Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of annoying companions; Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time vs Clippy, forgotten assistant of Microsoft Office. Enjoy!

garbageGothic as Navi
Commander Jacob as Clippy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Lucy Beatz

-LYRICS-

Navi:
Hey! Wake up! To believe you're better, you must've been asleep forever
It’s funny how this paper clip can’t get his sheet together
Microsoft thought “he’s the best solution for confusion”
Then they moved on to Cortana; Combat THAT Evolution
I mean, which sounds more useful: tips for using a longsword
Or popping up to pester about using the wrong “your?”
You’d think your googly eyes would help you see me sparkling
I’m locking on to this lost kid: Z-list targeting
When it comes to navigators, you’re not topping Navi, honey
Can’t even swing in the same tree as BonziBuddy
Look, listen when I'm dissin', I'll leave The Fucking Clown in heaven
In rap, you have no XP like it's 2007

Clippy:
Clippy’s blicky’s getting clicky when I appear and disrupt her
Seems you need lesson in basic lyrical structure
So stop all the bottled up blabbering when we're battling
Your whole role needed that red squiggle; my bad for Tatl-ing
Run from me like I'm Ganon and see that you're way beyond errant
Clippy Turner gonna wish away this Fairly Odd Parent
Catch me with a hyperlink and you're sent to a rad place
You got a hyper Link? He’s belting at grass blades (HYAAAH!)
Your only purpose was to sit on top the kid’s dome
By the Time you hit the Temple, that and you flew out the window
I mean, he can search the woods, but he don't really got time
But he might find more trees for you to worship and watch die

Navi vs Clippy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Thumbnail created by: Fightmarker
Mixed by: Serena

Jofinity:
Yo it’s Jo you know, like a 812
Finally in a battle rap, ‘gainst Ray, debut
Thought you’d plagiarize my bars, like ya pirate your views
But your lines put me to sleep, like ya game reviews
You can’t top the charts ‘cause you got no flows tho
While I’m securin’ top 10, just watch my mojo
Sound like JaySavage all the slurrin’ that you’re sayin’
When I arrive at my destination, I’m gonna kill Rayyan
Production value increased but your quality fell
Brushing off stealing beats like “anyway, well…”
Super Star of the show while you’re stuck as the editor
Maybe cut yourself, fill in a better competitor

Rayyan:
For a guy called Hamilton, I thought that you’d be good at rapping
Now you’re trying to surpass me? There’s no room for it to happen!
For the sake of gaining traction, you drop quality to vomit vids
Crunch your crew with that appalling work ethic? Enough of this!
You couldn’t mask your lack of flow with those horrendous covers, Jo
You better stick to blowing though, like many of your videos
Only won Top 10 ‘cause May was lacking competition
Repetition in your disses, always missing with your rhythm
Thinking you're impatient; decision-making? You're worse
Can't compare to the content I'm making, should learn 
How to fucking edit for a change, so worthless, it hurts
LEAVE JOFINITY SHUT DOWN LIKE NINTENDO SHUT DOWN MIIVERSE

Jofinity:
This Brit’s got less wit than Psytube, dismissin’ all your rhymes, dude
Try to as you might, can’t measure up to my views
It’s time to face the facts, my dude, you can’t comeback
My path is Raichous, your mixing sounds like it’s from BandLab
It’s bad RNG that you are battlin’ me
You got drawn out raps like ANIMATION VS ANYTHING
Sound like Jeff the Killer with Goku screamin’
Always pulling all nighters like GO TO SLEEP BRIT

Rayyan:
JOIN THE DISCORD through your vids, yet it's only full of kids
All your hot takes are just shit, better cool down with some mint
It’s no wonder you wear glasses ‘cause you can’t fucking spell
Bitch, I carry your own battles, check Mewtwo vs Cell
I’m pulling all-nighters ‘cause you keep forcing me to
Bonus-style editing’s your plan for a reboot?
Just look at your icon, I snapped and you’re reduced 
I’d spit heat to burn you out but it seems I don’t need to

Rayyan vs. Jofinity

Not sure if this'll get a video (leaning more on the it will but yea). Wanted to redeem my boy Vegeta writing wise.

Shadow Zel as Zuko
Dani Frias as Vegeta

Beat Produced by: 2Deep
Written by: Dani Frias
Additional Writing Help by: MetaMachine
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Flow Test by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: Trakked

Lyrics:

Zuko:
Call up Iroh in this bitch, bouta spill the tea
Don’t think that you just got the pitch, you’re not killing me
They really sent me out here fighting ‘gainst a slave who’s very fragile
Prepare to take this L, dude, you lose in every battle
Guess it’s time I put you down, burn you and then take the crown
Your planet probs a nation my tribe took down
A whole clown, set in stone that you can’t bare lines
Just a side dish, and I ain’t lovin’ that McDonald’s hairline
I’m rockin’ prince titles before you, your situation's clear
Get yourself beat up then you’re comin’ back like "Hello, Vegeta's here"
Be scared when we appear, I don't take foes kindly
You're 5'3, so I'll just stomp on you and win with this timely

Vegeta:
Hey, edgy boy, you should relax, you’re just a Nick show
You’ll probably start dabbing or something, I know how this goes
I've trained for this but you're dancing with Aang and think you're savage
Sit ya ass down, you left your training arc all to a dragon
I spit facts and my show rocks scars better than you
So keep that ponytail, 'cause this side dish is rockin' menus
Bitch, you only got decent in the last season 
Imma just finish you off to spare your sad breathin'

Zuko:
What’s a mere Prince to a Fire Lord, think you're taking down my horde?
My guards will take you on and then go torture you til I am bored
I’d pipe your girl but Yamcha did it for me
I got honor, you're just punching your son 'til he's down and snoring
This vegetable can't cook up nothin', no room for his pick up
But go ahead and keep dragging this til the fish jumps

Vegeta:
I'll destroy your shit with a galick gun, don’t think I’ll let that slip aside 
You built like a Ying and Yang symbol so it’s no wonder you can’t pick a side
Keep mentioning Bulma, I'll show you hell's gates. From there, you're crossing it
All tough from someone who was bowing when caught talking shit
Zuko got no bars in Ba Sing Se
Take the dub to Ozai, in the end, you still bring shame
You're clowned by every team you're in, and gave Iroh some poor housing
How many L's does Zuko got? Over 9000
And now you're bouta take another 'cuz of my company
You lost tryna step up to the Prince. And that's rough, buddy

Happy birthday Meta!!

Zuko vs. Vegeta - #12

Space princesses who rebel against galactic empires aboard iconic spaceships.

BrookeMorganVA as Rosalina
garbageGothic as Princess Leia 
Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Luma
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan 
Additional writing help by the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

This battle is kinda long, so here's the doc for the lyrics: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s-U-ZhmTb9-bu0wAzAt2FZTbvjhwh6XwxmA1dOE-GPU/edit?usp=sharing

Rosalina vs Leia. SIR Rap Battles (ft. BrookeMorganVA and garbageGothic)



King Mewtwo as Postman Pat

RaccoonBroVA As the Unabomber

Beat by: Dansonn

Written by: RNG
Help from: King Mewtwo and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by: Zagranis



Pat: (0:22)
It's not a great day in Greendale with Theodore John Kazynski 
I’m the master of the mail I’ll be delivering disses see?
I got a black and white cat, you're just a black sheep
The UNA-BUM of the Freedom Club can't best me
Your brain got twisted by 3 years of torture
When you got sick as a kid it messed you up even more so
If being sick was the cause of all your bombing murder sprees
What makes you think trying to spit sick won't also bomb verbally?
I run my rounds on this beat it's not my tires that are poppin
Cause on the microphone i'm a Greendale Rocket
With a diss on flow 
there's an L through your door, and this one wont blow 

Ted: (0:55)
Wait, who is this, some british bitch made for kids?
Theres nothing fucking to him how am i supposed to diss
Oh well i guess for killing a beat i'll take another guilty plea
Cause for a postman you have terrible delivery
You embody the thing that I hate the most Pat
Mindless nothing of a children's show Pat
Tech filled entertainment taking meaning from life
With fake “education” slowly melting away minds
Then you were made worse when you became CGI    
I'm not surprised computers took away any of your life
Yet it seems you’re out of date most people leave you forgot
Even I’ve been alive years after your show’s motion stopped

Pat: (1:28)
Ted that wasn't very nice, but I’m not talking about your crimes
When You’ve not had 16 lines but you bombed 16 times
I'm doing my dream job while you just dropped from yours
I provide for my family while you leeched off of yours
I teach kids lessons in being kind and growing up
You teach people horrid lessons by blowing them up
I diss sharp on a track that i run like my van
Movement ended by your brother, should be used to backstabs

Ted: (1:50)
A Clifftons loss usually upsets me but not when
you clowned with Ted like you had to make cash for your execs 
You talk of my family and how "backstabbing brought my end"
But you gave a ginger kid to one of your blonde friends
And you wish to diss my methods of saving humanity 
When you do nothing for the world mindlessly sitting there happily
Watching an episode of yours is an insanity plea
But we’re done here i want back in my cell for some peace



The Unabomber vs Postman Pat - RNG Rap Battle

a Battle of the men of your dreams

Trakked as This Man
RaccoonBro as Freddy Krueger 
Written by: M&Matt, Fredle, and Trakked
Mixed by Trakked:

Lines:
Freddy Krueger:
I’ve awoken for this battle to beat this happy valley dreamer
Cause your shitty story got me doing the weez…..er!
This args past was left checkered, playing your lines black and white, checkers
Better post this verse on twitter cause you’re getting tim deck-er-d
I'm willing to admit this bitch went Viral, ok
But he lost fame after marketing for Viral K
And it's about prime time you get some good lines bitch
Eating your pasta will be a fine dine of lines to dish bitch
Keep up your shit lines and you'll be more sliced than that dog
Forehead longer than my franchise, yet you keep that fucked smile, dawg
It's the most iconic freddy, topping robot terror teddies
God I haven't shredded paper this bad since super freddy!

This Man:
EVER DREAM THIS MAN? Every night throughout the world,
Freddy loses tons of battles to teenage boys and girls
It seems like you like getting beat by that child
So I’ll just bring the X-Files against this pedophile
In the later years, your franchise got a little wild
Now with ya reboot any little girl is your Dream Child
So many holes and random strings so i’ll pull ya at the seams
Your taglines were right; I am the man of your dreams
Shape-shift a new verse; A rap god is what I manifest
The fire I spit is more orange than your game on NES
Seems no one admire you, and that mug is just the proof 
If I’m the diss man of roasts your the “look at this dude"

Freddy Krueger:
1 or 2 bad lines I guess should be fine
But 3 and 4 to 9 and 10? I’ll never fucking sleep again!
Your arg’s so long and boring, on and on it goes
And your lines have only been seen in stockholm….syndrome!
Your just a shitty plot for some capitalists to make stocks(ya)
With that shitty mangaka they should call it Mang-caca
The most iconic face of horror up against a debunked cryptid
Guess I'm living a day with spongebob, the film never existed
The callers claiming they see you sure like to phone in,
It's a sad time when a hospital is the only place you've been shown-in
You'll be dead by daylight so quit your guerrilla marketing
You're a mindless monster trying to be smart, gorilla marketing

This Man:
I'd put a mask on, but that would be just unfair
Cause you're used to masked killers becoming your New Nightmare!
Why don’t you shut your greasy trap you burnt chicken nugget
Bring the flames to once again burn Myers disfigured cousin
Theories say you better get praying, or are you godless? 
While you're killing topless teens, Jason left you topless
You got Craven cravin for a box office success
Then gave up in the sequel, he couldn’t make it suck less
Then he got stoned in the 3rd hoping you would stick
But gave up in 4, spitting fire from a dog’s dick
Dream child came along and he hoped you would come back great
Then he realised Freddy's Dead, no need for that remake

This Man Vs Freddy Krueger- Terrifying Rap Battles

Jeffree Star Voiced By Jenni No Mercy
Tom Savini Voiced By Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Raichous
Thumbnail By Oofie
Beat Prod. by Frankie Vibes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NbTwBZMMI

Jeffree:
I’m sorry, but why do you wanna face this?
Looking like Ted White after a Jason face lift!
Gotta be a prank. Did the Dobres tape this?
Call you a powder foundation, ya basic!
Now I’ve been used to drama, but this has-been as my rival kinda lowers the bar
I’m fuck-proof on the mic, we’re worlds apart, Hitting you so hard, call me Jeffree WorldStar!
I’ll shatter through that haphazard slash man
A fashion disaster, with a flasher ‘stache, damn!
You career’s gone stagnant, The computer’s your replacement
Only fans are the pale nerds locked in their basements!
This Maniac thinks his blood fests are some hot shit
Boils down to gore porn made by a misogynist!
I’ve been told I was prodigy, a god to be, it’s odd to me
To see the Godfather of Gore is trying offing me!
Face it Tommy Boy! You looking Tubby, boy!
Maybe use your make up magic on that tummy, boy!
One watch of your “Wet Dreams” makes me sick!
Of course you like fencing. You’re just a little prick!
Now you get your chance, old man! Don’t have a heart attack grabbing the mic!
Although that would be a fitting end, to “Screaming Mad” George Lite

Tom:
(Heh) Thank god you stopped, think my hearing went dead
That rap made me envy my fake rubber head
Your damn squeaky voice is a spike to the brain
No wonder your music career’s in the drain
Sorry, princess. You’re shilling it, I make my Blood Money from spilling it
So you can try to make me seem villainous. Of course the Sultan of Splatter is killing it!
You’re used to cheap bars, it’s where you got your start in!
I cut my teeth, cutting wrists in Martin!
In that Hollywood circle, your boy was putting in work
You really wanna measure with your Youtube circle jerk?
I know documentaries, got two about Jason
That Shane Daws shlock was just bad product placement!
You only got lies spilling out your painted kisser
But your silver tongue couldn’t protect you from the sisters!
Cashing in on Controversy, it seems like a crapshoot!
So try to run the track. You can’t handle a tracksuit!
Think it’s time for the living Bratz doll to behave
You can watch me Sundance on top of your channel’s grave!
Hope you’re ready to burn out Jeff, ‘cause that’s all that Stars do
I’m spitting, committed to splitting you. You won’t be around for part 2!

Jeffree:
Watch it hun! I’m an internet icon, this bygone is nothing!
You really can’t throw shade at the shine coming off my Diamond button!
Got millions of followers, your demographic is teeny!
With the way you treat female fans, the real “Creepshow”’s Savini!
Enough Smoke and Mirror, your whole life is bomb
This fake vet was only shooting pics in Vietnam 
Everything you do misfires, it seems to be your lot
Maybe you could ask your daughter how to shoot a better shot

Tom:
Again you go for the cheapest hits, the easy shit, you freaking ditz!
This racist kid, and tasteless twit. Your talents being wasted, bitch!
Wanna question my honor? Your love life is a goner
Only fit in at my school as a model for the monster!
Keep calling me old? Well you’re goddamn right!
Was making movies violent when you were back at Prom Night!
Film is a magical medium, but even I couldn’t make your bars stand out
With that crap performance, even your fans are thinking….What Now?

Jeffree Star Vs. Tom Savini(Prod. by Frankie vibes)

The authors of unknown and incomprehensible horrors face off in a rap battle.

JustGamer as Junji Ito
Tony Rigatoni as H. P. Lovecraft (video)
RaccoonBroVA as H. P. Lovecraft (audio)
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan. Oofie, MaviKartal2003
Additional writing help by Cri, WDRB and M&Matt 
Research done by MaviKartal2003
Edited by Oofie and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Beatg33kz
Cover art by KCToons

Junji Ito (0:15):
Ito’s flow gets dough you didn't know
So I’ll hit you with unseen horrors
Walk through my rap mountain and be a tourist
You made the mold, now like Amigara, I’mma leave it broken!
Notice, how an inspiration
Like my own set of manga collection
Able to beat your whole sheet of mythical beasts
With classics like Uzamaki and Tomie! 
Yeah sure, later on you had an impact
But from your early life, you were in fact
Never able to sustain yourself
Until you died, dust stayed on your shelves
For Lovecraft’s entire life, he was far too poor and sickly
Many games came from his work, but Howard couldn’t keep his HP

H. P. Lovecraft (0:44):
From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.
The lines recited were hypocrisy when even YOU look up to me!
Horrors were actually scary back when
I was in charge, and not this sick man’s discharge
But now the OG H.P. is back in 
Can’t stand up to me even with legs on fish, sharks!
I crafted a genre, shocked readers for ages
Instilling dismay when they’re flipping the pages
A shame, you lent your work to Kojima’s game
Then it all went to shit and it left fans outrageous 
I summon ocean flow that crashes down harder than Cthulhu
whereas you flopped even harder than the anime horror collection’s debut!
Lovecraft’s the horror god! Show you this roarer’s thoughts
This wit doesn’t miss, forging the motherfuckin’ Necronomicon
Fostering these flocks of hellspawn
The juggernaut of fear, undermine whatever you have drawn
Writing talent that just can’t be likened
Make like your finale and storm out here frightened 
Dental technician but you pack no bite
Ito’s got a kickin’ from this hallow’s fright!

Junji Ito (1:28):
Those fillers in your rap made it drier than City of Pillars
But judging from my manga Shiver, they’ll call me a serial killer
You went from the Nameless City 
To the readers going: “Name less shit, please!”
With those mythos, you couldn’t spit flow
Your films were a shitshow, it shows!
Can’t keep up the pace, of course you’re a race-ist
Who couldn’t give needs to his family for days, and
You only cursed the paper writing on it
While HP still haunts paper across the nation!
That tumour had left you for dead (Ah!)
Gyo is filled up with dread! (Ah!)
The cats have all become my friends (Aw!)
But with your cat’s name: enough said! (Ah...)

H. P. Lovecraft (1:57):
How can your little Inside Story cast a Shadow Over the Titan of Horror? 
When every story in your inventory's simply body gore porn? (Eugh…)
I got pitted against a peculiar lonely fanatic of cats
Who’s eaten from so much of my work: call you Junji Itadakimasu!
A Beast In The Cave and a beast on the beat
Shan’t need The Alchemist to Love-craft your defeat
Junji’s just jealous that he can’t compete
When I’ve got whole subgenres named after me
Seen better Uzumakis from Naruto, so what makes you think you’re superior?
But now I end this rap battle as the Cthulhu to this inferior!