where me would u not have ur guard up?
if i do not answer the phone dont call me again
u always trying to use the things i say as a weapon
look me in the eyes n tell me u dont love him
take a flight
cuz im jus trying to get high
im jus trying to get by
take a flight
pick up the mic
im feeling alright
yeah

girl when u call me ion wanna pick up
hearing ur voice got me feeling some type of way
if u where me would u not have ur guard up?
if i do not answer the phone dont call me again
u always trying to use the things i say as a weapon
look me in the eyes n tell me u dont love him

i mean ur the reason i been getting all fucked up again

look at me using u as a excuse again
because i dont wanna take the blame for it again
look at me losing myself again
im cutting myself out in the open

i cannot not disappear
so you got and ha

losing myself again (disappear)

produced by lostcage

lyrics;
i got blunt ash on my coat
i got dabs all over my clothes
all i do is fucking smoke
im coughing all night u can hear me choke
i record this song than come up with a emote
than i spend all day in bed watching supernatural
baby wipe ur nose because u look like u got a cold
u fuck with my head n turned my heart to stone
and i feel like theres a rope tied around my throat
im jus too fucked up im too stoned


crashout
crashout
thats all i fucking do
i cant control my anger
its been like 4 months since i been sober
its starting to get warmer
but i still feel colder
im always looking over my shoulder
friends tell me i should ignore her
but i wanna hear her voice
ik i keep making these choices
i like it when she uses me as her toy
because i get some sort of fucking joy
throw me to the side for ur new boy
i mean someones gotta be the villain in your story
it dont matter how many times i say sorry
i did it and im sorry


crashout

produced by scottysplash

lyrics;
i got years of blood on my hands and I’ll never wash it off
I’m chasing all the drugs, liquor & pain, tryna find a place where I belong
trapped in the shadows, i try to survive, n we don’t care about what cost
I wear a heavy crown, but I wear it like a boss

I’ve been lost, I’ve been down low, its been feeling real empty on my throne
i did say i was never gonna come home, but i don't even know where ill go
i was 18 when I wrote the world is cold & guess what  its still cold
ive been feeling real low, real low, low low low
im trying to fill this whole the only way i ever know

I wear the weight like it's stitched in my skin,
i hold on and beg everyone to forgive 
but all i fucking do is sin
everyday i wanna quit
i tell myself everyday this is it
im trapped, im trapped, im trapped 

we were all supposed to get along
but for how long
playing chants and singing a warriors song
blood shed all over the battle field
and i dont even know what weapon i wield
god told me to go forward 
but im trapped by my past
using my shield to parry 
sword vs sword combat jus to be treated fairly


crown

Breakdown

produced by scottysplash

lyrics;
i been smoking till my eyes go red
i been wasting everyday in this bed
been wishing everyday i was dead
how the fuck do i try when there is nothing left
jus switched my meds
but i dont think theyll fucked up head
but ill try because im always trying my best

i know im a mess
n i know i got these regrets
so why the fuck do i wanna be dead
ive had friends i lost and friends i pushed away
day to day
night to night
im not feeling alright
week to week
month to month
im lost in my head 
i see the seasons changing like its twilight
been a year and i still dont feel any different
been 2 years i been stagnant


mess

produced by autrioly

lyrics;
im taking my lighter and im burning every bridge
i roll up this weed n i take another hit
i pick up this pill bottle and toss 1 down my throat
i keep saying i wanna quit
but its the only thing that makes life easy
if i quit than i feel like id hate it
a life so grey and dull
drugs r the only thing that helps it
ion think i can ever quit

burned bridges

i can't find the prod :( if anybody knows his name plz lmk

shoutout @melmige

when i step out the rental house i’m feeling fifa w/ my kicks
adolescent, my fits
heard you got a new man, why you staying on my dick
stand on this shit
on sum “u could do much better if u wasn’t such a bish”
..that’s why shizu doesn’t miss

see our contrast stark like it’s ironman
ur heated up like Bluestar; i’m the fucking fireman
it’s funeral season all black on my attire
hit the track in one evening spent a minute in retirement
mr rock how flows Will slap a nosey nigga
chrome could blow a nigga top clean
he dug/doug deep and then, now his dome is dimmer/dimma
fairly odd problem solver make u wish a turner w/ you
but bigger picture jus me, yet six figured
when ur money counter’s black screen w/ no balance
this no challenge
hurl spit, his word salad
it’s songwriting line-of-fire and ice ballads

(be sincere for once i promise it won’t hurt you
post-ironic posturing i promise it’s a clear view
i got on your intention it’s embarrassing you consider yourself sinister
a minute in the mirror got u cracking under pressure)

spent some time in a rut
spent a couple hundred keeping hunger barred out enough
spent a couple dozen months pulling myself out the mud
spent a ton of fucking energy keeping air in my lungs
suffocating off the apathy i’d kill for your complaints
the suffered casualties have left me battled scarred in disarray
hard and weathered by reality my dreams been going gray
desaturated by mentalities developed in the fray
but i’m aware of where i’m fine
me and shizu hit piano licks like elton 89
the sacrifices will be worth it
artificer with my words
twist phonetics to the rhythm i could spit until it burns i can’t stop
what’s the alternative if i do
i’ve exhausted any option beyond entry level food and service
fuck if that’s my future fuck if i don’t make a move
and flip the script and kick off i’m mister tech deck im off
grimey spitting vitriol on non-profit beat rips
sliding with philosophy, horosha does the drum kicks
match the tempo that my heart is beating cuz i live for this
and if you don't, don't fuck with me i promise we are not friends

fire//ice (ft. melmige)

produced by xvn
mixed by me and @web
feat @web

  marsmal:
the pills ease my mind
the henny helps me match the vibe
barely ever do anything but stay inside
feels like this shit is a waste of time
but I do what i want jus to feel alive
drinking again to keep her off my mind
smoking again jus so i dont get to high
my stomach feels like shit but i wanna goto bed
but i cant get the image of her out my head
its filled with this dread

i went from playing mc everyday
todoing these drugs
now they fucking control me
do u rly know me
are you really about that
do u rly wanna be my homie
if u know than u should show me
theres not much in this life
but love and loyality
and thats what i want with the respect
or ill end up fucking dead
this is the end
ion wanna leave my bed
i wanna get the shit off my chest

web:
walking by the train
i could hear the rain fall down
and i dont wanna speak too loud
no idont wanna say that now
no one wanna tell me what to do aye
like how the fuck im supposed to grow and move aye
on your head like toupe
singing shit like duvet
kicking shit like liu kang

marsmal:
the pills ease my mind
the henny helps me match the vibe
barely ever do anything but stay inside
feels like this shit is a waste of time
but I do what i want jus to feel alive
drinking again to keep her off my mind
smoking again jus so i dont get to high
my stomach feels like shit but i wanna goto bed
but i cant get the image of her out my head
its filled with this dread

web:
rain is falling down on the sidewalk
swear im never listened to when i talk
never been so worried bout myself
and i know you're just worried bout my health but
i got checks that i should fucking run up
its all about the money and the drugs bitch fuck love
and imma keep that sentiment till i turn dust

marsmal:
the pills ease my mind
the henny helps me match the vibe
barely ever do anything but stay inside
feels like this shit is a waste of time
but I do what i want jus to feel alive
drinking again to keep her off my mind
smoking again jus so i dont get to high
my stomach feels like shit but i wanna goto bed
but i cant get the image of her out my head
its filled with this dread

pills w/ web

lyrics

i feel like im the number2 
tossing me aside oh i rly was a toy to u
straight off of the jump i had a read on u
u knw it aint nun new
i had high hopes and i trusted u
look at what that trust will do
oh ive tried to bluff , u been bluffing to
i know it aint nun new

im turning my brain into dust
i cant complain itll toughen me up
i cant complain cuz im ending up numb
i cannot live when ur telling me off
im boutta freak out 
she say she want me now
what abt when i was down
what about when i was out 

i feel like im the number2 
tossing me aside oh i rly was a toy to u
straight off of the jump i had a read on u
u knw it aint nun new
i had high hopes and i trusted u
look at what that trust will do
oh ive tried to bluff , u been bluffing to
i know it aint nun new

numbr2 (flesh + taurs)

lyrics:

i dont give a fuck i just stay going hard
spit a tuff verse on a sad ass guitar
everyone know me they fuck with webstar
i dont got room for your bitch in my car

im godlike
young webstar under spotlight
keep going up no stop signs yuh
aint no way that anyone could stop us bruh

flexed up boss i dont give a fuck
deadwood gods come and fuck with us
internet surf through traffic
deleted sc disappeared like magic
had to come back cuz my life went tragic aye
self sabotage its a damn bad habit

web god internet surf

Hoodie on top of my shirt alone is 7 bands
Blood on top my 32’s and 12 mens
She might be a demon but somehow she heaven sent
Soon as I stop my breathing she reach out and bite my neck

Soon as I finish work ill be there 10 ill make it happen
I cant help but stay up thru this night im off a gram of magic
Every time we fight I gotta tell myself u never mean it
I cant help but sleep as soon I mix my cup and see it bleeding
I cant help but sleep as soon as I do my cup and see it bleed
Its too hot in here im tryna recoup but I count breath
I fucked up the dose and now the drugs alone controlling me
I need u to lift me up and try to put back the soul in me
I got 20 bucks in the pocket of my diesel jeans
Im just tryna do whatever I could to be wanted
I could buy a deeg and relax while u holding me
Never in my life did I think id be a zombie
Marks on my hands I think doomsday upon me
Burns on my back scratch marks on my face
I got bruises on my waist but im still so cocky
Could u Help me with my heart cause I cant tell the bad apart from the good
Anymore
And even if I could would I wanna know which one I am

Hoodie on top of my shirt alone is 7 bands
Blood on top my 32’s and 12 mens
She might be a demon but somehow she heaven sent
Soon as I stop my breathing she reach out and bite my neck

Its racks on my head she wrapped round my head oh no
U got me in a headlock baby
If u couldnt wait how the fuck I stand a chance on my own
Its hard when half the people here hate me
Its good having shoulders around u until its elbows
U tryna take it left I know u tryna take it where I dont wanna go
U keep tryna take it personal and that game plan is starting get old
Im in the basement and im starting grow mold
I been here forever what’s a couple nights more
Ill keep waiting here and until im part of this floor
She reach over to feed and I just watch the blood pour

Hoodie on top of my shirt alone is 7 bands
Blood on top my 32’s and 12 mens
She might be a demon but somehow she heaven sent
Soon as I stop my breathing she reach out and bite my neck

luvbitez (jabarionthebeat x prodcrater x vogomusic)

Prod. Kado go show him love

Lyrics:

I can’t believe I got as far as I have without the help you said you’d give me 
Different life and I might be thanking you for sticking with me but i guess
That it’s all for the best 
Mom was correct 
I’ve Cursed since seventeen but since my birth I’ve been blessed  
Now I have to go and get all these feelings off of my chest
hasn’t made the feeling better but it’s bringing In checks
Every day is still a struggle every night is a test 
I know one day ima blow up it just ain’t happen yet 
Had to stay in my home when all the homies already left they 
Chasing dreams or chasing knowledge just acquiring debt 
And then they only come around when they see you at your best
I’m sorry that I yelled I’m just so fucking upset 

I’m so Tired of feeling like I’m just wasting my breath 
Like I’m screaming at a being that I ain’t ever met 
Like god above abandoned me he knows I’m a threat 
Maybe when I’m judged I’ll find some solace in death 

I know you don’t need me 
Could you please just let me down Easy 
When  you leave what do you do? 
It’s obvious I mean nothing to you 
Couldn’t care less I see right through you 
When I’m alone I think of you 

You know I’m just a person
We get what we deserve and 
I’ll shoulder all this burden 
Now that I’ve been deserted 
Didn’t say I’m perfect 
Didn’t even say I’m worth it
I just thought that maybe you’d give a fuck that I’m clearly hurting 
Working on a different version of who I was
I gave everything I have it seems it’s never enough, in the bluff 
With the homies going out of our minds 
keep it up and someone’s gonna gun me down in my prime 
I can’t believe I got as far as I have without you there you never cared and I knew it I blew it it’s so fucking rare 
To find a genuine love when you in it  
You know that it’s real 
But I’m better off alone I’m gonna die on that hill
Confined in my head
that’s all I want that’s all I need but in the end I always seem to get the better of me 
I can tell that you got somewhere better to be 
In the end I know there’s always someone 
better than me 
cool

Fade

22 | vox/songwriter & engineer 

i make what i want my music isnt for everyone

email - m@scars.online

pills w/ web

marsmal

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