Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of annoying companions; Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time vs Clippy, forgotten assistant of Microsoft Office. Enjoy!

garbageGothic as Navi
Commander Jacob as Clippy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Lucy Beatz

-LYRICS-

Navi:
Hey! Wake up! To believe you're better, you must've been asleep forever
It’s funny how this paper clip can’t get his sheet together
Microsoft thought “he’s the best solution for confusion”
Then they moved on to Cortana; Combat THAT Evolution
I mean, which sounds more useful: tips for using a longsword
Or popping up to pester about using the wrong “your?”
You’d think your googly eyes would help you see me sparkling
I’m locking on to this lost kid: Z-list targeting
When it comes to navigators, you’re not topping Navi, honey
Can’t even swing in the same tree as BonziBuddy
Look, listen when I'm dissin', I'll leave The Fucking Clown in heaven
In rap, you have no XP like it's 2007

Clippy:
Clippy’s blicky’s getting clicky when I appear and disrupt her
Seems you need lesson in basic lyrical structure
So stop all the bottled up blabbering when we're battling
Your whole role needed that red squiggle; my bad for Tatl-ing
Run from me like I'm Ganon and see that you're way beyond errant
Clippy Turner gonna wish away this Fairly Odd Parent
Catch me with a hyperlink and you're sent to a rad place
You got a hyper Link? He’s belting at grass blades (HYAAAH!)
Your only purpose was to sit on top the kid’s dome
By the Time you hit the Temple, that and you flew out the window
I mean, he can search the woods, but he don't really got time
But he might find more trees for you to worship and watch die

Navi vs Clippy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Azia as Kirby
MetaMachine as Ditto
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan and Jofinity
Additional writing help by the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

Kirby (0:13):
Strolling by… oh hi! I’m Kirby! I think now it’s about time you know me
Sakurai’s trophy, spitting it cozy, you’re only used as a breeding tool - oh, jeez!
Just goes to show you’re below me - planet destroyer against some pink slime? (What?)
I'll just get a hold of the mic and rock Popstar with slick rhymes! (Oh!)
Masuda made you serve only one purpose, 
Go to the daycare lest you're rendered worthless
Laying some eggs to farm clones as a service
Just for a colour swap ‘mon people worship!
You fully reflect the games that they purchase
Copying plots and designs in each version
Though I’m the one with the power of circus
This Limber joke belongs in there for certain!


Ditto (0:40):
Seems Sakurai always designed you to suck; check Melee, can’t you see that?
Spent decades just hoping for some innovation, no wonder you’re stuck in Dreamland!
Getting milked with your spinoffs, yet they only buy mine
You remind me of Nova, you’re rotting over time
This bubblegum is just troublesome, better double up when you mumble some
While you were off stirring trouble up, I was breeding some with your mother, son!
You’re so babyish with the bars you’ve thrown
You make poyos sound like Pocoyo
Ditto with your games, ‘cause they all look the same
Even Pokemon Snap got more critical acclaim!
You could only square off if you swallowed Steve, your abilities don’t do jack
I’d only wish to transform into you if I want to sleep on your raps
Wanna talk smack ‘bout my design and shape? You’re just a placeholder, that’s that
I actually try to copy, while the most change you have is with your wack hats!


Kirby (1:18): 
You slaved away to a delusional guy then died to the gas that he used in his schemes
Leaving your fans much to be desired, they should check in at the Fountain of Dreams

Ditto (1:25):
Your titles are walks in the Poképark
I’ve seen better ball shapes in a Poké Mart
Unrivalled in drip, just check my IVs
While an IV drip’s what you're gonna need!

Kirby (1:32):
Ripping off’s only what you do, it seems 
Down B for attack, you’re just down for Zs
Clobber you like I did King Dedede
Won't absorb your style, you're sloppy like Gooey
I bring joy to players, amazed by my cuteness
You're just a Mew clone, cause you're both useless 
Why battle me when you're weak against fighting types?
You can't evolve alongside your whole franchise!


Ditto (1:46):
Even with the Rainbow Curse, you couldn't ball like I do 
And rocked so poorly that I lose EXP when I fight you 
I’d diss you more, but this story’s done with readin’
Cut this Cartoon Buffoon off like his fifth season! (Ayy!)

Kirby vs Ditto. SIR Rap Battles Sidequests (ft. Azia & MetaMachine)

(Note: This is a remastered version of the original battle, available to watch on YouTube right now - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFdz0OuHuhU&t=117s)

The legendary original Pokémon master Red wants to battle with the master dragon trainer Hiccup from How to Train your Dragon. Which lifelong companion to fire-breathing dragons will reign supreme?

Raichous as Red
RaccoonBroVA as Hiccup
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

Hiccup (0:07):
This is Berk, your resting place! Hey, don't you mind showing your face?
The only edgy one here should be Stormfly, not some little kid who abandoned his race 
Me and my gang are protecting the dragons, you like to make yours fight to the death 
My bond to Toothless, unprecedented; constant abuse is your form of respect?!


Red (0:23):
So, a social reject wants to get my team wrecked when he left his weak pet
Wallowing in neglect ‘cause he was depressed? Well, Red’s gonna diss your disrespect:
You claim your bond to Toothless is a strong one, tell me how he still ended up brainwashed?
I'm spitting Fire Blasts to take your other leg, go warn the people of Berk of your great loss! 
Serving this Haddock Horrendously lifeless, you ought to run from this battle and give up 
I guess your father was right in the first place, your very being was naught but a Hiccup
I'm used to blasting Team Rocket away, your Night Fury knows that he did the same 
I see why you thought that the dragons weren't safe, when you witnessed yours murder Stoick that day! 
(Ohhh!) What good are you as a leader if it seems your friends can do much better
(Yeah) This senior’s meager when measured to me; like an Ice-type, you crack under pressure
You tamed a monster at 15? I tamed 150 at 10!
I wouldn’t need the schemes of a fiend to bring this trainer to end


Hiccup (1:09):
Oh, no, this isn't the end for me yet; still got a tribe and a secret to guard
Your games are more of a sellout to me than what you buy at a Poké Mart
You went on a journey to become the very best, but you never experienced pain
I lost a leg and my father and Toothless, while in Super Smash Bros, you lost your name!
I got a family, with me and Astrid
You went and ditched your mom just like her husband did! 
Pulling no punches, I'm savage like Bludvist
My rhymes are Ghost-type, you cannot touch this!
The only thing you're gonna catch are these hands 
You'll end up deceased like a Cubone’s mother
With all your Max Potions, you still will not last 
You're getting bullied by Gary? Oh, brother...
Can we just talk about this for a minute? Cap face down but his ego up
Thinks being silent is because he's powerful, but in reality he's just a cub
Looking at the Smash 4 roster - heck, man
You’re getting cut like the National Dex, and
All of your Fire, Red, douse it with flow
And I’m running you over like Pokemon Go!

Red (1:55):
I'd rather remain nameless than be known as a chief of Hooligans 
A master revered for Generations, do you truly know who you're dueling with?
You're calling me out for alleged abuse when you shot down and crippled your best bud
My mother raised me with compassion, yours abandoned you when you were young! 
I birthed a franchise of legendary games
Your games are the plot of your franchise: tame
Like a Garbardor, you bet I'm trashing your rhymes
Verses so hot, I'm burning Berk a second time!
Thinking I’m getting the silver? Look at the sword that’s within your possession
My legacy will be echoed for ages, nobody’s giving your series attention!

Red vs Hiccup. SIR Rap Battles (ft. Raichous and RaccoonBroVA)

(Note: This is a remastered version of the original battle, available to watch on YouTube right now - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUOkX_l1siU&t=28s)

Two protagonists who fight for justice, one a vigilante and the other a steadfast lawyer, duke it out in a battle of raps!

AdamSandlerDRB as Phoenix Wright
RaccoonBroVA as Joker
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan, Jofinity and YLFEthan
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell
Cover art by M!CAH

Phoenix (0:15):
10 years with this job; was a rough journey
But here I don’t even need to bluff dirty
The Phantom Thief leader just isn’t worthy
‘Cause he’s stuck in the shadow of the Ace Attorney
The defence is ready to present, no relent, he's on the offensive, you can't steal this win
The length of your game is a crime, running over more than the one who hit Sumire’s twin!
Sojiro's got heavy burdens if you think you're looking cool
Can I take you seriously when Royal launched on April Fools?
I've had coffee on my face, still more pleasant than your coffees
And I'm dropping thieves harder than Dustin Prince's body 
Got tasered once before, but not as shocking as your plot 
Man, you dropped that bar like the Crow did when his shadow shot 
You're fighting two opponents, seasoned lawyer and obesity 
That burger challenge took some big guts to complete, huh?
The mic, I HOLD IT! Your honor, I've got a point I want to press...
You don't get caught dating your teacher, pharmacist and committing theft?
The Spirit of Justice doesn't really apply For All with the battles you fought
Knowing you saved the world and still got imprisoned, like it was for naught

Ren (1:02): 
Huh, I really did stoop down low, fighting against a washed-up con artist 
I don’t even need to perform my duty when you’re already heartless
I may be branded as criminal, Wright; in the eyes of the law I’m scorned
But the crimes I'm accused of aren't as violent as your bond with Delia Hawthorne!
Forged evidence, Phoenix? And I thought Mia had the brain tumor
Then again, you did get whacked in the head worse than your wacky humour
The future, I’ve risen to fight for it - you're wallowing in the past
I mean being a virgin at your age? No wonder you couldn't bring Mia to Smash!
Over 10 games in and you're growing stale fast
I see that five o' clock, another shadow to unmask
I'll leave you like the voice in my head, left a murmur
Mark it this second time that I've been accused of murder
Fell into a death river but you don’t have any flow
I must be going fishing ‘cause I’m reeling in the dough
You cannot level up to me, I've reached the crescendo 
Dug yourself a hole so deep, it belongs in Mementos!

Phoenix (1:50):
OBJECTION! The testimony you gave contradicts the evidence 
You stated I dug myself a ditch when in Smash you ditched your own friends?
Your win got snubbed at the Game Awards to another silent protagonist
Wendy’s Oldbags are in your face, it’s anything but an accident!
You were made to be a cash cow, always getting milked dry by Atlus
The people are stepping all over you like you're Shibuya’s mattress
Better fix that glove upon your hand, you're worthless in a game of sleight 
I’ll do you like Goro Akechi did, basically I snuff out your light!

Ren (2:21):
Back off, Nicky Boy - you shouldn't mess with a thief’s love 
Repeating your claims like you gave your theme a redux
Running a failing firm, you’re better in Detroit
Surely with that spiky hair, you would've gone to the point 
You'd feed Maya for years with the filler in your story
Don't need to diss your bar, the judge already did it for me 
I'm better at contracts, so let's strike up a truce, see:
I'll Goho-M if you stop lying to Trucy!

Phoenix Wright vs Joker. SIR Rap Battles (ft. AdamDRB and RaccoonBroVA)

JustGamer as Mr. Game & Watch 
Spidey Fam as Henry Stickmin
Written by JustGamer, Sculpture, YLFEthan
Beat by Kustom
Mixed and Mastered by Glitch

Mr. Game & Watch:
Watch me grapple your cheap road gimmick and then have it unraveled
You're not breaking any NewGrounds so take the path less traveled
Constantly getting saved by Ellie and then you go and cause more fuss? 
Prepare yourself for this fire rap track, or you’ll crash and burn like Charles does
You take a half-finished plot and throw other people’s properties in between 
But you can’t see your constant referencing, with your winking at the screen
Then you got blind sided by Among Us distracting all your players
Just think of this as Youtubers reacting to another of your failures

Henry Stickmin:
You know, you and I are not that different, we’re cut from a similar cloth 
But your raps are so boring you must be channeling your Innersloth 
Parachute from my airship before you make like a f-air hit and bomb that 
You'll fall flat, cause I'm used to battling foes that talk in all cap
The legendary thief, Henry Stickmin
Will easily be able to steal the win
Against the scrappy average hack
Laying in the handheld console bargain bin
Even riding solo, this hero remains fearless
While you always remain so low on the tierlists
Nowadays, your fame has faded away
Cause Nintendo gave Wario your whole schtick

Mr. Game & Watch:
Took one look at making something unique before Fleeing the Complex
Your slapstick sense of humor makes it easy to guess what comes next
Been losing traction since you dropped on Steam
Applying “Random equals funny” in every scene  
And it seems that your greed is so extreme
Won't even share the blame for the death of your team!

Henry Stickmin:
You’ll never be bringing the beef, even with your neutral B
Being replaced on modern releases, this novelty can’t topple me
Been in prison before, I know about bars and how to make them 
After this fail, you’ll see trying to battle me is where you were mistaken

Henry Stickmin vs. Mr Game & Watch - Smash Bros vs. Anything

Thumbnail created by: Fightmarker
Mixed by: Serena

Jofinity:
Yo it’s Jo you know, like a 812
Finally in a battle rap, ‘gainst Ray, debut
Thought you’d plagiarize my bars, like ya pirate your views
But your lines put me to sleep, like ya game reviews
You can’t top the charts ‘cause you got no flows tho
While I’m securin’ top 10, just watch my mojo
Sound like JaySavage all the slurrin’ that you’re sayin’
When I arrive at my destination, I’m gonna kill Rayyan
Production value increased but your quality fell
Brushing off stealing beats like “anyway, well…”
Super Star of the show while you’re stuck as the editor
Maybe cut yourself, fill in a better competitor

Rayyan:
For a guy called Hamilton, I thought that you’d be good at rapping
Now you’re trying to surpass me? There’s no room for it to happen!
For the sake of gaining traction, you drop quality to vomit vids
Crunch your crew with that appalling work ethic? Enough of this!
You couldn’t mask your lack of flow with those horrendous covers, Jo
You better stick to blowing though, like many of your videos
Only won Top 10 ‘cause May was lacking competition
Repetition in your disses, always missing with your rhythm
Thinking you're impatient; decision-making? You're worse
Can't compare to the content I'm making, should learn 
How to fucking edit for a change, so worthless, it hurts
LEAVE JOFINITY SHUT DOWN LIKE NINTENDO SHUT DOWN MIIVERSE

Jofinity:
This Brit’s got less wit than Psytube, dismissin’ all your rhymes, dude
Try to as you might, can’t measure up to my views
It’s time to face the facts, my dude, you can’t comeback
My path is Raichous, your mixing sounds like it’s from BandLab
It’s bad RNG that you are battlin’ me
You got drawn out raps like ANIMATION VS ANYTHING
Sound like Jeff the Killer with Goku screamin’
Always pulling all nighters like GO TO SLEEP BRIT

Rayyan:
JOIN THE DISCORD through your vids, yet it's only full of kids
All your hot takes are just shit, better cool down with some mint
It’s no wonder you wear glasses ‘cause you can’t fucking spell
Bitch, I carry your own battles, check Mewtwo vs Cell
I’m pulling all-nighters ‘cause you keep forcing me to
Bonus-style editing’s your plan for a reboot?
Just look at your icon, I snapped and you’re reduced 
I’d spit heat to burn you out but it seems I don’t need to

Rayyan vs. Jofinity

Not sure if this'll get a video (leaning more on the it will but yea). Wanted to redeem my boy Vegeta writing wise.

Shadow Zel as Zuko
Dani Frias as Vegeta

Beat Produced by: 2Deep
Written by: Dani Frias
Additional Writing Help by: MetaMachine
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Flow Test by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: Trakked

Lyrics:

Zuko:
Call up Iroh in this bitch, bouta spill the tea
Don’t think that you just got the pitch, you’re not killing me
They really sent me out here fighting ‘gainst a slave who’s very fragile
Prepare to take this L, dude, you lose in every battle
Guess it’s time I put you down, burn you and then take the crown
Your planet probs a nation my tribe took down
A whole clown, set in stone that you can’t bare lines
Just a side dish, and I ain’t lovin’ that McDonald’s hairline
I’m rockin’ prince titles before you, your situation's clear
Get yourself beat up then you’re comin’ back like "Hello, Vegeta's here"
Be scared when we appear, I don't take foes kindly
You're 5'3, so I'll just stomp on you and win with this timely

Vegeta:
Hey, edgy boy, you should relax, you’re just a Nick show
You’ll probably start dabbing or something, I know how this goes
I've trained for this but you're dancing with Aang and think you're savage
Sit ya ass down, you left your training arc all to a dragon
I spit facts and my show rocks scars better than you
So keep that ponytail, 'cause this side dish is rockin' menus
Bitch, you only got decent in the last season 
Imma just finish you off to spare your sad breathin'

Zuko:
What’s a mere Prince to a Fire Lord, think you're taking down my horde?
My guards will take you on and then go torture you til I am bored
I’d pipe your girl but Yamcha did it for me
I got honor, you're just punching your son 'til he's down and snoring
This vegetable can't cook up nothin', no room for his pick up
But go ahead and keep dragging this til the fish jumps

Vegeta:
I'll destroy your shit with a galick gun, don’t think I’ll let that slip aside 
You built like a Ying and Yang symbol so it’s no wonder you can’t pick a side
Keep mentioning Bulma, I'll show you hell's gates. From there, you're crossing it
All tough from someone who was bowing when caught talking shit
Zuko got no bars in Ba Sing Se
Take the dub to Ozai, in the end, you still bring shame
You're clowned by every team you're in, and gave Iroh some poor housing
How many L's does Zuko got? Over 9000
And now you're bouta take another 'cuz of my company
You lost tryna step up to the Prince. And that's rough, buddy

Happy birthday Meta!!

Zuko vs. Vegeta - #12

Space princesses who rebel against galactic empires aboard iconic spaceships.

BrookeMorganVA as Rosalina
garbageGothic as Princess Leia 
Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Luma
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan 
Additional writing help by the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

This battle is kinda long, so here's the doc for the lyrics: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s-U-ZhmTb9-bu0wAzAt2FZTbvjhwh6XwxmA1dOE-GPU/edit?usp=sharing

Rosalina vs Leia. SIR Rap Battles (ft. BrookeMorganVA and garbageGothic)



King Mewtwo as Postman Pat

RaccoonBroVA As the Unabomber

Beat by: Dansonn

Written by: RNG
Help from: King Mewtwo and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by: Zagranis



Pat: (0:22)
It's not a great day in Greendale with Theodore John Kazynski 
I’m the master of the mail I’ll be delivering disses see?
I got a black and white cat, you're just a black sheep
The UNA-BUM of the Freedom Club can't best me
Your brain got twisted by 3 years of torture
When you got sick as a kid it messed you up even more so
If being sick was the cause of all your bombing murder sprees
What makes you think trying to spit sick won't also bomb verbally?
I run my rounds on this beat it's not my tires that are poppin
Cause on the microphone i'm a Greendale Rocket
With a diss on flow 
there's an L through your door, and this one wont blow 

Ted: (0:55)
Wait, who is this, some british bitch made for kids?
Theres nothing fucking to him how am i supposed to diss
Oh well i guess for killing a beat i'll take another guilty plea
Cause for a postman you have terrible delivery
You embody the thing that I hate the most Pat
Mindless nothing of a children's show Pat
Tech filled entertainment taking meaning from life
With fake “education” slowly melting away minds
Then you were made worse when you became CGI    
I'm not surprised computers took away any of your life
Yet it seems you’re out of date most people leave you forgot
Even I’ve been alive years after your show’s motion stopped

Pat: (1:28)
Ted that wasn't very nice, but I’m not talking about your crimes
When You’ve not had 16 lines but you bombed 16 times
I'm doing my dream job while you just dropped from yours
I provide for my family while you leeched off of yours
I teach kids lessons in being kind and growing up
You teach people horrid lessons by blowing them up
I diss sharp on a track that i run like my van
Movement ended by your brother, should be used to backstabs

Ted: (1:50)
A Clifftons loss usually upsets me but not when
you clowned with Ted like you had to make cash for your execs 
You talk of my family and how "backstabbing brought my end"
But you gave a ginger kid to one of your blonde friends
And you wish to diss my methods of saving humanity 
When you do nothing for the world mindlessly sitting there happily
Watching an episode of yours is an insanity plea
But we’re done here i want back in my cell for some peace



The Unabomber vs Postman Pat - RNG Rap Battle

Hello and welcome to my first ever rap battle audio! Today we have Persona 5's Joker and the Luminary from Dragon Quest 11 to see which silent teenage JRPG protagonists branded as evil criminals by the authorities will come out on top!

Written by JK03
Chiseled by Special Inquisitor Rayyan and Jofinity
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
RaccoonBroVA as Joker
Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Luminary
Beat by Shawn West

Luminary (0:19):
A new enemy draws near? I’m up to the task
To go make this delinquent cower Beneath that Mask!
Destined at birth to purge the darkness from Erdrea
You’re an edgy teen in black - Kylo Ren Amamiya!
While I craft raps that slap hard like Grand Master Pang
You lack the Guts for this beef, spend more time at Big Bang
Seems it’s not only corrupt hearts in this thief’s hands
Merely a Jojo reference by ripping off their Stands!


Joker (0:39):
Alright, my turn to flow, though this loser oughta know
Octagonia couldn’t prep you for this foe’s show!
You went to Heliodor and got called evil by its king?
I’d have done the same if I saw your look: Android 17!
You’ll beg like Prince Faris when you see me beat Erik
Spitting golden like his sis, the goody two-shoes can’t bear it!
Your Pep Powers can’t best my All-Out Attack 
Such a blank slate Futaba can’t decipher this hack
Your franchise’s gone Jaded ‘cause your mechanics are dated
So I went ahead and changed them, now the critics all praise it!
Even in Smash, you’re hated, went from RPG to RNG
Left Yggdrasil to rot, but not as ruined as your family tree!

Luminary (1:08):
My family kept me safe until their last breath
While yours weren’t bothered to help when you were put on arrest!
I’ll show your true form, you’re not a hero like you claim
The only hearts you steal are from girls on Valentine’s Day!
So how’d you call out Kamoshida when you’re all kinds of yuck?
‘Cause this student lets his teacher offer him a Puff Puff
Always whining about society, and with your name to boot
Joker’s such a clown he should join Sylvando’s circus group! (Uh!)
Stop the talk, ‘cause I spit lines like chalk you can’t dodge
Brewing more flow than you could in your coffee shop
Atlus milked you dry, even they’re able to jest
They should make like Morgana and finally put you to rest!

Joker (1:37):
Heh, you’re just jealous the West can’t see your worth
Stole the show at the Game Awards, you got upstaged by a bear and bird
May be the Luminary, but I’m shining in the spotlight
Any spells you throw, I’ll evade them like a Liquid Metal Slime
I’m stunning and cunning, you’ll never me see coming
I’d say make like Ryuji’s track team and start running! (Yeah.)
Just check my fans to see how much I’ve been taking hearts
While with a meaty demo, this hero’s still sub-par!

Luminary (1:56):
Can’t talk fans when one mistake drove them away
Alongside Phan-sites with those who never played your game!
I'll Take Over your show, you’ll beat Haru in smallest screen time
You Switch-ing to Nintendo? That’s the real Last Surprise!

Joker (2:06):
Came up shorter than Veronica when you let Mordegon bring hell 
Go on home to Cobblestone - oh wait, that’s gone as well!
Should’ve used that Forge to craft better rhyme schemes
If you went back in time, you’d still lose to this phantom thief (Begone.)

Joker vs Luminary - JK's Rap Battles (ft. Special Inquisitor Rayyan & RaccoonBroVA)

Good Times

The official SoundCloud account for SIR Rap Battles! Here you can access my library of rap battle audios, both with and without videos, as well as remixes of other battles.