perceived standards are a great hindrance to creativity

treat yourself with kindness

produced by JabariOnTheBeat, KXVI, and DyhanSoni

cover art by Kensy Rose - https://twitter.com/kensyrose

thanks for listening <3

LYRICS:
i’m too fucking tired for this shit i gotta go
tried using my words but expectations dropping low
told you what i know
showed u how i fold
now i think it’s my turn to finally close the door
many opened up by people know i love them
syllables and melodies that i used as a weapon
shot into a message critical ascension
then i turned it on myself cause in my eyes i’ll be the villain 

choosing what mask its a double life
switching teams when it’s convenient living counter strike
pitching themes to ideas leaning left to right
satellite crash down
open sea slow drown
illness in my stomach i’m adverse to plenty food
but always found the appetite for menthol while i cruise
blank face cloudy eyes i don’t know how i got here
red lights passed by open window slow drive

put a plan to action think it’s gonna work
executive dysfunction think i’ve left the earth
orbiting eruption till i crash and burn
cock it back and learn
different calibers

oh i’m sorry
i don’t wanna die just yet
but i’m tempted by intrusive thoughts 
that live in my head
present past regrets 
had so much more to say that i haven’t said yet

550 seems like such a small number
but then it applies to you
now 550 an intimidating number
people that look to you for something to listen to
cause why i gotta make a masterpiece at 21
i set the standard for myself thought i could get it done
so much is expected i’m just trynna learn to run
habitually complacent i’ll ignore it wish it gone

skinny kid a fragile shell inside an atom bomb
overwhelmed by problems static in my brain 
cause when u known for a certain thing it’s tough to deviate
and then u think that it’s not good enough if it’s done a different way

i’m exhausted think i’m drowning
pass 4 shots i’ll tell u everything
every passion every thought and every dream
show the opportunity and i can show u me

expectations [prod. JabariOnTheBeat x ProdKXVI x DyhanSoni]

struggling (prod. kaktus)

Produced by @horoshavibes & @kingtheta
Mastered by Bryan Shortell @shordeli

LYRICS
I see it way too often
The crash and burn
As they fall face first into soil and dirt
Clearly you’re a phony only concerned with the short term
But for me

Failure is not an option
This is everything I’ve ever wanted
I’ve got no backup plan to lean on
‘Cause I never went to college
People ask me
If I regret it in hindsight
But why should I
I know that when I die
Still won’t be satisfied
At least I can say I tried

I got a vision in my mind
So I just let it out
Half the time people don’t know what I’m talking about
Since my dad died I’ve been the man of the house
My family’s praying on me
I cannot let them down

(Horosha)
I think I found purpose
In these songs I shout
Used to feel worthless but that’s over now 
I won’t go back
Won’t settle down
It’s out there waiting for me
Just gotta reach out and grab it now

Listen on Spotify!

College Town (Prod. Horosha & King Theta)

orange autumn blues is an observation of nostalgia and seasonal depression, and how these concepts affect how we develop who we are over time

not sad, not happy, just real

i put a lot of energy into this short but compact project, and i hope you find yourself in it, as i have found some of myself

huge thanks to @horoshavibes for being on winter walk, and shoutout to all producers for providing wonderful beats that matched the aesthetics of the project

thanks for listening <3

winter walk (ft. horosha) [prod. bailey daniel]

old soul [prod. ian james]

orange autumn blues [prod. stoic]

prod me

i cant take anymore
im so sick of the nonsense
i dont know who you are
when youre right next to me
am i losing touch
with everything
cuz im not sure
if i know who i am

outsider

seejay stinks and sent the open to too many people so here's the other version

seejayxo x kenny orlando - "moonlight" LEAK

I used 2 be broke but right now I feel rich
Know that they jealous when I see ‘em frown
Fucked on his ho and then called him a bitch
I know that lil bro wanna kill me rn
I called up the plug and then told him my order
He slid me quarter on top of the pound
Knew my last ho was gon knock me right down
Ain’t taking that shit, had to get off the ground, yeah
i smoke a blunt to slow me down
wish u would kill me rn
she know i’m waiting for the moment she give me dome
i’m rolling my eyes making out
heard u wan fuck rn but i want brain
say my name
i’m insane

said she wanna fuck rn let’s go
they watch me like a tv show
i told my momma that i’m gonna blow
one hit n my eyes get low 
i spent way to many nights on the floor
hold on bitch i’m finding my flow
it took some time but i needed to grow
bitch im off drugs that’s why i’m lovely
and bitch u lovely 
i’m glad u love me 
but when i look inside myself i swear that i am ugly
i never been low key he just a wanna be
and me and amo popping off and pop you if you disagree
so don’t you disagree
and don’t you anger me
cuz ima little mad right now and red is all i fucking see
I just wanna smoke right now and live my life in fucking peace
But there’s no peace in me, living a life that’s killing me

I used 2 be broke but right now I feel rich
Know that they jealous when I see ‘em frown
Fucked on his ho and then called him a bitch
I know that lil bro wanna kill me rn
I called up the plug and then told him my order
He slid me quarter on top of the pound
Knew my last ho was gon knock me right down
Ain’t taking that shit, had to get off the ground, yeah
i smoke a blunt to slow me down
wish u would kill me rn
she know i’m waiting for the moment she give me dome
i’m rolling my eyes make it now
heard u wan fuck rn but i won’t break
say my name
i’m insane

Kill Me RN [prod. Exzilty]

(prod. malloy x jkei)
feat @notaheroo

early morning
hear the birds sing
in bed stalling 
its so cold outside x2

staring at my ceiling
6am dawn is coming
i was awake all night
fighting my demons on sight
codeine got me tripping
i remember this feeling
addictive to the sedatives
in pain so i need this 

early morning
hear the birds sing
in bed stalling 
its so cold outside x2

im not used to being sober
was fed my pills
i was drinking till the sun up
i didnt know whats real
but now its over
i didnt know my love
its all my fault coz
its my own grave i dig

early morning
hear the birds sing
in bed stalling 
its so cold outside x2

(notahero)
just warm me up cuz ur my heater
n i don’t got nothing except the music from my speakers
this fireball burning i need something little sweeter
would u keep me alive or will u turn me to a tweaker
diamonds in her eyes just like the ones i put on my belt
i pray that you’ll still love my heart after all the ice melts
i fucked up way to much to put the blame on someone else
but this shit made me tho
she said i’m acting like a child said u crazy hoe
there’s nothing child-like bout me pushing up daisies hoe
i swear to God that when i’m dead 
that’s the only time i’ll be able to get fuckin rest
maybe i should go to bed
i think imma work instead
pressure breaking down
feel like needles in my fucking head
i just wanna have a good time n u know this
i feel the energy just disturbing my solace

sedatives (w/ notahero) (malloy x jkei)

Spotify: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/xelfiy/sad-storys-on-the-internet 

Lyrics:
sad story’s on the internet 
stumbled into my head 
cuz i was laying in my lonely bed
now I can’t get a fucking message 
without
thinking bout somebody in my head 
Ripping out a passage from a book i never read
Sipping out a flask 
that I had found when I was sleeping without a bed

i been sleeping on this side of the road for to many nights
i just need to find a new road with better lights (with better lights)
i just need to talk to somebody that's alright
that's alright

I can’t get a message now
I can’t get a message now
I can’t get a message now
without
thinking bout somebody in my head 
Ripping out a passage i never read
Sipping out a flask 
that I had found when I was sleeping without a bed
Writing down all these fucking words down in ways I never said
It’s been awhile since I missed you but I still hear what you said 
(still hear what you said)

i cant get out of my bed
had to get off of these meds
i couldn't get out of my bed
all these messages on read
all these fucking thoughts inside my head
leave me here with what i said
and i will rot inside instead 

i keep fucking up my own track
fucked up my bones im smacked
i fucked up my own back
want you to come back
hate that your long gone
singing my own song 
(fuck all my old ones)

all alone in my head even when your in my bed
im sorry ima mess i cant talk to you im getting pressed
i cant talk to you im getting PRESSED
im just kiddin ima mess i know what you been threw 
we should be friends
give a nod to the head cuz if you already feel dead 
cuz we got lost on new meds 
an then i fucked up our bread
Thoughts clogged in our heads
we fuck in your bed
you should take off the mask
before im lay here dead
I poured out every drop
I didn’t do it myself 
And I don’t wanna talk bout health 
Cuz all my boys are in hell

winter walk (ft. horosha) [prod. bailey daniel]

melmige

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